kidney cancer paralyzed with fear

val1963
val1963 Member Posts: 27

I need a group hug or maybe a kick in the pants today!   My surgery is June 5th.  When it was first scheduled that far out I was releived, time to take care of things, second and third opinions, etc.   Now the waiting is crippling me. I am so full of fear and anxiety Im not sleeping, waking up sobbing and have called off work 2 days in a row!    aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh      What happened?  I was doing so well considering!   

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Comments

  • Eims
    Eims Member Posts: 423
    val1963 that is completely

    val1963 that is completely understandable and to be expected to be honest.  the thought of it is worse than the doing!!!  what helped me was walking and red wine!!  seriously walking helps and it gives you head space and it will help you sleep better....give it a go xxxxx

    eims x

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27
    Eims said:

    val1963 that is completely

    val1963 that is completely understandable and to be expected to be honest.  the thought of it is worse than the doing!!!  what helped me was walking and red wine!!  seriously walking helps and it gives you head space and it will help you sleep better....give it a go xxxxx

    eims x

    Thank you so much Eims!   I

    Thank you so much Eims!   I am not at all comfortable with this scared me!   

    I found the help with coping site and am making an action plan.  

    Spending way too much time in my head, need to find a way out of there!   

    I am very grateful for the hugs and the advice....    getting off my butt and out of my head!!     THANK YOU!

  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    Val - Hope the sun is shining

    Val - Hope the sun is shining where you are. and  you're able to get out, breathe some fresh air, pay attention to the tweets from the birds (not IPhone), and recognize all the beauty that surrounds you.  We are all guilty of taking so much for granted,  and I'm a firm believer that sometimes we are given a medical crisis to remind us of all we have to appreciate in life.

    I, myself, do not have cancer but that doesn't prevent me from having days when I'm frightened out of my skin for my husband, and I have to remind myself how very fortunate I truly am. And the same is true for John. We both realize that had he been given the same diagnosis ten years ago, he probably would have been sent home to get his affairs in order. That's no longer the case; thank God. 

    Another therapy I use on bad days is to read the Kidney Cancer Chronicles by Chris and Dena Battle. Chris has gone through so much in his battle, yet his sense of humor stays in tact. If you haven't had a chance to read his blog, here's a link:

    http://kidneycancerchronicles.com/

     

    Beyond, that group hug  is on the way.

     

     

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    Dread can cripple you.

    Until you face that dread, willingly and embrace it as the solution to the problem, it will remain faceless and nameless. Until you look that date in the eye as the day you kick this cancer's ****, it will control you. It needs to be the other way around.

    I had those times myself where the fear of not knowing what there was to fear tried to paralyze me.  The dateof surgery will be the day you finally understand WHAT you are facing.  Take back control of your fear and your life.

    You are bigger than this and with knoledge you can cope with whatever it hands you.

    I've found this quote to be helpful:

    No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.

    EDMUND BURKE, On the Sublime and Beautiful

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945
    val1963 said:

    Thank you so much Eims!   I

    Thank you so much Eims!   I am not at all comfortable with this scared me!   

    I found the help with coping site and am making an action plan.  

    Spending way too much time in my head, need to find a way out of there!   

    I am very grateful for the hugs and the advice....    getting off my butt and out of my head!!     THANK YOU!

    Fear Factor

    Hi Val,

    I waited 6 weeks for my op, it is very difficult trying to keep your head on straight. I kept myself occupied as best I could, and I pushed the problem as far away as I could get it. Obviously it is difficult to avoid the stress and it is a frightening prospect, but you have to try not to let the fears snowball. I used a lot of techniques to help me stay calm and relaxed, which helped me through. Remember,we have all been there and felt the way you feel right now, it is perfectly normal.

    You will come through this though, it will not be long before you are back on here giving the benefit  of your experience. Stay strong, we are all here to support you when you need us.

