I am over the top tonight and just need some hugs!

BioAdoptMom
BioAdoptMom Member Posts: 358
in Breast Cancer #1
I guess its normal, but since my diagnosis it doesn't take much to set me off and send my emotions "through the roof"! I am a teacher with 6 more weeks of school. I am starting chemo in the next couple of weeks (I will find out on Thursday the details). So I am facing several days off during these last several weeks. I have a sweet class and they keep me going, but after faculty meeting today with the packet of all we have to do, conferences with administrators, meetings, awards forms, **** folders, interims due out this week and the usual lesson plans, meetings, etc. I feel like if someone tells me tonight I have one more thing to do I am just going to burst into tears! I would be overwhelmed as usual if I hadn't been recently diagnosed but add port placement, chemo, etc. in addition to all these responsibilites (plus home and kids and all their activities of course) and I am ready to commit myself to the psych ward. I have a very supportive principal and husband, but it all still has to get done and right now I am beyond stressed about it! I don't know why I posted this except that it helps to vent to those who have been there and understand. Thanks for listening!

Nancy
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Comments

  • jewels5
    jewels5 Member Posts: 57
    #2
    (((Hugs)))
    Nancy,

    I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I have such admiration for teachers! While I do not have a job I "go to" I am often overwhelmed at home with all my motherly/home responsibilities. I am starting chemo soon too (just had my port inserted last week) and I'm suddenly finding myself getting a little overwhelmed at what lies ahead. While I haven't gone through it yet, I'm here to say I'll be here FOR you and WITH you! Is it possible to take a little time out for yourself and treat yourself to something that makes you feel good? Hopefully others have offered to help you in some way. Maybe now is the time to take someone up on their offer to lighten your load a bit? I hope you feel better soon. Tomorrow is a new day!

    Julie
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #3
    Nancy
    We all know how it feels to be overwhelmed by all of this. I did not go through chemo but I still got overwhelmed with everything. My job was very stressful as well. The only thing I want to say is take one day at a time. You can only do so much and if something goes undone today there is always tomorrow. I am saying this because I ended up having to take 2 weeks off and work back into full time after I almost collapsed from trying to do everything. You need to take care of you first.

    Hugs,
    Georgia
  • faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy
    faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy Member Posts: 319 Member
    #4
    Dear Nancy...
    I too am a teacher and I had my final chemotherapy June 18th last year followed by summer dismissal on the 23rd. The only liberties I asked for from my principal was that I be excused from weekly staff meetings and he obliged.

    I urge you to be gracious to yourself and please allow others to help you. I had colleagues and parents coming out of the woodwork with offers to assist me. I also had my share of stupid...one colleague was kind enough to share her insecurity with regards to losing a breast...how it must make me feel like less of a woman.

    I was teacher of the year for the year too...I would not permit a picture and told my principal that I guess I was out of the running for the district honor as I would not be donning a swimsuit for the competition. Laugh at yourself and laugh with your students. Being around my class helped me to laugh daily, and I needed that. It helped me to keep perspective as to what is truly important...not the standardized tests nor the cumes nor the report cards nor the awards. I was only able to make my daily 2 hour commute by the grace of God. The best advice I got from a survivor after my diagnosis was to breath...inhale, exhale, and repeat as often as necessary.

    I found a lot of strength just in the realization that I am not alone and that many many women have traveled this road before me.

    You are more loved by total strangers than you may realize and wait until you connect with your chemo nurses. One thing I learned through this, angels walk among us.

    One more thing...during my last visit with my radiologist I shared some of my anxiety and apprehensions with him. He reminded me in rather simple terms, it gets easier with the passage of time.
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #5
    faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy said:

    Dear Nancy...
    I too am a teacher and I had my final chemotherapy June 18th last year followed by summer dismissal on the 23rd. The only liberties I asked for from my principal was that I be excused from weekly staff meetings and he obliged.

    I urge you to be gracious to yourself and please allow others to help you. I had colleagues and parents coming out of the woodwork with offers to assist me. I also had my share of stupid...one colleague was kind enough to share her insecurity with regards to losing a breast...how it must make me feel like less of a woman.

    I was teacher of the year for the year too...I would not permit a picture and told my principal that I guess I was out of the running for the district honor as I would not be donning a swimsuit for the competition. Laugh at yourself and laugh with your students. Being around my class helped me to laugh daily, and I needed that. It helped me to keep perspective as to what is truly important...not the standardized tests nor the cumes nor the report cards nor the awards. I was only able to make my daily 2 hour commute by the grace of God. The best advice I got from a survivor after my diagnosis was to breath...inhale, exhale, and repeat as often as necessary.

    I found a lot of strength just in the realization that I am not alone and that many many women have traveled this road before me.

    You are more loved by total strangers than you may realize and wait until you connect with your chemo nurses. One thing I learned through this, angels walk among us.

