severe depression, chemo brain? and fears

Hi there,

I am looking for some help,

I had my last chemo on NYE 2012, and was in the mental ward for a nervous breakdown.

Since then my ex fiance dumped me and I'm struggling to accept it.


I get very frustrated because I can hardly read, I don't know what I like or dont like, shopping and making decisions.

Since leaving the mental ward, I've been put on Seroquel, Luvox and Ativan. I had a full nervous breakdown, my humour is now not the same and I HATE life.

Since my ex dumped me, there has not been a day where I have been happy to be alive, he was my happiness, we were supposed to get married and I was devastated when I had to cancel

my dress, the chapel, the photographer.


I don't find music relaxing and I can't listen to love music, which is 98% of the radio, really.


I am very scared of travelling, has anyone else had this problem?
I don't have many of my planning skills anymore, as my optimism isn't great.

I'm scared of different places and scared I'll start panicking again like I did when I had my breakdown (panic attacks were most severe during the night)

I work in IT and I find it very hard to read now, or relax, I feel like I should be doing something but because of my indecisiveness, I don't know what to do or where I want to go.


I avoid places that my ex and I used to go because of the memories.

I am currently going through psychotherapy, it's like my brain can't accept or process that my relationship failed and the other day I could hardly breathe.

He was my whole world and now he's gone, my independance, strength, self esteem and self love is so low.


Any advice would be nice, like actual stuff that helped you.