telling people you had anal cancer

24

Comments

  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #22
    LisaMMiles said:

    Lorikat

    Since you have been done for a while now, can I ask if you are still having any side effcts? I am so ready to be completly healed :)

    Side effects, hmmmmmm..  Yes

    Side effects, hmmmmmm..  Yes I do.  Fatigue and depression rate high on my list.  I have learned to stop and take a "coffee break" a couple of times a day as needed so do mostly whatever I want.  My bowels still become inconsistent if I eat wrong, over tire or sometimes just because.  However i can WEAR JEANS WITH COMFORT!  I was afraid I would be commando in long dresses forever!  Here's to never pooping razorblades again!

    I just drove to my daughters. 800 miles,took two days, then to houston, 5 hours and back to my daughters and then home again.  I will not do this again because I am Way too tired but at least I know I CAN.  

    You will get your life back,though it may be different.  Best advice?  Use your dialators as soon as you can...   Hugs and well wishes, Lorikat

     

     

  • BBdogs
    BBdogs Member Posts: 39 Member
    #23
    Dropping The Bomb

    Pem,

    I am sorry about your struggle. 

    At first I was horrified at my diagnosis, after some time I realized my horror was more "cancer" related than "anal".  I did not test positive for HPV but would not have been surprised based upon the many, many strains and difficulty regarding early detection (oh and also the fact that although I was not a wild woman I did not meet my true love at 18 and stay forever content)Kiss  

    My sig other initially suggested I refer to it as colorectal as that wasn't a big stretch.  I did that a couple of times and found the lie to be more uncomfortable (for me) than telling the truth. The treatment is exhausting enough!

    I, too, wish Farrah Fawcett would have screamed "ANAL CANCER" from the rooftop to help with awareness and research efforts.

    Very personal decision for everyone and I don't think there is a wrong one so do what you are comfortable with.  I have chosen to tell people and have found that those who care about me could care less about they type of cancer I have but care that I scream through treatment and carry on.  If some are talking behind my back I figure if they are gossiping about me they are giving someone else a break.

    Take care and best wishes.   

  • LaCh
    LaCh Member Posts: 557
    #24
    BBdogs said:

    Dropping The Bomb

    Pem,

    I am sorry about your struggle. 

    At first I was horrified at my diagnosis, after some time I realized my horror was more "cancer" related than "anal".  I did not test positive for HPV but would not have been surprised based upon the many, many strains and difficulty regarding early detection (oh and also the fact that although I was not a wild woman I did not meet my true love at 18 and stay forever content)Kiss  

    My sig other initially suggested I refer to it as colorectal as that wasn't a big stretch.  I did that a couple of times and found the lie to be more uncomfortable (for me) than telling the truth. The treatment is exhausting enough!

    I, too, wish Farrah Fawcett would have screamed "ANAL CANCER" from the rooftop to help with awareness and research efforts.

    Very personal decision for everyone and I don't think there is a wrong one so do what you are comfortable with.  I have chosen to tell people and have found that those who care about me could care less about they type of cancer I have but care that I scream through treatment and carry on.  If some are talking behind my back I figure if they are gossiping about me they are giving someone else a break.

    Take care and best wishes.   

    my take

    Personally, if I decide to share that I had cancer at all (I share it with friends and don't share it with strangers) I don't have any problems saying what kind of cancer I had. I don't care and they don't care where the tumor was. Everyone's got an anus. Mine just happened to have a tumor. My philosophy is "don't sweat the small stuff," and most "stuff" is small. That said, I understand that my philosophy, my feelings and the lens through which I view things isn't the same for everyone.  This is just my take.

  • jennifer101
    jennifer101 Member Posts: 26
    #25
    Marynb said:

    Talking about it
    At first, I told people that I had a rare gastrointestinal cancer, which it is. That is the truth and seems to suffice for most people. I know the shame. As far as risk factors go, I wonder how long hpv can live in the body before cancer diagnosis?

