Mixed Feelings

MsGebby

First ... I want to say thank you for the birthday wishes. It's a nice surprise and much needed pick me up. THANK YOU!!

Last week was such a see saw. I was up and I was down. Let me give you a snap shot.

The week before last, I had seen my pulmologist. He went over the results of that methacholine challenge and said I have asthma. So he prescribes an inhaler called Provent. By Saturday afternoon, I was having an allergic reaction. No biggie. I just take some benedryl and wait for it to pass. I called his office on Monday to discuss this. I was having so much trouble getting 3 words out no less breathing. The nurse was mad at me for not going to the ER over the weekend. I didn't see any reason to go since I know they would only do what I did. Give me benedryl. She wanted me to go there...STAT. I refused. I get a call about 15 minutes later from a doctor I don't know but who knows my pulmonologist. He told me to go to the ER and he would meet me there. I HAD TO GO....Fast forward...I am admitted for observation (I arrived at the hospital at 11 AM and finally got a bed at 9:30PM) Lots of tests and lots of drugs being pumped into my system and NO SLEEP. The cough is better and I am breathing better too. I was on steroids and because of that, my blood sugar rose to over 400! Now I am started on Lantis and Prandin. It was just one drug after the other. Now here is where I get a shock that put me into a tailspin.

While in the ER I had an xray. I didn't hear anything about the results until Tuesday morning. I was told that the largest lung nodule had grown from 8mm to 1.3cm. I couldn't speak. Literally couldn't speak. The doctor asked when I was scheduled to see my oncologist. I tell him after Labor Day. He said "NO...you need to get in to see her by next week". How scary is that???? I was released late Tuesday night (with a nebulizer too). I decided not to make an appointment with oncologist because I know I have an appointment with the thoracic surgeon on Friday.

Wednesday was a blur. I was scared, tired and anxious. Then Thursday (my birthday) I am sitting with the BS. Gawd I love her. She gives me the big pink bow for my birthday and says she will see me in 6 months. She did ask about the lung issues though. She said "crap" when I tell her what's going on and then hugged me. She wanted to know what my MO thought (she was talking about the first MO I had) I told her I don't see her anymore because I felt talked down to. Know what the BS said? She said "Dr so and so did the same to me!" Holy cow ... She only qualified my decision to show that doctor the door. Anyway, my BS wants me to stay in contact with her as I go through this lung stuff. She wants to help me any way she can. I am blessed.

OK ... the thoracic surgeon appointment. He says he isn't too concerned just yet about the nodule that has grown. Of course I didn't understand this but he had his reasons. First, he knows I am being treated with steroids and doxycycline (sp?) Which tells him there are other issues going on right now. Second, he tells me that surgery is very risky and he has seen this sort of thing many times and it sometimes will work itself out. Third, the only "evidence" of this nodule having grown to 1.3cm is on an xray. He won't even qualify an xray. He did read the CT scan and report however and did say that this is something he wants to keep a watch on. I was a bit un-nerved at one point cuz he was saying that the original 1.2cm nodule had only grown .01mm. I had to point out to him that the 1.2cm nodule is in the right lobe and the 1.3cm nodule is in the left lobe. He looked at the report 3 more times and then said he wanted to look over the scan again. He leaves the room and comes back still saying that it's not the right time to do a biopsy.

We talked about what the next course of action will be. He told me that because I am a breast cancer patient I will need to be followed closely forever. He doesn't want to take any chances with me. He says "one more scan and this time I want it done here at Sloan Kettering". I have that scan and an appointment with him in 3 months.

It's been a difficult week. I was so depressed and felt so uncertain. I am still a bit uncertain but am starting to understand why people say "this is my new normal". I may not be in the same place as many of my sisters, but I understand how cancer changes lives FOREVER. I am not out of the woods just yet.

I am going to forget about this until 2 weeks before that next scan. MAN ... I hate this. The NOT knowing is going to make me crazy.

So there it is. The week in hell. Now ... I am getting ready to go see the Doobie Bros and Chicago rock out tomorrow night. Hubby got us VIP BOX seats for my birthday. Then we are off to upstate NY. Going to the Baseball Hall of Fame and then to the lakes region and some wine sampling. (wink wink) From there we will be visiting a dear friend (known her for 30 years) who I haven't seen in 15 years. I am wicked excited.

