Oh how I wish for my life back...

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  • Wantafriesian
    Wantafriesian Member Posts: 6 Member
    #22

    Recently I have had to transition my opiate. It’s not been fun. The recommendations I get from experts don’t matter locally. My pain Dr is skeptical, he has put me on something I know I have tied in the passed. Just because you have a center diagnosis doesn’t mean you can use what works best for you. That’s one of my more frustrating issues. My pain can be crippling at times. I try to distract myself with having animals. I had two of the worst chemo given to a point I couldn’t finish all the treatments. All it gave me was a stabilized tumors. Never knowing when and if they will become aggressive again. Also being a high possibly of other cancers due to the treatments I was given. Veins done for, but there is no end to blood tests. Also frustrating no will use my power port. Why I went through the pain and agony to get my old one replaced while being totally awake!!!! Felt like a animal being used for testing. I used to horseback ride. My one true pleasure only to have it taken away from me by the doctors. Now I get to watch my horse deteriorate in the field. You feel alone, you’re not. I live in Georgia I try to keep an upbeat attitude nothing gets me down. Try is the opportune word. You can push people away from being sick. Frustrating healthy people don’t understand. Reach out Always have someone you can talk to. I’m here….

  • midnightbreeze
    midnightbreeze Member Posts: 4 Member
    #23

    I wanted to come back and update here. I am now 9 months post chemo, and as of mid July I was NED ("no evidence of disease") as that is how my gyn onc gives the news these days. I am grateful for sure to be NED! I am working with a physical therapist and regaining my strength and rebuilding my body/health. My next check will be in mid October. I am trying to live in the moment. I do notice that I am so, so happy the day they say I am NED, but then almost immediately my mind goes back to thinking but what if it comes back today or tomorrow or next week. For how long can I answer that I am NED before I don't know for sure again? Does that make sense? Anyway, at the moment, I am able to be here to take care of my family and for that I am so very, very grateful. Emotionally, I definitely have my up days and down days. Today I had a big cry. Sometimes those help, and sometimes they just give me migraines. Sigh. My hair is growing back ever so slowly. It was straight and brown before, and it is curly and gray now. But, hey, it's hair and I'll take it! My PCP added a diagnosis of PTSD to my file. With all we go thru as cancer patients, I imagine many of us have PTSD. I want to thank each of you who posted messages to me. I'm not on here very often, but I appreciate each of you.

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