How do you live like this

gwj7

I've posted in here twice before but today we found out that my mom definitely has colon cancer. It is about a one inch tumor in her ascending colon and she is 56 years old. She spoke with a doctor already and they were talking about doing some chemo before surgery to remove the tumor. Any thoughts about this? We are still waiting for cat scan results sometime this week. She is also getting a second opinion from a recommended doctor from a friend who also had cancer (although not colon).


Also, how do you live like this? I am only 18 years old and I have a twin brother and an 22 year old brother. Today my family was a wreck. My dad was the only one who kept it together. My mom is speaking to us like she is dying in hours!!!! I told her that worst case scenario she still has months and months to live. My brother and I are both going to college next month and my mom was telling us in tears how we were going to go and not worry about her. HOW CAN I DO THAT???? She talked about how her mom died at 40 and her life fell apart because of that and she was crying because she doesn't want that to happen to us.


How do we live like this???? I love my mom so much and thinking of life without her drains me so much. I don't want to be dramatic but I don't have any goals or dreams without her in my life. I used to fear death SO MUCH to the point where I was in therapy for it, but if my mom dies, I don't care about death at all and I'm indifferent if I die or not (i am not suicidal don't worry).



What should I tell me mom to make her feel better? We don't even know what stage this cancer is so I don't want everyone freaking out! How can I make my family happy? My brothers are both very sad. I am sooooooooo sad and I have had no appetite for days but I am not letting my family know. When my mom said something very dramatic about dying (as though is would occur within the hour) I tried to laugh and make it sound ridiculous. I just don't want anyone speaking about death.



But in the mean time, how do I go out and do things such as my summer job, or even hanging out with friends? What about college? How do I get my mom to be as positive as you all here?



Thanks for any responses. Sorry if this is so dramatic. Please pray for my mom that she doesn't have very bad colon cancer!

christinecarl

After being diagnosed those
After being diagnosed those 1st few months are intense, so many things run through your head, all of them bad. You all just need to lean on each other and try to stay positive. Once you know exactly what you are dealing with you will be able to form an attack. Does your mom come here? If not she should, it has really helped me. Prayers for you all and keep us updated.

Stay strong and believe it can be beat.

druidshadow

my case
hello darling, i am 34 with this issue from what you have said so far it would be stage one, and that is very treatable if not even cure able there are folks who have been in your moms shoes and worse that have lived many years past the expire date the docs gave them. so stay positive, i have stage 4 which means it has moved past the colon on to a diff. organ mine is in my live and they told me in dec. of last year it is a race between which kills me the liver failure or the cancer cause it has eatting my liver but i have gotten news that it is shrinking so we know what will kill me so fr and they give me 2 years max, so be happy they have caught your moms early. and i am sorry we had to meet like this, but the best way to stay upbeat is learn every thing you can about this stupid thing and inform your family and let them know that the early stages are able to be fixed, unlike my sit. any wys i will pray for you all and keep you in my thoughts. believe that this will and can be cured.
john

herdizziness

Different takes
When we hear the word cancer in relation to ourselves we think we're going to die. Then Surprise Surprise, we find ourselves still here, still living normal lives.
When I learned I had Stage IV colon cancer, it took me a week to tell my son, and about two months to tell my daughter. They had told me I had 6 months to live, and how do you tell your child that?
They both informed me after tears, that they expected me to fight the cancer and live, 2 1/2 years later I'm here still, they pushed me into going to college (I'm 53 now)so I'd have better things to worry about, like my grades instead of my cancer.
Some people like drama a little more then others, if my brother John were to stub his toe, you can be assured that he would be telling us all that it looks like it's going to need amputation any minute now, but that is how he is. I think the word "cancer" has scared your mother, and she doesn't realize that she's going to have to live a while longer, especially if she does the chemo and surgeries that she's going to be stuck in this world for quite some time.
You, on the other hand, need to know that you cannot be emotionally blackmailed into NOT continuing with your life, which will provide assurances to your mother that you all feel she will survive this bout with cancer, by maintaining normalcy, and by making her proud of you both going off to college.
It's way to early for your mother to have herself in the grave, after all, she's only 56, and she can go on about people dying in her family early, my brother John does it all the time, since our father, grandfather and great grandfather only made it until they were 49 (exception was my dad, he hung in until he was 52)but in today's world, the medical break throughs keep happening, and people keep living longer.
You my dear, need to maintain normalcy not only for your own sake, but for your mother's, so she knows her world isn't ending, it's just beginning a new chapter, a hard chapter to muck through, but nonetheless a chapter in a life being LIVED.
Thinking of you and hoping for less heartbreak for you,
Winter Marie

