What do I say when my daughter cries

LaundryQueen said:

Fear is the enemy
I don't know your daughter so it is hard to say what she wants to hear from you. Is she getting hysterical and having a panic attack or just weeping because she is scared?

Whenever I would be crying with my mom, she would tell me, "it's good to get those feeling out so you don't have to spend so much energy keeping them in" and "of course you're scared who wouldn't be? No one knows the future except God and you are in God's hands now." I don't know what Angela would think of that but it worked for me and then I always felt better after crying.

The way I see it, you have a strong relationship with your daughter and she doesn't have to pretend everything is OK around you. So you get to be the one who hears her cry--maybe that is how she can be strong for her children and her husband.

If she is getting hysterical or having a lot of anxiety, then that's really scary and hard to hear. I had a few panic attacks after my diagnosis and it helped to breathe into a paper bag and just breathe slower in general (breathe in and count to 8 and breathe out and count to 8). I took something called Rescue Remedy (from the health food store) that helped the panic attacks a lot. I had to put a few drops in a glass of water and sip on it every few minutes until I calmed down.

If your daughter's situation is really consuming your life, then you would benefit from seeing a professional counselor yourself. Then you could stay strong for her.

kikz said:

When your daughter cries
let her. My mom who is 86 is one of those people who don't like to show emotion. I on the other hand cry during commercials. All my life I was made to feel that crying is a sign of weakness. Well, as an adult I know that just isn't true. During my illness there were a lot of times that I did feel alone. It didn't matter if the house was full of people. Or sometimes I felt so sick, I didn't think I could take anymore. I knew I couldn't share these feelings with my mom. On the couple of occasions where she overheard me crying, she ended up in the ER with a panic attack. There were times when I just wanted to sob and have her just be there and let me. I can tell by your posts that you are there for your daughter no matter what. So let her cry and tell her she has every right to be scared, angry, anxious, whatever she is feeling. I agree with LaundryQueen, maybe you are the one she feels comfortable to share her feelings with. That is hard for you but it is a gift you can give her. Let her know that we are here when she wants to come on. I was so happy when I found this board. I knew the people here would understand me. We have all gone through or are going through what she is facing now. It's hard but once you get over the initial shock there is a strength that comes from somewhere that amazed me. Everyone was telling me how brave I was but I did not feel brave, I just wanted to fight this monster and did whatever I needed to do each day. We may not have control of the final outcome but we can control today.

Love and prayers to you, your daughter and her family.
Karen

Double Whammy said:

Hello, Angelasmom
and hello to all the ovarian cancer survivors.

I was directed to this post via my "Buddy list". I didn't even know there was one! Anyway, I remember you, Angelasmom2, from the uterine cancer group because both you and your daughter's family lived in my hometown at one time, and she was receiving her care from the same gyn oncologist who I see.

Just wanted to chime in with best wishes and prayers for your daughter. I'm so sorry she is facing this and hope she will soon learn the results of her PET scan and have a plan of action in place. I thought of you and her just the other day and wondered how she was doing. I'm assuming because you posted here instead of the uterine cancer board, that her pathology determined her cancer as ovarian, not uterine? Again, I'm sending hugs, positive thoughts, and prayers to both you and her.

Suzanne