Life is good ... not always kind ... but good.

xoxo
Mary

laughs_a_lot

The oncologist
go out and have your fun. However, you were advised to see your oncologist by both the ER doctor and the pulmonologist. Perhaps you should set the appointment for after you get back from having all your fun. Go have your fun and forget about it if you can, and then when you get back you can decide whether or not to follow thier advice and see the oncologist.

I know you are probably very sick of all this rigamaroll and hoops to jump through related to your health. That is why it is important to have that fun, as you have been through the wringer. But then upon your return you will be in the best position if you have already set the appointment. You will probably be ready to take on this nasty beast once again if necessary. Making the appointment now will avoid delays when you return.

By the way I hope you have loads of fun!!!!!!

Kristin N

laughs_a_lot said:

The oncologist
go out and have your fun. However, you were advised to see your oncologist by both the ER doctor and the pulmonologist. Perhaps you should set the appointment for after you get back from having all your fun. Go have your fun and forget about it if you can, and then when you get back you can decide whether or not to follow thier advice and see the oncologist.

I know you are probably very sick of all this rigamaroll and hoops to jump through related to your health. That is why it is important to have that fun, as you have been through the wringer. But then upon your return you will be in the best position if you have already set the appointment. You will probably be ready to take on this nasty beast once again if necessary. Making the appointment now will avoid delays when you return.

By the way I hope you have loads of fun!!!!!!

You just enjoy your trip and
You just enjoy your trip and happy belated birthday to you! You have been put thru the ringer and deserve this break. I am just so sorry for everything that happened to you. Now go have fun!

rallendorfer

You got through it.
And you still have your composure. You got a good report from the BS. That is very good. And even the thoracic surgeon sounds like he is up on it. But now what about the Oncologist, and how is that supposed to help, do you know? I don't understand that part. If he doesn't want to do a biopsy, then why go there? Everything ok in the breast, right?

You have been on my mind daily. Can you breathe better now after all of that, too? I hope so, because there is nothing so disgusting as someone wheezing in their wine! >:-)

You know I love you don't you!?
XOXO
Rebecca

pinkkari09

Love Your Attitude :-)
Mary, you have such a great attitude, I love it! I'm praying all turns out ok, and in the meantime, live your life girl :-)
Miles of Love and Big Cyber Hugs,
~Kari

Gabe N Abby Mom

It sounds to me like the ER
It sounds to me like the ER doc and the thoracic surgeon want to be sure your onc is in the loop and knows what you've been going through. Because I have Kaiser, I would be able to email my onc and ask him to look at the x-ray. Is that an option for you? Email and phone saves me lots of time...less appointments to manage (less co-pays too).

I agree with pushing all the medical stuff aside and enjoying that birthday gift!!

Hugs,

Linda

MAJW

Gabe N Abby Mom said:

It sounds to me like the ER
It sounds to me like the ER doc and the thoracic surgeon want to be sure your onc is in the loop and knows what you've been going through. Because I have Kaiser, I would be able to email my onc and ask him to look at the x-ray. Is that an option for you? Email and phone saves me lots of time...less appointments to manage (less co-pays too).

I agree with pushing all the medical stuff aside and enjoying that birthday gift!!

Hugs,

Linda

Have....
If possible..put all of this in the back of your mind and have a wonderful time! You and the hubby deserve a rock n good time!

Keep us posted when you get back....
Big hugs, Nancy

missrenee

MAJW said:

Have....
If possible..put all of this in the back of your mind and have a wonderful time! You and the hubby deserve a rock n good time!

Keep us posted when you get back....
Big hugs, Nancy

Oh, Mary, that was a week from hell
I keep trying to educate people who don't seem to know--this nasty disease is as much physical as it is psychological. It does take a toll. I envy people who don't worry and take things as they come. I don't think that's a very big list of people though.

Anyway, Mary, I'm from upstate NY and have been to Cooperstown and the lakes regions/Adirondacks many, many times. It is so beautiful there--I hope you find peace, at least for a little while.

I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I'm glad you come here to talk to us. We all care and are holding your hand through it all.