Doc_Hawk

GWJ
My dear, young GWJ, you ask how we live like this and it is a very good and important question. The simplest answer that I can give is this: we live like this because the alternative is much, much worse. In other messages, I've said that I can live with feeling tired all the time, running to the bathroom to either vomit or have an attack of diarrhea, I can live with going in to the infusion room every two weeks and get 5 pounds of (what I call) drano pumped into my body. What I cannot and -- most importantly -- live with is being dead.

Attitude is the strongest weapon that we can have in our arsenal against cancer, and being positive and upbeat is much healthier for us than depression. About ten years ago, my cousin in his early 40s was dx'd with Stage IV crc and he asked his doc if all of his potions were ever going to cure him. He was told "no." Craig told the onc to shove the drugs and he went home and died in six months. I can't do that; just curl up and die. This is an attitude which your mother needs to cultivate.

Something else that is very important to remember is that not a single one of us comes with a guaranteed expiration date. I may (and fully intend to) go on fighting cancer for many years to come. Or I might be in an accident tomorrow which can end my life. One of the very few things that cancer has done for me is made me realize this fact. So now I take great pleasure in many things which were once humdrum or even a pain in the butt. Rather than worry about when my life might end serves no useful purpose, but enjoying every moment of pleasure does.

You, your mom and your siblings rather than planning for the worst should plan for the best. Twice this weekend, members of this online community have become grandparents and are looking forward to watching them grow. That is life at it's best,and that's the sort of thing you should plan for. Worry more about what to wear at your college graduation in four years, not what to wear at a funeral that may not come for a very long time.

In May 2010 when I was diagnosed, I spent the first week thinking about my funeral. Even before I found out what stage I was or what battle plan and treatments were available, loved ones helped me pull my thoughts together and plan instead for a long life. "It's a great day to be alive" became my motto and it's something I've said at least once every day since then. Worrying about what was became pointless and planning for what is and what will be are a major focus now.

I've gone on longer than I'd intended, so I'll cut this off now and say that if you need to talk, send me a PM (private message). Try to get your mom to sign in to this board and become part of our community as well. There is so much love and support here as well as advice and inspiration that I'm certain she'll benefit greatly.

May God Bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Ray/Doc

Doc_Hawk

herdizziness said:

Different takes
When we hear the word cancer in relation to ourselves we think we're going to die. Then Surprise Surprise, we find ourselves still here, still living normal lives.
When I learned I had Stage IV colon cancer, it took me a week to tell my son, and about two months to tell my daughter. They had told me I had 6 months to live, and how do you tell your child that?
They both informed me after tears, that they expected me to fight the cancer and live, 2 1/2 years later I'm here still, they pushed me into going to college (I'm 53 now)so I'd have better things to worry about, like my grades instead of my cancer.
Some people like drama a little more then others, if my brother John were to stub his toe, you can be assured that he would be telling us all that it looks like it's going to need amputation any minute now, but that is how he is. I think the word "cancer" has scared your mother, and she doesn't realize that she's going to have to live a while longer, especially if she does the chemo and surgeries that she's going to be stuck in this world for quite some time.
You, on the other hand, need to know that you cannot be emotionally blackmailed into NOT continuing with your life, which will provide assurances to your mother that you all feel she will survive this bout with cancer, by maintaining normalcy, and by making her proud of you both going off to college.
It's way to early for your mother to have herself in the grave, after all, she's only 56, and she can go on about people dying in her family early, my brother John does it all the time, since our father, grandfather and great grandfather only made it until they were 49 (exception was my dad, he hung in until he was 52)but in today's world, the medical break throughs keep happening, and people keep living longer.
You my dear, need to maintain normalcy not only for your own sake, but for your mother's, so she knows her world isn't ending, it's just beginning a new chapter, a hard chapter to muck through, but nonetheless a chapter in a life being LIVED.
Thinking of you and hoping for less heartbreak for you,
Winter Marie

