Help hubby wants to end treatment early

Options

i am at a loss as to what to saY.  Hubby wants to ask to end his treatments at 4 weeks, heal and then see if they got it, then if not repeat the 4 weeks. He is only stage 1 with no lymph nodes involved. Just right tonsil. He is stubborn and I feel doesn’t want to really deal with the mounting side effects, not to mention he is anxious to get to our summer cabin to get it opened and ready for his upcoming hunting season this fall... ugh I don’t even know what to say to him... advice????

«1

Comments

  • johnsonbl
    johnsonbl Member Posts: 266 Member
    Options
    It doesn't work like that.

    Even HPV related disease isn't something to mess with.  If he's well enough to get your cabin opened then he's well and strong enough to tough out the treatment.  Hunting season sucks when you're dead.

     

    Brandon

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,315 Member
    Options
    Hey This Stuff Is Nuthun Ta Fool With

    I'm sure your husband had plenty of screenings, xray's, and a PET scan. With this, his team came up with the best treatment plan with the right amount of chemos, and the right amount of rad treatments to eradicate this disease from his body giving him no more and no less than needed to get him cancer free. If he doesn't finish the prescribed amount of treatments he is only kidding himself and being foolish. If he's in treatment he should finish-why not. He needs to realize many and actually, most times as My Radiologist told me  "THIS IS A ONE SHOT DEAL" so in many and most cancer situations you got ONE good chance to GET IT AND GET IT RIGHT there are no DO-OVERS. so if you decide that what the skilled cancer doctors that deal with cancer cases every day have prescribed for your particular cancer case is OK for you to alter and decide what's needed then you are being foolish, to say the least. This is not a game this is life and death. Finish your treatment, do the whole prescribed course and give yourself and your family your best chance for YOUR survival. Like johnsonbl said -well sorta that it's tough huntin under 6 feet of earth or basically tougher huntin from that side of the sod as opposed to the side were on now-God Bless-Take Care-DO IT. 

  • ricksmithgolfer
    ricksmithgolfer Member Posts: 87 Member
    Options
    Please reconsider and get 2nd opinion

    4 weeks of treatment is only 20 sessions of radiation. At 2 greys per session that is only 40 greys total. That is most likely not going to kill the cancer cells. New studies are being conducted for lowering total greys to 54 versus the max of 70 only if his cancer is HPV Positive, which you do not mention. If HPV Positive this might be an option since he is only effected in one tonsil and no lymph nodes.

  • SuzJ
    SuzJ Member Posts: 427 Member
    Options
    He needs to just do it

    I can hear the fear that he's hiding from you, in his words.

    As everyone else has said, thats not how treatment works. I obviously dont know your husband, I don't know if hes the kind you can just tell "suck it up, be a man" or the kind you have to baby along. Everyones different. Its all in the mindset, he sounds scared.

     

    I do know, that if he came here and read what we say, he might, change his mind. Doctors do not map out a treatment to hurt us, or for the good of their health, its tried and true practices, that teams of Drs put into place.

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    Options

    Please reconsider and get 2nd opinion

    4 weeks of treatment is only 20 sessions of radiation. At 2 greys per session that is only 40 greys total. That is most likely not going to kill the cancer cells. New studies are being conducted for lowering total greys to 54 versus the max of 70 only if his cancer is HPV Positive, which you do not mention. If HPV Positive this might be an option since he is only effected in one tonsil and no lymph nodes.

    He hasn’t discussed it with

    He hasn’t discussed it with his dr. yet. So I am hoping he will listen to him. Yes it was HPV16 positive. And caught early and yes, I agree, the dr. Came up with the plan based on his biopsy, and PET scan. After that they eliminated the Chemo and have him on this plan. He is VERY strong willed, which is good in some respects, but he also lost some time because he was Looking for holistic alternative treatments. I finally told him I would support holistic in ADDITION to traditional treatment. I am so not in favor of him ending sooner and hoping they got it all... is it easy? Heck no, will it save his life? Heck yes... thank you for the support. 

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    edited May 2019 #7
    Options
    SuzJ said:

    He needs to just do it

    I can hear the fear that he's hiding from you, in his words.

    As everyone else has said, thats not how treatment works. I obviously dont know your husband, I don't know if hes the kind you can just tell "suck it up, be a man" or the kind you have to baby along. Everyones different. Its all in the mindset, he sounds scared.

     

    I do know, that if he came here and read what we say, he might, change his mind. Doctors do not map out a treatment to hurt us, or for the good of their health, its tried and true practices, that teams of Drs put into place.

    He is kind of unique..

