pain with sex

sephie
sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
in Anal Cancer #1
sorry to be so personal but i need to ask this: i am too afraid to even try intercourse even tho i am 19 months post tx i still have pain on left anal side when walking or sitting. i do my dilators but i have full control of how they enter and how they pull on the tissue. not as afraid of pain in vagina as i am of pulling on tissue around anus . since radiation, the tissue is so fragile that i am afraid of tearing it with the thrusting. i do have a hubby who is patient, so far, but of course, it makes me worry a little about our marriage. we have only been married 8 years. i got diagnosed with this torturous cancer after only 6 years of marriage. does any one else have this fear??? does anyone else have the pain around the anus and inside a little so much so that you refrain from intercourse??? i know that this is terribly personal but i feel that it might help someone else to know that i am this way. and i need the help also . also, my radiation oncologist at MDA is mortified that i have not tried intercourse yet but of course he has not had anal cancer issues. thanks sephie
«1

Comments

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #2
    Hi Sephie--
    Your fears are well-grounded and I think many female AC survivors could all relate. I agree, actually having intercourse is much different than using the dilator. However, with patience and understanding, it becomes possible. My one and only recommendation--girl on top. This gives you more control. I don't need to say anymore.
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #3
    mp327 said:

    Hi Sephie--
    Your fears are well-grounded and I think many female AC survivors could all relate. I agree, actually having intercourse is much different than using the dilator. However, with patience and understanding, it becomes possible. My one and only recommendation--girl on top. This gives you more control. I don't need to say anymore.

    thankyou so much
    yes, i had thought that "on top" would be the only way. thankyou sephie
  • mbh97766
    mbh97766 Member Posts: 39
    #4
    sephie said:

    thankyou so much
    yes, i had thought that "on top" would be the only way. thankyou sephie

    I too, am having trouble
    I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #5
    mbh97766 said:

    I too, am having trouble
    I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.

    Vaginal dryness/pain
    My gyno prescribed Vagifem vaginal tablets for me and they have helped quite a lot. You begin them by using one every day for 2 weeks, then just one two times per week. My dilator is not painful to use anymore and intercourse may be possible in the near future. Also, between applications of the tablet, my doctor told me I could use Replense, which is an OTC medication to decrease vaginal dryness. You might want to talk to your doctor about these.
  • melbas2
    melbas2 Member Posts: 108
    #6
    pain with sex
    Hey Sephie, I am almost 7 months pot, and my hubby and I have tried to have sex 3 times. I didn't hurt that much when I was a virgin. lol.Seriously, He sleeps on the couch cuz if he rolls over and like puts his leg up on me or whatever, it hurts. Since all this, I feel like I still have a tear in my left side on my butt, kinda just like inside, but if I sit a certain way, or try to lay a certain way, I feel like I'm tearing my **** open. We've been married for 15 years, but I'm still afraid he'll get sick of this no sex thing and go get it somewhere else. I don't have the answers, but you are not alone in your fears. Melodie
  • alis7910
    alis7910 Member Posts: 80
    #7
    pain with sex
    Hi:
    I have not had sex for years, but my vaginal dryness got worse after the radiation. I was prescribed estrace homone cream, which has helped tremendously. The vagifem was not enough for me.I did try dilators for a while, and then by physician removed the adhesions in the office, which was very painful. He told me at the time that they would return, which they have. I know I could not have intercourse if I wanted to at the present time.
    My suggestion to you would be to honor your body and the messages it is giving you. You are the only one who can say what you need. My feeling is, if you are loved enough, then your needs will be respected. After all that you have gone through, you should not have to compromise your own feelings.
    hugs to you
  • alis7910
    alis7910 Member Posts: 80
    #8
    pain with sex
    Hi:
    I have not had sex for years, but my vaginal dryness got worse after the radiation. I was prescribed estrace homone cream, which has helped tremendously. The vagifem was not enough for me.I did try dilators for a while, and then by physician removed the adhesions in the office, which was very painful. He told me at the time that they would return, which they have. I know I could not have intercourse if I wanted to at the present time.
    My suggestion to you would be to honor your body and the messages it is giving you. You are the only one who can say what you need. My feeling is, if you are loved enough, then your needs will be respected. After all that you have gone through, you should not have to compromise your own feelings.
    hugs to you
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    #9
    alis7910 said:

    pain with sex
    Hi:
    I have not had sex for years, but my vaginal dryness got worse after the radiation. I was prescribed estrace homone cream, which has helped tremendously. The vagifem was not enough for me.I did try dilators for a while, and then by physician removed the adhesions in the office, which was very painful. He told me at the time that they would return, which they have. I know I could not have intercourse if I wanted to at the present time.
    My suggestion to you would be to honor your body and the messages it is giving you. You are the only one who can say what you need. My feeling is, if you are loved enough, then your needs will be respected. After all that you have gone through, you should not have to compromise your own feelings.
    hugs to you

    I too have not had sex maybe
    I too have not had sex maybe once in the last two years - since the issues with bleeding and pain cropped up with diagnosis and then during and after treatment worsened. We tried once and it was both painful and just uncomfortable. Right now I am just seeing a gynecologist after a long long time (was told since I had a full hysterectomy did not need a pap or anything) and maybe can get some of this resolved. My husband, bless him, is pretty considerate about all this. I also agree with Alis that listening to your body and I loved the phrase "honor your body and the messages it is giving you"
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #10
    sissy310 said:

    I too have not had sex maybe
    I too have not had sex maybe once in the last two years - since the issues with bleeding and pain cropped up with diagnosis and then during and after treatment worsened. We tried once and it was both painful and just uncomfortable. Right now I am just seeing a gynecologist after a long long time (was told since I had a full hysterectomy did not need a pap or anything) and maybe can get some of this resolved. My husband, bless him, is pretty considerate about all this. I also agree with Alis that listening to your body and I loved the phrase "honor your body and the messages it is giving you"

    thankyou so much
    i appreciate all of you who have responded to this personal issue. this site is such a blessing to me and helps me. i do hate that there are so many of us suffering with this mess but hopefully the docs will learn more and more and improve on this treatment so that others will not have all of these side effects. soon after completion of my tx at MDA ( july 2009), they started placing a dilator in the vagina during radiation to help with the closing issue. good thinking. so i think they are learning more and more as more of us are diagnosed with this anal cancer. thanks again sephie
  • SueRelays
    SueRelays Member Posts: 485
    #11
    sephie said:

    thankyou so much
    i appreciate all of you who have responded to this personal issue. this site is such a blessing to me and helps me. i do hate that there are so many of us suffering with this mess but hopefully the docs will learn more and more and improve on this treatment so that others will not have all of these side effects. soon after completion of my tx at MDA ( july 2009), they started placing a dilator in the vagina during radiation to help with the closing issue. good thinking. so i think they are learning more and more as more of us are diagnosed with this anal cancer. thanks again sephie

    Had to chime in.....
    I
    Had to chime in.....

    I thought I would never have sex again, and certainly if I did, I would not be the one enjoying it! But with patience and time, the pain and dryness went away, and I can happily say I am enjoying sex again, although I do not have it near as regularly as BAC ( before anal cancer). Still can't be as carefree and experimental as before. Only a couple positions are comfortable, but I do feel somewhat "normal" again!
  • Angela_K
    Angela_K Member Posts: 374 Member
    #12
    Sex after treatment
    Sephie ~ It is scary coming out of treatment with 'things' not what they used to be. I am three months post treatment and have some moderate vaginal pain which has resultetd in my husband and I getting more creative in the bedroom. We bought a vibrator that we both find pleasure in using on each other and we've found that sex side by side facing each other is the least painful and most pleasurable for me. There's other things that we've done for the first time in our 12 year marriage that I will leave to your imagination! Yes, sex is not what it used to be. But, I've discovered that's not necessarily a bad thing.
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #13
    Angela_K said:

    Sex after treatment
    Sephie ~ It is scary coming out of treatment with 'things' not what they used to be. I am three months post treatment and have some moderate vaginal pain which has resultetd in my husband and I getting more creative in the bedroom. We bought a vibrator that we both find pleasure in using on each other and we've found that sex side by side facing each other is the least painful and most pleasurable for me. There's other things that we've done for the first time in our 12 year marriage that I will leave to your imagination! Yes, sex is not what it used to be. But, I've discovered that's not necessarily a bad thing.

    great to hear
    I do really appreciate your sharing. this gives me hope . thankyou sephie
  • 7243
    7243 Member Posts: 249 Member
    #14
    melbas2 said:

    pain with sex
    Hey Sephie, I am almost 7 months pot, and my hubby and I have tried to have sex 3 times. I didn't hurt that much when I was a virgin. lol.Seriously, He sleeps on the couch cuz if he rolls over and like puts his leg up on me or whatever, it hurts. Since all this, I feel like I still have a tear in my left side on my butt, kinda just like inside, but if I sit a certain way, or try to lay a certain way, I feel like I'm tearing my **** open. We've been married for 15 years, but I'm still afraid he'll get sick of this no sex thing and go get it somewhere else. I don't have the answers, but you are not alone in your fears. Melodie

    Hows it going?
    I'm 5 months out and feel exactly as you did when you were 7 months out... how's it going?
    We've tried sex 3 times ... so painful ...
  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #15
    SueRelays said:

    Had to chime in.....
    I
    Had to chime in.....

    I thought I would never have sex again, and certainly if I did, I would not be the one enjoying it! But with patience and time, the pain and dryness went away, and I can happily say I am enjoying sex again, although I do not have it near as regularly as BAC ( before anal cancer). Still can't be as carefree and experimental as before. Only a couple positions are comfortable, but I do feel somewhat "normal" again!

    whewwwww
    Thanks for your lovely chiming:-)
  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #16
    sephie said:

    great to hear
    I do really appreciate your sharing. this gives me hope . thankyou sephie

    ditto
    Our sex life was almost non-existent before the diagnosis. We would have sex and then for days I would feel like my insides was trying to get to my outsides. I didn't make the connection, believe it or not, but the sex became more and more frustrating and we both blamed our relationship.

    Now my husband and I are having rather pleasant conversations about reintroducing ourselves to our sex life again when treatments and healing are in the right place. He is a very sweet man and we will just have to focus and be patient.

    As far as worrying about my marriage, I've learned to give it to God since I can only do my half and only as well as I am physically and emotionally able. Getting to this point has helped my relationship with God a lot. I rediscovered my first love.
  • tramoo2
    tramoo2 Member Posts: 9
    #17
    mbh97766 said:

    I too, am having trouble
    I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.

    what is a dialator
    what is a dialator.......
    i feel like someone forgot to tell me about something.....
    i have been having vaginal dryness and tightness. no pain with sex, other than the
    uncomfortable tightness.
    was i susposed to get a dialator
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #18
    tramoo2 said:

    what is a dialator
    what is a dialator.......
    i feel like someone forgot to tell me about something.....
    i have been having vaginal dryness and tightness. no pain with sex, other than the
    uncomfortable tightness.
    was i susposed to get a dialator

    dilator
    it is a very soft penis --looking thing that is in graduated sizes which u insert into the vagina to help open up the vagina (which closes due to radiation due to scar tissue) but it sounds like you did not have this side effect if you can have sex and no pain. vaginal dryness would happen to any woman as she gets older and menapausal or perimenapausal. great for u that u can have sex. sephie _ -
  • Memphis Mary 49
    Memphis Mary 49 Member Posts: 52
    #19
    sandysp said:

    ditto
    Our sex life was almost non-existent before the diagnosis. We would have sex and then for days I would feel like my insides was trying to get to my outsides. I didn't make the connection, believe it or not, but the sex became more and more frustrating and we both blamed our relationship.

    Now my husband and I are having rather pleasant conversations about reintroducing ourselves to our sex life again when treatments and healing are in the right place. He is a very sweet man and we will just have to focus and be patient.

    As far as worrying about my marriage, I've learned to give it to God since I can only do my half and only as well as I am physically and emotionally able. Getting to this point has helped my relationship with God a lot. I rediscovered my first love.

    When to start dilators?
    I am new to CSN and post treatment by 17 days. When are we supposed to begin vaginal rehab (dilators, creams, PT)? Are there gynecologists that specialize in post radiation treatment? My husband and I tried it a couple of days ago - needless to say that was a big "no go"!!
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #20
    Memphis Mary 49 said:

    When to start dilators?
    I am new to CSN and post treatment by 17 days. When are we supposed to begin vaginal rehab (dilators, creams, PT)? Are there gynecologists that specialize in post radiation treatment? My husband and I tried it a couple of days ago - needless to say that was a big "no go"!!

    Dilators
    Hi Mary--my rad onc gave me my dilator on my last visit and told me to begin using it as soon as I could tolerate it. I guess it's pretty much of an individual thing. As for gynos that specialize in post-radiation, try a gyno oncologist if you can get in with one. They would probably have the most knowledge about these types of things. I wish you all the best.
  • shirlann54
    shirlann54 Member Posts: 162
    #21
    mbh97766 said:

    I too, am having trouble
    I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.

    pain with sex
    It's been 7 mo after treatment for me .It hurt having sex .I didnt think i could ever have good sex again.It had been about 3 mo.I went to a gyn he said i have scar tissue in my vagina.He give me a cream that you put in side .It is called Premarin vaginal cream i use it 2 to 3 times Week. It was about 3 weeks and it was allready getting better .Now we can have sex again and i can injoy it. I could'nt have had sex without this.My radiation Dr is the one that got me an appt with a gyn.

Discussion Boards