It's been awhile.
One can get addicted to this discussion board. Theres been a few times when I thought "there's too much pain here" "there's alot of disagreement" "people love to debate too much" others just agree and say they will pray for you.
I have said to myself a few times "i'm going to stop logging on to this board" but you know what? There is no place like home and I have found a home.
I have been through hell this past year and there are people here who have been through so much more, and will continue to go through what ever we have to, to stay alive.
I love you guys. I don't agree with everything said, but who does? It doesnt matter much if I agree, what matters is that someone does and if it helps that one individual then thats what it's all about.
My dad is 84 and is having some serious health issues. He has heart failure and kidney failure. Yesterday I sat with him on the patio he built years ago ( he loves this spot)
dad has spent the last 2 weeks in the hospital and now he's home. He is week and frail, My dad has always been the man. A guy (like Kerry) tough as nails. He was in the airborn (2 wars) world war two Germany and the korean war. The visiting nurse told him he doesnt have long. I was so mad she said this to him. So when sitting with him he asked " did you here?" I said "here what dad?" he said "i'm outa here" Then he started to cry, he said "it's too early I'm not ready." Broke my fu@@ing heart. Guess what? I started to cry and said "I know how you feel"
We all know how he feels don't we? When we were told we have cancer did we all not feel that? I'm not ready????
Now my father is not ready so i said "fight dad if you want you can do dialasis" if your not ready then fight.
I don't know how long he will fight or live but I know it won't be long. He has lived a good life and has the love and respect of his family and lots of friends.
I'm sad for my dad he has always been my hero and always will as long as I live, but I'm happy to have found this network of people who support me as long as I continue to log on. I realized something last night, I am very lucky to have a second family albeit a cyber family a family not alot of others have.
Thank You all for being here for me this past year. I hope I can help others as much as you all have helped me.
For the researchers, the bible thumpers, the debaters, the vegans, the juicers, the followers, and the all others who frequent this site, my hats off to you and my love to you all. You have all touched me and I have learned so much. If you didnt notice I have a grateful heart tonight and just wanted to share it with you.
Good Night and god bless. Does anyone remember Red Skelton???
Tom
Comments
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His last words if I can get it right were........
"Goodnight and God Bless".....he was a family tradition when I was very young...I guess in the 50's and early sixties ?
Thank you Tom, for being humble enough to allow us to come into your heart, and then tell us about it. Its what all of us do for each other here, you included. We gather together to be among friends that know whats up.....As for Dad, I lost mine to stomach cancer in 1991, he was 63, I got closest to him his last years. It was like all the other time lost was made up for in those few years. We didn't though sit around and talk much about death or dying, it just wasn't spoken of between a parent and sibling then, not as it is now. But, when two grown men sit with each other and have bonded as you two have then speak of dying, it does bring out all of the emotional tears and memories that may not be made ...but it has been 84 already and maybe many more, only one person knows as far as Im concerned when our time is up...My only hope is that I go before any of my children do...Its the natural order of life as it needs to be. Balance is so precise and unpredictable in which things will fall but life needs to be in order to remain as painless as possible for the bearer...I now because of the ability to be able to open up with my situation with my wife, kids, parent (mom) and other 3 siblings am able to speak of here after and what ifs and whys and all things asked, you have just opened that box with your Dad, and it will get easier to talk about it now. It will become more real each day and anything that is spoken of or dealt with enough becomes a little more complacent each time mentioned, so the talks you and he will have here on will be easier. The love will get greater but there won't be as much stress with it. It will be what it is and will soon become a talk among two great men that have love for each other and are making the best memories they could ever make. You ave to assure him that he will be fine where he is going and that you will be fine because of what he did for you in his raising of you. He will know that all is well and whatever happens then at least he will have satisfaction knowing his work is complete. Enjoy your talks with him on the porch, they'll be worth millions some day to you.....Thanks for being there for us as well, and thank you for the thoughts.........buzz0 -
Thank You Clift.Buzzard said:His last words if I can get it right were........