    He is kind of unique.. telling him to suck it up definitely isn’t the right approach, but babying doesn’t work either as he always tells me he’s not a child... i admire his strength and reading your words that he is hiding his fear from me really made me see it. When I began reading about this whole process and what he was going to have to go through absolutely horrified me for the journey he was about to undertake... all I want to be able to do is be there for him, say the right things, or not say anything at all and cook what ever I can that he can get down. I feel so helpless at the moment. Thank you for your reply, it has helped. 

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    Options
    johnsonbl said:

    It doesn't work like that.

    Even HPV related disease isn't something to mess with.  If he's well enough to get your cabin opened then he's well and strong enough to tough out the treatment.  Hunting season sucks when you're dead.

     

    Brandon

    thank you for that reply, I

    thank you for that reply, I may just put it to him that way! He‘ll Get mad at me, but he will have to get over it. 

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    Options
    wbcgaruss said:

    Hey This Stuff Is Nuthun Ta Fool With

    I'm sure your husband had plenty of screenings, xray's, and a PET scan. With this, his team came up with the best treatment plan with the right amount of chemos, and the right amount of rad treatments to eradicate this disease from his body giving him no more and no less than needed to get him cancer free. If he doesn't finish the prescribed amount of treatments he is only kidding himself and being foolish. If he's in treatment he should finish-why not. He needs to realize many and actually, most times as My Radiologist told me  "THIS IS A ONE SHOT DEAL" so in many and most cancer situations you got ONE good chance to GET IT AND GET IT RIGHT there are no DO-OVERS. so if you decide that what the skilled cancer doctors that deal with cancer cases every day have prescribed for your particular cancer case is OK for you to alter and decide what's needed then you are being foolish, to say the least. This is not a game this is life and death. Finish your treatment, do the whole prescribed course and give yourself and your family your best chance for YOUR survival. Like johnsonbl said -well sorta that it's tough huntin under 6 feet of earth or basically tougher huntin from that side of the sod as opposed to the side were on now-God Bless-Take Care-DO IT. 

    I hope his radiologist is as

    I hope his radiologist is as frank with him. he kind of got off on the wrong foot when he attempted to tell the radiologist that he had found an alternative treatment that he wanted him to look at... it didnt go well. But 2 weeks later he was back And ready to start treatment. Thank you I appreciate you answer. 

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    Options
    ERomanO said:

    If they don't get it all the

    If they don't get it all the first time some cells could metastisize and then he's got some serious trouble to deal with.  He needs to do the treatments... in full... and give up one year of hunting.  Or, open the cabin and have a great hunting season this year and that may be the last one.

    that was my thought... good

    that was my thought... good to know I am not just being a “non medical professional“ in my opinions of the treatmen. Thank you!

  • ERomanO
    ERomanO Member Posts: 319 Member
    edited May 2019 #11
    Options
    If they don't get it all the

    If they don't get it all the first time some cells could metastisize and then he's got some serious trouble to deal with.  He needs to do the treatments... in full... and give up one year of hunting.  Or, open the cabin and have a great hunting season this year and that may be the last one.

  • johnsonbl
    johnsonbl Member Posts: 266 Member
    Options

    thank you for that reply, I

    thank you for that reply, I may just put it to him that way! He‘ll Get mad at me, but he will have to get over it. 

    From your other posts...

    It sounds like he has HPV disease, likely had the tonsil removed and they are only prescribing radiation?  This is basically what I had done.  I didn't have chemo either because mine was caught early and they got the tumor out.  This treatment plan is the standard of care for low risk disease and is already a "lesser" course...the combination of chemo with radiation is MUCH more brutal.

    I did 6 weeks of radiation and the worst of it was 2 weeks after the last treatment.  Sore throat, hard to eat crunch stuff, sunburned neck...  Everyone is different but it's really a pretty good hand to have in the gamut of things they have to do to kill the cancer.  I worked all the way through, ate by mouth all the way through.

    HPV disease is very easily cured...you just have to do what they tell you.  And drink tons of water...when you can't drink any more water...drink more water.  

    Good luck.

    Brandon

  • ERomanO
    ERomanO Member Posts: 319 Member
    Options
    It may have been better to

    It may have been better to just sign on to the therapy and THEN find out all the gory details, which is what I did.  The only thing that my oncologist told me before starting was "Your cancer is very curable, but we have to beat you up pretty bad in thre process".  The word that I clung to was "curable" and the rest is history.  I know that some would think that this is a deceptive tactic, but I think they just don't want to scare people into forgoing conventional treatment and start eating apricot pits to cure their disease.

  • Logan51
    Logan51 Member Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    Beautious3358

    As stated, C is nothing to mess around with and if he came back positive- then back to tx he should go. 

    Over the years the one thing always advised against is to Google H&N images. Well, that only applies to people opting to go thru tx. If your Hubby wants to cut in half the tx advised by his Dr.s= have him do the Google thing. 