    For what it is worth

    I have breast cancer and was checking out other discussion boards as I feel there is a lot all cancer survivers have in common.  At first I only told close friends and work colleagues that needed to know.  I was out for six weeks and when I came back I had a lot of people asking about my health.  I found myself realizing that I did not need to tell everyone what kind of cancer I had or even that I was out for cancer related issues.  I often say " I had surgery for cancer and now I am better, thank you"

    The point is, there really is no need to have to explain what kind of cancer you have/had.  I have also found that people do not pry after you tell them you were treated for cancer.  It is none of their business.

  • LaCh
    LaCh Member Posts: 557
    #26
    LisaMMiles said:

    LaCh

    Thank you LaCh! My Dr never mentioned HPV to me and I know good and well I didnt or dont have that. He basicly said that smoking plays a huge role in it. And basicly it is just a cell or cells that went bad. And that a lot of bad stuff passes through there so it can be anything that could have made it bad. I am only 46 yrs old and the dr that removed mine thinking it was a polyp that would eventually go bad, was devisted when he learned it was cancer. He said I was absolutly healthy and not over 50. He was so upset that day he removed it and found it was cancer, he cancled the rest of his apts for that day. Cause he just knew it wasnt cancer, but was unpleasantly surprised by the news. 

    LisaMiles

    A natural human drive is know the whys of things. We always want to know why...  But sometimes that's just not possible and the best that one can do it learn to live with uncertainty and not knowing. I have zero risk factors for this cancer. None. In addition to never smoking, never drinking, never being overweight, never having HPV, I've eaten what we now call a Mediterranean Diet for the last 40 years.  Why did I get this tumor? I don't know but I don't need to know. What I do know is that I had it, I treated it and I assume that it's gone.  Living with peaceful acceptance with the uncertainty can be hard to attain but really, it's the best thing in the end. What matters isn't what caused it (unless one can mitigate those factors) but my point is that in the end, they could be nothing more than a red herring. If I had been a smoker, I would have said, Ok, I got it from smoking. Whether true or not, that's the cause I would have assigned, but once you remove every risk factor and you still get  cancer, the reason is unknown and maybe can't BE known. Stuff happens. The reasons are less important than how one responds to it.

  • Eliz3
    Eliz3 Member Posts: 32
    #27
    LaCh said:

    my take

    Personally, if I decide to share that I had cancer at all (I share it with friends and don't share it with strangers) I don't have any problems saying what kind of cancer I had. I don't care and they don't care where the tumor was. Everyone's got an anus. Mine just happened to have a tumor. My philosophy is "don't sweat the small stuff," and most "stuff" is small. That said, I understand that my philosophy, my feelings and the lens through which I view things isn't the same for everyone.  This is just my take.

    First thoughts

    I remember when my sister told me about her cancer, I only gave thought to what kind of tumour it was, and had it spread, I gave little thought about where it was located, other than the fact that it was an unusual spot...wouldn't have made any difference to me if it had been bowel cancer or anal cancer.

    No one is embarrassed about cervical cancer, so why is this any different, who cares really, it is the treatment and it's success that matters.  I wish no one had to feel ashamed, it is too unfair, cancer is cancer.  

     

  • Missgrace
    Missgrace Member Posts: 43
    #28
    Eliz3 said:

    First thoughts

    I remember when my sister told me about her cancer, I only gave thought to what kind of tumour it was, and had it spread, I gave little thought about where it was located, other than the fact that it was an unusual spot...wouldn't have made any difference to me if it had been bowel cancer or anal cancer.

    No one is embarrassed about cervical cancer, so why is this any different, who cares really, it is the treatment and it's success that matters.  I wish no one had to feel ashamed, it is too unfair, cancer is cancer.  

