HPV from husband's affair

SoManyTears

I have been married 12 years. I accidentally caught my husband 56 year old having an affair. The affair lasted 15 months. The woman, an ex girlfriend,  lived just 3 blocks away and he was begging her for sex. They both swear they did not have sex, that it was only text, pictures and phone conversations. The woman died a couple of weeks ago from anal cancer due to HPV. I began to have signs of HPV 8 months after their affair ended and got a diagnosis of anal warts last week. My husband still swears there was no kind of sexual contact with this, or any other woman, since we've been married. What are the odds that he's not telling the truth? Could this just be a coincidence? I'm so confused about the exposure to symptoms information I read. I need answers! I have never been diagnosed with HPV before. I have been faithful.  Thank you.

mp327

SoManyTears

I'm sorry you are in this situation.  HPV can remain silent, without symptoms, in a person's body for decades.  In a lot of cases, symptoms start to manifest in the late 40's, 50's or early 60's, even though the virus may have been contracted years earlier.  Given that I do not know you or your husband's sexual history, it would be impossible to know where the HPV came from.  You say this woman was an "ex girlfriend" of your husband's, which, if they were involved sexually back then, he could have acquired the virus from her at that time, instead of just recently.  Anyone who has had sex with anyone else who has had other sexual partners before them is at risk for this virus.  That is why it is ramping up out of control these days.

HPV has many strains, only a few thought to cause cancer.  Genital warts are probably a sign that you have some strain of the virus and they should be removed, sent for pathology, and in my opinion, tested for HPV.  Strains 16 and 18 are the most worrisome.  I was never officially diagnosed with HPV either.  Yet, I found out in 2008 that I had anal cancer at the age of 54.  At that time, my marriage was well in to it's 36th. year.  I am still married, BTW.  Keep in mind that HPV also causes other types of cancer, including vaginal, cervical, tonsil, throat, and penile cancer, just to name the ones that come to mind.  I can not stress enough that it is not necessary to have had anal sex to have anal cancer, particularly for females.  Unfortunately, due to poor anatomy design, things are very close together down there and HPV can be innocently tranferred from one orifice to another.

I wish you the best and hope that these warts will be successfully removed and clear of the HPV strains that may pose potential problems down the road for you.

Martha 

mxperry220

Unfaithful

If I understand your statement you caught your husband having an affair.  The fact he has cheated on you makes his one question his truthfulness.  It might be time for you to re-evaluate your relationship with your husband. 

Mike

oncology12345

mxperry220 said:

Unfaithful

If I understand your statement you caught your husband having an affair.  The fact he has cheated on you makes his one question his truthfulness.  It might be time for you to re-evaluate your relationship with your husband. 

Mike

I read your letter and felt

I read your letter and felt so sorry for you. It could be just a coincidence of course but now for you it becomes an issue of trust. I caught HPV and visible warts in my twenties which is now many years ago and was diagnosed in my fifties, just a year ago, with a perianal squamous cell carcinoma in situ. I had been with my boyfriend at the time for years, living with him and was always faithful however he wasn't although I didn't know it at the time. I always foolishly thought that as I had had visible warts that I didn't have the more dangerous form of HPV and was shocked when I was diagnosed! It's not good news to have HPV but it certainly doesn't mean that just because his girlfriend died of anal cancer that you will ever even have it. Just make sure you deal with the warts and hopefully that will be the end of them.

Ouch_Ouch_Ouch

So sorry.....

I can tell how hurt you are and how betrayed you feel. I do hope, however, that your marriage is one worth saving and that you and your husband come out the other side even stronger. Do not be too quick to throw out the baby with the bath water. Couples counseling is definitely in order no matter what you decide to do.

I am going to broach a topic that could be difficult. You may want to stop reading now.

Have you considered that your husband and your friend were telling you the truth? You say that you've been married for only 12 years. Does that mean that you had intimate relationships before you met your husband? If so, your infection may stem from your past and not his. Once one develops an HPV infection (exposure doesn't automatically = infection), it lasts about 2 years or so in most people, then resolves on its own. For ~10% of those infected, the virus doesn't clear; they retain HPV in their tissues where it can manifest as disease in the years ahead (decades ahead for anal cancer). Unfortunately, during that initial infection, most people are completely unaware that they are infected and unconsciously pass it along.

