Feeling overwhelmed, can't stop crying.

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PatiD
PatiD CSN Member Posts: 2 Member
in Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin) #1

hello,

I was recently hospitalized and had to push my treatment back. Since this happened I cannot stop crying and feeling like a failure. I wanted my treatment to go by as quickly as possible and now I don't know when it will start again. My doctor also told me I should take off work until treatment is finished and now I don't know what to do with myself. Any advice would be welcome, I could use a big hug too.

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  • po18guy
    po18guy CSN Member Posts: 1,542 Member
    edited August 5 #2

    Sorry to hear this. The goal is to survive, correct? Many of us have had to extend treatment or stop it short of the full course. Doctor is reducing your risk of sepsis. Billionaire Paul Allen did not succumb to cancer, even though he had both Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma at different times. He succumbed to uncontrolled infection - sepsis. Infection can take a life 10X faster than the most aggressive cancer. So, let your body heal and strengthen!

    Failure? No way! You are surviving, living through cancer. I had to stop work at the two-month point in a four-month treatment involving two regimens. I focused on healing and work-related issues took care of themselves. In the states, you can apply for Social Security Disability at any age if you become disabled. On-going treatment is certainly a disability. When and if you apply - fairly easy online - your application is expedited when you check "cancer" as the reason.

    Do you have family, friends, co-workers, or neighbors for support? They may not always have the exact words you need to hear, but their hearts will be in their support. That alone can be great comfort. Chin up, and fight for what is worth defending!

  • TonyF747
    TonyF747 CSN Member Posts: 3 Member
    #3
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1723894#Comment_1723894

    You are so right about infections. I've had sepsis twice already and almost checked out the first time. That was 15 years after one 6 month course of chemo for lymphoma.

    My best friend was going through chemotherapy for a different type of cancer last year at the same time I was dealing with a recurrence of my cancer. He said that the cancer probably won't do us in, but an infection.

    So, PatiD just trust that the doctors are taking the necessary steps to ensure that you will be able to continue safely your treatments. All my best wishes to you and I'm giving you a big hug. 🫂

    po18guy gave you great advice. Just know that there are people on here that can relate and that really care about each others journeys.

  • archangel724
    archangel724 CSN Member Posts: 11 Member
    #4
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/329581/feeling-overwhelmed-cant-stop-crying

    Hi PatiD,

    I feel so horrible for u but PLEASE don’t ever think that you are a failure! You are like all of us, a true warrior! It’s not each skirmish that counts but winning this war we unfortunately never asked to be signed up for. U got excellent advice from PoGuy18(he’s awesome). The main thing is to listen & trust your Drs, your only job is to let your body heal & get strength back.
    I feel bad, I’m a luckier one who’s worst concerns were treating a uti, tooth infection & severe neutropenia after each treatment. The neutropenia (white blood cells critical) had also sidelined my treatment for almost a cycle & I too cried, afraid of losing any time fighting this beast. Begging my Drs not to withhold it, terrified at Stage 3 it would spread. I had to trust in their experience & judgement that they knew what was best and wouldn’t let me get too off track, but your overall condition & whatever strength we can hold on to, is so important for the fight. Once u get better, ❤️‍🩹 u will get back on track hun. It’s a delicate dance but hey, that’s why they get the big bucks right? 😉a stupid attempt to make u smile, even at my stupidity. They know what’s best for you & your body rn. I’m so sorry I can’t b of much help. I’m going through my first time, diagnosed in February 2025 & very naive but this is a very caring, supportive place, with great people who have been warriors long b4 me.
    I am sending u that big big hug 🤗 along with my thoughts & prayers that u will get better ❤️‍🩹 soon & back on course when you’re ready. U could NEVER b a failure so please don’t say u are. If we all had control over our bodies, none of us would be fighting this war. It would never has entered our lives. But we continue on as best as we can. Please keep us posted when u feel stronger. All my best. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • archangel724
    archangel724 CSN Member Posts: 11 Member
    #5

    FORGIVE me please..it’s po18guy NOT poguy18! See chemo brain! 🧠 He’s awesome.

  • po18guy
    po18guy CSN Member Posts: 1,542 Member
    #6
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1723904#Comment_1723904

    I have a T-shirt which says "I have chemobrain. What's your excuse?"

  • archangel724
    archangel724 CSN Member Posts: 11 Member
    #7
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1723906#Comment_1723906

    lmao!! Omg I SO need that shirt!! But I find myself using that excuse far too much! Now without offending anyone, shouldn’t b/c I’m honestly offering myself up as the first of this group, “excuse what the chemo did to my already blonde brain” double whammy! 🤣 boom. You’re really the best! Hmm maybe I need to research if Bendamustine causes dyslexia. Again, no offense anyone. We HAVE to LAUGH. Especially together. Nobody else gets our humor(mine was always dry n kinda dark) but only all of us together, who truly understand what our lives are like during & after cancer can understand. A lot of jokes I make, my 25 yo son says “c’mon mom” like HE’S offended! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’m the one with lymphoma, get over it, at least I amuse myself. (Blonde lol)

  • PatiD
    PatiD CSN Member Posts: 2 Member
    #8

    thank you all for the wise words, the hugs and the laughter. You all made my day much more bearable. Got the okay from my doctor to resume treatment on Wednesday. I’ll keep you posted! Thanks again! Pati

  • archangel724
    archangel724 CSN Member Posts: 11 Member
    #9
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1723908#Comment_1723908

    Hi PatiD. That's excellent news! How are u feeling? Ik it’s still going to take some time for your strength to come back but if you’re back on track for Wednesday, I’m very glad that you are past the worst. Are u out of the hospital? Just take 1 day at a time, listen to what your body needs and rest when u need to! Take good care of yourself, first & foremost. Please know we are all with u & only a message away! Sending more hugs 🤗 and prayers. Please do keep us posted when u are able. Wishing u all the best!

  • gaumondd
    gaumondd CSN Member Posts: 1 *
    #10

    Hi PatiD ,

    I know how tough this is. Been there, doing it. You do need to listen to your body . I would sit in my chair after each chemo and the days following and give it to God because I didn’t know what to do. I am in remission, 7 months and my life is getting back to normal, with naps each day. Getting use to the new me, chemo curls and all. We are all here to support you I just joined today,I wish I had earlier. Sending hugs and prayers as well.

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