Movies and Book w/ People Dying of Cancer
This has bugged me for some time. I feel like it's kind of a cop out. An easy way to get sympathy for a character and to make a movie sad. We watched the new one about aliens the other night, Arrival. The main character's daughter dies of 'something' but she's bald when she dies so it's obviously meant to be cancer. I couldn't even finish watching it. The subject of death and the last words of the Chinese official's wife were just too much. Sorry, I don't think I'm spoiling the movie for anyone but if you've seen it you'll know what I'm talking about. It made me think that my husband will have to think about that, my last words. And they'll have to be there when I'm dead in a hospital bed.
I'm so sick of reading books where someone dies of cancer or seeing it in movies. Enough already. Come up with another illness to use for a change, please. It's too hard. They never seem to get better in the books and movies, they always die. We need hope, not this crap over and over again.
I'm so tired of being scared and thinking about dying all the freaking time. I know we all die eventually but I'm so scared it'll be sooner rather than later and I'm terrified of suffering first. I don't know how to make this easier for my husband and daughter but I want to try to help as much as I can.
I had to go to the bedroom before the end of the movie and just sat and cried. My husband came in and held me and he cried, too. I hate this. I just freaking hate this.
Jan
Comments
-
Ditto
It has been a point of contention for me. It seems like no matter what movie or story, there is always someone fighting cancer. Nothing is safe. Some of my favorite movies I have had to walk away from because I do not want the reminder. I want to laugh and enjoy a film not ponder if I will look lik that in the end. It is an easy plot point for them and it drives me nuts.
0 -
Rotten fruit
Didn't see it, but thanks for your post, I don't need to see it. I believe it is important to surround ourselves with not only hopeful, loving people, but also hopeful environments and media is one of those constants which seems to invade our space, so to speak. I find that we must create our own spaces and when challenged by the world, whose view is not our own, we should reject it like a rotten piece of fruit from a tree. Throw it on the ground and move on don't spend much time looking at it or wondering why, simply find another tree whose fruit is sweet and healing. My comments seemed to have taken an existential digression, but in any case thanks for the post on the movie. Brian
0 -
Let the sunshine in.
Jan Jan I can totally sympathize with your post. IMO the best thing all of us can do is not let the depressing, sad movies, books etc into our world. No matter how popular that film or novel is. Avoid it. There are many funny, silly movies out there. even if you've already seen them; Steve Martins The Jerk, Peter sellers in The Party or any pink Panther movie, that crazy Zoolander that my kids watched a million times, just to mention a few. old sitcoms. Whatever floats your boat. walk away from whatever causes you distress
Enertainment should be entertaining and fun.
Peace
0 -
I had no idea it was coming
I had no idea it was coming in the movie. My husband and step son had seen it and were insisting I watch it. I didn't want to watch because it was about aliens and I'm not into space movies like they are. I had no idea it really wasn't that much about aliens and more about the situation in the life of the heroine. When I started to get upset my step son was saying 'they never said it was cancer'. Which is true but when they show a dead body and it's bald that's my assumption.
I'm just so tired of it all. This is the first period of time where I haven't been able to stop thinking about my cancer ad the met that's growing fast and the fact that right now I'm doing nothing about it. I think ablout it almost constantly and it kind of makes me mad. I've been able to either put it at the back of my mind or compartmentalize it before now. I started back to work yesterday and I don't think I'm going to be a good employee now. He's upset about a pateint not showing up for an appointment and it seems so trivial to me but I'm supposed to be all upset about it. It's not like we can do anything about it. My boss is a pretty good guy but he's wound pretty tight and while he spends tone of money and make huge money he frets about amall amounts. A hygienist got in troupbe for giving away a toothbrush for a patient who didn't have an appointment. "We can't keep giving things away, I won't make any money!" He's looking at buying an expensive new truck because he thinks they're cool. Last summer he bought a new Jag. He drives a BMW. He has a 1.5 million dollar house. Which is fine, he did the schooling and started the business and he makes a lot of money. Just don't be petty about small things.
0 -
Sad Movies
Jan so sorry you had to see this movie. They do seem to make a lot of sad movies concerning cancer.
Years ago I read about a guy that had some kind of terminal illness and he would watch three Stooges
movies and other old slapstick movies and hilarious shows. He filled his life with laughter and claimed he finally
go healed. I don't know if this is true or not, but it caused me to retain a good sense of humor. My faith
in Christ has given me a peace and freedom from fear that goes beyond understanding. If you wish you can read my story
on my blog "How I Beat Stage Four Colon Cancer." God bless you and I hope my story will give you some peace.
blessed39
0 -
NCIS
Tonights episode of NCIS is based around a girl dying of Cancer. Quite touching, though they went a bit crazy with the make up to make her look sick.
So much Cancer around, you really can't get away from it. If handled correctly, then it can be an education to folks watching, though it may be hard for those of us who are patients or care givers.
