A TRUE LOVE STORY

papajohn1000

People always talk about true love stories, most of them being fiction, but this is mine and it is true. My name is John and I want to talk about my and my wife's battle with cancer, how it affected both of our lives and how our faith was not broken at all.

I met Gail at McDonalds in Winston-Salem, NC where we both lived in April of 2011. She was 5' tall and full of energy hopping out of a F-150 with a big smile. We talked and talked and I felt it was love at first sight. That Christmas, we were engaged and married at a little country church at Glade Valley, NC where I graduated from HS on Sept 8, 2012 in front of family and friends. My son and 2 grandchildren were there as well as her 2 daughters and son and we became a blended family.

In 2011, Gail discovered a lump on her right arm and went to a cancer doctor and he found it was cancerous. He operated and removed that lump and 9 lymphnodes. The only chemo she needed was sunscreen he jokedd

Moving on to March, 2017 when we noticed that her hands were shaking. We were living in Richmond, Va. there where I was working and she had retired. She went to the doctor and she was admitted for tests. 4 tumors were found in her brain and another under her right arm. Terrible news. Stage 4 brain cancer with no cure. Her doctor informed us that there was no cure and she could give us 1 month, 6 months, or a year. We were shocked and crying as she stepped out of the room while we talked and prayed. Cancer had already hit our family when our oldest daughter, Mindy, was found to have stage 3 cervical cancer in Sept the previous year and now this. We called Mindy and decided to have the tumors removed. Tests showed the cancer had not spread except to the brain and that the lymph node was the culprit. The surgeon removed the tumors from her brain and left the one under her arm. Gail handled like a trooper, smiling, laughing working with her tablet like the surgery was nothing.

She didn't need chemo but had immunotherapy. At first it did well. I hired a aide to come take care of her while I worked after her son left and the two of them got along great. We had family and friends visit and call. We went to church one time and the minister said a prayer over her but we knew that it wouldn't last.

July, Gail's appetite was going away. She could hardly walk They had upped the imuno therapy and that made her worst. The decision was made to take away the medicine and put her in rehab center to get her strength back so she could walk. I was there everyday after I had worked 8 hours, jumping as the phone rang hoping it wasn't about her. Towards the end of July, she got worst, wasn't eating and her blood pressure was real high. She was taken to the ER and was found to be deyhydrated and admiited. We decided to move her to another place which was the right move and they took over her care.

That became the beginning to the end. Gail was not eating much and drinking more but the sign of coming to the end of her life was there. Days moved on where she became where she saw things that weren't there, wanting to go shopping, and wanted to go home. We had a little dog that loved her mommy and everytime I went she went to visit..

On the 3rd of August, we renewed our vows. Our minister came to hospice and did it short and sweet. I loved that woman very much and prayed more than I ever did to please stop her suffering. A big test of my faith was going on.

The last week leading up to the 17th of August was just sitting there in a chair, watching her sleep. I knew something was going to happen. Mindy came up to be with her mother and then John and Karla (son and wife) came up on Thursday as well as my best friend Paul The 17th was a long day. We went across the street to eat supper and came back Mindy went back to her hotel room and i sat in the chair beside her bed. Someone then said she's not breathing. I got up and went outside into the hallway while people came in and checked. John came out and told me she was gone. My life was turned upside down

The rest of that evening, I made phone calls to Hospice and the minister whose wife came to help. Family members were notified, we finally found a place to take her to be cremaated and then waited. Gail died at 6:30 Thursday night and was taken away at 1:30 am the next morning.

John drove Paul and I back to our apartment and I petted the dogs who were going home with Mindy the next day. I was tired but had a lot to do. I got on Facebook and made the announcemnt that Gail was dead and free of cancer and pain. I then went to bed.

The next morning, Mindy picked up the dogs and went back to Winston. Plans were a memorial service on that Sunday at our church in Richmond and then Labor Day Sunday in WInston-Salem for friends and family who couldn't make it to the first one. I went with John and Karla to sign the papers to get her cremated and paid them. Then back to where I picked up my car and I ran some errands. I prayed to God to give me the strength to get this horrible thing happening in my life. I went to where I worked and told them where I could take as much time off work as I wanted. Home and worked on the obituary sending one to the Richmond Times and Winston-Salem Journal to be published on Sunday. The rest of the time I don't remember. Paul was there to help me as much as he could. We prayed and prayed.

Sunday came and the memorial service was perfect. Singing, people talking about Gail, and then I got up in front of the congregation and talked. This was planned by the two of us before she died and I got thru it with no notes and straight from my heart. I felt Gail right beside me and cheering me on. Short and sweet. We left after hugs and went back to my place. John, Karla, and Paul had to leave and I was left alone. I stood outside, all alone, thinking NOW WHAT. I thought I was prepared but I wasn't. I prayed to God to help me thru this. Still hadn't given up.