     

    A big part of the stigma of

    A big part of the stigma of having anal cancer is the fact that the publicized risk factors are "Frequent receptive anal sex, multiple sex partners, prescence of the HPV viris," etc. Personally, I was never tested for HPV or asked anything about my sexusl history. I've been married twice but never had anal sex, so the only risk factor I have is age--over 50. I was asked about smoking (I dont). Since so many posters on the various anal cancer forums do not have any of the risk factors, it makes me wonder where all the 50-90 year old women are--the HPV infected ones who are smoking while having anal sex with multiple partners. I have also noticed that quite a few posters are 40 or younger. I had two acquaintences who died of anal cancer;both women were in their 30's.

    My point is thst no one seems to care about the risk factors enought to report them correctly. I did days of research on risks and gave my findings to my oncologist. He yawned and put my neatly typed "term paper" in his pocket. I guess the cancer is so rare that no one cares what causes it, nor do they care about the emotional trauma of the few of us who have it. It also irritates me that most authorities state that it is a cancer of 50+ year old wonen. This statement causes many younger women not to be tested.

    Now that I've vented about how embarrassed I am to tell folks what kind of cancer I have, I'll admit that I do it anyway. My biggest complaint is that, when most of them go home and check the internet, they think I am some sort of promiscuous pervert who shouldn't be surprised that I have contracted this disease. You are right, Eliz3, no one is embarrassed about cervical cancer, so what's the difference? It's the  false, but widely distributed "causes" of anal cancer.

  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    #29
    Missgrace said:

    A big part of the stigma of

    A big part of the stigma of having anal cancer is the fact that the publicized risk factors are "Frequent receptive anal sex, multiple sex partners, prescence of the HPV viris," etc. Personally, I was never tested for HPV or asked anything about my sexusl history. I've been married twice but never had anal sex, so the only risk factor I have is age--over 50. I was asked about smoking (I dont). Since so many posters on the various anal cancer forums do not have any of the risk factors, it makes me wonder where all the 50-90 year old women are--the HPV infected ones who are smoking while having anal sex with multiple partners. I have also noticed that quite a few posters are 40 or younger. I had two acquaintences who died of anal cancer;both women were in their 30's.

    My point is thst no one seems to care about the risk factors enought to report them correctly. I did days of research on risks and gave my findings to my oncologist. He yawned and put my neatly typed "term paper" in his pocket. I guess the cancer is so rare that no one cares what causes it, nor do they care about the emotional trauma of the few of us who have it. It also irritates me that most authorities state that it is a cancer of 50+ year old wonen. This statement causes many younger women not to be tested.

    Now that I've vented about how embarrassed I am to tell folks what kind of cancer I have, I'll admit that I do it anyway. My biggest complaint is that, when most of them go home and check the internet, they think I am some sort of promiscuous pervert who shouldn't be surprised that I have contracted this disease. You are right, Eliz3, no one is embarrassed about cervical cancer, so what's the difference? It's the  false, but widely distributed "causes" of anal cancer.

    Stigma
    Missgrace, you are right. Recently, I was listening to a debate about gay marriage and some religious zealot said that there was a public health concern because the gay lifestyle was causing an increase in anal cancer. Well, not too long after, my cell phone was buzzing with text messages teasing me about anal cancer. I personally think that I was exposed to hpv virus by exhusband who was unfaithful. I do think there are many married women exposed to sexually transmitted diseases by cheating husbands. Sad, but true.
  • Missgrace
    Missgrace Member Posts: 43
    #30
    Marynb said:

    Stigma
    Missgrace, you are right. Recently, I was listening to a debate about gay marriage and some religious zealot said that there was a public health concern because the gay lifestyle was causing an increase in anal cancer. Well, not too long after, my cell phone was buzzing with text messages teasing me about anal cancer. I personally think that I was exposed to hpv virus by exhusband who was unfaithful. I do think there are many married women exposed to sexually transmitted diseases by cheating husbands. Sad, but true.

    mp327,
      Since 80 to 100 per

    mp327,

      Since 80 to 100 per cent of the population (depending on source of information) is infected with HPV, how can it be considered a risk factor? You may as well say that if you have two ears, you are at risk. I don't understand, but I'll reread your recommended article.