    All the best

     

    Djinnie x

  • keithhubbert
    keithhubbert Member Posts: 14
    I understand

    I think the worst is waiting, fear takes over when you think too much. You start counting the days till surgery. Your mind starts to think of all the bad things that could happen, then you start to think all they have to do is cut it out and its gone. And these are experts that do this all the time. I have been trying to move my fear to trust, in God, and these doctors. Things that I have not done before. My surgery is May 29th, for a mass on my left kidney, with the di vinci robotic machine. I have not met the doctor yet that will be operating on me. But I"m sure that the VA has great doctors.  I got 7 more days till this fear is gone and trust that everything will be fine for both of us. I"m 50 years old and have alot more to do in this life. This has made me open my eyes a bit more to see things better. Good luck and God bless.

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574

    I understand

    I think the worst is waiting, fear takes over when you think too much. You start counting the days till surgery. Your mind starts to think of all the bad things that could happen, then you start to think all they have to do is cut it out and its gone. And these are experts that do this all the time. I have been trying to move my fear to trust, in God, and these doctors. Things that I have not done before. My surgery is May 29th, for a mass on my left kidney, with the di vinci robotic machine. I have not met the doctor yet that will be operating on me. But I"m sure that the VA has great doctors.  I got 7 more days till this fear is gone and trust that everything will be fine for both of us. I"m 50 years old and have alot more to do in this life. This has made me open my eyes a bit more to see things better. Good luck and God bless.

    Look at the surgery as the

    Look at the surgery as the date you finally get a handle on what you are fighting. Until then everything is guesswork at best. Once its out, it can't spread, it can't do anything else to you! Embrace the day and look forward to it!

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27

    I understand

    I think the worst is waiting, fear takes over when you think too much. You start counting the days till surgery. Your mind starts to think of all the bad things that could happen, then you start to think all they have to do is cut it out and its gone. And these are experts that do this all the time. I have been trying to move my fear to trust, in God, and these doctors. Things that I have not done before. My surgery is May 29th, for a mass on my left kidney, with the di vinci robotic machine. I have not met the doctor yet that will be operating on me. But I"m sure that the VA has great doctors.  I got 7 more days till this fear is gone and trust that everything will be fine for both of us. I"m 50 years old and have alot more to do in this life. This has made me open my eyes a bit more to see things better. Good luck and God bless.

    Keith,
    Thank you and God

    Keith,

    Thank you and God bless you!   I will be looking forward to hearing from you after the 29th.   

    I'm sure the VA will take good care of you.  At that...   Thank you for serving!   Both of my sons are in the military (Navy & Army) so i understand and appreciate the sacrifices you and your family have made.  

    You are absolutely right,  we have alot more of life to live!    

    Thank you,  take care and keep in touch!!   Valerie

     

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27
    MDCinSC said:

    Look at the surgery as the

    Look at the surgery as the date you finally get a handle on what you are fighting. Until then everything is guesswork at best. Once its out, it can't spread, it can't do anything else to you! Embrace the day and look forward to it!

    Thank you for the wisdom

    Thank you for the wisdom MD...    I intend to kick some rabid organ butt!!!    

    Living in fear is new to me,  I don't like it so I guess these two days are the end of that chaptere!   

    I owe a boatload of gratitude to the folks here!!   Thank you

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27
    MDCinSC said:

    Dread can cripple you.

    Until you face that dread, willingly and embrace it as the solution to the problem, it will remain faceless and nameless. Until you look that date in the eye as the day you kick this cancer's ****, it will control you. It needs to be the other way around.

    I had those times myself where the fear of not knowing what there was to fear tried to paralyze me.  The dateof surgery will be the day you finally understand WHAT you are facing.  Take back control of your fear and your life.

    You are bigger than this and with knoledge you can cope with whatever it hands you.

    I've found this quote to be helpful:

    No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.

    EDMUND BURKE, On the Sublime and Beautiful

    i am hanging this quote on my

    i am hanging this quote on my mirror, on my desk at work and in my car!    

    I am a believer,  knowledge is power and the folks here have taught me a lot!    

    i'M OK,  I'M GOING TO BE OK!!     Bless you!

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    val1963 said:

    Thank you for the wisdom

    Thank you for the wisdom MD...    I intend to kick some rabid organ butt!!!    