Love and hugs, Renee

MsGebby

rallendorfer said:

You got through it.
And you still have your composure. You got a good report from the BS. That is very good. And even the thoracic surgeon sounds like he is up on it. But now what about the Oncologist, and how is that supposed to help, do you know? I don't understand that part. If he doesn't want to do a biopsy, then why go there? Everything ok in the breast, right?

You have been on my mind daily. Can you breathe better now after all of that, too? I hope so, because there is nothing so disgusting as someone wheezing in their wine! >:-)

You know I love you don't you!?
XOXO
Rebecca

Hi becca
yup ... breathing has improved. Thank God. The nebulizer is working. Done with steroids as of today.

The oncologist ... hmmm ... while is the hospital, I was told I needed to see her like yesterday. The one thing these ER docs did not know is that I had the appointment with thoracic surgeon. I am sure they would've been happy that I was going to see him on Friday. I wasn't thinking clearly and did not mention this tiny little factoid to them. Oh well. The thoracic surgeon said he would send a note to my MO. That's food enough for me.

I do have an appointment on Sept 4 for the MO. I was checking my schedule and saw that I also have an xray on that day. I will bring the CD to her for that appointment.

I find it interesting that the thoracic surgeon didn't think xrays had any significant meaning pertaining to lung nodules. That's why I'm not a doctor. HEHE

Got a question. It's been nearly 6 months since my last radiation treatment and my boobie is shedding skin again. It's not worrisome ... I just want to know if that's normal,

Luvya too my friend.

xoxo
Mary

MsGebby

laughs_a_lot said:

The oncologist
go out and have your fun. However, you were advised to see your oncologist by both the ER doctor and the pulmonologist. Perhaps you should set the appointment for after you get back from having all your fun. Go have your fun and forget about it if you can, and then when you get back you can decide whether or not to follow thier advice and see the oncologist.

I know you are probably very sick of all this rigamaroll and hoops to jump through related to your health. That is why it is important to have that fun, as you have been through the wringer. But then upon your return you will be in the best position if you have already set the appointment. You will probably be ready to take on this nasty beast once again if necessary. Making the appointment now will avoid delays when you return.

By the way I hope you have loads of fun!!!!!!

Thanks for your note. I
Thanks for your note. I understand what you are saying but I did not mention that the ER docs did not know I had an appointment with the thoracic surgeon on Friday. My MO actually stated that she wanted to hear from him regarding the CT scan before I came back to see her. So this works out just fine. My appointment with her (MO) is Sept 4.

"sick of the rigamaroll" is an understatement. I just want answers and it seems those aren't coming easily. I am in good hands feel OK about waiting for the next scan. If I feel sick or anything before that time, I will be in touch with my MO.

Trust me .... I will totally forget about this crap until 2 weeks before the scan. It's how I am. If I don't feel any immediate urgency or danger, I just roll with it. I have to. It's just too much of a headache to be asking for trouble. Know what I mean???

I truly hope I don't have to continue dealing with this nasty beast. I am still learning that I am at greater risk because I've already had cancer. At least the TS understands this and is not taking this ordeal lightly. That's a good thing. My former oncologist was pretty laid back on the subject of lung nodules. He basically didn't think there was going to be a problem and would have dismissed this all together with the last scan. I say that because his notes in my chart pretty much state this.

Onward I go. Looking forward to some vacay with the hubby. We BOTH need this.

Luvya,

xoxo
Mary

mom62

Have a good time on your trip!
Mary,

With all you went through last week you deserve a break. IMO doctors don't always know everything. That's all I'm going to say about the whole ER thing. Why does the thoracic surgeon want to do a biopsy though I don't quite understand that. My oncologist and thoracic surgeon worked together when my cancer spread to my sternum and ribs. I know yours is lung, but I would think they would do the same? I'm no doctor but just asking some questions. I have 5 different doctors too, so I get the whole constant appointment thing. I wish you well on your trip, look forward to hearing from you when you get back. Happy Belated Birthday by the way!

Terry

Megan M

pinkkari09 said:

Love Your Attitude :-)
Mary, you have such a great attitude, I love it! I'm praying all turns out ok, and in the meantime, live your life girl :-)
Miles of Love and Big Cyber Hugs,
~Kari

Hoping you are having a
Hoping you are having a wonderful time Mary! Praying for you!