    One more thing...during my last visit with my radiologist I shared some of my anxiety and apprehensions with him. He reminded me in rather simple terms, it gets easier with the passage of time.

    Same feelings lately
    I know just how you feel.I didn't have to have chemo but I've had lots of stress the last week.My kids are grown but 2 are back home and a daughter-in-law.One son and his wife are living in our camper.The other son moved back into our house.It all just came down on me this week.It was time to flip out I guess.I NEVER have a temper.I usually let it all go with the flow and never get mad.Just haven't been able to this week.I am sooooooo stressed. Oh and my car wouldn't start Sunday.Wrecker picked it up Monday and took it to the shop. It had a recall.So the cost was free.That made me feel good.One thing anyway.

    Just want you to know I am thinking about you and what you are going through.It has to be hard. I just know we need to stay focused on our health.These are big things that are getting to us but we MUST take care of ourselves. My doctors stress that all the time. They tell me always to try to lead a stress free life and don't let things get to you.How????

    Take care.I am taking a deep breath and relief all this tension.I have to.

    Lynn Smith
  • csr771
    csr771 Member Posts: 117
    #6
    You too?
    I just read your post that said that you were stressed and I started crying. I had my DX in November and surgery in January. It has been a ride. I feel like a pressure cooker that is ready to explode. I can only do and think about 1 to 2 things at a time. I went back to work (I work at a financial institution)a couple of weeks ago on a part time basis. It was overwhelming. Of course, making a decision about what I want to eat, reading a book, deciding what I want to wear, and anything that may cause the use of a couple of brain cells can be overwhelming. That's why I am sitting up at 12:54 am not sleeping--because I am overwhelmed. I went to a counselling session last week. We will see how that goes. The medical people tell you about side effects like hair loss, night sweats, lymphedema, endometriosis, other cancers,but nobody tells you about "crazy". Why didn't someone prepare me for "crazy?" I cried for hours that first night back to work. Why? Don't know, but I did look up the symptoms of a nervous breakdown to see if I was having one. I feel that no one understands, there are people that still need and expect things from me and sometimes I can handle it and sometimes I can not. Hang in there Nancy. My pastor preached yesterday on "pass thru places." This place where you are physically, mentally and emotionally are just pass thru places. You are not to take up permanent residency there. You have to get through them so that you can move on. Take a deep breath -- medidate, pray (whatever you do) and try to keep it movin'. This too shall pass.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #7
    many hugs coming your
    many hugs coming your way....

    Denise
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #8
    Nancy
    take a deep breath. You are getting overwhelmed. Chemo is doable if you plan. I had chemo on Tuesdays and Wednesday got my Neulasta shot. I slept the whole weekend. Back to "normal" on Monday. I was on a 3 week cycle. Do you know what yours will be? Can anyone help with some of your duties? Will keep you in my thoughts that the next 6 weeks of school are over soon.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #9
    Nancy
    sorry for the double post
    {{hugs}} Char
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    #10
    cahjah75 said:

    Nancy
    sorry for the double post
    {{hugs}} Char

    So sorry
    So sorry you're feeling this way. Sometimes having alot of "normal" stuff on your plate is good cause it keeps you occupied, and sometimes it makes you want to scream that you've got enough to deal with. Obviously right now you're experiencing the latter of those two. Take a deep breath, cry, scream, or come here and vent. We've all been through something similar to what you're going thru and are always here for you.

    Believe it or not, after your first chemo you'll feel better about everything. Right now the fear of the unknown is HUGE. While chemo sucks and I wish an easy time for you, it's doable.

    Take care.

    marge
  • NJMom10
    NJMom10 Member Posts: 176
    #11
    It does get better
    Nancy,
    It really does get better. I was diagnosed at the end of Sept and started neoadjuvant chemo (before surgery) at the end of October. I did 8 rounds, 4 AC and 4 Taxol, every 2 weeks. Before I started, I remember thinking I will never get through this, even thought at one point (briefly) maybe I'd just rather let the disease take me. It was 3 1/2 months for me, all through the holidays. While I certainly didn't enjoy it, I can now say #1 It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and #2 I am glad I did it. I would say 2 weeks after the last chemo I truly started feeling more like my normal self. Now its 2 1/2 months after the last chemo ... I have my eyelashes and eyebrows back and my hair is almost at a length where I can go without a wig. It's truly doable. Just a short period of your life in battle to preserve all the rest of your years!

    Ask people for help. Do what you can do. Rest when you need to. In about 2 months we're going to see your "I did my last chemo...Thank God!" post and we will all be there congratulating you!
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #12
    Hi Nancy
    I'm a teacher too. I was finishing up my last 2 chemos in August when school started, so I had your issue in reverse. But my principal and staff were very supportive and helpful. I had my planning 1st period so I could wait and come in late if I wanted to.I scheduled my chemos on Wed. then took Thurs. Fri. off if I needed to. Then , when radiation started, I had to go everyday for 7 weeks. I'd go before school, and I'd often arrive 15 to 30 minutes late. My principal just allowed my class to sit in the cafeteria until I got there. He also made sure I had no extra duties, like bus duty in the a.m. or p.m. or ballgames etc.
    I'm sure you have your posse of teachers who are your close friends. When they ask what they can do to help, they really mean it. So if you need them to cover your class once in a while during thier planning , don't be hesitant to ask. Ask the principal to excuse you from any extra duties right now! If you have a sick day bank, use the days. Nobody will resent it if you skip awards day this year. Just have someone else hand out some simple awards to a few kids in your name.
    You'll be through this last 6 weeks before you know it , and then you can concentrate on you.
    Hugs
    Dee
  • kim mom of three
    kim mom of three Member Posts: 26
    #13
    Hi Nancy! I feel your
    Hi Nancy! I feel your pain...Just keep in mind that your health is above all the most important thing and if life situations such as families, jobs etc. become to stressful its time to take a time out and make it all about you, relax, rest, enjoy. In the big picture of things nothing else matters but you. Call it selfish if you wish but its ok. I have what I call its all about me days and its great.
  • BioAdoptMom
    BioAdoptMom Member Posts: 358
    #14
    kim mom of three said:

    Hi Nancy! I feel your
    Hi Nancy! I feel your pain...Just keep in mind that your health is above all the most important thing and if life situations such as families, jobs etc. become to stressful its time to take a time out and make it all about you, relax, rest, enjoy. In the big picture of things nothing else matters but you. Call it selfish if you wish but its ok. I have what I call its all about me days and its great.

    Oh how I felt your
    Oh how I felt your (((((HUGS))))) today! You guys are amazing! Since I teach Kindergarten there is little if any down time when the kids are around so I decided today I will go into survival mode. If we need to spend a little extra time at "play" centers sometimes or I need to throw in a movie to get something done before the end of the day, so be it! I won't apologize for it.

    Thanks again. I am so glad I found this board!

    Nancy
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #15
    sending hugs to you!!
    I am a teacher also. This is my 31st year and the past couple of years sure have been different. You will be amazed that the 6 weeks will fly by and your peers will come and help you. When I returned to work after my mastectomy, I could hardly make it until noon. As the year progressed, I was exhausted. But, then I seemed to get stronger and stronger. You will, too. Our battle isn't easy, but it is SOOOO worth it! :)
  • BioAdoptMom
    BioAdoptMom Member Posts: 358
    #16
    lizzie17 said:

    sending hugs to you!!
    I am a teacher also. This is my 31st year and the past couple of years sure have been different. You will be amazed that the 6 weeks will fly by and your peers will come and help you. When I returned to work after my mastectomy, I could hardly make it until noon. As the year progressed, I was exhausted. But, then I seemed to get stronger and stronger. You will, too. Our battle isn't easy, but it is SOOOO worth it! :)

    Thank you so much Lizzie for
    Thank you so much Lizzie for the encouragement! I do work with a great bunch who have totally rallied around me, so I know I have their support.

    Nancy
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #17
    You are not crazy...
    There are many studies now demonstrating that breast cancer patients are at risk for increased anxiety and depression. Your physicians know this. It is ok to have a bad night, but if your emotions are staying "through the roof", please call your doc. Many of us are being treated and it does get better!

    See:

    Depression and Cancer

    Anxiety, Fear and Depression from ACS

    Depression and anxiety in women with early breast cancer: five year observational cohort study
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #18
    CypressCynthia said:

    You are not crazy...
    There are many studies now demonstrating that breast cancer patients are at risk for increased anxiety and depression. Your physicians know this. It is ok to have a bad night, but if your emotions are staying "through the roof", please call your doc. Many of us are being treated and it does get better!

    See:

    Depression and Cancer

    Anxiety, Fear and Depression from ACS

    Depression and anxiety in women with early breast cancer: five year observational cohort study

    checking back in
    to see how you are doing!

    Denise W
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #19
    disneyfan2008 said:

    checking back in
    to see how you are doing!

    Denise W

    Oh, Nancy--sorry you're so frazzled
    I hope these 6 weeks go by super fast for you so that you can get down to the important job of taking care of you. Sounds like your plate is very full, but that you do have some people in your life you can lean on--take all the help that is offered.

    My best wishes to you and many, many hugs.

    Renee
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #20
    Nancy...can I join you..
    I too and over the top with medical and family issues..! Sorr you are going through this right now!

    I"ll be thinking of you..

    Denise
  • ender
    ender Member Posts: 167
    #21
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Nancy...can I join you..
    I too and over the top with medical and family issues..! Sorr you are going through this right now!

    I"ll be thinking of you..

    Denise

    Many hugs to you! I can
    Many hugs to you! I can only echo what has been said: you must take care of your health first, and feel proud of all the things you are doing during this hard time!

    Eva

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