    Living in fear is new to me,  I don't like it so I guess these two days are the end of that chaptere!   

    I owe a boatload of gratitude to the folks here!!   Thank you

    LOL I got tothe hospital early!

    I personalized the little sucker! I called it names and told it how many days, hours and minutes it had left to torture me! On more than one occasion I told it it's parents weren't married!

    Hahaha

    Whatever it takes to get you to fight the fight is what you need to do.

    Praying for you and I'll be here to cheer! Get it done!

    Michael

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27
    alice124 said:

    Val - Hope the sun is shining

    Val - Hope the sun is shining where you are. and  you're able to get out, breathe some fresh air, pay attention to the tweets from the birds (not IPhone), and recognize all the beauty that surrounds you.  We are all guilty of taking so much for granted,  and I'm a firm believer that sometimes we are given a medical crisis to remind us of all we have to appreciate in life.

    I, myself, do not have cancer but that doesn't prevent me from having days when I'm frightened out of my skin for my husband, and I have to remind myself how very fortunate I truly am. And the same is true for John. We both realize that had he been given the same diagnosis ten years ago, he probably would have been sent home to get his affairs in order. That's no longer the case; thank God. 

    Another therapy I use on bad days is to read the Kidney Cancer Chronicles by Chris and Dena Battle. Chris has gone through so much in his battle, yet his sense of humor stays in tact. If you haven't had a chance to read his blog, here's a link:

    http://kidneycancerchronicles.com/

     

    Beyond, that group hug  is on the way.

     

     

    Special thanks and many

    Special thanks and many blessing to you Alice for taking the time to send sunshine and support to a stranger when you have so much on your life plate yourself!    I really appreciate the words and the hugs!  

    the sun has been shining here today along with some rain and i enjoyed every mood mother nature sent.

    I sat in the grass, enjoyed the sun,  played in the rain and through mud bombs at my fence!  i'm sorry I called in to work but I'm not sorry I experienced this day!    Thank you for the link, i will checki ot the blog asap!   

    Hope to see you again soon!   Wishing you and your husband many many years together!   Valerie

     

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27
    Djinnie said:

    Fear Factor

    Hi Val,

    I waited 6 weeks for my op, it is very difficult trying to keep your head on straight. I kept myself occupied as best I could, and I pushed the problem as far away as I could get it. Obviously it is difficult to avoid the stress and it is a frightening prospect, but you have to try not to let the fears snowball. I used a lot of techniques to help me stay calm and relaxed, which helped me through. Remember,we have all been there and felt the way you feel right now, it is perfectly normal.

    You will come through this though, it will not be long before you are back on here giving the benefit  of your experience. Stay strong, we are all here to support you when you need us.

    All the best

     

    Djinnie x

    Talk about testing a person!

    Talk about testing a person! For 6 long weeks you know the enemy has infiltrated your body and all you can do is wait! 

    UUGGHh      thank you for the support!  Valerie

  • val1963
    val1963 Member Posts: 27
    MDCinSC said:

    LOL I got tothe hospital early!

    I personalized the little sucker! I called it names and told it how many days, hours and minutes it had left to torture me! On more than one occasion I told it it's parents weren't married!

    Hahaha

    Whatever it takes to get you to fight the fight is what you need to do.

    Praying for you and I'll be here to cheer! Get it done!

    Michael

    Thanks MD!   i  stood in the

    Thanks MD!   i  stood in the rain and threw mud bombs at my fence today!  Every one of them was a tumor and I was anniliating them.   Silly but incredibly theraputic.     

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945
    val1963 said:

    Talk about testing a person!

    Talk about testing a person! For 6 long weeks you know the enemy has infiltrated your body and all you can do is wait! 

    UUGGHh      thank you for the support!  Valerie

    Waited

    Hi Val,

    There were indications of problems from scans in December. I had to get hold of records from the States relating to my last surgery for comparison, and I also waited for an IRM to get a clearer picture of the tumour, the op was then booked for March. As this is the fourth time I have had cancer and my second kidney cancer, past experience had taught me not to rush anything until I have all the right people in place, and the correct surgery lined up.

