Trying to cope with my dad's cancer..

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GTHOJ08
GTHOJ08 Member Posts: 11 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

I'm new to this and not sure where to start so I'll give you a background on my situatio.  I'm 26 years old and as of March 13, 2017 my family and I have found out that my dad has stage 4 colon cancer and it's spread to his liver.  His cancer is very aggressive and we have been told with treatments he will only be with us for the next 3-5 years, and without treatments he will only be with us for 1 year.  As the oldest child I am finding it very hard to cope with this news.  My dad has been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer back in August of 2016 but it's just so much to handle knowing he's now at stage 4 within months even with chemo.  

is there anyone out there who can relate to me?  My mom is taking this very hard and my dad is the rock of our family.. so as the oldest child I am trying to keep it together for the rest of my family.  I just feel so lost especially when someone asks me what's wrong I just get so emotional... my dad is being so strong and I just want to do my best and be strong for him.  

 

Sorry if there are any grammar or spelling errors it's late here and I just have so much on my mind.

Comments

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    edited March 2017 #2
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    Time

    Doctors cannot predict time til death except when using hrs or days.  I was 77 when dxed as stage2/3.  This summer I will be 85! LOL  It may be a bumpy road, but cancer can be beat.  Take it a day at a time and perhaps your father will outlive me.  Best of luck!

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,796 Member
    #3
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    Danker is right

    The Doctor's give a blanket estimate, but the patient can outlive that by years. We have folks here, of every stage, who are exceeding those figures. I myself am approaching my 'five years', and I'm doing extremely well. There are folks on the forum (many post very infrequently) who have had several surgeries, are on chemo or not on chemo who are out way past their five year expiratoin date. 

    Your father's death could very well be imminent, but it could also be 10, 20 years down the road. The only way to deal with it is to BELIEVE that it is 20 years down the road. 

    I decided (in fact, it was when I met Danker on the forum), that I would live until I was 82 (Dan was 82 at the time). That is my goal and I am going to reach it.  Wether I do or not, remains to be seen, but that is what is in my head.

    Its a rough road, no doubt about that. Chemo, radiation, its the pits. But it saves lives, or extends lives. That and a POSITIVE attitude, not only by the patient, but by those around them, really works. 

    So, my advice - While understanding that this is serious buisiness, move ahead with a positive outlook for the future. Your dad knows you are worried, but let him know you believe he is going to make it. When you are with him, be positive. Act normal. Fill his world (and yours) with all the love and happiness that is out there. 

    What a sweet daughter you are to come looking for help. We are here to do just that. 

    TRU

  • Annkat
    Annkat Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2017 #4
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    Trubrit has given some

    Trubrit has given some amazing advice. Her words were exactly what I needed this morning. I'm also the oldest in the family, trying to help my dad and my family deal with his cancer diagnosis. He was diagnosed with stage 2 back in 2011 and then with a local recurrence and peritoneal carcinomatosis last year. My dad is also the rock in our family so it's been very difficult. However, eventually you get used to this new normal and it gets easier to deal with. Keep yourself busy with things you can enjoy and if you find that there isn't anything you enjoy then find someone to talk to. Like Trubrit says, no one knows how long your dad will live. There have been many advances in the treatment of colorectal cancer and immunotherapy shows great potential. Maybe your dad will be able to benefit from new treatments. In the meantime, joining a forum like this where you can get great advice for you and your dad is a good place to start. Try to stay positive not only for your dad, but for yourself too. One day at a time has worked for me throughout this journey so far. Good luck, and I hope things get better for your dad very soon.

  • GTHOJ08
    GTHOJ08 Member Posts: 11 Member
    edited March 2017 #5
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    THANK YOU GUYS.

