Caregiver and tired

cargirl Member Posts: 2

Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in April just before her 72nd birthday.  Dad had a stroke a year earlier.  I'm worn out.  I'm getting behind in the housework.  I try to do the right thing-after all, they took care of me when I was actively bipolar. Yet I end up feeling like nothing more than a good girl.  Brother is too busy.  I'm lucky if I can go to Starbucks for an hour.  I know I'm complaining-I don't want to.  I just need to talk.  I'm scared out of my wits that this will never end. Cry


  • Manontb
    Manontb Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2017 #2
    Good place to vent

    go for it, complain and cry a good cry and keep going.

    I do it to, no one is judgong you. It's hard work taking care of loved ones, and scary too! 

    I know how you feel.

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member

    Caregiving is hard and I learned as I was the caregiver for my husband for 5 years before he passed that you have to take time for yourself.  Your brother needs to take a more active part in this too.  We have 4 sons plus grown grandchildren but rarely did they bother and it hurt and still hurts.  Talk to your brother and tell him you need his help.  Don't worry about the little things, like housekeeping, it will be there regardless.  Look into getting some help, even if it is only a couple of hours a week.  Your health is important too.

    Please take time for yourself because you are important too.  I did scream, hollar and cry and would always tell my husband that I wasn't mad at him for anything, just the situation and thankfully he understood.  

    Wishing you peace and comfort.

  • Catholic
    Catholic Member Posts: 86
    Post comments any time on

    Post comments any time on this forum.  Complaining/talking is good and healthy for you.  Talk anytime.

    I wouldnt worry about housework.  If your behind, thats okay.  Leave the housework and give yourself a break.
    The whole process of taking care of someone while they are going through cancer is exhausting and you need
    breaks.  As a side note, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer when our youngest child was 2 years old.  We
    have 3 kids.  I didnt do housework for 2 years; until my youngest went to a 4K program.  I did laundry once in
    awhile and then heap the cleaned clothes in a closet.  The kids got up and scrambled for clean clothes from the
    closet floor.  Housework is nice and I enjoy a more organized house now, but taking time off and staying sane
    is more important.

  • cargirl
    cargirl Member Posts: 2
    edited September 2017 #5
    Today was a better day

    Today was better than yesterday. Finally made it to Starbucks. It's hot outside and I enjoyed a cool iced tea and an hour of journaling.  I'm a writer and I've got to write.  I write the good, the bad and the ugly.


    Mom might be done with chemo in six weeks.  Then a lumpectomy.  I'll be relieved when she's feeling better, not just fo her sake but for mine.  I have a lot of recovery, too.

  • TheTerry
    TheTerry Member Posts: 27
    Self-care for the caregiver

    I've been full-time sole caregiver for my kid sister for a month - but that followed a month in hospital after the unexpected news that chemotherapy had failed and there were no other treatment options. That followed my commuting 300 miles every three weeks through the winter to take care of her during and for a week after chemo appts. We live in different major Canadian cities. Fortunately, I'm semi-retired and single so have been able to basically move into my sister's house while upstairs neighbours take in my mail and keep an eye on my apartment back home. My sister has metastatic endometrial cancer; I learned in May that I too had endometrial cancer, and had surgery within a week of diagnosis. Surgery was all I needed since it was stage 1, grade 1, no apparent spread and caused by least aggressive cell type while my sister's was caused by most aggressive cell type.


    I'm happy to be able to help my sister. She's my best friend and I love her to pieces. Our youngest sister checks in by phone every few weeks but only with my sister and not with me. I go out for coffee in conjunction with shopping when a PSW is with my sister. So I get some breaks but this role is very isolating. I can't even figure out a time to talk to friends at home by phone.

    All the advice for caregivers says to get enough sleep and eat properly, which is easier said than done. So I try to allow myself to be proud of little successes, like buying a plastic drawer unit and organizing drugs, towels, bedding, etc.; staying on top of the laundry so there's always clean towels and sheets and clothes; and organizing my own record of her med sked, symptoms, etc. It sometimes feels pathetic to be so pleased with myself for such minor achievements - I'm an adult after all, 63 years old - but you have to take positive feelings where you find them.

  • jorola
    jorola Member Posts: 243 Member
    Not pathetic at all!

    I can't get that organized even now my husband is through his treatment and better. I think you are amazing!!! Wanna come to my house?

  • TheTerry
    TheTerry Member Posts: 27
    edited October 2017 #8
    jorola said:

    Not pathetic at all!

    I can't get that organized even now my husband is through his treatment and better. I think you are amazing!!! Wanna come to my house?

    Ha, jorola! It's easier at

    Ha, jorola! It's easier at someone else's house. You should see my apartment! On second thought, no you shouldn't...

  • jorola
    jorola Member Posts: 243 Member
    Keep that humour

    I swear it is what saved me and kept me going. I think yours is awesome!

  • Cgiver2MIL
    Cgiver2MIL Member Posts: 1
    I'm a caregiver too

    My mother in law was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in the spring and I'm her primary caregiver. I have an almost 2 year old daughter and my husband and I both work full time. I'm bipolar as well. It's hard not to feel alone. My mother and sister are hours away. I have to constantly remind myself of the good things: My MIl only lives two houses down from me, my daughter is too young to be affected by any of this, she mostly makes us laugh while we cry and my coworkers are very supportive and my job is semi flexable. I guess my point is that your not alone, it is hard, but to keep your loved one alive and happy through this is more important. Just wish the pile of laundry and dishes would disappear....oh well

  • Crying is a wonderful thing

    I never really knew how much pain you can release with a good old slobberin, messy cry.

    Hang in there, deep breaths.