  • LaCh
    LaCh Member Posts: 557
    #31
    Missgrace said:

    A big part of the stigma of

    A big part of the stigma of having anal cancer is the fact that the publicized risk factors are "Frequent receptive anal sex, multiple sex partners, prescence of the HPV viris," etc. Personally, I was never tested for HPV or asked anything about my sexusl history. I've been married twice but never had anal sex, so the only risk factor I have is age--over 50. I was asked about smoking (I dont). Since so many posters on the various anal cancer forums do not have any of the risk factors, it makes me wonder where all the 50-90 year old women are--the HPV infected ones who are smoking while having anal sex with multiple partners. I have also noticed that quite a few posters are 40 or younger. I had two acquaintences who died of anal cancer;both women were in their 30's.

    My point is thst no one seems to care about the risk factors enought to report them correctly. I did days of research on risks and gave my findings to my oncologist. He yawned and put my neatly typed "term paper" in his pocket. I guess the cancer is so rare that no one cares what causes it, nor do they care about the emotional trauma of the few of us who have it. It also irritates me that most authorities state that it is a cancer of 50+ year old wonen. This statement causes many younger women not to be tested.

    Now that I've vented about how embarrassed I am to tell folks what kind of cancer I have, I'll admit that I do it anyway. My biggest complaint is that, when most of them go home and check the internet, they think I am some sort of promiscuous pervert who shouldn't be surprised that I have contracted this disease. You are right, Eliz3, no one is embarrassed about cervical cancer, so what's the difference? It's the  false, but widely distributed "causes" of anal cancer.

    a few salient points
    • Unless there's a reason for a person not experienced with anal sex to know about the (possible) causitive factor of hpv, people don't generally know.

     

    • People who have never had hpv, or any other risk factors for that matter, get anal cancer.

     

    • What's wrong with anal sex between two consenting adults?  

     

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #32
    Missgrace said:

    mp327,
      Since 80 to 100 per

    mp327,

      Since 80 to 100 per cent of the population (depending on source of information) is infected with HPV, how can it be considered a risk factor? You may as well say that if you have two ears, you are at risk. I don't understand, but I'll reread your recommended article.

    Missgrace

    You make a good point.  I truly believe this is one reason that a lot of anal tumors are not even tested for HPV--it's just assumed that HPV is present.  Personally, I think they should all be tested, as even though the majority of anal cancer cases are thought to be HPV-mediated, they are not all, according to what I've read.  As for HPV being present in most of the population after the age of 50, keep in mind that this refers to ALL HPV strains, not just HPV-16 & 18, which are felt to be the ones that cause cancers such as anal, cervical, and others. 

  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #33
    LaCh said:

    a few salient points

    • Unless there's a reason for a person not experienced with anal sex to know about the (possible) causitive factor of hpv, people don't generally know.

     

    • People who have never had hpv, or any other risk factors for that matter, get anal cancer.

     

    • What's wrong with anal sex between two consenting adults?  

     

    LaCh...  I don't really think

    LaCh...  I don't really think any one was holding fault with ANYONE'S bedroom pleasures or sexual orientation.  Behind closed doors and all that...  HOWEVER it's kinda like when my first doctor told me this was usually a "gay mans disease"...  I was obviously a middle aged, married WOMAN with kids.....  So why would I get this cancer?  Obviously, according to this doctor,I did NOT fit the profile.   (he kinda laughed when he told me this...  If I could have thought straight I would have asked him if he thought it funny that gay men get this cancer)

    Ok, it is obvious to me that anal intercourse is NOT the main cause of anal cancer, reference  age 45 andabove women with this horrible disease, just ONE possible contribution to the possibility of cancer.  For many of us it could be having hemmoroids caused from pregnancies and giving birth.  HPV...  Even IF we have only one sexual partner ourselves, if our choosen partner has had sex with multiple partners all bets are off.  

