Husband having open neph tomorrow.

gunvy0407
gunvy0407 Member Posts: 2

This is going to not come out right, but bear with me. I've been reading all of your posts, and I am struck by how you are all just a lovely bunch of normal people. Normal, until one day everything changed, and one thing led to another, which brought us all here. Normal. Isn't that a funny thing. Suddenly, cancer is part of our vocabularies, and having an oncologist (WTF?!) is simply part of it all. 

He had no symptoms, and got diagnosed quite accidentally on Christmas Eve as a result of a CT scan for something entirely different. It's a big tumor, currently 'clinically staged' at 2. I guess tomorrow we'll know more, and then even more when the pathology report comes in. Pathology. Holy crap. Another fancy word we're using now.

It all feels so surreal, and I know it hasn't hit either of us yet. Or maybe we were expecting it to be a lot of wailing and carrying on like in the movies. I can't quite tell. Maybe this is what it really feels like, kind of numb, but still somehow present and moving through the days.

You're all so brave. I do hope that I can gather my wits about me and be a good advocate for him tomorrow and in the days to come.

Thank you for reading this.

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Comments

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    Yes, it's a surreal experience

    I will never forget walking through the door of a building marked "Sloan Kettering" and thinking, who, me? How the blank is this possible? Right up to the pathology report I kept hoping against hope that it will be benign but of course the odds were against me and it wasn't. You slowly except it that yes, no matter what a good person you are, no matter how much control you think you have over your health by eating right and exercising, $hit happens and unfortunately for us, that $hit was cancer. The new normal becomes focused on that, at least at first, and then slowly over time you realize it doesn't define you. You can't let it define you. So I'm wishing your husband the very best possible pathology report and prognosis and wishing you the very best while helping him through this. Hugs!

  • jason.2835
    jason.2835 Member Posts: 337 Member
    Surreal... Almost dreamlike.

    Surreal is the perfect word for it. In my case, it still feels almost dreamlike. It wasn't until the surgery was over and we received the path report that it all seemed to crystallize for me. That month and a half between the initial MRI and the path report is still hazy for me. Seriously. Like, there are things I barely remember and usually I have a very good memory. Looking back, I'm guessing my mind was occupied on other things... Just try to take it one step at a time, one day at a time and suddenly the surgery will be over, recovery will be over, and you will be able to get back to a "new normal" at some point. 

  • aamdsi
    aamdsi Member Posts: 284
    Surreal and a nightmare

    Found out about mine through an eye appointment.  But all in all, I am so throughly glad that I went in for that appointment! 

     

    Will say a prayer for you and your husband.  All will be fine.  Once surgery is over, yes he will always live with the "C" word over his head and in hisw thoughts...but not in his body 8-).

     

    Laurie

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    aamdsi said:

    Surreal and a nightmare

    Found out about mine through an eye appointment.  But all in all, I am so throughly glad that I went in for that appointment! 

     

    Will say a prayer for you and your husband.  All will be fine.  Once surgery is over, yes he will always live with the "C" word over his head and in hisw thoughts...but not in his body 8-).

     

    Laurie

    May the force be with you.

    I wish there was some majic to make everything right. The surgery and recovery will not be fun. Nobody here has fond memories of those events.

    Many here have made it thru stage 2 (tumors over 7 cm) and did very well for many years thereafter. Lets hope and pray that your husband is one of them.

     

     

    Icemantoo

  • Allochka
    Allochka Member Posts: 1,057 Member
    icemantoo said:

    May the force be with you.

    I wish there was some majic to make everything right. The surgery and recovery will not be fun. Nobody here has fond memories of those events.

    Many here have made it thru stage 2 (tumors over 7 cm) and did very well for many years thereafter. Lets hope and pray that your husband is one of them.

     

     

    Icemantoo

    I can totally relate to what

    I can totally relate to what you are feeling right now. My fiancé and I went through the same thing in November- December.

    I would advise to stay away from Internet resources telling about prognosis, etc for a while. Stick to this board, it is very positive and contains a lot of valuable knowledge. Post here helped me to calm down, hopefully they will help you too.

    And try to support your husband as best as you can. I was hiding my fear and pretending to be very positive all the time. I just thought that nobody would like to see his/her spouse being desperate, being sure of certain death. Not helpful for sure. But you will be scared - so come here for comfort.

    Time flies fast, and pretty soon surgery and pathology will be over, and things will start getting better. Stage 2 is not a death sentence.

    Good luck to you and your husband!

  • Best of luck tomorrow.  My

    Best of luck tomorrow.  My diagnoses last April/May was the third in a $hitstorm trifecta of bad things that happened in the first half of 2014.  My 47 years was a rather charmed life anyway, and it was time for a rocky year.   Please let us know how it works out tomorrow and during the recovery.

  • Jojo61
    Jojo61 Member Posts: 1,309 Member

    Best of luck tomorrow.  My

    Best of luck tomorrow.  My diagnoses last April/May was the third in a $hitstorm trifecta of bad things that happened in the first half of 2014.  My 47 years was a rather charmed life anyway, and it was time for a rocky year.   Please let us know how it works out tomorrow and during the recovery.

    It's not easy absorbing all

    It's not easy absorbing all this life changing information at once. I am glad you found this forum with all us normal people Sealed. It really is a great bunch ofpeople here and we will help you through this.

    All the best to you and your husband for a speedy recovery. I will keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs

    Jojo

  • LesliePeters
    LesliePeters Member Posts: 17
    Surreal for sure

    For me everything was surreal especially since I was not expecting the diagnoses to be cancer.  I was sure I had gall bladder issues. The radiologist was certain from the beginnng it was cancer so there was no doubt what pathology would say.  I hit the numbness pretty quicck but I also had to be the strongone for everyone even though it was ME who was the patient. It totally suckd

  • myoung790
    myoung790 Member Posts: 75
    Hoping the surgery goes well.

    Hoping the surgery goes well.

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482 Member

    Surreal for sure

    For me everything was surreal especially since I was not expecting the diagnoses to be cancer.  I was sure I had gall bladder issues. The radiologist was certain from the beginnng it was cancer so there was no doubt what pathology would say.  I hit the numbness pretty quicck but I also had to be the strongone for everyone even though it was ME who was the patient. It totally suckd

    Not expecting?

    I think most did not expect kidney cancer; my husband thought he needed a hip replacement and when the MRI came back with a huge mass in the kidney and 3 lesions on the spine, one ready to compress, it was not what he expected. It was a nightmare but as you walk through it and adjust the world to cover this disease, it loses its power.

    Sarah

  • foroughsh
    foroughsh Member Posts: 779 Member
     So sorry you had to join

     

    So sorry you had to join the club, I joined this board almost one month post the surgery and got my questioned answered. Members are so kind and helpful. Hope everything goes well for you and your husband.

     

    It was the darkest time in my whole life when the nephrologist looked at CT Report and then stared into my eyes and told me you got to take it out as soon as possible, if it's cancerous there would be some more treatment. Then gave me an urologist's phone number and said bye. I was shocked for few moments, my husband and I came out of her office and walked few steps then I started crying which didn't stop until late night when my husband and best friend gave me some pills which helped me go to sleep. I was still shocked and almost sure that I would be dead within few months as I knew nothing of cancer at all. Nothing about grade, stage, metastasis, treatment,…. As a software programer I was never interested in medical knowledge at all. I didn't even know exact place of kidneys in human body.  When I first joined this board, I was frustrated and anxious. Members told me time helps but I couldn't believe it at all. But it did. I'm just five months post surgery and still not confident with this new life but pretty much calmer, have more knowledge about rcc, know more about treatments, the possibility to recurrence,….. and  this information helps me to get through all these.

     

  • Ree_Maryland
    Ree_Maryland Member Posts: 161 Member
    Hope the surgery goes well

    Hope the surgery goes well and just rememeber it is not a death sentence .Ijust found out a friend had RCC 14 yrs ago and he is going strong. I agree with all the folks on here this board is a good source of info and comfort. Keep praying that helps you keep your hope up as well . 

  • mrou50
    mrou50 Member Posts: 389 Member
    Sorry

    My wife and I experienced something similar, we kept waiting for the Hollywood moment that never came.   When I was diagnosed with RCC it was because I had the worst back pain in my life and they found two tumors on my kidney.  It is very surreal and sometimes overwhelming but stay strong and positive.  We (wife and I) have not been on here for a while but we are back now that my RCC is back and in my lungs.  It sounds like you two caught this early and will be just fine but take in all the support you can and remember to support each other, and don't forget to appreciate the little things.

     

    Mark

  • gunvy0407
    gunvy0407 Member Posts: 2
    Surgery is finally over.

    The doc said that it was confined to the kidney, the frozen slice pathology thing they did in the OR had clean margins, the other organs looked good, and didn't appear to have any lymph node involvement. He said he couldn't have been more pleased with how it all went. Hubby is doing good and was doing laps around the unit yesterday (after they got the horrible nausea under control from the dilaudid drip).

    He hasn't eaten in 4 days, and has had no liquids by mouth for 3. They said that once his bowel sounds start up, they can give him liquids. But - and this sounds crazy to me - there's a possibility they will be discharging him this afternoon. What?! Now, I'd rather have him home than in that germy hospital, but I'm not sure how I can manage him in such a fragile state. Every entrance into our house has several steps, and it's an easy 50 steps from the garage to the family room, where he'll be parked for a few days. Thank God his mother drove up to help - she's a nurse - but I'm still so scared. 

    I suppose everything will unfold as it should. But this absolute lack of control over anything that's going on, coupled with the sense of absolute responsibility for him, is making me feel very small.

  • mrou50
    mrou50 Member Posts: 389 Member
    gunvy0407 said:

    Surgery is finally over.

    The doc said that it was confined to the kidney, the frozen slice pathology thing they did in the OR had clean margins, the other organs looked good, and didn't appear to have any lymph node involvement. He said he couldn't have been more pleased with how it all went. Hubby is doing good and was doing laps around the unit yesterday (after they got the horrible nausea under control from the dilaudid drip).

    He hasn't eaten in 4 days, and has had no liquids by mouth for 3. They said that once his bowel sounds start up, they can give him liquids. But - and this sounds crazy to me - there's a possibility they will be discharging him this afternoon. What?! Now, I'd rather have him home than in that germy hospital, but I'm not sure how I can manage him in such a fragile state. Every entrance into our house has several steps, and it's an easy 50 steps from the garage to the family room, where he'll be parked for a few days. Thank God his mother drove up to help - she's a nurse - but I'm still so scared. 

    I suppose everything will unfold as it should. But this absolute lack of control over anything that's going on, coupled with the sense of absolute responsibility for him, is making me feel very small.

    Congrats

    Glad he is out and moving around, stay strong and make sure you stay with the followups.

     

    Mark

  • Footstomper
    Footstomper Member Posts: 1,237 Member
    gunvy0407 said:

    Surgery is finally over.

    The doc said that it was confined to the kidney, the frozen slice pathology thing they did in the OR had clean margins, the other organs looked good, and didn't appear to have any lymph node involvement. He said he couldn't have been more pleased with how it all went. Hubby is doing good and was doing laps around the unit yesterday (after they got the horrible nausea under control from the dilaudid drip).

    He hasn't eaten in 4 days, and has had no liquids by mouth for 3. They said that once his bowel sounds start up, they can give him liquids. But - and this sounds crazy to me - there's a possibility they will be discharging him this afternoon. What?! Now, I'd rather have him home than in that germy hospital, but I'm not sure how I can manage him in such a fragile state. Every entrance into our house has several steps, and it's an easy 50 steps from the garage to the family room, where he'll be parked for a few days. Thank God his mother drove up to help - she's a nurse - but I'm still so scared. 

    I suppose everything will unfold as it should. But this absolute lack of control over anything that's going on, coupled with the sense of absolute responsibility for him, is making me feel very small.

    Sounds like good news

    Apart from the original diagnosis, of course. I remember feeling like I was watching my life, symptoms and diagnosis like a member of a audience at some strange Kafkaesque dark comedy. Still do sometimes.

    The nurses in the hospital asre wonderful people but its good to be home. They made me prove I could take stairs before they let me leave. Did they do the same with your hubby?

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member

    Sounds like good news

    Apart from the original diagnosis, of course. I remember feeling like I was watching my life, symptoms and diagnosis like a member of a audience at some strange Kafkaesque dark comedy. Still do sometimes.

    The nurses in the hospital asre wonderful people but its good to be home. They made me prove I could take stairs before they let me leave. Did they do the same with your hubby?

    The sooner he's out the

    The sooner he's out the better. Don't worry; if he's already making rounds around the hospital floor he'll be able to take the steps slowly. I feared being able to get into my house and no problem. I was even able to go upstairs to sleep in my own bed. Everyone is different and depending on the size of his incision walking may be more difficult for him but between you and your nurse mom you'll be fine.

  • gunvy0407 said:

    Surgery is finally over.

    The doc said that it was confined to the kidney, the frozen slice pathology thing they did in the OR had clean margins, the other organs looked good, and didn't appear to have any lymph node involvement. He said he couldn't have been more pleased with how it all went. Hubby is doing good and was doing laps around the unit yesterday (after they got the horrible nausea under control from the dilaudid drip).

    He hasn't eaten in 4 days, and has had no liquids by mouth for 3. They said that once his bowel sounds start up, they can give him liquids. But - and this sounds crazy to me - there's a possibility they will be discharging him this afternoon. What?! Now, I'd rather have him home than in that germy hospital, but I'm not sure how I can manage him in such a fragile state. Every entrance into our house has several steps, and it's an easy 50 steps from the garage to the family room, where he'll be parked for a few days. Thank God his mother drove up to help - she's a nurse - but I'm still so scared. 

    I suppose everything will unfold as it should. But this absolute lack of control over anything that's going on, coupled with the sense of absolute responsibility for him, is making me feel very small.

    Home is the best place to

    Home is the best place to recover. I had surgery on Thursday and went home on Saturday. Saturday was a rough day, but every day got better.   Everyone recovers at a different pace and has different pain levels.  I slept in a recliner for the first 2-3 weeks, because I am a side and stomach sleeper, and I did not fell comfortable leaning on my scar.  I was lucky to have my surgery in the summer, and I walked a lot--I leave near the beach, so I took advantage of the beautiful summer weather and walked back and forth to the beach a couple times a day.  On the solid food, gas and bowel movements--I recall it was several days before I made a bowel movement, and I got a little nervous.  Tried suppositories, but eventually nature took its course. Congratulations on a good result.

  • foroughsh
    foroughsh Member Posts: 779 Member
    It's always good to hear

    It's always good to hear "confined to the kidney" and "clear margins". I'm wishing you both strength to fight and win this battle.

  • Phredswife
    Phredswife Member Posts: 162
    gunvy0407 said:

    Surgery is finally over.

    The doc said that it was confined to the kidney, the frozen slice pathology thing they did in the OR had clean margins, the other organs looked good, and didn't appear to have any lymph node involvement. He said he couldn't have been more pleased with how it all went. Hubby is doing good and was doing laps around the unit yesterday (after they got the horrible nausea under control from the dilaudid drip).

    He hasn't eaten in 4 days, and has had no liquids by mouth for 3. They said that once his bowel sounds start up, they can give him liquids. But - and this sounds crazy to me - there's a possibility they will be discharging him this afternoon. What?! Now, I'd rather have him home than in that germy hospital, but I'm not sure how I can manage him in such a fragile state. Every entrance into our house has several steps, and it's an easy 50 steps from the garage to the family room, where he'll be parked for a few days. Thank God his mother drove up to help - she's a nurse - but I'm still so scared. 

    I suppose everything will unfold as it should. But this absolute lack of control over anything that's going on, coupled with the sense of absolute responsibility for him, is making me feel very small.

    You can do this!

    I can so remember the day I drove my husband home from his nephrectomy. He had been 3 days in ICU. I can so relate to you feeling really scared and not up to the task of caring for him. It felt like when you drive a baby home from the hospital for the first time. He felt every bump too! I am a really anxious person so that didn't help! It was so lovely to have him home though and he was glad to be home. The last day at the hospital was spent in a mixed ward. He had a lady next to him who kept changing personalities, voices, and gender and what was wrong with her. He got little attention in the ward because this woman was so difficult!

    You will be ok. You can do this! Its great his mum is a support to you. We had a district nurse come to the house to change his dressings and reassure me!

    Take care, Melissa