Mom given 6-12 months

Dear Anita
I am soooo sorry that you are deling with this ghastly disease...it really is tough and it doesn't sound like you've had a lot of time to digest your Mom's diagnosis, much less this news. That being said, NO ONE HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE and no doctor can tell you that....I don't know where you are being treated but there are so many approaches to treating this disease these days and I would get a second opinion....doesn't mean the cancer can be cured or that your Mom isn't gravely ill, but....perhaps a gentler and more caring approach might be in order...I am soo sorry for the news....I truly do get it....Mu mom has been fighting this disease for almost 2 years and is extremely ill....we have the opposite situation, her doctor won't tell her how sick she is and she needs hospice right now....I think s/he is doing her a huge disservice...no matter how this disease progresses, it is really emotionally challenging, but please know that you can deal with it...and so can your Mom....my lips quiver sometimes and I have made sure to say everything to my mother I have needed to.....we have made wonderful memories.....do the same.....again, NO DOCTOR KNOWS>>>>>

Anita1216 said:

We only found out in
We only found out in February!!! So in the last 2 months we have had to deal with so much!!
We are seeking a second opinion only because mom wants to be sure and I feel to ease our minds as well.

I dont want her to be sick and unable to spend quality time with family and friends. She feels that if further treatment offers no hope, then it is best to "roll" with it and do what she wants with the time left to her. She is an amazing woman and has been strong her entire life.

I sat with her last night and we had a long talk. I asked if she was afraid and she told me she was not, but she was afraid for us. I am blessed to have a mother so concerned and always looking out for her children. She asked me if she would be in a lot of pain and unable to be anything other than honest...told her most likely. She smiled and said "thank god for drugs."

She truly is AMAZING!

We are going to run this race with her and likely have a party to celebrate her life, screw waiting for death..do it NOW I say!!!

Its just tough and the realization of what is happening is scary to say the least.

just cry
Like Lisa, I've been helping my mother battle this disease for two years. I remember the shock of those first months, and how much I cried! It's natural, so just let it out. We humans seem to be grieving animals.

Your mother need not anticipate uncontrolled pain. Morphine is truly a wonder drug, amazing with cancer pain with few side effects. My mom's palliative care doc started using it for her several months ago, and it's been great.

Also please visit us in the caregiver forum (scroll down to other discussion groups); in the wee hours you can always find support in caregiver chat. It's a fine group of extremely wise people.

Anita1216 said:

We only found out in
We only found out in February!!! So in the last 2 months we have had to deal with so much!!
We are seeking a second opinion only because mom wants to be sure and I feel to ease our minds as well.

I dont want her to be sick and unable to spend quality time with family and friends. She feels that if further treatment offers no hope, then it is best to "roll" with it and do what she wants with the time left to her. She is an amazing woman and has been strong her entire life.

I sat with her last night and we had a long talk. I asked if she was afraid and she told me she was not, but she was afraid for us. I am blessed to have a mother so concerned and always looking out for her children. She asked me if she would be in a lot of pain and unable to be anything other than honest...told her most likely. She smiled and said "thank god for drugs."

She truly is AMAZING!

We are going to run this race with her and likely have a party to celebrate her life, screw waiting for death..do it NOW I say!!!

Its just tough and the realization of what is happening is scary to say the least.

Second opinions
I am SO GLAD you are seeking a second opinion! My first two doctors pretty much gave me no hope for a future, and said I would be on chemo the rest of my (very short) life. Well, they were wrong. I have had no evidence of disease now for nearly 1 1/2 years! There really is hope.

Enjoy your time with your mom. Whether she has six months, six years, or sixty more, you will not regret spending quality time with her. Don't let the fear of the future overwhelm you (easier said than done, I know).

kellyh33 said:

So sorry
I wish I had some words of wisdom and encouragement but I don't. I am going through the same thing with my mom, she is 67 with 5 children. It is very hard but all we can do is support our moms the best way we know how.
Sometimes I think it would be best if we did not know their timeline. It is an educated guess at best and with all the research who knows what we could learn about the disease in the next year.
Try not to lose hope, I am hanging onto mine by a thread.
Hugs,
Kelly

hi again if you only found
hi again if you only found out in feb how can you doctor say another chemo won't work? surely they don't know until they try it?
I think you are very wise to seek a second opinion , I would not be happy with what you have been told.
What drugs has she tried?
I hope you find a doc that will give your mum ago on another treatment.
I know those first few months when we found out were soooooo awful, I have found peace with it now, but it took me a long time to do that.I am so sorry this has all happened so quickly.praying for you and your mum .
Liz xxx

kellyh33 said:

So sorry
I wish I had some words of wisdom and encouragement but I don't. I am going through the same thing with my mom, she is 67 with 5 children. It is very hard but all we can do is support our moms the best way we know how.
Sometimes I think it would be best if we did not know their timeline. It is an educated guess at best and with all the research who knows what we could learn about the disease in the next year.
Try not to lose hope, I am hanging onto mine by a thread.
Hugs,
Kelly

hi again if you only found
hi again if you only found out in feb how can you doctor say another chemo won't work? surely they don't know until they try it?
I think you are very wise to seek a second opinion , I would not be happy with what you have been told.
What drugs has she tried?
I hope you find a doc that will give your mum ago on another treatment.
I know those first few months when we found out were soooooo awful, I have found peace with it now, but it took me a long time to do that.I am so sorry this has all happened so quickly.praying for you and your mum .
Liz xxx

Anita1216 said:

I guess he does not feel she
I guess he does not feel she is strong enough to handle chemo. Her condition is poor, but I feel it may simply be poor nutrition. I am likely looking for hope desperately. I believe she was on the standard drugs given for OVCA-carboplatin/? I am not sure.

My brother is getting a second look as a favor from a doc he works with and from there it will go to the Cleveland Clinic. I know looking at her CT results, the cancer is not in her organs, it is the increase in ascities (sp) and new spots on her abdominal wall that has him calling the chemo failed. I just know that if we don't have a second opinion there will be major regret all the way around, for all 5 of us.

All of you have been kind and thoughtful in your replies and my broken heart thanks you!!!!

PLEASE GET SECOND OPINION
OK....IF SHE DOES NOT HAVE CANCER ON ANY OF HER MAJOR ORGANS....I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE DOCTOR SAID WHAT HE SAID...VIRTUALLY EVERYONE WITH OVCA HAS SOME SPOTS ON OTHER ORGANS AND THAT CAN BE MANAGED FOR A LONG LONG TIME...SO NO SPOTS???? FIND AN EXCELLENT GYNECOLOGICAL/ONCOLOGIST AND I THINK YOU WILL GET A DIFFERENT VIEW.....MAYO ROCHESTER HAS AN EXCELLENT DEPARTMENT....THERE ARE SO MANY CHEMOS I DON'T KNOW HOW THE DOC IS SAYING WHAT HE IS....AT THE SAME TIME, SPEND TIME AND ENJOY AS WELL....YOUR MOTHER SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS HANDLING THIS WELL....MINE IS SO ANGRY THESE DAYS....AND SAD....ENJOY HER....

Anita1216 said:

Her gyn/onc feels that
Her gyn/onc feels that further chemo would be even more harsh and it might kill her. He is trying to look at quality of life vs quantity. At this point I feel we OWE her a second opinion and another go with a second line chemo. The ascities has never gone away, but the past two drainings have only been 8 liters total. Im not sure if that is alot or not. She is scheduled for another tap tomorrow afternoon, so we will see what has built up over the past month.

He said that after 2 treatments we should have seen a response if there was going to be one.*sigh*

Her bloodwork shows many of her numbers are critically low-albumin and protein being the ones of main concern. She had two units of blood on Tuesday, that was low as well.

We are all willing to do what it takes if there is hope out there. If nothing else we want the best pallative care available for her.

You ladies are awesome!

ppc
This is such an unfair disease. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ppc 2 years ago(quite suddenly at age 62, almost 63) and has been in chemo non-stop since diagnosis. The drs. can tell a lot from the bloodwork, but yes a 2nd opinion is worth it. My mom was told at first that she was not a candidate for surgery and in her 2nd opinion she was told she COULD have surgery. There were no guarantees, but the dr was able to successfully complete surgery with 95% of the cancer removed. She had what is called seeding in her abdomen after surgery. This means that there were little grain sized cancer cells visible in her abdomen. She has done better than what the dr predicted. So for the past 2 years, the chemo has kept those cancer cells pretty much stable. She is not symptom free, but has a pretty good quality of life and is still here! You just never know what will happen. Your mom may be able to tolerate more than anyone thinks she can. I wish you and your mom the best.

Anita1216 said:

I meant to also add that her
I meant to also add that her CA125 from April 21st is 9.1...within a normal range I believe.

This is all very very confusing and terribly scary.

CA 125
Ca numbers are scary and confusing. My mom's have been hovering between 2000 and 3800 for some time now. Her ascites have increased, so I am concerned that her CA will be higher yet this test (tomorrow).