It's estimated that at least 80+% of adults in the USA have been exposed to HPV in their lifetimes. Fortunately, as Ms Martha pointed out, only a couple of the 100s of HPV types cause human warts or cancer. And the types that cause 90% of genital warts (#6 & #11) do not cause anal cancer. According to eMedicine in their genital warts article: "...you can have symptoms from 3 weeks to many years after infection."

There's a study that found evidence of genital wart HPV on the hands of test subjects. Wikipedia quotes sources that have found possible transmission of HPV through contaminated objects. Talk about the potential to spread the virus! Although they may help some, male condoms are unable to prevent the spread genitally. (Female condoms are somewhat better at controling spread, though far from perfect.)

Please try to resist the impulse to point fingers even though you are so hurt. HPV is an extrenched, ubiquitous part of the human condition. There's really no telling where you got your infection - did your husband gave it to you or you to your husband - and there's no telling whether your husband has ever been infected with HPV at all, even if exposed.

Be seen, get the warts cultured so you know what type you're dealing with, be treated, and make sure to stick to any follow-up schedule your MDs advise. Please be an advocate for the children in your family by encouraging vaccination with one of the HPV vaccinces (boys and girls). HPV cancers are one group we truly have a chance of eliminating! And as an anal cancer victim myself, I am very sorry to read that the woman you and your husband knew has died of the disease. Condolences all around.

Resources ---
* HPV and Anal Cancer Foundation, "HPV" - http://www.analcancerfoundation.org/learn/hpv/
* American Cancer Society, "HPV and Cancer: What is HPV?" - http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancercauses/othercarcinogens/infectiousagents/hpv/hpv-and-cancer-info
* University of California at San Francisco, "HPV" (they mention HIV because they have a sub-specialty in treating anal cancer patients who happen to be infected with HIV; otherwise, the information still applies) - http://id.medicine.ucsf.edu/analcancerinfo/hpv/
* eMedicine, "Genital Warts (Human Papillomavirus)" - http://www.emedicinehealth.com/genital_warts_human_papillomavirus-health/article_em.htm
* National Center for Biotechnology Information: National Library of Medicine, "Detection of human papillomavirus DNA on the fingers of patients with genital warts" - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1758241/
* CDC, "Genital HPV Infection - Fact Sheet" - http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
* Wikipedia, "Human papillomavirus" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_papillomavirus

All the best.

Ouch_Ouch_Ouch

Some food for thought......

I listened to a recent Ted Talks Hour on NPR that had a segment called "How Can Couples Rebuild Trust After An Affair?" featuring psychotherapist Esther Perel who has a specialty in treating couples jarred by an affair. I immediately thought of you and your situation. You can listen to the segment, which includes some interesting points no matter what you decide to do about your marriage, then go on to watch to Perel's video on the Ted Talks website itself.

Breathe in, breathe out!

http://www.npr.org/2015/05/15/406455947/how-can-couples-rebuild-trust-after-an-affair

shamayim

HPV and affair

So Many Tears,

It is the worst to be betrayed.  I went through the divorce from hell that was by trial and appeal that took 4 years.  Each situation is different and you have to evaluate everything and maybe your marriage can be saved. Mine could not and I have found that eventually forgivness was what allowed me to move on.  I debated on contacting my ex about my cancer because of the HPV aspect and eventually I did.   We were together for 26 years and there is a good chance that we both have HPV.  It cant be tested for in men or by a blood test I decided to tell him I have cancer and he may be at risk.  Just because you may have the deadly strains like 16, it doesnt mean you will get cancer, only certain people do.  I told him for a warning not to ignore any unusual symptoms in areas prone to attack because these rare cancers often mimic things like hemmoroids or sore throats and that the web has lots of resources on the subject.  One question I still dont know is if an old infection that has already produced cancer is still "active" and able to infect a new partner. I believe the virus is always in your body but HPV virus has cycles of dormancy and early in the infection the body can shed and clear the virus.  I had a PAP test before my cancer treatments and my test results were negative which is great, but I feel the opportunity was missed when my anal biopsy was not tested for HPV.  I was told that to do so is not routine.  My asumption is that the cervical test would not tell me anything about the tissues in the anus, which seems like common sense.  If my anal cancer is HPV related its just the site that it decided to attack.  The HPV virus that causes warts is not the one that  causes cancer.  You may not have any "deadly' strains, and even if you do your body may process them effectvely and prevent them from becoming cancer.  I have forgotten where I found a simple chart that tells you what HPV strain does what, it might have been the CDC....  The test I had screens for 13 of the worst and I had my OBGYN send me the actual report to know exactly which strains and what type of test.  I am concerned for my current boyfriend because while condoms can help they cannot prevent HPV infection it is a mucousal skin to skin type of thing.  If a person is young enough they need to be vaccinated and prevent this.   Your tears are a normal part of the process, our response to pain whether it is physical or emotional and if it helps just cry your eyes out!  You will find your way and what works for you, it just takes time. I wish you the best.