    The point is, ALL information needs to be given to everyone without predjudice and with truth.  So many of us were raised to not even SAY anus, admit to a sex life or mention bodily functions (such as menistration cycles) that yes, we are sometimes uncomfortable.

    Just saying...

  • Phoebesnow
    Phoebesnow Member Posts: 600 Member
    #34
    Lorikat said:

    LaCh...  I don't really think

    LaCh...  I don't really think any one was holding fault with ANYONE'S bedroom pleasures or sexual orientation.  Behind closed doors and all that...  HOWEVER it's kinda like when my first doctor told me this was usually a "gay mans disease"...  I was obviously a middle aged, married WOMAN with kids.....  So why would I get this cancer?  Obviously, according to this doctor,I did NOT fit the profile.   (he kinda laughed when he told me this...  If I could have thought straight I would have asked him if he thought it funny that gay men get this cancer)

    Ok, it is obvious to me that anal intercourse is NOT the main cause of anal cancer, reference  age 45 andabove women with this horrible disease, just ONE possible contribution to the possibility of cancer.  For many of us it could be having hemmoroids caused from pregnancies and giving birth.  HPV...  Even IF we have only one sexual partner ourselves, if our choosen partner has had sex with multiple partners all bets are off.  

    The point is, ALL information needs to be given to everyone without predjudice and with truth.  So many of us were raised to not even SAY anus, admit to a sex life or mention bodily functions (such as menistration cycles) that yes, we are sometimes uncomfortable.

    Just saying...

    Lorikat

    Omg.  You brought back some memories.  I told very few people I had anal cancer.  My family so they could protect themselves if necessary and one friend.  This friends response was "OMG, no nice Irish girl should even have to say that word."

     

     

    I bet there are a fair amount of nice ladies out there having anal sex.  I would imagine some might even have experimented in there youth.

     

    And lastly Drs go to school and then they stop.  From that point forward they evolve just like us.  They develop prejudices and preconceived notions unfortunately just like the rest of us and that includes nurses too.  Sadly most drs and nurses are not that updated on conditions such as anal cancer, ataxia and so on.    If u look back thru the threads one of my early posts was about the chemo nurses parting words to me were "You'll be back".  I had to excuse this ignorance because she probably did not know much about anal cancer and that recurrence was at a muchlowere rate than colon cancer.  Many of the posters here were angry about her response but I have found that I have encountered a lot of ignorance in,people since dx.

     

     

     

  • LaCh
    LaCh Member Posts: 557
    #35
    Lorikat said:

    LaCh...  I don't really think

    LaCh...  I don't really think any one was holding fault with ANYONE'S bedroom pleasures or sexual orientation.  Behind closed doors and all that...  HOWEVER it's kinda like when my first doctor told me this was usually a "gay mans disease"...  I was obviously a middle aged, married WOMAN with kids.....  So why would I get this cancer?  Obviously, according to this doctor,I did NOT fit the profile.   (he kinda laughed when he told me this...  If I could have thought straight I would have asked him if he thought it funny that gay men get this cancer)

    Ok, it is obvious to me that anal intercourse is NOT the main cause of anal cancer, reference  age 45 andabove women with this horrible disease, just ONE possible contribution to the possibility of cancer.  For many of us it could be having hemmoroids caused from pregnancies and giving birth.  HPV...  Even IF we have only one sexual partner ourselves, if our choosen partner has had sex with multiple partners all bets are off.  

    The point is, ALL information needs to be given to everyone without predjudice and with truth.  So many of us were raised to not even SAY anus, admit to a sex life or mention bodily functions (such as menistration cycles) that yes, we are sometimes uncomfortable.