TRU
0 -
Art Imitates Life
While movies can often be sad, cancer used to be rarely discussed. Now they probably over do it. They use Alzheimer's disease a lot as well since there is more awareness of that disease. I know that talking about our death is often frowned upon, maybe try reading reviews (or have someone else do that) to make sure it's not cancer related might help.
0 -
Just a thought
Are there any support groups near you? It's always good to talk to other people face-to-face that are in the same situation as us. You are understandably worried and upset and I think the extra support would be a great help. Also meditation is really a great help. While it certainly doesn't make our problems go away it does help with that incessant chatter in our head and the negative feelings that we feel. I highly recommend it
Where I live we have a Center that is just for people and their families that are suffering from cancer They have yoga classes, meditation, group sessions therapy. I feel so fortunate to have it in my neighborhood it's a wonderful resource.
Peace
ps I hope you won't be offended when I say your boss sounds like a total jerk and I wish you could find another job with somebody who really appreciates the wonderfulness that is you!
hugs
0 -
Thanks, I've read your blogblessed39 said:Sad Movies
Jan so sorry you had to see this movie. They do seem to make a lot of sad movies concerning cancer.
Years ago I read about a guy that had some kind of terminal illness and he would watch three Stooges
movies and other old slapstick movies and hilarious shows. He filled his life with laughter and claimed he finally
go healed. I don't know if this is true or not, but it caused me to retain a good sense of humor. My faith
in Christ has given me a peace and freedom from fear that goes beyond understanding. If you wish you can read my story
on my blog "How I Beat Stage Four Colon Cancer." God bless you and I hope my story will give you some peace.
blessed39
Thanks, I've read your blog twice now. To be honest, I didn't find anything other than traditional treatment and a faith in God. Did I miss something?
0 -
Thanks Pam! You're sweet! MyPamRav said:Just a thought
Are there any support groups near you? It's always good to talk to other people face-to-face that are in the same situation as us. You are understandably worried and upset and I think the extra support would be a great help. Also meditation is really a great help. While it certainly doesn't make our problems go away it does help with that incessant chatter in our head and the negative feelings that we feel. I highly recommend it
Where I live we have a Center that is just for people and their families that are suffering from cancer They have yoga classes, meditation, group sessions therapy. I feel so fortunate to have it in my neighborhood it's a wonderful resource.
Peace
ps I hope you won't be offended when I say your boss sounds like a total jerk and I wish you could find another job with somebody who really appreciates the wonderfulness that is you!
hugs
Thanks Pam! You're sweet! My boss is okay but he's a boss and his priority is his business which is to be expected. His ife told me the other day to figure out a game plan for my future there and talk to him about it. She says he 'loves' me and will do whatever it takes to make me happy.
0 -
I agree that I should maybe
I agree that I should maybe talk to someone as I'm getting quite bitter about the cancer thing. I know what I've been through isn't half of what some people go through and I feel bad for whining. At the same time I feel like enough is enough and it's time to feel better, not continue to languish in this kind of twilight zone of not getting better or feeling healthy.
I hate it that my state of mental health is at issue. The last thing I want is to feel negative and impede my healing because of it. This is just crappy enough, I don't need worse. I go see the kidney doctor this afternoon about the stent and I'm so not looking forward to it. I know he's going to encourage me to do it but I don't want any more discomfort. I live with enough already.
0 -
No glam in cancer
I'm sick of the "glamourous" versions of cancer on tv, movies and in books. Cancer is ugly and at least my husband had no "loving last words" I recently saw photos of him our daughter took of him in the hospice facility and was shocked to see how bad he looked. I hadn't remembered him looking so bad since I had seen his decline every day. It made me glad we did not let people visit him in that condition, he would have hated people remembering him that way.
We all will die someday and I'm sure we all wish to go peacefully in our sleep. You have every right to be upset seeing cancer glamourized or however it is spelled. I get it.
Linda
0 -
'You look so good!'LindaK. said:No glam in cancer
I'm sick of the "glamourous" versions of cancer on tv, movies and in books. Cancer is ugly and at least my husband had no "loving last words" I recently saw photos of him our daughter took of him in the hospice facility and was shocked to see how bad he looked. I hadn't remembered him looking so bad since I had seen his decline every day. It made me glad we did not let people visit him in that condition, he would have hated people remembering him that way.
We all will die someday and I'm sure we all wish to go peacefully in our sleep. You have every right to be upset seeing cancer glamourized or however it is spelled. I get it.
Linda
Oh, how they lied!
I used to get told how good I looked during chemo. Now, when I look back at pictrues I see how sick, how yellow, how, how, hairless I was.
I am always happy to see you posting, Linda; but sad that your dear one had to pass.
TRU
0 -
Yes Linda. I'm so sorry asTrubrit said:'You look so good!'
Oh, how they lied!
I used to get told how good I looked during chemo. Now, when I look back at pictrues I see how sick, how yellow, how, how, hairless I was.