"Goodnight and God Bless".....he was a family tradition when I was very young...I guess in the 50's and early sixties ?
Thank you Tom, for being humble enough to allow us to come into your heart, and then tell us about it. Its what all of us do for each other here, you included. We gather together to be among friends that know whats up.....As for Dad, I lost mine to stomach cancer in 1991, he was 63, I got closest to him his last years. It was like all the other time lost was made up for in those few years. We didn't though sit around and talk much about death or dying, it just wasn't spoken of between a parent and sibling then, not as it is now. But, when two grown men sit with each other and have bonded as you two have then speak of dying, it does bring out all of the emotional tears and memories that may not be made ...but it has been 84 already and maybe many more, only one person knows as far as Im concerned when our time is up...My only hope is that I go before any of my children do...Its the natural order of life as it needs to be. Balance is so precise and unpredictable in which things will fall but life needs to be in order to remain as painless as possible for the bearer...I now because of the ability to be able to open up with my situation with my wife, kids, parent (mom) and other 3 siblings am able to speak of here after and what ifs and whys and all things asked, you have just opened that box with your Dad, and it will get easier to talk about it now. It will become more real each day and anything that is spoken of or dealt with enough becomes a little more complacent each time mentioned, so the talks you and he will have here on will be easier. The love will get greater but there won't be as much stress with it. It will be what it is and will soon become a talk among two great men that have love for each other and are making the best memories they could ever make. You ave to assure him that he will be fine where he is going and that you will be fine because of what he did for you in his raising of you. He will know that all is well and whatever happens then at least he will have satisfaction knowing his work is complete. Enjoy your talks with him on the porch, they'll be worth millions some day to you.....Thanks for being there for us as well, and thank you for the thoughts.........buzz
You have been so much help to me, You just have the right words at the right time. Thanks for being you.
T0 -
Loved his show well when I was young, it was one of my dad's favorites.
Sometimes I envy those of you who have fathers still or that lived a long life. My father had his final heart attack at 49. My brother's Wayne and Bill are the first males in our family that have lived to see their 50's. When I say envy, I mean only to say, I wish my father had lived longer, and that I'm happy that you still have yours, longer memories to cherish, their advise when you needed it, and more love to give and receive from them spread out through the years. I hope your father has more years to spend with you Tom. Cherish them well.
Winter Marie0 -
I remember Red Skeleton, he
I remember Red Skeleton, he could make you laugh hysterically or have tears rolling down your face. I am glad your are having these moments with your dad. My mom died of cancer back in the 70's. No one told you anything,now that I am fighting it, there are so many things I wish I had done differently.
It looks like a good man, raised a good man. No doubt your dad is as proud of you as you are of him.
Judy0 -
Thank you
Thank you for sharing your stories with us!!! I don't write much on this board i keep to myself and just look for inspiration... Well as much inspiration I can get on a butt cancer forum....LOL
I know how your dad feels!!! As I have struggled through all my treatment a blood clot an allegic reaction to oxi and all during pregnancy ( I was diagnosed at 14 weeks ). I am only 27 and have 2 babies under 2 and all I want to do is live!!!!
I don't want to win the lotto, I don't care for anything else in this world but to grow old and sit with my kids on our back patio
To me that would be the gratest gift in the world..
I feel exactly like you and your father I JUST WANT TO LIVE!!! I want to see my babies grown up!!!! It makes me cry reading about situations like yours and your dads because we don't want much in life we just want to be alive.... And for some of us it seems to be a hard task"(0 -
Nice post Tom!chrissy83 said:Thank you
Thank you for sharing your stories with us!!! I don't write much on this board i keep to myself and just look for inspiration... Well as much inspiration I can get on a butt cancer forum....LOL
I know how your dad feels!!! As I have struggled through all my treatment a blood clot an allegic reaction to oxi and all during pregnancy ( I was diagnosed at 14 weeks ). I am only 27 and have 2 babies under 2 and all I want to do is live!!!!
I don't want to win the lotto, I don't care for anything else in this world but to grow old and sit with my kids on our back patio To me that would be the gratest gift in the world..
