pain with sex
Comments
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Hi Sephie--
Your fears are well-grounded and I think many female AC survivors could all relate. I agree, actually having intercourse is much different than using the dilator. However, with patience and understanding, it becomes possible. My one and only recommendation--girl on top. This gives you more control. I don't need to say anymore.0 -
thankyou so muchmp327 said:Hi Sephie--
Your fears are well-grounded and I think many female AC survivors could all relate. I agree, actually having intercourse is much different than using the dilator. However, with patience and understanding, it becomes possible. My one and only recommendation--girl on top. This gives you more control. I don't need to say anymore.
yes, i had thought that "on top" would be the only way. thankyou sephie0 -
I too, am having troublesephie said:thankyou so much
yes, i had thought that "on top" would be the only way. thankyou sephie
I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.0 -
Vaginal dryness/painmbh97766 said:I too, am having trouble
I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.
My gyno prescribed Vagifem vaginal tablets for me and they have helped quite a lot. You begin them by using one every day for 2 weeks, then just one two times per week. My dilator is not painful to use anymore and intercourse may be possible in the near future. Also, between applications of the tablet, my doctor told me I could use Replense, which is an OTC medication to decrease vaginal dryness. You might want to talk to your doctor about these.0 -
pain with sex
Hey Sephie, I am almost 7 months pot, and my hubby and I have tried to have sex 3 times. I didn't hurt that much when I was a virgin. lol.Seriously, He sleeps on the couch cuz if he rolls over and like puts his leg up on me or whatever, it hurts. Since all this, I feel like I still have a tear in my left side on my butt, kinda just like inside, but if I sit a certain way, or try to lay a certain way, I feel like I'm tearing my **** open. We've been married for 15 years, but I'm still afraid he'll get sick of this no sex thing and go get it somewhere else. I don't have the answers, but you are not alone in your fears. Melodie0 -
pain with sex
Hi:
I have not had sex for years, but my vaginal dryness got worse after the radiation. I was prescribed estrace homone cream, which has helped tremendously. The vagifem was not enough for me.I did try dilators for a while, and then by physician removed the adhesions in the office, which was very painful. He told me at the time that they would return, which they have. I know I could not have intercourse if I wanted to at the present time.
My suggestion to you would be to honor your body and the messages it is giving you. You are the only one who can say what you need. My feeling is, if you are loved enough, then your needs will be respected. After all that you have gone through, you should not have to compromise your own feelings.
hugs to you0 -
pain with sex
Hi:
I have not had sex for years, but my vaginal dryness got worse after the radiation. I was prescribed estrace homone cream, which has helped tremendously. The vagifem was not enough for me.I did try dilators for a while, and then by physician removed the adhesions in the office, which was very painful. He told me at the time that they would return, which they have. I know I could not have intercourse if I wanted to at the present time.
My suggestion to you would be to honor your body and the messages it is giving you. You are the only one who can say what you need. My feeling is, if you are loved enough, then your needs will be respected. After all that you have gone through, you should not have to compromise your own feelings.
hugs to you0 -
I too have not had sex maybealis7910 said:pain with sex
Hi:
I have not had sex for years, but my vaginal dryness got worse after the radiation. I was prescribed estrace homone cream, which has helped tremendously. The vagifem was not enough for me.I did try dilators for a while, and then by physician removed the adhesions in the office, which was very painful. He told me at the time that they would return, which they have. I know I could not have intercourse if I wanted to at the present time.
My suggestion to you would be to honor your body and the messages it is giving you. You are the only one who can say what you need. My feeling is, if you are loved enough, then your needs will be respected. After all that you have gone through, you should not have to compromise your own feelings.