Great advice
Christine, John and Marie, such good advice! Especially about this being a new chapter to be lived.

scareddaughter24

Doc_Hawk said:

GWJ
My dear, young GWJ, you ask how we live like this and it is a very good and important question. The simplest answer that I can give is this: we live like this because the alternative is much, much worse. In other messages, I've said that I can live with feeling tired all the time, running to the bathroom to either vomit or have an attack of diarrhea, I can live with going in to the infusion room every two weeks and get 5 pounds of (what I call) drano pumped into my body. What I cannot and -- most importantly -- live with is being dead.

Attitude is the strongest weapon that we can have in our arsenal against cancer, and being positive and upbeat is much healthier for us than depression. About ten years ago, my cousin in his early 40s was dx'd with Stage IV crc and he asked his doc if all of his potions were ever going to cure him. He was told "no." Craig told the onc to shove the drugs and he went home and died in six months. I can't do that; just curl up and die. This is an attitude which your mother needs to cultivate.

Something else that is very important to remember is that not a single one of us comes with a guaranteed expiration date. I may (and fully intend to) go on fighting cancer for many years to come. Or I might be in an accident tomorrow which can end my life. One of the very few things that cancer has done for me is made me realize this fact. So now I take great pleasure in many things which were once humdrum or even a pain in the butt. Rather than worry about when my life might end serves no useful purpose, but enjoying every moment of pleasure does.

You, your mom and your siblings rather than planning for the worst should plan for the best. Twice this weekend, members of this online community have become grandparents and are looking forward to watching them grow. That is life at it's best,and that's the sort of thing you should plan for. Worry more about what to wear at your college graduation in four years, not what to wear at a funeral that may not come for a very long time.

In May 2010 when I was diagnosed, I spent the first week thinking about my funeral. Even before I found out what stage I was or what battle plan and treatments were available, loved ones helped me pull my thoughts together and plan instead for a long life. "It's a great day to be alive" became my motto and it's something I've said at least once every day since then. Worrying about what was became pointless and planning for what is and what will be are a major focus now.

I've gone on longer than I'd intended, so I'll cut this off now and say that if you need to talk, send me a PM (private message). Try to get your mom to sign in to this board and become part of our community as well. There is so much love and support here as well as advice and inspiration that I'm certain she'll benefit greatly.

May God Bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Ray/Doc

Sweets,
Its not easy, I am in the same boat as you, I'm 25 and in NZ mum is only 49.
Let me know if you want to chat further
Sometimes having someone to private message helps
thoughts and prayers with you
it doesnt get easier but it does become more managable...some days
xx

Kathleen808

gwj7
Dear Miss gwj7,

Oh sweetie I can only imagine your fear right now. Our daughter is 18 and on her way to college in August. Her dad (my husband) was diagnosed with Stage 3c cancer her freshman year of high school. He is still here. It has been hard at times but there have also been many, many, many wonderful times. Our daughter and her dad have been boating, surfing, hiking, dining and enjoying each other during these 3.5 years so please my dear have hope. Those first days and weeks are the very hardest. My husband is still in treatment but today we were all at the beach.
We are here for you. Sending you hugs.

Aloha,
Kathleen

YoungerSis62

Kathleen808 said:

gwj7
Dear Miss gwj7,

Oh sweetie I can only imagine your fear right now. Our daughter is 18 and on her way to college in August. Her dad (my husband) was diagnosed with Stage 3c cancer her freshman year of high school. He is still here. It has been hard at times but there have also been many, many, many wonderful times. Our daughter and her dad have been boating, surfing, hiking, dining and enjoying each other during these 3.5 years so please my dear have hope. Those first days and weeks are the very hardest. My husband is still in treatment but today we were all at the beach.
We are here for you. Sending you hugs.

Aloha,
Kathleen

Take a Deep Breath -
It's great that you were able to be so honest, and vent your fears. That is so much better than keeping them bottled up. But then you must remember to Breathe... Take a deep breath - that means step back and try to look at the situation from the "outside" -

There are so many, MANY survisors on this board - your mom has been diagnosed early - that is so good! Winter Marie gave such sound advice, as did all that responded. I'm referring to her point about how differently a 'stubbed toe' can be reacted to...

You made comment about "making a joke, or laughing it off" at a comment your mom made about dying within the hour... I think you need to find a way to look her in the eye and say, "Mom, now stop being so negative; we need you to be more positive" I think that might work better (I know it would hurt ME less) than trying to make light of my fears.

Your family needs to find a cancer support group, besides this board. I hope your mom decides to join the board. In the meantime, please log on and let everyone hear help YOU to cope - and don't take on the problems of your whole family on your shoulders dear... You can't help them at all if you end up falling apart - take care of YOU sweetie... and when you can, help them as well.

Hugs
Marilyn

marbleotis

Don't Panic
I was 49 when I was diagnosed with stage 3b (no mets to any organs, just 3 nodes). I do not know what stage your Mom is but it sounds early. She sounds like she is in panic mode because she has mentally connected her situation with what happenned to her Mom years ago. You need to go with her as a family to the Oncologist to get all the info. Info is power and then you can talk as a family. I have completed 10 of 12 chemo treatments and never thogh I would get this far. Focus on one step at a time. I do understand her reaction because my Dad died at 51 of a heart attack so that crossed my mind in the beginning. Be there for her, go to the Dr together and continue to live as normal as possible. The chemo treatments just work into life's schedule. For the cancer patient the hardest part is getting over the initial "you have cancer" discussion. She will get there. Prayers and best wishes.

danker

gwj7
I was 77 when I was dxed. Had chemo and radiation before resection. Despite various complication, am now 80 and NED. (cancer free)
Your mother will probably do fine, so all of you relax and just live it a day at a time. Best of luck to you all.

scared99

GWJ, Me and my brother were
GWJ, Me and my brother were just in the same situation you are in at the moment. I was planning my wedding, my mom was so happy and excited to go dress shopping with my fiancee and then bam she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.

I shut down for about a month. I lost interest in all my hobbies and stopped eating. While at work I would look on the internet for hours on end about cancer stats. I lost 30 pounds from the stress and honestly started to get some gray hairs on my head.

I think after the shock of the cancer diagnosis fades away you begin to live a new life. Your life before cancer is gone. I now treat every day as a blessing and find encouragement in every great post on this board.

I will put some things in perspective for you. I had numerous relatives with colon cancer. Most of them have had the disease caught in the early stages. They are doing just fine many years after their surgery and treatments. My mom was the only one to have it diagnosed at stage 4.

Your mom may have caught the cancer early enough for a cure. You just need to take things one moment at a time until you and your family know for sure. If it is a stage 3 or stage 4 cancer, it is not the end of the world either. If you look through this board you will see many people leading wonderful lives and treating their cancer as a chronic condition.

I will leave you with this advice. One of the most inspirational men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing has been battling stage 4 cancer since 1988 !!!!! 1988 !!! that is right... when he was first diagnosed he sunk into a great depression and hated life. He thought about death constantly. After many months of self loathing and depression he realized something. In reality we are all dying !! No one gets out of this world alive. I may get run over by a bus tomorrow and leave this world before my mom does... we just do not know. He began to live his life one day at a time. When cancer reared its ugly head he went for treatments and beat it back into remission 5 times !!! The doctors told him in 1988 that he may have a few years left. 24 years he has lived a full life, he has had several children and now is about to become a grandfather. If you would have told him in 1988 that he would be still walking around in 2012 he would have called you crazy. So everyone in your family needs to continue to live your life and not let this ugly SOB of a disease live your life for you.... your mom included.

Actsassy

Hi gwj7,
Im 53 yr old stage
Hi gwj7,
Im 53 yr old stage IV colon cancer patient. My cancer went to my liver. I was dx back in May 09. I have a daughter who was 17 and graduating from high school and suppose to go away to college and a I have a son and daughter in law also. My daughter did not want to go away to college. She was afraid of what was going to happen to me. There wasn't anything really that she could do for me. Her dad and I insisted that we wanted her to go to college and continue her life the way we wanted for her. She did go away but it was hard on her. I went to an cancer only hospital and was told that I could not be operated on my liver. It would look like "swiss cheese". I never saw a liver specialist either. They said they felt they could "control it with chemo". So from July 2009 thru Dec 2009 i was doing chemo and oral chemo. It did go to sleep. I was off everything till about August 2010. I felt that it was growing again. Long story short yes it did and i was put back on oral chemo. it shrunk for a bit and then it startred growing again. I ended up with a bacterial infection that really took a toll on me. I was very unhappy with the way they were handling my treatment. Had one more scan with then and it was still growing and onco said again "no surgery, it will look like swiss cheese" will put u back on original chemo. I was given a name and number of a different onco at a different hospital and I went to see her. It was day and nite. This onco pretty much DISAGREED WITH EVERYTHING THAT THEY DID AT THE OTHER HOSPITAL. didn't agree with the chemo, that i hadn't seen a liver specialist and that i coudn't have surgery. That was July 2011. She had me see a liver specialist and he is also transplant liver surgeon, got put on aggressive chemo and also was told that i could have surgery on my liver. One month into chemo my tumors shrank dramatically. I went back and saw liver doc and he said he could do all of the surgery on liver at one time. (I had lesions on both sides of liver) and i could do my colon resection at that time also. Also, could do it by laparoscopy. In Nov. 2011 I had my surgery. I am clean. I had to finish my chemo regimen and in March I started my maintenance. I just went to have my scans done yesterday and I go on Thursday for results. It sounds like ur mom has some good doctors but going to get a second opinion never hurts. Look at me, if i would have stayed with the other hospital, don't know where I would be.
Yes I understand it is hard for you seeing ur mom going thru this. It was hard for me to see my daughter and son having to see me go thru it too. Unfortunately, they need to know what is going on. I tried to be as positive as i could but i also had many moments of crying. I am scared of dying and scared of death also. I want to be around for a long long time. Be there for your mom, i know it may be difficult for you but if she needs to cry on your shoulder let her. My daughter wrote me a letter the day that I started my first chemo treatment and it was beautiiful and i brought it with me to chemo.

By the way, I was more posiitive when i was going to the other hospital and my cancer was just asleep. Now that I am clean, I have more anxiety and fear that I ever did before. I must have a twisted mind. I wish you and ur family the very best. I had my daughter still continue doing whatever, hanging with friends, movies, etc. Her life still had to go on. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Actsassy