  • SuzJ
    SuzJ Member Posts: 427 Member
    Options
    ERomanO

    Thats all I heard at diagnosis too.. "curable"

     

    After that, didnt care what was done (except the feeding tube) - I wasn't being beaten. no how no way.

  • debbiel0
    debbiel0 Member Posts: 134 Member
    Options
    I also only remember the word

    I also only remember the word " cure" and the statement that it was the hardest treatment to go thru, but with the best results. I was worried/ sceptical/ scared, but had to put all my faith in  my team. It worked for me..

    But I understand what you are going thru with your husband. My husband is just starting treatment for the same cancer.  He is questioning, doubting, demanding second opinions, wanting more information.  Drives me nuts... he saw what I went thru. He doesnt want to do that.. but in reality, it is what it is.   Very difficult for you. Keep the positive attitude, as difficult as it is, and find yourself a support group. With us, or thru your local health care system.  I can honestly say, being on this side of the fence is more difficult on the brain!   Keep in touch, we are here for you!

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    Options
    Thank you

    thank you all so much for your answers. Being on this side of the fecnce I feel so helpless at times. 

  • kcasey44
    kcasey44 Member Posts: 9
    Options
    4 weeks is the worst part

    My husband just finished his radiation treatments 4/24/2019 so he is 5 weeks out and he is doing great now. The 4 week mark is exactly the same time that he started trying to bargain for less treatments as well. I think it must be the worst time. That is the week that he had to get a feeding tube placed because he couldn't eat by mouth and had lost 14 pounds from starting at 159. He begged all of us to stop and absolutely did not want a feeding tube. He was having radiation and chemo which was very intense. He had a 2cm tumor in one tonsil and one lymph node. The lymph node is why he also had to have the chemo.

    Please tell your husband that this is the worst time. It's like being in the middle of a tunnel. You look behind you and you see darkness, and you only see darkness in front of you, but if you keep walking soon you see the light at the end of the tunnel and it gets much easier to keep moving forward. That was a dark time for my husband, but he did get the feeding tube and inched forward (with a lot of despair and grumbling). He made it to the end 33 treatments (6.5 weeks) and felt so much better within two weeks. No more mouth sores and was able to start eating. Taste is just now coming back and he says he feels better every day since that two week post mark.

    Your husband can do this, but it is the toughest time so it's understandable that he wants to get off this crazy ride. He wants the cancer gone and this is the way to do it. They can get a CURE from this treatment and that's what he should focus on. The light at the end of the tunnel is coming up and he needs to keep moving forward.

    Take care of yourself as well because this was also the worst time for me. It was so stressful to have to encourage him to continue to do something that was so obviously awful, but absolutely necessary. Like childbirth, the middle can be the worst, but once you're done the pain stops.

    Sending you love and a big hug.

     

  • annie4145
    annie4145 Member Posts: 218 Member
    edited June 2019 #19
    Options
    How is your husband doing now

    How is your husband doing now?

  • Beautious3358
    Beautious3358 Member Posts: 11
    Options
    Treatment 23 today

    thank you all for the awesome support. He went today for his 23rd treatment. He drives himself, has remained physically active and when I push it socially active.  He doesn’t always want to go out with friends, but when a group gets together, we go, they are all so wonderfully supportive and he has a great time. It’s so hard so sit and observe him, I watch him just stare off into space, I watch him struggle with swallowing, I watch him force himself to choke down another smoothie, not being able to taste anything, no saliva, dealing with a bout of thrush, mood swings... I just never know what to say. I feel so helpless. Next week he starts 2 weeks of higher dose radiation and then it’s the beginng of the road to recovery. I go with him to dr. Appts, he fights it, but I don’t want him hiding anything from me.  He doesn’t realize that is harder for me than just knowing all the facts. 

  • whoisjohngalt
    whoisjohngalt Member Posts: 30
    Options

    Treatment 23 today

    thank you all for the awesome support. He went today for his 23rd treatment. He drives himself, has remained physically active and when I push it socially active.  He doesn’t always want to go out with friends, but when a group gets together, we go, they are all so wonderfully supportive and he has a great time. It’s so hard so sit and observe him, I watch him just stare off into space, I watch him struggle with swallowing, I watch him force himself to choke down another smoothie, not being able to taste anything, no saliva, dealing with a bout of thrush, mood swings... I just never know what to say. I feel so helpless. Next week he starts 2 weeks of higher dose radiation and then it’s the beginng of the road to recovery. I go with him to dr. Appts, he fights it, but I don’t want him hiding anything from me.  He doesn’t realize that is harder for me than just knowing all the facts. 

    you seem to be a wonderful, supportive wife!

    I am lucky to be married to a wonderful women as well. Her and my renewed faith in God got me throught this. Your presence is exactly what he needs. I'm sure he has found a renewed love and appreciation for your efforts. There is a long road ahead yet but he will succeed. How can he not with you as his partner?