I am always happy to see you posting, Linda; but sad that your dear one had to pass.
TRU
Yes Linda. I'm so sorry as well. I hate how for so many it takes their dignity and humanity before it's done. If anyone is ever wondering, when I had the cardiac arrests from my blood clot I was told they tried to get me stabilized for ten minutes and were going to give up. When they arrived at the house I was in full cardiac arrest. The last thing I remember is the sensation of falling asleep, then nothing. No white light, no relitives who have passed calling to me or telling me I have to go back, nothing. I'm a little disappointed because I fully expect that to happen when I do pass. It would have been a great way to go, just too soon.
I was going to tell everyone that there had been a white light and all that after I woke up from the coma but then I was so messed up I didn't bother. Would have been a good trick, though.
0 -
JanJan63 said:
Yes Linda. I'm so sorry as
Yes Linda. I'm so sorry as well. I hate how for so many it takes their dignity and humanity before it's done. If anyone is ever wondering, when I had the cardiac arrests from my blood clot I was told they tried to get me stabilized for ten minutes and were going to give up. When they arrived at the house I was in full cardiac arrest. The last thing I remember is the sensation of falling asleep, then nothing. No white light, no relitives who have passed calling to me or telling me I have to go back, nothing. I'm a little disappointed because I fully expect that to happen when I do pass. It would have been a great way to go, just too soon.
I was going to tell everyone that there had been a white light and all that after I woke up from the coma but then I was so messed up I didn't bother. Would have been a good trick, though.
It would have been even funnier if you'd told them you saw roaring red flames.
TRU
0 -
Jan, your thread reminds me
Jan, your thread reminds me of hearing about a great tv show back in 08, but because the premise was a regular guy getting cancer and cutting loose, I couldn't watch it. After a couple of seasons I finally broke down and binge-watched "Breaking Bad" to get caught up, and I enjoyed the series right through to the end. Except for BB, I felt like you do, I didn't want to hear or see cancer stories. Even cancer treatment commercials made me wince, I didn't want even the word intruding on my peace of the moment, Cindy and I had more than enough reminders. Time has dulled my reaction to that stuff, but I know if it shows up again, I'll feel as you do, and avoid any of those kinds of stressors. Another thing that amused when I was younger, but no longer appeals is horror movies. Life has enough frightening realities without paying to suffer through 2 hours of invented awfulness. Oddly I enjoyed disaster movies back when, partly because the idea of the planet getting wiped out by one thing or another made cancer seem irrelevant. If something else was to get me, then all that emotion I'd invested in my diagnosis was a waste of time, which it is. I suppose it just illustrates my peculiar reasoning process. Anyway I understand your reasons and sympathize...........................Dave
0 -
Dave, you just reminded me ofbeaumontdave said:Jan, your thread reminds me
Jan, your thread reminds me of hearing about a great tv show back in 08, but because the premise was a regular guy getting cancer and cutting loose, I couldn't watch it. After a couple of seasons I finally broke down and binge-watched "Breaking Bad" to get caught up, and I enjoyed the series right through to the end. Except for BB, I felt like you do, I didn't want to hear or see cancer stories. Even cancer treatment commercials made me wince, I didn't want even the word intruding on my peace of the moment, Cindy and I had more than enough reminders. Time has dulled my reaction to that stuff, but I know if it shows up again, I'll feel as you do, and avoid any of those kinds of stressors. Another thing that amused when I was younger, but no longer appeals is horror movies. Life has enough frightening realities without paying to suffer through 2 hours of invented awfulness. Oddly I enjoyed disaster movies back when, partly because the idea of the planet getting wiped out by one thing or another made cancer seem irrelevant. If something else was to get me, then all that emotion I'd invested in my diagnosis was a waste of time, which it is. I suppose it just illustrates my peculiar reasoning process. Anyway I understand your reasons and sympathize...........................Dave
Dave, you just reminded me of how I felt for a long time after the surgery and abcesses and the infection in my surgical scar. I also couldn't stand to watch shows with people suffering. My husabnd likes Asian war movies and watches them whenever he can find one, even if it's just subtitles. I could barely stand to hear the screams and wails of people being killed. So yes, I fully agree.
I still watched Game of Thrones, though. Love that show. I should try Breaking Bad, I've never seen it. Thanks for the support!
Jan
0 -
I'm still scared
I'm still scared even after 8 years. There is not a day that I'm awake that I'm still not thinking about it. One of my main problems is because of the constant bathroom issues that I've got so that is a reminder every day. No cancer movies for me either - never will anymore, just can't do it. I'm one that worries so much about everything anyway so if there was one little thing wrong in the movie that a person experiences as a symptom - then I've got it. Terrible, terrible feeling. Just remember you are not alone. Hugs to you.
Kim
0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.8K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 309 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 397 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.4K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 792 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 237 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 61 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.5K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 539 Sarcoma
- 730 Skin Cancer
- 653 Stomach Cancer
- 191 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.8K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards