Just having a hard time right now

brea588
brea588 Member Posts: 240

I first want to begin and tell you that this forum and you people  lift my spirits all the time.  I have some good laughs reading your stories and jokes.  I appreciate you all.  I have had pneumonia all of april into last week.  My lungs are weak ,I have COPD, asthma, and I am seen every 3 months by my lung doc and my lung functions are stable for past year, which is wonderful. but i fight this pneumonia thing about every 4 months.  I have been so short of breath and it just gets frustrating at times.  I have gained 11 pounds in a week from fluid .  Heart doc got me on diuretic everyday.  Have to have ct scan chest next week, lung doc knows since i had the kidney ca to keep check on lungs and ribs.  I have 3rd opinion on my painful hip may 29th where muscle torn from bone.  Still on narcotics for pain.  My one year from colon ca scope will be in july.  Another Pet scan in august.  But , i just feel so bad and run down.  I cant talk to anyone in my family because they all know I dont look very well and just puny all the time.  But, still i fix this hair and the makeup goes on LOL. Im asking for your prayers or ur karma or whatever you do    send it my way !!!lol  I love life, I want to be outside planting flowers, id like a bud light, and just a good old time .  I hope they can find out why I am feeling so rough soon.  Our 41st wedding anniversary was May 4th and we did go out to dinner and that was good.  Just getting this off my chest I guess.  THanks to you all.

Comments

  • aamdsi
    aamdsi Member Posts: 284
    I am so sorry

    I wish could do something to make it even a little better.  Even if just sending you a virtual hug.

    41 years!  Wow, that is so wonderful!  Many congrats to you both.

    Will pray for answeds to come soon and that you are out playing in the dirt soon

     

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482 Member
    Sending

    you good thoughts and hope for relief from the lung stuff; I know that just having bronchitis will knock me out for weeks with fatigue.

    Sarah

  • Bellweather
    Bellweather Member Posts: 102
    Praying for you

    I am sorry that you are having a rough time.  I will be praying for you.  Keep fixing your hair and putting on your makeup,  lol.  My wife asked me this morning how I motivated myself each day to get going.   I told her that I swing my feet off the bed, stand up and put my right foot in front of my left foot.   God takes care of the rest of the day!

    Keep stepping foward, we are praying for your health to improve. 

    Sincerely, 

    Bellweather

  • a_oaklee
    a_oaklee Member Posts: 566 Member
    support

    Sending you my thoughts and prayers for continued strength and good health, peace of mind.

    Annie

  • I am alive
    I am alive Member Posts: 315
    It's important to identify with that woman in the mirror

    I completely get the hair and makeup thing. Good for you! We all fight back the best we can. I know I feel SO MUCH better when I climb out of P.j.s or whatever shmata I tend to wear when housebound. Freshly washed and styled hair and a dab of makeup, maybe a choice piece of jewelry and a cute outfit are armor . It's like wearing a smile. Force yourself to smile and eventually you will actually feel better. At least uplifted. Dressing to meet the day, best foot forward - especially when you are feeling lousy and battered - is a smart tactic. Sometimes it's the only thing we can do that day to help ourselves. Your instincts are right on.

     

    I'm sorry you can't talk to members of your family. Do you have a friend or even distant relative tou can unload with? Stifling your emotions can lead to exhaustion -emotional exhaustion. Bottom line, this all sucks. There, I've said it. I pray this truth will set you free. Hang in there.

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945
    Sorry you are suffering so much Brea!

    Hi Brea, I am so sorry you are feeling so rough, all of this must be so difficult to deal with, the inabilitity to breath properly is exhausting enough without the other issues. I hope they can help clear up your breathing problem quickly, let us know how your scan goes. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts! Do you have any support groups near you for those suffering COPD, maybe that could be of help.

    Will be thinking of you next week, take care of yourself:)

     

    Djinnie x

  • Billy's Wife
    Billy's Wife Member Posts: 52
    Sending prayers and good

    Sending prayers and good thoughts your way Brea!  Wish I could hand you the Bud Light and then ask you for a gardening lesson! Congratulations on your 41st Anniversary, that is quite an accomplishment for you both to be proud of. I know what its like not being able to talk to anyone I wish I knew how to fix that!  I'll say some prayers about that too!!

  • danbren2
    danbren2 Member Posts: 311
    Always Here!

    Brea,

         So sorry about the way you are feeling! I do like the fight in you, and doing hair and makeup everyday is a form of fighting.  I also love this sight; the people on here have helped me so much.  There is one thing that I do that has also helped me alot and that is to write down what I am feeling.  The day that I am writing down the bad days are not very good, but going back now and reading what I wrote last year and how I was feeling compared to the way I feel now is just amazing.  I know this doesn't work for everyone but a dear friend gave me a small notebook with pen and a card that said "write it" and that's what I have been doing and it really helps! 

         Sending good karma and prayers!

                                                            Brenda

  • donna_lee
    donna_lee Member Posts: 1,041 Member
    danbren2 said:

    Always Here!

    Brea,

         So sorry about the way you are feeling! I do like the fight in you, and doing hair and makeup everyday is a form of fighting.  I also love this sight; the people on here have helped me so much.  There is one thing that I do that has also helped me alot and that is to write down what I am feeling.  The day that I am writing down the bad days are not very good, but going back now and reading what I wrote last year and how I was feeling compared to the way I feel now is just amazing.  I know this doesn't work for everyone but a dear friend gave me a small notebook with pen and a card that said "write it" and that's what I have been doing and it really helps! 

         Sending good karma and prayers!

                                                            Brenda

    Know that...

    many of us are thinking of you and hope that there can be an UP in your merry-go-round ride.  Even when you're too pooped to get on the horse, you can still sit in the Ducky Boat and enjoy the sunshine and the view.

    You can still garden in the house.  Toothpicks in an avacado pit on the window sill; cut the green top and a bit of carrot off and put it in water; plant some pea seeds and watch them sprout.  Or if you like, have container gardens on the deck.  Enjoy what you CAN do instead of worrying about what you feel you aren't able to do right now.

    Hang in there, Brea.  We care.

    Donna

  • brea588
    brea588 Member Posts: 240
    donna_lee said:

    Know that...

    many of us are thinking of you and hope that there can be an UP in your merry-go-round ride.  Even when you're too pooped to get on the horse, you can still sit in the Ducky Boat and enjoy the sunshine and the view.

    You can still garden in the house.  Toothpicks in an avacado pit on the window sill; cut the green top and a bit of carrot off and put it in water; plant some pea seeds and watch them sprout.  Or if you like, have container gardens on the deck.  Enjoy what you CAN do instead of worrying about what you feel you aren't able to do right now.

    Hang in there, Brea.  We care.

    Donna

    Thanks to all of you

    Thanks to all of you for your replies, means a lot.  And yes I do have to get up and dress like im going somewhere even if im not lol.  Hubby prob appreciates it LOL>   Im doing better today, not as down.  I cant wait to get in my garden and get it planted and growing.  Love garden veggies.  No pesticides either.  YAY!!!!!   Got to be breathing a little better first.  Hubby want let me do much anyway.  Its so nice we can all talk and really know what the other is feeling because we have all been there.  Thanks  so much  My prayers are with you all.

  • twinthings
    twinthings Member Posts: 409
    First of all, congrats on 41

    First of all, congrats on 41 years!  You deserve a six pack of bud light!! 

    Hang in there, Brea!  You sound like you're pretty tough, a real fighter!   I think putting pen to paper as Brenda suggested, is an excellent idea.  Writing takes almost no energy and can be so therapeutic and, it helps pass the time.  It's easy to get lost in your thoughts when you're writting.    Keep thinking about the future and the flowers you will plant when you are up to it.

    I think sometimes people just don't know what to say to someone who's sick, so they say nothing at all.  I talk to you all about my health issues way more than I talk to my family.  It's more comforting to me to talk to people who can relate to what I am going thru.  I don't have COPD and don't pretend to know what you are dealing with, but all of us here have at least one thing in common. 

    I hope you'll keep us posted on how your upcoming tests and scans go.  Hoping you get answers soon!

    I will lift you in prayer, my friend!

    Sindy

  • Jan4you
    Jan4you Member Posts: 1,330 Member
    Brea... HUGS my dear~
    I

    Brea... HUGS my dear~

    I realize you don't know me, but for this moment we are connecting. Please know that ok? I feel for you and am sending you healing thoughts..

    Now I am one who allows another to feel what ever emotion that they need to feel. I will not say, Be strong, etc etc when you are barely able to just make it through your day. FEEL whatever you need to feel, have your pity party for one, if need be but then LIMIT how long you choose to feel badly. This sucks say it, feel it then limit how long you'll entertain that emotion/thought.

    For example, you can have your pity party for 10-15 mins. In that time, you need to be as sad, mad or bad as you want. You can hit, throw (soft things) and cry, scream laugh or sing, but get that negativity OUT!!

    THEN.. do something that brings you moments of joy. Look around, appreciate nature, find something fun or funny to enjoy. I will seek out comedies, or comics to get me out of a funk. It works for me. BUT I also ask myself the hard questions like,
    Who you really mad at? Why ? I process how I am feeling and try really hard to let it go.

    ALSO chronic pain, infection = DEPRESSED state or mind and emotion. IN other words, it cannot be helped. NUTRIENTS for the brain and body systems that are dragging and in need of nutrients for repair.

    I went to a specialized nutritionist years ago, to be evaluted and found I was near organ failure. He practiced NRT (nutritional response testing) or ART autonomic response testing. It is like strength testing where your doctor pushes against your hand/arm and you counter them with pressing back. When you are weak, etc. your ability to press against that force is weaker. They are trained to know what you need in exact doses with whole food supplemnts that do not interfere with meds. My neuro was amazed at how helpful and exact this method worked.

    But if I didn't already overwhelm you, no one will offer this kind of advice. You need help to heal your body .. its like running a car after you ran out of gas or oil.. it may start, it may work for awhile, but eventually it just quits.

    Feel free to leave me a personal message if you want to know more.

    Again, my heart is touching yours with care and understanding my dear.

    We care and will walk this journey along side you.. if.. you want us to.

    Thanks for reaching out..

    Warmly, Jan

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    I’m so sorry you’re going

    I’m so sorry you’re going through all this but honestly, with having had pneumonia since April, difficulty breathing and probably not getting enough oxygen, then a painful hip, and facing all those upcoming scans, it’s completely understandable that you are feeling rough and run down. You ARE run down. Plus you still need the narcotic painkillers and those will definitely contribute to feeling depressed as they’re a CNS depressant. I think it’s great that you’re making efforts to look good because they do say “fake it till you make it” so that should help lifting your spirits. That and hopefully some good news with your scans.

    Congratulations on your 41st!

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    APny said:

    I’m so sorry you’re going

    I’m so sorry you’re going through all this but honestly, with having had pneumonia since April, difficulty breathing and probably not getting enough oxygen, then a painful hip, and facing all those upcoming scans, it’s completely understandable that you are feeling rough and run down. You ARE run down. Plus you still need the narcotic painkillers and those will definitely contribute to feeling depressed as they’re a CNS depressant. I think it’s great that you’re making efforts to look good because they do say “fake it till you make it” so that should help lifting your spirits. That and hopefully some good news with your scans.

    Congratulations on your 41st!

    We love you brea

    The worst part about this site is that for everyone who is doing great, there is someone else having it rough. And no one wants it to be their turn. My turn was during the IL-2. I was a sick and mentally broken man. I honestly wondered if I would ever get well again. Had my doubts. So maybe I have an idea of how you feel.

    You have held yourself together and reached out for support. I think we have something to offer that many times family and friends cannot give. Our group energy and love are for sharing. We all care. I hope it matters.

  • brea588
    brea588 Member Posts: 240
    foxhd said:

    We love you brea

    The worst part about this site is that for everyone who is doing great, there is someone else having it rough. And no one wants it to be their turn. My turn was during the IL-2. I was a sick and mentally broken man. I honestly wondered if I would ever get well again. Had my doubts. So maybe I have an idea of how you feel.

    You have held yourself together and reached out for support. I think we have something to offer that many times family and friends cannot give. Our group energy and love are for sharing. We all care. I hope it matters.

    To everyone with their replies

    Yes Fox It does matter a lot to have all of you to talk too.  I know it helps so share and open up and that is what  I did.  You nailed it when you said you didnt know if you would ever get well again as I have been feeling that a lot, one thing gets better and then another thing starts.  My mother-in-law says many times   "I ihave never seen someone as young as you have so many health problems"  and im like where have you been?  Look around the world at people who are much worse off than I .  I try to stay upbeat most of time and succeed and then there are times that i sort of crumble lol!!!   I cherish all of you and yes your thoughts and opinions matter a lot to me.  I think of you all every day and hoping and praying you are having a good day.  Thanks much for your understanding, because you know how it is. Much love to you all!!!

  • I am alive
    I am alive Member Posts: 315
    We all have those

    We all have those crash-and-burn days....or hours. But, like you, we manage to climb out of the pit and carry on. Some climbs are faster than others.

    When I was first diagnosed a women who I didn't even know, who battled her own RCC, told me to "stay in the light." Literally and metaphorically.It was the best advice I got in those early frightening days. She told me to sit by a window (which I do in the doctor's office especially, all the time) go outside, turn on a lamp. Watch comedies. Laugh. Schedule time with friends who make you feel good. And stay away from folks who don't make you feel good. Listen to upbeat music. Dance (by yourself - go ahead!). Connect with your spirituality. Maybe that connection can be made by visiting a spring garden in bloom, or just getting quiet and meditating on a chair in the backyard. Whatever works for you. I have found that this "light" is all around us, all the time. We just need to access it. And it really does help lighten the mood, the vibe, and your general outlook. 

    On another note, you said you you love to garden but are not up for the bending and reaching involved. A person on another cancer site suggested gardening by chair, using tall pots in which to plant flowers, veggies and/or herbs. And I thought that was pretty cool. Seeing those babies bloom and surrounding yourself with their beauty would be light-enhancing, don't you think?

     

    Oh, and here's a Zen Buddhist take on cancer that I like. Zen thinking suggests that instead of grasping onto life in a delusion of some sense of control, we live it with an open hand. Go with the flow, in others words.

    Here's the take we can apply to living with cancer: Do what is necessary in the moment. Each moment. Evrey moment. Moment after moment. It's all good.

     

    I don't know. I find some kind of peace in that. Is pain and suffering good? Who knows what this life is all about? No, of course it's not "good." But I can't see the bigger picture from here.

  • Karen0074
    Karen0074 Member Posts: 64

    We all have those

    We all have those crash-and-burn days....or hours. But, like you, we manage to climb out of the pit and carry on. Some climbs are faster than others.

    When I was first diagnosed a women who I didn't even know, who battled her own RCC, told me to "stay in the light." Literally and metaphorically.It was the best advice I got in those early frightening days. She told me to sit by a window (which I do in the doctor's office especially, all the time) go outside, turn on a lamp. Watch comedies. Laugh. Schedule time with friends who make you feel good. And stay away from folks who don't make you feel good. Listen to upbeat music. Dance (by yourself - go ahead!). Connect with your spirituality. Maybe that connection can be made by visiting a spring garden in bloom, or just getting quiet and meditating on a chair in the backyard. Whatever works for you. I have found that this "light" is all around us, all the time. We just need to access it. And it really does help lighten the mood, the vibe, and your general outlook. 

    On another note, you said you you love to garden but are not up for the bending and reaching involved. A person on another cancer site suggested gardening by chair, using tall pots in which to plant flowers, veggies and/or herbs. And I thought that was pretty cool. Seeing those babies bloom and surrounding yourself with their beauty would be light-enhancing, don't you think?

     

    Oh, and here's a Zen Buddhist take on cancer that I like. Zen thinking suggests that instead of grasping onto life in a delusion of some sense of control, we live it with an open hand. Go with the flow, in others words.

    Here's the take we can apply to living with cancer: Do what is necessary in the moment. Each moment. Evrey moment. Moment after moment. It's all good.

     

    I don't know. I find some kind of peace in that. Is pain and suffering good? Who knows what this life is all about? No, of course it's not "good." But I can't see the bigger picture from here.

    When you are down, do things

    When you are down, do things that make you happy. It's not easy living with rcc and having other health issues as well. It's so nice that we can come on this site and vent our troubles to the people who really understand. I always feel so much better when I post on here and get lovely replies. Hope you are feeling much better today. ((Hugs))

     

    Karen