I feel exactly like you and your father I JUST WANT TO LIVE!!! I want to see my babies grown up!!!! It makes me cry reading about situations like yours and your dads because we don't want much in life we just want to be alive.... And for some of us it seems to be a hard task"(
Thanks for sharing it, In my poor English I can only say thanks to you to be with us, probably you don't need it any more but still here sharing our fears!.
Thanks a lot Tom.0 -
Dear Tom
Yes, I can picture Red Skelton now in that silly Clem Caddlehopper outfit with his red hair sticking out and hearing the slight lisp as he closed his show with "Good Night and God Bless".
I know you will help your dad cherish the time he has left and add new memories of time spent together.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for being part of the cyber family here. While we each bring something different to the board, it is the whole that keeps us coming back. And like any family our differences sometimes raise a ruckus, but when the dust settles we are here for each other.
Hugs to you and your dad,
Marie who loves kitties0 -
Dearest TomLovekitties said:Dear Tom
Yes, I can picture Red Skelton now in that silly Clem Caddlehopper outfit with his red hair sticking out and hearing the slight lisp as he closed his show with "Good Night and God Bless".
I know you will help your dad cherish the time he has left and add new memories of time spent together.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for being part of the cyber family here. While we each bring something different to the board, it is the whole that keeps us coming back. And like any family our differences sometimes raise a ruckus, but when the dust settles we are here for each other.
Hugs to you and your dad,
Marie who loves kitties
Yes I remember Red very well.....he was part of my growing up for sure.....we watched his show as a family.
Both my mom and dad are gone and I miss them so much. My daughter is 28 and I don't want to leave her yet...I don't want her to be motherless...
I found your post very touching Tom...thank you for sharing those thoughts with us. I too have thought I would leave the forum....maybe at times we all think that...it is a diverse group for sure. haha what a bunch but welded at the hip and heart by cancer. Really is should be the place you can say anything but sometimes unfortunately the hackles go up and feelings get hurt.
It seems to me that you are a good clear thinker Mr. Tom and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support you have given me this year. thanks for saying it like it is
best love, maggie0 -
Hey...AnneCan said:Red Skelton was on our only tv every week. Tom I really appreciate your heartfelt message. I am sorry for what your Dad is going through. I think you gave hime good encouragement. It sounds like your Dad is quite a hero.
Great post Tom.......... So nice to have you in the family. Hugs to you and "pa"....
Jennie0 -
Tom I loved the story about
Tom I loved the story about your Dad and so glad you and he shared those moments and words. And the rest of what you said is spot on perfect (is that the right way to say that? lol). Loved those very truthful words.
Hope you have a wonderful Sunday my friend!
Love and hugs, Gail0 -
This comment has been removed by the Moderatoridlehunters said:Hey...
Great post Tom.......... So nice to have you in the family. Hugs to you and "pa"....
Jennie0 -
thanks
thanks, Tom, for such an open, honest post. I know you're probably going to think I made this up but as I was making coffee and breakfast in my Boyfriend's kitchen, I was thinking about mortality and how any of us are really ready. sending cyber hugs to you and your Dad.
~Aud0 -
He was the guy who gave me the greatest memories..........watching this show with my father every week was someting I always looked forward to. We sat and laughed for the entire hour. Alot of you remember, it's funny the things that bring you back to those days.Crow71 said:I guess I'll have to google him.
Nice post Tom. I think the board is at its best when folks really open up and share straight from the heart like you have here. Thanks.
Your dad is a real hero. Tell him I said thanks. I hope he finds peace and comfort.
Roger
Thank You all for your thoughtful comments, They truly mean so much to me.
Tom0 -
OK Roger....Crow71 said:I guess I'll have to google him.
Nice post Tom. I think the board is at its best when folks really open up and share straight from the heart like you have here. Thanks.
Your dad is a real hero. Tell him I said thanks. I hope he finds peace and comfort.
Roger
You are making me feel old! I guess someone has to when my daughter isn't. LOL. Keep smiling!0
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