The decision was made for us before treatment began - Bobbie

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Thank you so much to everyone for thier help, advice, and prayers for Bobbie. Bobbie passed away Monday while at home. We had been trying to decide whether he should start treatment or whether it would be too much for him to take. He was diagnosed with Stage IV about four weeks ago. A week later he had a trech, chemo port, and feeding tube put in, was discharged about a week later to a nursing home because he had c-diff. He was there for about another five days and came home on Thursday. By Monday we took him to the ER because he had been unable to keep any food down by mouth and his g tube was infected. Saturday night at the hospital, Bobbie told us he didn't want treatment, just wanted to come home have a few beers and live his life the best he could. Sunday the hospital discharged him...it was odd, everytime bobbie had been discharged previously he would call us let us know he was being discharged and wait until we got there. Sunday he called us to let us know and then continued to call us non stop, he had a strange sense of inpatience we couldn't put our finger on. We got home about 6 PM on Sunday, he had a few beers and a few cigarettes. Throughout the evening, we were sitting in the den and he kept coming to the door way and would just stand there looking in the room and at us. We'd ask if he wanted to join us, how he was, did he want to talk. He would just say he was fine and walk away and return in another 20-30 minutes. Monday when he and my husband got up, they went for a walk in the park, came home and bobbie heated up some soup, they talked a while, curtis asking if he was okay, bobbie just replied, :Curtis I am fine, I'm just a little sick, I'll be okay." He said bobbie said something to him and then left the room, he went looking for him about ten minutes later and found him passed away in the bathroom. They believe it was a blood clot.

Looking back bobbie's odd sense of urgency to leave the hospital that he just couldn't wait to get home, combined with his coming to the door of the den all even just makes me feel like he knew. Maybe he didn't know he knew --- but somehow he sensed he had little time left, he wanted to get home and relax where he was comfortable. My husband was devasted to find him - that was one thing he didn't want to happen, he said from the beginning he didn't know if he could handle being the one to find bobbie...we assumed that as things progressed if that time came he would be in the hospital or hospice. i keep reassuring my husband that bobbie was more happier then he had been in a long time and would not have wanted to be anywhere else.

Thanks again to everyone for being there.

Comments

  • Pam M
    Pam M Member Posts: 2,196
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    So Very Sorry
    It sure sounds like, on some level, Bobbie knew what might be coming, and wanted to face it on his own turf, after looking in on his loved ones, instead of in an alien environment, being observed by strangers.

    I'm sorry for your loss just the same - even while I'm glad he got to leave the hospital and go home "in time".
  • blackswampboy
    blackswampboy Member Posts: 341
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    condolences
    you did your best for him, under very difficult circumstances.
    bless you and your husband.
  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,723 Member
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    sorry
    TheFitts,

    I am so sorry for your loss and so suddenly. It sounds like Bobbie was where he wanted to be, with family. Please give your husband a big hug, you all did what you could.

    Best,

    Matt
  • ToBeGolden
    ToBeGolden Member Posts: 695
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    Sorry ...
    to have known (about) Bobbie for such a short time. Since we've mostly heard about his battle with Cancer, we did not learn all that much about his good points. I wish he had not passed at such an early age, but maybe things are better for him on the other side.
  • VivianLee5689
    VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
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    Sorry ...
    to have known (about) Bobbie for such a short time. Since we've mostly heard about his battle with Cancer, we did not learn all that much about his good points. I wish he had not passed at such an early age, but maybe things are better for him on the other side.

    Thinking of you
    So sorry for your loss.
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
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    Pam M said:

    So Very Sorry
    It sure sounds like, on some level, Bobbie knew what might be coming, and wanted to face it on his own turf, after looking in on his loved ones, instead of in an alien environment, being observed by strangers.

    I'm sorry for your loss just the same - even while I'm glad he got to leave the hospital and go home "in time".

    prayers lifted
    I am sorry for such sad news. Praying God's love and presence surround you and your family during this time.
  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
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    so sad
    so very sad, nobody deserves cancer, nobody.

    prayers for the family and friends

    john
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
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    So Very Sorry...
    So sorry to hear this news....

    But as you have already figured, it sounds like Bobbie went out the way he wanted and on his terms and conditions.

    May he rest in peace, healed and whole again.

