The Cancerous husband

Kind Les

Seeing posts of people with supportve spouses and family is something we all would love to have, unfortunately some of us don't have. I would get dropped off at chemo. Two years ago I was told I had 1-4 years before all my chemo/ surgery, my husband out of the blue decided to move to Michigan to be closer to my living family, wasnt exactly his true intentions. I went through 11 rounds of full firi, had 4 major surgeries at once as a chance to make me possibly cureable than just treatable. It was a risk but one worth taking. I did well, however, I guess  that wasnt the outcome my husband and his friends were expecting. I found out towards the end of last year, few weeks before my surgery and right after, my husband stole my ira pretending to be me online. Money I talked about using to go on a vacation after all of this, because I have never really been on one. The bills, property taxes not paid when we had the money. My life before all finding out I had cancer was hell with mental, financial abuse. I just was never good enough and made to do things I did not want to do that were traumatic. I was almos amputated twice from other illness. Promises of change that never happens. It seems flirting with girls on all social media as a single guy and having a joint everyday is more of a priority and as long as I dont ever leave the house that is perfect for them. 

I don't understand how someone can treat someone like this and their friends also ok with, how I am treated, like a maid/servant. You would think someone would try to make the days better after this. I never knew how selfish people can be. My stress has been really bad, and it's not even from cancer, the sideshow that goes on keeps me this way. I've asked for a divorce and he won't give me one, unless I pay for it. He's done things in the past like making my tired slowly leak air, and making my car battery dead so when I could drive, I could not. I opened up to my family about most of the issues I have to face, some say I chose this life, which I did not.  I been through full firi, radiation, and another type of chemo treatment that I had to stop to get my port replaced and on a break to save up to pay for my chemo. It's taken me a bit to save up. It's just a hard hit, to know that no one cares about you, and looking inot my future seems bleak. I will be doig it alone, which I practically am. My husband only comes home to sleep. I'd love to move on and try try try to be happy, he did a good job at making sure I don't have any friends and it really sucks to start over. It would not be so bad if I did not have cancer, wasn't shy, and afraid to trust after being so used and uncared for. I know I am a good person and deserve better. I just feel so crushed and hoping things go better. 

cmb

Seeking Help

There is support on these boards and other places for your battle with cancer. I hope you're using these outlets fully. I've found that the cancer board members for my type of cancer really support other members. And my treatment center, like others that I've heard about, offers a number of free resources for its cancer patients that I've used during my treatment and post-treatment periods.

But hearing about your personal situation with your husband really hurts my heart. Please forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds on a non-cancer subject, but to an outsider like me, it sounds as though your relationship with your husband has veered into an emotionally abusive one. I don't have personal experience with this subject, but I know there are resources available for women in these situations. Please consider exploring these external resources, since your family doesn't seem to be as helpful as you need them to be right now.

If you live in the United States or its territories, one place you can start is here:

http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

I understand making a change wouldn't be easy, especially now, but you deserve to give yourself the best life possible and the best chance to get your cancer under control. You're already a warrior in your cancer battle. 

Kind Les

I been working with one. He

I been working with one. He refuses to move out, or give me a divorce. I saved up to do it, just been waiting for it to happen. 

feckcancer

Kind Les

please get away & stay away from him as soon as possible. find some one you trust to help you or go to a womens refuge. i truely believe toxic people encourage cancer. Honestly it is better for you to be alone than to be with him . you deserve better. concentrate on love from your family & friends , forget about romantic love and focus on getting better. if he loved you he would treat you with kindless. What he is doing isn't love and never will be. please trust me on this. please love yourself enough to leave. sent with love. xx

 

janaes

Boy that sounds really tough.

Boy that sounds really tough. I was in a bad marriage. My husband did finally move out and right after, with in a month i found i had cancer. I did have my extended family for support. I felt really alone though but was glad he didnt live with me. Even being seperated he was very rude and new the right thing was done br seperating because of the way he still treated me.

I hope this works out for you. Keep trying.