    Even though it was a bit of a wait there was little danger of anything changing in that time. The week of the surgery I obviously became anxious with anticipation, but on the day I was calmer than my husband. I made myself a promise .. that this would be my last issue with cancer.

     

    Djinnie

  • dme59
    dme59 Member Posts: 62
    same boat...

    I too have had the fear, anxiety as the surgery draws nearer. I am scheduled for June 5 also. I have been able to sleep but I wake up far too early. Finding this support network has already helped ease the anxiety. I have found answers to many of the questions/concerns I had flashing through my head before finding this forum. Even though all the doctors I have been too through the ct scans, biopsy, and the surgeon that is going to do my surgery keep telling me good things about my expected outcome I can't help but have some anxiety. But coming here and talking to people who either have been through all of this or getting ready to like we are has been a big help. Praying that all goes well.

    Dan

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    dme59 said:

    same boat...

    I too have had the fear, anxiety as the surgery draws nearer. I am scheduled for June 5 also. I have been able to sleep but I wake up far too early. Finding this support network has already helped ease the anxiety. I have found answers to many of the questions/concerns I had flashing through my head before finding this forum. Even though all the doctors I have been too through the ct scans, biopsy, and the surgeon that is going to do my surgery keep telling me good things about my expected outcome I can't help but have some anxiety. But coming here and talking to people who either have been through all of this or getting ready to like we are has been a big help. Praying that all goes well.

    Dan

    Hang in!

    The surgery is what tells you if you have a problem. It is not the problem itself! Welcome it like a new friend.

  • GSRon
    GSRon Member Posts: 1,303 Member
    MDCinSC said:

    Hang in!

    The surgery is what tells you if you have a problem. It is not the problem itself! Welcome it like a new friend.

    The Wait..

    Yes, the waiting is difficult.. but.. try to think of yourself with that tumor OUT of you..!   Plus we all know the fear is much worse than the reality... hang in there...!  Find someone to hug.. 

    Be Well...

    Ron

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    MDCinSC said:

    Hang in!

    The surgery is what tells you if you have a problem. It is not the problem itself! Welcome it like a new friend.

    Surgery

    Val,

    I think all of us were scared s..tless when we were told we have cancer and at the same time told we were going to have major surgery. Not fun. You are perfectly normal to be scared. I sure was. The Nephrectomy surgery has been around for years and unless you have a heart condition is not life threatning. In your case it should be a cure with no further treatment. Mine was almost 11 years ago. Faye across the street is at 18 years since her surgery and she is a young 82.

    Since you are 20 years younger than me I expect you to be here 20 years longer helping the Newbies.

    June 5th the  day of your surgery was almost a very special day in our history. However because of the weather the invasion of Normandy was delayed unyil June 6th (the Longest Day). Lets hope you do not have any weather delays so that you can get rid of that little sucker on schedule.

     

    Icemantoo

     

  • TerriNick
    TerriNick Member Posts: 43
    surgery

    Hang in there. Nick was diagnosed in October but then had to wait until the beginning of December for the surgery. It was a difficult time for him and the waiting was horrible. But the good news is that as we were told it had taken years for the tumour to grow to the size that it was, waiting a few weeks for the surgery would not make any difference in the size or growth of it. The surgeon was great and really put Nick at ease telling him of people that he had known who had survived 10, 15. 20+ years after having a kidney removed by him. And the surgery went brilliantly. You will be tired afterwards so expect that and allow yourself to rest as much as you need to. In the meantime can I suggest that you buy some visualisation CDs. Dr Simonton is quite a good one. Whilst they don't 'cure' cancer they can help you to start takig back some control over your wellbeing. Sometimes it is the feeling out of control of our own health and life that can make us feel worse. Doing something, anything, to take back some control can help to reduce the stress and panic. I wish you all the very best for 5 June and I have offered you the link to the Simonton Centre below. I bought some CDs for Nick from there.

    www.simontoncenter.com