    Thoughts & Prayers,
    john
  • Tonsil Dad
    Tonsil Dad Member Posts: 488
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    Skiffin16 said:

    So Very Sorry...
    So sorry to hear this news....

    But as you have already figured, it sounds like Bobbie went out the way he wanted and on his terms and conditions.

    May he rest in peace, healed and whole again.

    Thoughts & Prayers,
    john

    Prayers and condolences.
    From our family you yours, Bobbie is at peace.
    May God greet him at the gates of heaven.

    God bless
    Tonsil dad,

    Dan.
  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
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    My condolences
    Please accept my condolences for you and your husband's loss. Take comfort from the thought that Bobbie left this life the same way that he lived it; on his own terms. You and your husband were there for him when he most needed you.

    Deb
  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
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    Thank you for sharing Bobbie
    I can't imagine the hurts that go along with the unfinished part that has been left unsaid. You will be in our hearts forever. I don't know what exactly lies for me at the end of my journey....but I hope I can be as determined as Bobbie to see it through my way. Warmest thoughts of comfort sent, Katie
  • amy_h414
    amy_h414 Member Posts: 98
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
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    My condolences....
    tho I believe everything happens for a reason. I can say that since Bobby had decided to skip treatment, this way out....quick and no suffering, has got to be the best scenerio for him...very hard on family members, but for Bobby the best way to go.

    My heart felt sympathies go to you and your husband.

    p
  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
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    My condolences....
    tho I believe everything happens for a reason. I can say that since Bobby had decided to skip treatment, this way out....quick and no suffering, has got to be the best scenerio for him...very hard on family members, but for Bobby the best way to go.

    My heart felt sympathies go to you and your husband.

    p

    I'm sorry to hear, please let your husband know..
    we are sorry for his loss as well.

    My dad was dx with acute Leukemia almost 18 months ago, they gave him 3 months to live if that ...and he (for my mother) took every shot, tx and whatever esle they offered to prolong his life...he did not want to, but did so for mom...he was 73 and in GREAT health (walked two miles a day and still worked his business on the side)...

    ...when I got the call time was short and drove across country with my two oldest kids..he was in the hospital when I left to got him and still was when I got there...at his bedside in the hospital he told me

    ..'I want you to do 3 things for me, one, get me home, I don't want to die in the hosptial" ...the other two related to mom and finances ..

    I'm sure this is little comfort and of course my humble opinion...but it sounds like Bobbie died where he felt the most comfortable ....

    I prayed for comfort for you and your husband and all Bobbie's friends before I hit the post button ...

    Best,

    Tim
  • ditto1
    ditto1 Member Posts: 660
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    Tim6003 said:

    I'm sorry to hear, please let your husband know..
    we are sorry for his loss as well.

    My dad was dx with acute Leukemia almost 18 months ago, they gave him 3 months to live if that ...and he (for my mother) took every shot, tx and whatever esle they offered to prolong his life...he did not want to, but did so for mom...he was 73 and in GREAT health (walked two miles a day and still worked his business on the side)...

    ...when I got the call time was short and drove across country with my two oldest kids..he was in the hospital when I left to got him and still was when I got there...at his bedside in the hospital he told me

    ..'I want you to do 3 things for me, one, get me home, I don't want to die in the hosptial" ...the other two related to mom and finances ..

    I'm sure this is little comfort and of course my humble opinion...but it sounds like Bobbie died where he felt the most comfortable ....

    I prayed for comfort for you and your husband and all Bobbie's friends before I hit the post button ...

    Best,

    Tim

    Our prayers
    and condolences to you and your family. The Dittos
  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
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    ditto1 said:

    Our prayers
    and condolences to you and your family. The Dittos

    Sorry for your loss
    I think the Good Lord spared you, your husband and Bobbie from those difficult decisions that you were faced with. Bobbie is in a better place. May God bless your family and bring you comfort during this sad time.
  • KareGiver
    KareGiver Member Posts: 301 Member
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    hwt said:

    Sorry for your loss
    I think the Good Lord spared you, your husband and Bobbie from those difficult decisions that you were faced with. Bobbie is in a better place. May God bless your family and bring you comfort during this sad time.

    Please
    Accept my condolences and prayers for your loss...