    Just saying...

    shame

    I suppose.  For my part, my take is we all have the same body parts, sometimes they "get sick" and that there's no shame in any of it, no matter the method of acquisition. As for normal body functions, even those that don't connote illness, well, I dunno.  Since shame isn't part of my experience, all I can say is that I respect the fact that some people feel it.  Anal sex---and I think that that's a sticking point for many people on this blog, unless I'm mistaken, simply because it seems to be mentioned together with the shame factor --is a normal part of human sexuality, not all engage in it but many do, whether they're gay men, heterosexual couples or anyone who chooses to have it.  Things in life--all things--and that includes words, take on a good or a bad connotation based soley on how we decide to label them. Alone, they're neither good nor bad but neutral. There's way too much shame assigned to things that simply don't warrant it.   

  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #36
    LaCh said:

    shame

    I suppose.  For my part, my take is we all have the same body parts, sometimes they "get sick" and that there's no shame in any of it, no matter the method of acquisition. As for normal body functions, even those that don't connote illness, well, I dunno.  Since shame isn't part of my experience, all I can say is that I respect the fact that some people feel it.  Anal sex---and I think that that's a sticking point for many people on this blog, unless I'm mistaken, simply because it seems to be mentioned together with the shame factor --is a normal part of human sexuality, not all engage in it but many do, whether they're gay men, heterosexual couples or anyone who chooses to have it.  Things in life--all things--and that includes words, take on a good or a bad connotation based soley on how we decide to label them. Alone, they're neither good nor bad but neutral. There's way too much shame assigned to things that simply don't warrant it.   

    Well said.  And I agree.  And

    Well said.  And I agree.  And personally?  Im only interested in what goes on in MY bedroom/life!  

  • LaCh
    LaCh Member Posts: 557
    #37
    Lorikat said:

    Well said.  And I agree.  And

    Well said.  And I agree.  And personally?  Im only interested in what goes on in MY bedroom/life!  

    lorikat

    Thanks Lorikat, it's always good to know that at least someone agrees with me, as I often seem to find myself on the "what did you just say??" side of the fence, and while I won't compromise myself and say something I don't mean or agree in word to something that I don't really agree with, I don't particularly like being on that side of the fence. For people who have trouble seeing past the "shameful/non shameful" conundrum, another way to look at it is by asking the questions, "Why is it that the sound of coughing isn't embarrassing but the sound of passing gas, is?" "Why is the sound of someone peeing not as embarrassing as the sound of someone moving their bowels?" (and I'll also add that these are influenced by cultural norms because they're not always as we perceive them here in the U.S.) "Why is blood from menstruation embarrassing but blood from a cut arm is not?" Why do we say one kind of sex is ok and another kind isn't?  Why is it easier to say "I have colon cancer" (or leukemia or lymphoma or any other malady, cancerous or not) than "I have anal cancer"? Sometimes asking why? can be helpful in putting things in perspective and seeing that it needn't be. These are all just judgements that society--ours-- has collectively agreed upon and after a while, people forget the value in asking why?  I'll also add that being private is not the same thing as silence driven by shame. I'm a very private person; I'm not on Facebook or Twitter and if someone googled me, they'd come up with zero hits. It's my nature; I'm private. But it isn't driven by shame and I think it's important to recognize the difference between the two. Another way to illustrate the difference is that there are many, many people who I haven't told that I had cancer. There's no reason to. They don't need to know and I don't need them to, but for those who I've told, I have no problem with telling them what kind I had, and I do. 

