So much anxiety

ambava33 Member Posts: 74 Member

Hey guys, hope you all are doing well. Since my diagnosis of Clear Cell Renal Carcinoma on Tuesday I have had so much anxiety. I am really trying hard to stay positive and strong, but I have these bouts of anxiety that just overcome me and leave me so fearful of what my life ahead is going to be like. I am only 33 years old and have taken care of myself very well, I feel like. I workout, eat well 80% of the time, never smoked, I do like my drinks but try not to over indulge to often and I just feel like my body is going to be covered in cancer. I can't stop getting scared about it and I know this is normal and I know no one can take this way but OMG I seriously cannot believe this is my life right now. I want this tumor out of me and March 27th can't get here soon enough.  My husband is being so amazning and talks me thru all of my weak moments and anxiety attacks but I just feel like I have no control and my body is going to fail me. I am so young, have young kids and want to be around for them for a very long time. Ughhh just so much stress and I am trying to keep it under control because stress is no good for my situation. Sorry guys just had to vent a little and you all know what I am going thru, no one else really can know how I am feeling. I did go to the gym today for the first time in two weeks since my biopsy, that felt good, but I can't help but think I am in this gym walking around with Cancer!!! I look at everyone now and wonder if they have cancer and don't know it. So over feeling this way!!!! 


  • Steve.Adam
    Steve.Adam Member Posts: 463 Member

    Hi Ambava,

    Your tumour won't get any worse in the short time before your surgery. Since you are young and healthy and having a partial nephrectomy your kidney function should remain good.

    But it sounds like your anxiety might be getting away from you. It might be worthwhile getting some medical or psychological advice. Massage or meditation might help, though it is almost impossible to meditate when your mind is racing.

    Actually, long walks can be very calming. Find beautiful places and try to look outward instead of inwards.

    I had a nice experience one evening just after learning about my tumour. I was out walking, feeling very agitated, when I stopped and saw the sunset. A sense of peace settled on me and I knew that everything would be ok.

    I wish that peace on you, too.



  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member



    Pretty normal to have a few ups and downs and be anxious between diagnosis and surgery. So far you've got everything going for you and after this you can help me with the newbies when you cross this bridge.



  • medic1971
    medic1971 Member Posts: 225 Member
    edited March 2017 #4
    Hang in there

    We all know what you are going through.  I had a five year old daughter at the time when my tumors were discovered.  Very few people know what you are going through right now, but those who post here do know.  You can always vent, post, and ask questions here.  

    Talk to your doctor about something for anxiety.  You may need something like Xanax for a short amount of time.  I used it just at night because that was the worst time for me.  I could keep busy during the day, but night was a scary time for, hell everything is scarier at 2 AM.

    Avoid consulting Dr. Google, most of the data online, which is free, is old and no longer clinically relevant.  Even the survival rates are grossly underestimated.

    You've got a lot of good things going for you.  You are young, you are healthy, your tumor is small, there is a very good chance you will get to keep most of your kidney, and you will be monitored very closely over the next few years so nothing will sneak up on you.  Because your tumor is so small you will be cured after surgery and that’s it, no chemo, no radiation, nothing other than follow-ups.  You got this!!!


  • Bay Area Guy
    Bay Area Guy Member Posts: 619 Member
    edited March 2017 #5
    It's normal to feel anxious. 

    It's normal to feel anxious.  Very normal.  And anyone that tells you they don't feel anxious before any kind of surgery is lying.  I agree with the others here on most of what's already been said.  Try to get out for some nice walks.  Try not to search the internet for anything and everything on the subject of RCC.  I did, and I can tell you from personal experience that roughly half of the sites you'll see will contradict what you read on the other half of the sites.  It's mind-numbing.

    Lastly, if the anxiety gets too high, you can always ask your doctor for a relaxant.  I use Xanax when I have to fly (I had a great fear of flying from 1978 to 2012).

  • ambava33
    ambava33 Member Posts: 74 Member
    edited March 2017 #6
    Thank you guys! I know this

    Thank you guys! I know this to shall pass! I do really have a good outlook for the most part on this whole crazy situation and I know in my heart I will be fine, but when that anxiety hits it hits hard! It's out of no where when it hits. I was in the store on Friday and it hit me, I got so anxious and honestly almost left my cart and walked out because I just couldn't work thru it, but I eventually got over it and moved on. I think I might talk to my doctor about it, but I don't like taking presciption pills and most likely will not go that route. I have had a lot of friends get addicted to them and that frightens me, but i do know they can help in certain situations if they are not abused and do not become an addiction. I like the walk idea and I do workout regularly, but haven't worked out in two weeks due to recovering from my biopsy and then then honestly getting the news last week that it indeed was cancer thru me off course. I started back at the gym yesterday though so I am hoping that wil help me out. I can't thank you all enough for chiming in and helping me thru this. Medic 1971 I watched that video and that was comforting and helped me understand a lot more. Thanks for sharing that. 

  • CRashster
    CRashster Member Posts: 241 Member
    edited March 2017 #7

    Been 9 months since my surgery. Still have anxiety.

  • Wife of kidney cancer fighter
    I can just totally understand

    I can just totally understand your anxiety! Sweetheart, be strong and positive! my husband suffers from anxiety and we are awaiting a surgery date for him! Lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way! 


  • marosa
    marosa Member Posts: 334 Member
    Hi Ambava,

    Everything you describe going thru your head at this moment I think defines how most of us felt!  I for one felt just like you, only I was 58 years old and not  young as you. You are so young, it seems even less fair but please listen, you will be fine!  That is a great thing that you went to the gym, I would really suggest some form of relaxation, meditation or breathing exercices as well, that helped me so much this week waiting for my check-up.   Sending calming and healing thoaghts your way.

  • hardo718
    hardo718 Member Posts: 853 Member
    Don't hesitate to ask for Xanax

    It's such a mild effect but really helps get one thru those days filled with anxiety.  Just takes the edge off without knocking you out.  Unfortunately, the anxiety kind of goes along with the territory, but it does ease up eventually.


  • Tesla1
    Tesla1 Member Posts: 46
    edited March 2017 #11
    Walking is a Potent Antidepressant

    Walking is the anxiety prescription for me and we are in the right time of the year for it unless you live in the arctic.  What part of the country are you in?

    What is the size of your tumor?

    Partial nephrectomy?


  • Jan4you
    Jan4you Member Posts: 1,330 Member
    {{{{  AMBAVA  }}}}

    {{{{  AMBAVA  }}}}

    You know WE understand!

    You are and can learn new ways to cope when that nasty anxiety starts to build up.

    Most likely it starts with a thought, a negative one. Then you give it power by releasing your much needed energy by listening to the  negative thought.YOU my dear can learn to get ahead of this anxiety and take CONTROL over intrusive thoughts in your mind !!

    You can and you WILL!

    Switch by changing your breathing. Fill up your lungs via your nose, then let that breath out S-L-O-W-L-Y through your mouth, lips apart, teeth not touching as if you just want to make a candle light flicker.

    Go somethere in your mind where you are in  a happy, secure place. A place that makes you smile.

    By changing your breathing you  gain control over your body, mind and thoughts. Try it!

    Practice this mindful breathing many times, before you start to feel anxious, so you can go to it right away.

    THEN count your blessings, accomplishments, talents etc. Remember you are what you think.

    You want to get ahold of your cancer, not let "it" control you.

    After all, why use up precious energy to LIVE by worrying?

    We're here for you.. all...the...way!!

    Hugs, Jan