The next couple of weeks were a blur. Getting the death cerficates copies for the life insurance compnay, bank and apartment complex. People sent flowers and gave support. I picked up her ashes the Monday before Labor Day and then took the train to Winston. She always wanted to ride the train and unfortunately it was the last trip she made.

Friday, I went to the court house to check on her will that nobody could find. I knew that I had drawn up wills for both of us. Couldn't but there was no estate and everyone knew what was going to happen with the life insurance money. Her kids would a 1/3 rd each and I got the rest to put back in my savings account.

Labor Day Sunday came and another memorial service. A large crowd filled the church and the minister that married us did the service. Again, I got up and spoke and Paul had to finish a poem that I had found. Monday, I went back to Richmond to try to get my life back together. Still praying to God for help and guidance.

People say that man has gone through enough. I thought so but God had a plan for me that I didn't expect. A year later, I was dianosed with PTSD and tremors from losing Gail and lost my job. I moved back to Winston to live with my mother until I could find another place to live and a job. That didn't happen.

Fast forward to 2021; I was going to have my left knee replaced. I went to get my blood drawn and my doctor called stating I need a blood transfusion and that my PSA was high No knee replacement and in November,, I was found to have stage 3 prostrate cancer. No surgery but radiation therapy which went on for about 2 months and I was cancer free Thank God. I got to ring the bell and was happy.

Fast forward to Feb of this year. I hadn't been having any bowel movements and bad headaches Doctor wanted to do blood test and told me more blood transfusion again.I went to the ER and they admitted me because of the transfusion and suggested a colonostomy. I agreed and the next day they gave me the stuff to clean me out. All it did was make me sick and nothing. I kept on trying but they sent me home and called the doctor.

The next week, drinking didn't help and put me in the hospital Three enemaes and a ct scan found a mass in my colon. I was moved to another hospital on Friday and surgery on Saturday. They found a tumor the size of a plumb, removed that, 27 lymphnodes and a pollyup that they left alone. Of course I got the bag which I hated and still hate now. 5 days in the hospital and I came home. Karla was going to be my nurse changing and emptying my bag and doctor apts.

April came around and trouble happened again. I wasn't feeling good not eating or drinking. Lethargic and went to bed. Karla came by early the next morning to check on me and I was talking out of my head with one open and the other closed. She called EMS and they came and took my temp that ran 104-106. Back to the hospital, where they found I had COVID. I had no idea what was going on for 21 days until I came out of it. I had also developed a staff infection.

I was sent to a rehab center home to learn to walk, talk, and dress my self all over again. I could hardly get out of bed. I ended back at the hospital for that staff infection and then back to take medicine for 25 days Then back to the home where I had PT, OCT, everyday but Saturday and Sunday until I got better enough to go home.

Nothing changed PT twice a week, Karla taking care of my bag and waiting to start chemo.. Fortunately, it had been too long after surgery for it to do any good so I would not have it.

It is the end of August as I sit here writing this story. I go get a colonostomy on Sept 13 (happy birthday since the 12th I turn 73) and if everything is good the bag will be removed. Checkups to continue and place everything in God's hands.

I write this story in the hopes it will help other people fighting cancer giving them hope alon with their families. I use Jim Valvano's famous words that say NEVER GIVE UP DON'T EVER GIVE UP as a motto. I place my life in God's hands knowing that he will show me the way and Gail is in heaven rooting me on.

I want to thank some special people who helped me thru this happening. I thank my son John and his beautiful and loving wife, Karla, who is an angel in all my families eyes for what she has done over this last 9 months almost. I thank my mother, brothers Mike (Karen). Jimmy (Nancy) and my sister Penny ( Hugh). ,my best man and friend Paul,. all the ,medical people who took care of me and other friends and family.

The only words I can tell people fighting cancer is to NEVER GIVE UP and put everything in God's hands. Don't keep your feeling hidden inside you Talk to people You will find that everything fighting cancer s family. Good luck and God bless. I also want to thank that special person in my life who is in heaven rooting me on being with me in spirit as I fight this dreaded cancer and that is Gail Kae Hargrave French Parham who has been in heaven 7 years now and helping me thru this trying times.

God bless all of you

beaumontdave

That's a tremendous tale of loss and survival, and I hope the very best for you from here on out. My 3b CRC diagnosis came 14months before my wife's stage 4 Glioma, so we battled it all together. She survived 6 1/2years, functioning quite well until the last 5-6 months, and her death on 4/30/15, was a peaceful one. I'm still kicking and free of any cancer, but I know I had PTSD for a good while, and counted NED time for the 5 years after, until 2019, and still recall all we went through, on occasions just like today. Take care……………..

papajohn1000

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1717793#Comment_1717793

Thank you for your response It was what I had hoped for Gail's story I started to write after she died but got too emotional I too suffer from PTSD from her death but after my battles with cancer it needed to be told God bless yu and yours