  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    #38
    LaCh said:

    shame

    I suppose.  For my part, my take is we all have the same body parts, sometimes they "get sick" and that there's no shame in any of it, no matter the method of acquisition. As for normal body functions, even those that don't connote illness, well, I dunno.  Since shame isn't part of my experience, all I can say is that I respect the fact that some people feel it.  Anal sex---and I think that that's a sticking point for many people on this blog, unless I'm mistaken, simply because it seems to be mentioned together with the shame factor --is a normal part of human sexuality, not all engage in it but many do, whether they're gay men, heterosexual couples or anyone who chooses to have it.  Things in life--all things--and that includes words, take on a good or a bad connotation based soley on how we decide to label them. Alone, they're neither good nor bad but neutral. There's way too much shame assigned to things that simply don't warrant it.   

    LaCh

    When you are raised an Irish Catholic girl, shame is your unofficial middle name! God bless my late mother, she meant well and truly believed that shame was a good thing! I hope I didn't pass this on to my daughter!
  • debbie880
    debbie880 Member Posts: 1
    #39
    what are the symptoms of anal cancer

    I am constipated and had a pain in my anal area one day that stopped me from getting up so now i need a colonoscopy and an endoscopy.  Will see what happens.

     

    What were your symptoms of anal cancer please?

    debbie

  • LaCh
    LaCh Member Posts: 557
    #40
    Marynb said:

    LaCh

    When you are raised an Irish Catholic girl, shame is your unofficial middle name! God bless my late mother, she meant well and truly believed that shame was a good thing! I hope I didn't pass this on to my daughter!

    marynb

    I'm not saying that it's easy to shake off cultural or religious conditioning but the first step is in saying "why?"  Why is this the way that it is? Why do "they" say so-and so? And of course, good Catholics don't ask why because that's no longer being a "good" Catholic but asking why and chasing down the answers is the first step to rethinking things. Hard as it is, even harder is having a new perspective, a different answer go from the head to the heart where it becomes as natural (or hopefully, as natural) as the old belief once was. That's the tricky part. It helps when you're surrounded by like-minded people who think what you think (whatever that is, whether it's Catholic teachings or a more relaxed way of thinking--or anything in between.)  Easy? No. Possible? Yes. Worth the work that it takes? That's something only the person doing it can answer.

  • Phoebesnow
    Phoebesnow Member Posts: 600 Member
    #41
    LaCh said:

    marynb

    I'm not saying that it's easy to shake off cultural or religious conditioning but the first step is in saying "why?"  Why is this the way that it is? Why do "they" say so-and so? And of course, good Catholics don't ask why because that's no longer being a "good" Catholic but asking why and chasing down the answers is the first step to rethinking things. Hard as it is, even harder is having a new perspective, a different answer go from the head to the heart where it becomes as natural (or hopefully, as natural) as the old belief once was. That's the tricky part. It helps when you're surrounded by like-minded people who think what you think (whatever that is, whether it's Catholic teachings or a more relaxed way of thinking--or anything in between.)  Easy? No. Possible? Yes. Worth the work that it takes? That's something only the person doing it can answer.

    Lach

    It's funny how easy it is to bash the Catholics even by Catholics.

     

    Is this a preconceived notion and a prejudice?

     

    Anyway I think I made my point, everyone is guilty.  Oh, unless your perfect.

     

    Yes shame, guilt all that crap my parents gave me in the 60's and 70's trying to install a moral compass in me.  Rules to live my life by the only way they knew how to teach them..  Like any child I wanted my parents approval and tried to live by their rules while living in their house.  It seems to have been pretty effective as children weren't shooting up schools and performing as little terrorists.  We knew our place.

     

    Oh and this catholic has always asked why and how?  Nobody ever beat me down for this.  I never even heard that we we're not supposed to ask why.

     

     

    Recently I was watching the channel 4 news and dr nancy synderman was dispelling health myths.   The common cold cannot be caught from a chill, wet hair or any of those old myths is what she was saying, that it is an infection that needs to run its course.  At the end of the statement she perpetuated the myth by qualifying saying you should wear a hat as you lose most of your warmth trru your head.  Boy that last statement annoyed me.

    I am obviously the black sheep here, it's rare that I hear any opposition to what u have to say LACH. 

     

     

     

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