starting to feel

Marynb

sephie said:

to LaCh

you are an excellent writer---excellent in the way you express yourself.... your posts are extremely valuable .... i am 3.5 years post tx and still read every post to learn even now how to handle the pain, bleeding, urgency, issues that i have.....  do i dwell too much on my disease??? perhaps but i am reminded daily... i have improved and am sooooo grateful for how far i have come..... my poiint is that you should be a writer.... i do not know what your occupation is but you could branch out with this ability you have to express yourself.......  sooooo glad that you are feeling better and better......as we all do,  I UNDERSTAND........sephie

Connected
What I learned from having cancer (twice) is that we are all connected somehow. I had been thoroughly independent and seldom asked for help before cancer. As a single mother, I prided myself on my ability to do it all on my own. I was a proud woman. When I got cancer, I had to reach out and so many responded to help me. We are all part of the same body. We need each other. I have been overwhelmed by the level of human kindness shown to me. This site has been valuable in the post treatment period. The issues we experience are common to many of us and it has helped me very much. Also, because this is such a rare cancer, there are not many places to go for information and support. It helps me to be able to convey the limited information that I have. Encouraging patients to seek the most competent medical care they can get to is important to me, because I was misdiagnosed for so long. All medical facilities and doctors are not equal and it is important to know how to evaluate hospitals and doctors. If I can prevent one malpractice, I will be happy. I have seen too many disasters.

LaCh

Marynb said:

Connected
What I learned from having cancer (twice) is that we are all connected somehow. I had been thoroughly independent and seldom asked for help before cancer. As a single mother, I prided myself on my ability to do it all on my own. I was a proud woman. When I got cancer, I had to reach out and so many responded to help me. We are all part of the same body. We need each other. I have been overwhelmed by the level of human kindness shown to me. This site has been valuable in the post treatment period. The issues we experience are common to many of us and it has helped me very much. Also, because this is such a rare cancer, there are not many places to go for information and support. It helps me to be able to convey the limited information that I have. Encouraging patients to seek the most competent medical care they can get to is important to me, because I was misdiagnosed for so long. All medical facilities and doctors are not equal and it is important to know how to evaluate hospitals and doctors. If I can prevent one malpractice, I will be happy. I have seen too many disasters.

Marynb

Yes, I'm like that too; I don't ask for help and don't easily accept it when it's offered. I'm a very solitary person by nature and tend to prefer my own company.  I'm independent and love my independence, I'm autonomous and love my autonomy. Case in point: the only thing that gave me relief (and continues to be the only real thing that can) are the massages from the therapist that works with cancer patients at Sloan Kettering. People said to me during the weeks of treatment, "I wish I could be there with you," to which my response invariably was, "There's absolutely nothing you could do for me if you were here."  Well, a cousin of mine said that she wanted to send me money. I said, "Thank you, but no."  So she sent it anyway. Another cousin (her sister) said, "I'd like to send you some money," to which I said, "Thank you, but no."  So she sent it anyway.  Then friends that I have, a married couple said, "We'd like to send you some money," to which I said..well, you can guess what I said, but they sent it anyway too.  So although there was nothing anybody could do for me if they had come here to be with me, friends and relatives found the only concrete way that they could help and they did. Because of their generosity (the money was substantial) and deep desire to help me, I've been able to have a massage once a week and although my pain is under much better control now, there's only one time during the week when I can actually say, "I feel good," and that's during the massage.  I've been humbled by the kindness shown to me by aquaintances, by  friends, by relatives and by strangers on this site.  I've been deeply grateful for the empathy and caring shown to me by the radiation oncologist, the radiation nurse and the medical nurse who administered the chemo, all of whom went far beyond what they had to.  If I take nothing more from the last several weeks, I'll take the humanity in people, the innate kindness and generosity.  I'll take away the impression it's left upon me and try to honor it by giving it to others.  So...  independence aside, I've received things beyond measure and yet have remained myself.  I'm still unsure how to translate a desire to help others into a way to do it, but I trust that the way will come to me in its own time.

Marynb

LaCh
Yes, cancer changes us in so many ways. I am in the process of a career change. I want to find a way to use my knowledge and skills to help in some way.

You describe your need to write, the same way that my daughter does. I hope you finish that book! Something tells me that you will!

LaCh

Marynb said:

LaCh
Yes, cancer changes us in so many ways. I am in the process of a career change. I want to find a way to use my knowledge and skills to help in some way.

You describe your need to write, the same way that my daughter does. I hope you finish that book! Something tells me that you will!

marynb

My hope is that the cancer experience will be the catalyst that I need to facilitate the personal changes that I want for myself.   As for the book...  it's already finished.  I just have to edit it for grammar, spelling and punctuation.  Writing is my salvation, my solace and my sustenance. It's like a drug; if I don't write for a period of time, I start to have withdrawal and end up writing in my head.  I'm sure your daughter understands.  But publishing has nothing at all to do with any of it and to get it ready for publication is just a daunting, onerous, unpleasant task that I have to complete and the thing that makes it so hard is that altough I've decided to do it, my heart is definitely not in it.  What I really want is to jealously guard it and keep it for myself, but I've decided to do something else.  So... we'll see.  But the book is finished except for the editing which no one in their right mind would even attempt to do for their own work but which I'll have to do because I can't afford to have someone else do it for me.  I'm thinking that it'll be done towards the end of the year.  As for using the experience to help others, yes, I've thought the same thing, not as a career but maybe in the capacity of volunteer.  So was the cancer a bad experience?  I can't see anything bad in it whatsoever. To the contrary, it was and is a very positive one, or, that is, the effect that it's had upon me, the things that it's given to me and shown to me, are.  If your daughter loves to write as you say that she does, it's a wonderful "crutch," a beautiful addiction, the perfect escape.  May it continue to give her what she needs.