    Thank you guys for your great words of encouragement!  I am feeling much better after reading what you guys have had to say and I just spoke to my mom and dad about this, telling them and myself that it's gonna be ok, it might not feel like it is but it will be.  It's hard no one wants to hear the "C" word ever from the doctor but Annkat I hope you're right that it will get easier.  Thank you Trubrit and danker for your comments, I truly appreciate all of it and best of luck to the both of you on your journey.  I'm gonna try my best to stay strong for both of my parents especially my dad, I can't get too worried or it will stress him out even more.  We are currently heading down to get him disability so hopefully all goes well.

  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    edited March 2017 #6
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    Dx'd Stage 4 Appendix Cancer - April 2007

    One of the dr's I saw "gave me" a maximum of 5 years.  I'm here - several surgeries and treatments later, but I have an excellent (normal) quality of life, and plan to stick around a lot longer.

    Alice

  • GTHOJ08
    GTHOJ08 Member Posts: 11 Member
    edited March 2017 #7
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    Alice I'm truly so happy for

    Alice I'm truly so happy for you!  You're definitely a fighter!  Sending positive vibes your way.

  • blessed39
    blessed39 Member Posts: 90 Member
    #8
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    New at This

    Dear GTHOJO8, I was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer several years ago. I know the fear

    and unrest your are feeling. I am sorry you and your family are going through this, but let me assure you there

    is hope. I am living proof of that hope. I was so moved by my experience that I wrote my story entitled

    "How I Beat Stage Four Colon Cancer." If you would care to read it, my story is on my blog. I hope you find

    much peace and rest from my experience. God bless you and your family in this journey. blessed39

  • GTHOJ08
    GTHOJ08 Member Posts: 11 Member
    edited March 2017 #9
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    blessed39 I am looking

    blessed39 I am looking forward to reading your blog.  Your post has moved me and it gives me hope, it's very difficult right now but everyday I am trying to remind myself that this is God's plan and I have to trust Him.  Thank you for your kind words.  God Bless you.

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    edited March 2017 #10
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    I feel so bad for you! I

    I feel so bad for you! I honestly think it's harder on the caregivers than the person who has it. I hate that I have it but I'm glad it was me and not my husband. I'd be a wreck with worrying about him. And I couldn't have done some of the things for him that he's done for me. I'd have been physically unable or just have been too freaked out. He's changed my adult diapers when I was paralyzed in the hospital, he was the first one to change my ostomy bag when I came home from that surgery, he had to lift me out of the bathtub when I was out of the hospital but still unable to get out myself, he's given me the Heparin shots, there's lots more. The worrying would have been the worst, though.

    Like my surgeon says, they're coming up with new treatments all the time so if we have a few years there's still a good chance of something new to deal with it. And as we always say on here, unless his doctor is going to show up with a gun they can't say how long he has. The best thing you can do is be supportive and try to help him not sink into despair. Negativity is the enemy of health. There are plenty of stories on here of people who have totally defied the odds and are living well or living with their cancer. I think that's an important thing to think about. We often assume that a person's cancer has to be gone for the to sutvive it but many people have it and survive because it's kept under control. My oncologist says that's how I'll likely be. I'll live with my cancer as other people live with things like arthritis or things like that.

    My best to you dad. And to your family and you. This is such a difficult time and I hope you will find that it brings you all closer together.

    Jan

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
    #11
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    I was diagnosed 3b, had the

    I was diagnosed 3b, had the surgery, the chemo, 2 reoccurances in my liver, and I'm still here 9 1/2 years later with 2 years NED now. Forget those estimates and take things one at a time. Read the stories here, hope abounds..................................Dave

  • GTHOJ08
    GTHOJ08 Member Posts: 11 Member
    #12
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    Thank you Jan and Dave!  This

    Thank you Jan and Dave!  This forum has definitely helped a lot within such short time.  God bless to you all, you guys are truly the brave ones.

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    edited March 2017 #13
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    Worry

    It's ok to be scared and not sure what is going on.  Don't be discouraged as doctors just don't know.  Let the treatment continue and go from there.  There's always hope for everyone.  May God's blessings be upon your family.  Wish your dad the best in the future.

    Kim

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