Shamayim

 

 

 

 

Stephen2

shamayim said:

HPV and affair

So Many Tears,

It is the worst to be betrayed.  I went through the divorce from hell that was by trial and appeal that took 4 years.  Each situation is different and you have to evaluate everything and maybe your marriage can be saved. Mine could not and I have found that eventually forgivness was what allowed me to move on.  I debated on contacting my ex about my cancer because of the HPV aspect and eventually I did.   We were together for 26 years and there is a good chance that we both have HPV.  It cant be tested for in men or by a blood test I decided to tell him I have cancer and he may be at risk.  Just because you may have the deadly strains like 16, it doesnt mean you will get cancer, only certain people do.  I told him for a warning not to ignore any unusual symptoms in areas prone to attack because these rare cancers often mimic things like hemmoroids or sore throats and that the web has lots of resources on the subject.  One question I still dont know is if an old infection that has already produced cancer is still "active" and able to infect a new partner. I believe the virus is always in your body but HPV virus has cycles of dormancy and early in the infection the body can shed and clear the virus.  I had a PAP test before my cancer treatments and my test results were negative which is great, but I feel the opportunity was missed when my anal biopsy was not tested for HPV.  I was told that to do so is not routine.  My asumption is that the cervical test would not tell me anything about the tissues in the anus, which seems like common sense.  If my anal cancer is HPV related its just the site that it decided to attack.  The HPV virus that causes warts is not the one that  causes cancer.  You may not have any "deadly' strains, and even if you do your body may process them effectvely and prevent them from becoming cancer.  I have forgotten where I found a simple chart that tells you what HPV strain does what, it might have been the CDC....  The test I had screens for 13 of the worst and I had my OBGYN send me the actual report to know exactly which strains and what type of test.  I am concerned for my current boyfriend because while condoms can help they cannot prevent HPV infection it is a mucousal skin to skin type of thing.  If a person is young enough they need to be vaccinated and prevent this.   Your tears are a normal part of the process, our response to pain whether it is physical or emotional and if it helps just cry your eyes out!  You will find your way and what works for you, it just takes time. I wish you the best.

Shamayim

 

 

 

 

Warts

Too Many Tears:  I was diagnosed with AC Sept., 2013.  The first question from the surgeon was did I ever have warts.  I said no but my exhusband did.  He found that very interesting.  It had been many years since my divorce but as noted above, the virus can live for decades in your body.  I was lucky, it was a Stage2 with no surgery.  I wish I knew what to tell you, for me I strongly suspect my ex as I had always been faithful with never so much as any kind of infection that could have caused this.  With the help and support of your family and friends you will get through this.  Right now I am confined to a wheelchair as the radiation caused neuropathy in my legs and I cannot stand up at all.  I don't know if I will ever be free of the wheelchair  but I consider myself lucky when I read some of these posts.  I wish you luck and please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.  Stephen2

 

Ouch_Ouch_Ouch

Stephen2 said:

Warts

Too Many Tears:  I was diagnosed with AC Sept., 2013.  The first question from the surgeon was did I ever have warts.  I said no but my exhusband did.  He found that very interesting.  It had been many years since my divorce but as noted above, the virus can live for decades in your body.  I was lucky, it was a Stage2 with no surgery.  I wish I knew what to tell you, for me I strongly suspect my ex as I had always been faithful with never so much as any kind of infection that could have caused this.  With the help and support of your family and friends you will get through this.  Right now I am confined to a wheelchair as the radiation caused neuropathy in my legs and I cannot stand up at all.  I don't know if I will ever be free of the wheelchair  but I consider myself lucky when I read some of these posts.  I wish you luck and please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.  Stephen2

 

So very sorry.....

....to hear about the neuopathy. What is your prognosis? All my fingers and toes are crossed!