hugs to you
I too have not had sex maybe once in the last two years - since the issues with bleeding and pain cropped up with diagnosis and then during and after treatment worsened. We tried once and it was both painful and just uncomfortable. Right now I am just seeing a gynecologist after a long long time (was told since I had a full hysterectomy did not need a pap or anything) and maybe can get some of this resolved. My husband, bless him, is pretty considerate about all this. I also agree with Alis that listening to your body and I loved the phrase "honor your body and the messages it is giving you"0 -
thankyou so muchsissy310 said:I too have not had sex maybe
I too have not had sex maybe once in the last two years - since the issues with bleeding and pain cropped up with diagnosis and then during and after treatment worsened. We tried once and it was both painful and just uncomfortable. Right now I am just seeing a gynecologist after a long long time (was told since I had a full hysterectomy did not need a pap or anything) and maybe can get some of this resolved. My husband, bless him, is pretty considerate about all this. I also agree with Alis that listening to your body and I loved the phrase "honor your body and the messages it is giving you"
i appreciate all of you who have responded to this personal issue. this site is such a blessing to me and helps me. i do hate that there are so many of us suffering with this mess but hopefully the docs will learn more and more and improve on this treatment so that others will not have all of these side effects. soon after completion of my tx at MDA ( july 2009), they started placing a dilator in the vagina during radiation to help with the closing issue. good thinking. so i think they are learning more and more as more of us are diagnosed with this anal cancer. thanks again sephie0 -
Had to chime in.....sephie said:thankyou so much
i appreciate all of you who have responded to this personal issue. this site is such a blessing to me and helps me. i do hate that there are so many of us suffering with this mess but hopefully the docs will learn more and more and improve on this treatment so that others will not have all of these side effects. soon after completion of my tx at MDA ( july 2009), they started placing a dilator in the vagina during radiation to help with the closing issue. good thinking. so i think they are learning more and more as more of us are diagnosed with this anal cancer. thanks again sephie
I
Had to chime in.....
I thought I would never have sex again, and certainly if I did, I would not be the one enjoying it! But with patience and time, the pain and dryness went away, and I can happily say I am enjoying sex again, although I do not have it near as regularly as BAC ( before anal cancer). Still can't be as carefree and experimental as before. Only a couple positions are comfortable, but I do feel somewhat "normal" again!0 -
Sex after treatment
Sephie ~ It is scary coming out of treatment with 'things' not what they used to be. I am three months post treatment and have some moderate vaginal pain which has resultetd in my husband and I getting more creative in the bedroom. We bought a vibrator that we both find pleasure in using on each other and we've found that sex side by side facing each other is the least painful and most pleasurable for me. There's other things that we've done for the first time in our 12 year marriage that I will leave to your imagination! Yes, sex is not what it used to be. But, I've discovered that's not necessarily a bad thing.0 -
great to hearAngela_K said:Sex after treatment
Sephie ~ It is scary coming out of treatment with 'things' not what they used to be. I am three months post treatment and have some moderate vaginal pain which has resultetd in my husband and I getting more creative in the bedroom. We bought a vibrator that we both find pleasure in using on each other and we've found that sex side by side facing each other is the least painful and most pleasurable for me. There's other things that we've done for the first time in our 12 year marriage that I will leave to your imagination! Yes, sex is not what it used to be. But, I've discovered that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I do really appreciate your sharing. this gives me hope . thankyou sephie0 -
Hows it going?melbas2 said:pain with sex
Hey Sephie, I am almost 7 months pot, and my hubby and I have tried to have sex 3 times. I didn't hurt that much when I was a virgin. lol.Seriously, He sleeps on the couch cuz if he rolls over and like puts his leg up on me or whatever, it hurts. Since all this, I feel like I still have a tear in my left side on my butt, kinda just like inside, but if I sit a certain way, or try to lay a certain way, I feel like I'm tearing my **** open. We've been married for 15 years, but I'm still afraid he'll get sick of this no sex thing and go get it somewhere else. I don't have the answers, but you are not alone in your fears. Melodie
I'm 5 months out and feel exactly as you did when you were 7 months out... how's it going?
We've tried sex 3 times ... so painful ...0 -
whewwwwwSueRelays said:Had to chime in.....
I
Had to chime in.....
I thought I would never have sex again, and certainly if I did, I would not be the one enjoying it! But with patience and time, the pain and dryness went away, and I can happily say I am enjoying sex again, although I do not have it near as regularly as BAC ( before anal cancer). Still can't be as carefree and experimental as before. Only a couple positions are comfortable, but I do feel somewhat "normal" again!
Thanks for your lovely chiming:-)0 -
dittosephie said:great to hear
I do really appreciate your sharing. this gives me hope . thankyou sephie
Our sex life was almost non-existent before the diagnosis. We would have sex and then for days I would feel like my insides was trying to get to my outsides. I didn't make the connection, believe it or not, but the sex became more and more frustrating and we both blamed our relationship.
Now my husband and I are having rather pleasant conversations about reintroducing ourselves to our sex life again when treatments and healing are in the right place. He is a very sweet man and we will just have to focus and be patient.
As far as worrying about my marriage, I've learned to give it to God since I can only do my half and only as well as I am physically and emotionally able. Getting to this point has helped my relationship with God a lot. I rediscovered my first love.0 -
what is a dialatormbh97766 said:I too, am having trouble
I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.
what is a dialator.......
i feel like someone forgot to tell me about something.....
i have been having vaginal dryness and tightness. no pain with sex, other than the
uncomfortable tightness.
was i susposed to get a dialator0 -
dilatortramoo2 said:what is a dialator
what is a dialator.......
i feel like someone forgot to tell me about something.....
i have been having vaginal dryness and tightness. no pain with sex, other than the
uncomfortable tightness.
was i susposed to get a dialator
it is a very soft penis --looking thing that is in graduated sizes which u insert into the vagina to help open up the vagina (which closes due to radiation due to scar tissue) but it sounds like you did not have this side effect if you can have sex and no pain. vaginal dryness would happen to any woman as she gets older and menapausal or perimenapausal. great for u that u can have sex. sephie _ -0 -
When to start dilators?sandysp said:ditto
Our sex life was almost non-existent before the diagnosis. We would have sex and then for days I would feel like my insides was trying to get to my outsides. I didn't make the connection, believe it or not, but the sex became more and more frustrating and we both blamed our relationship.
Now my husband and I are having rather pleasant conversations about reintroducing ourselves to our sex life again when treatments and healing are in the right place. He is a very sweet man and we will just have to focus and be patient.
As far as worrying about my marriage, I've learned to give it to God since I can only do my half and only as well as I am physically and emotionally able. Getting to this point has helped my relationship with God a lot. I rediscovered my first love.
I am new to CSN and post treatment by 17 days. When are we supposed to begin vaginal rehab (dilators, creams, PT)? Are there gynecologists that specialize in post radiation treatment? My husband and I tried it a couple of days ago - needless to say that was a big "no go"!!0 -
DilatorsMemphis Mary 49 said:When to start dilators?
I am new to CSN and post treatment by 17 days. When are we supposed to begin vaginal rehab (dilators, creams, PT)? Are there gynecologists that specialize in post radiation treatment? My husband and I tried it a couple of days ago - needless to say that was a big "no go"!!
Hi Mary--my rad onc gave me my dilator on my last visit and told me to begin using it as soon as I could tolerate it. I guess it's pretty much of an individual thing. As for gynos that specialize in post-radiation, try a gyno oncologist if you can get in with one. They would probably have the most knowledge about these types of things. I wish you all the best.0 -
pain with sexmbh97766 said:I too, am having trouble
I too, am having trouble resuming intercourse. I am only 3 months out of treatment, and haven't been as dilligent with the dialator as I should be. My problem is vaginal dryness. Sometimes I feel so dry that it wakes me in the middle of the night. And no matter how much, or what type of lubricant we use, I still suffer from terrible pain, that it makes the whole thing very unpleasant. But we keep trying, because as they say, "use it or lose it". I have found that if I take an oxycodone (pain med) beforehand, it makes me relax more, as well as my husband. Maybe, after time, I won't need the pain meds anymore? One can only hope.
It's been 7 mo after treatment for me .It hurt having sex .I didnt think i could ever have good sex again.It had been about 3 mo.I went to a gyn he said i have scar tissue in my vagina.He give me a cream that you put in side .It is called Premarin vaginal cream i use it 2 to 3 times Week. It was about 3 weeks and it was allready getting better .Now we can have sex again and i can injoy it. I could'nt have had sex without this.My radiation Dr is the one that got me an appt with a gyn.0
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