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Cancer shock
I’ve had a heck of a few weeks. I’m 49 years old and had an infection develop in my right toe. Being a diabetic I went to get it checked out. The infection was spreading rapidly and amputation was the only option. While preparing for the surgery, a CT scan was performed. A mass in my kidney was found, an incidental finding is what they called it.surgery was performed to amputate my toe and then a few days later they removed my kidney. Everything happened so fast I didn’t really have time to think about anything, I just reacted to the situation. Early prognosis is good and I am very thankful for that. Now that the dust has settled I have had time now to begin to reflect on what happened. I am going through multiple emotions, happiness,fear, devastated, confusion, anger, sadness, loss, love, faith. I’m still I’m my recovery process and thankfully I’m home with my family. It has been a long process. I have a 14 inch incision the still burns and hurts. My insides on my left side from where my kidney was talked hurts. I just really don’t know what to expect next or what to expect down the road. I just really would like someone to talk to who has been down this road I’m on. I’m just feeling lost.
Comments
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I also had a cancer shock. After being very ill with GI symptoms for 6 months in 2023, their best recommendation was surgery to removed an inflamed portion of my colon. When I woke up from my surgery I got a, "Sorry, it was metastatic cancer, not what we thought." It has been a long journey and I'm still on it, so I can relate to all the feelings. Happy to talk if you would like.
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I had no idea that I had cancer. Other than my toe I was feeling fine. The diagnosis was a complete shock, it caught my family and I off guard. I feel like I’m just here watching life go by and hate it. I was so involved and engaged with life. I have a really good family who’s willing to help, but I hate asking because I feel like a bother. I’m in constant pain from the surgery. The doctors tell me they are pretty sure that they got it all. I wait for them to tell me that it’s spread. My uncle died from this earlier in the year and was in the exact same situation as me. I just hurt all the time from my surgery. Between the pain and my inability to do anything I’m very down. I try not to show it but fail sometimes. I just feel lost.
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All those feelings are very normal. Pain is difficult on the emotions to begin. Inability to do the things that normally help (like activity) makes it worse. The abrupt change in lifestyle is hard. The uncertainty about treatment and the future is scary. Having someone you loved just go through this and have a negative outcome, I'm sure is also difficult. Feeling like a bother is really normal, but I encourage you to accept help. That was very hard for me, but the people who love you are probably also feeling many of those things, too, and feeling helpless and so if there are ways that they can help you that actually feel like help (as opposed to that one person who always means well, but just makes things worse 🤣) let them help. It will be a blessing to both of you and allow you to get well faster so that you will be able to do the things you want sooner, including getting back to taking care of your family. And it's okay to show your emotions sometimes. I like to quote a very wise friend of mine who likes to say that it is perfectly acceptable and healthy to show our emotions as long as we don't wallow in them, since there is a difference. And it allows your family to show their emotions, too. And I want to encourage you (at least I hope it will be an encouragement 😊) that you are not in the exact same situation as your uncle if I can safely make the assumption that you are much younger than he was. That makes a difference. And I don't know what the protocols for kidney cancer are or what stage you were diagnosed at, but any time that the surgeons think they accomplished a complete resection of all the cancer, that is a very good thing for long-term outcomes. My situation was quite different. I was surprise diagnosed in surgery, like you, but it was with a local tumor that had lymph node and nerve involvement and had already spread to small mets in my lungs and had unfavorable genetic mutations. The stats on median survival rate were 12-24 months and 2 - year overall survival estimated about 37%. I have already beat that. They were able to remove the whole tumor at that initial surgery and I did 6 months of adjuvant chemo because of my risk factors while they monitored the very small lung met. I had 6 really good, felt like my normal super-active, involved in my kids life months. We went on some amazing vacations with the family, then after 9 months I had a successful lung resection for the growing lung met, but recovered quickly because it was laparoscopic. I had a couple more fantastic months with foster puppies and my oldest son's engagement when a "watch and wait" scan picked up unexpected, distant spread to abdominal lymph nodes and peritoneal carcinomatosis, which has a pretty dire prognosis. So right now I am on my 7th of 8 rounds of crazy toxic chemo in the hopes that I can do a pretty horrible surgery that will get rid of the peritoneal mets, but will give me more time. That is hard because I don't feel sick at all when I'm not on the chemo. But without the chemo, they say I will die, quickly. But even in the midst of this treatment schedule, I have as many feel mostly good days as feel trash days and that lets me do 90% of what I want to get to my kids' sports and spend time with friends and go to church, and I get to see my oldest son get married in 9 days!!! So, the uncertainty and the numbers can be scary, but there are great doctors out there and new treatments all the time, and there is only so much that stats can tell us. So I don't want you to read that as a "Woe-is-me or Look how bad I have it", but as real hope that even if it gets hard (and I hope that your successful surgery means the hard will soon be behind you), there is still lots of good and lots of hope. Some people find talking to a licensed counselor who specializes in cancer patients really helpful - I did it for a while. Some people find talking to complete strangers who have been through it helpful 😊, and I am happy to stay in touch. The Chatroom is also pretty consistent every night from about 9 CT until late. That is nice because sometimes we talk about cancer, and sometimes we just talk about life with other people who are living our reality and that can be encouraging for me to see people just living and talking about normal things but understanding the background of everything that means for us without having to say it. So maybe you want to jump on there at night, too! Okay, this turned into a book, but thinking of you often and wishing you the best. Reach out any time!! I started another round of chemo yesterday so I'm mostly on my butt on the couch on my computer for the next 30 hours as I finish up. 🤣 ❤️ Have a great day!!!
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Thank you so much for the response. It’s nice to know you are not alone. It’s also nice to know that you can still accomplish so much after cancer especially when I hear your story. I will definitely try to be on the chat tonight. I’ll definitely be praying for you and thinking of you and your family on the big day. I am thankful that I still have my three youngest children still here with me and my wife. They are all helpful and help me when I ask. My wife is a strong woman who wants to help but the poor thing is struggling seeing her husband deal with this. She helps the best way she can and also try’s to give me some independence. We’ve always been close but she understandably doesn’t have answers to my questions. My uncle was 22 years older than me. They found the cancer in his kidney at stage two. He had his kidney removed and was told he was fine, they were sure they got it all. His six month scan found his cancer had spread. He as hospitalized for treatment. He was gone less than three weeks. That’s where my big fear comes in. My overall mental state is trying to be positive and stay positive. I tell my family that I’ll be here to see my 13 year old granddaughter get married, her response is that she’ll never get married so I can live forever, lol. I really appreciate your story and you taking the time to share with me, it is helpful. Please feel free to continue sharing.
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Aww, what a sweet comment by your granddaughter. 😍 It sounds like you have a wonderful family and that will mean a lot in the coming days. My husband and kids are also super supportive, but it is hard emotionally on everyone. I am sorry about your uncle. That had to be a very hard journey for everyone because it was such a reversal and so fast. I'm going to try and be on chat tonight, too. The regulars are super nice and made me feel really welcome when I joined in June, so I hope you feel the same way!
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