how do u live likle this
Hi gwj7,
Im 53 yr old stage IV colon cancer patient. My cancer went to my liver. I was dx back in May 09. I have a daughter who was 17 and graduating from high school and suppose to go away to college and a I have a son and daughter in law also. My daughter did not want to go away to college. She was afraid of what was going to happen to me. There wasn't anything really that she could do for me. Her dad and I insisted that we wanted her to go to college and continue her life the way we wanted for her. She did go away but it was hard on her. I went to an cancer only hospital and was told that I could not be operated on my liver. It would look like "swiss cheese". I never saw a liver specialist either. They said they felt they could "control it with chemo". So from July 2009 thru Dec 2009 i was doing chemo and oral chemo. It did go to sleep. I was off everything till about August 2010. I felt that it was growing again. Long story short yes it did and i was put back on oral chemo. it shrunk for a bit and then it startred growing again. I ended up with a bacterial infection that really took a toll on me. I was very unhappy with the way they were handling my treatment. Had one more scan with then and it was still growing and onco said again "no surgery, it will look like swiss cheese" will put u back on original chemo. I was given a name and number of a different onco at a different hospital and I went to see her. It was day and nite. This onco pretty much DISAGREED WITH EVERYTHING THAT THEY DID AT THE OTHER HOSPITAL. didn't agree with the chemo, that i hadn't seen a liver specialist and that i coudn't have surgery. That was July 2011. She had me see a liver specialist and he is also transplant liver surgeon, got put on aggressive chemo and also was told that i could have surgery on my liver. One month into chemo my tumors shrank dramatically. I went back and saw liver doc and he said he could do all of the surgery on liver at one time. (I had lesions on both sides of liver) and i could do my colon resection at that time also. Also, could do it by laparoscopy. In Nov. 2011 I had my surgery. I am clean. I had to finish my chemo regimen and in March I started my maintenance. I just went to have my scans done yesterday and I go on Thursday for results. It sounds like ur mom has some good doctors but going to get a second opinion never hurts. Look at me, if i would have stayed with the other hospital, don't know where I would be.
Yes I understand it is hard for you seeing ur mom going thru this. It was hard for me to see my daughter and son having to see me go thru it too. Unfortunately, they need to know what is going on. I tried to be as positive as i could but i also had many moments of crying. I am scared of dying and scared of death also. I want to be around for a long long time. Be there for your mom, i know it may be difficult for you but if she needs to cry on your shoulder let her. My daughter wrote me a letter the day that I started my first chemo treatment and it was beautiiful and i brought it with me to chemo.

By the way, I was more posiitive when i was going to the other hospital and my cancer was just asleep. Now that I am clean, I have more anxiety and fear that I ever did before. I must have a twisted mind. I wish you and ur family the very best. I had my daughter still continue doing whatever, hanging with friends, movies, etc. Her life still had to go on. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

dkropf

HOPE
Hi there! Just take a deep breath and relax....easier said than done huh? My 54 year old dad was diagnosed in Feb. with rectal cancer that spread to his liver. He has been through chemo, radiation and oral chemo...waiting on the next CT scan and then move on from there. You are not alone and just try to keep the situation as stress-free as possible. My family seems to get by with lots of love and laughter! Cherish every moment! My thoughts are with you and your family!

Live, laugh, and love

luvinlife2

I'm so sorry that your Mom
I'm so sorry that your Mom has this stupid disease! I really hate cancer and what it does to families. I'm a few years younger than your Mom but I know how she feels. So, hopefully from a Mom's point of view, I can be of some help to you.

My daughter was 17 when I was diagnosed. As a Mom, all I could think about was my kids. I didn't want to leave my kids....it made me so incredibly sad. The thought of not being around for my only daughter on her wedding day or being here to support my children during important/crucial times in their futures was about the most difficult thing I've ever had to come to grips with.

Like you, my daughter questioned going to university. She really didn't want to but I insisted. What I wanted most of all was for my cancer not to impede her and her brother's lives in any way. I felt so guilty for giving my children so much grief and I wanted so badly for them to continue as normal as possible. When I think back now, I believe I sometimes was so caught up in my efforts not to have this affect them that I overlooked how much it did.

My daughter went to university but was unhappy being away from me. She gave up a full ride scholarship and came home after 2 terms. I had a hard time with this but she wanted to be with me and I have to love her for that. So, despite my desire to keep their lives as normal as possible, the fact was/is that I couldn't do it. We are a family and we are all affected by my cancer and that's just how it is. It was very hard for me to accept this because I love my kids more than life. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your Mom like my daughter and I. At this point, I think she might be more concerned about you and what may "not be". When we invest so much love and care into our children, it's pretty difficult to let go even under the best of circumstances.

That was almost 4 years ago. How do we live like this? We laugh a lot!!! Sure we've had ups and downs as a family with my cancer fight but we are tighter than ever! Gosh, I love my family!!! It's not been easy for any of us but we have learned not to let cancer control our lives, just as your family will. Cancer is a traumatic diagnosis. Your family is still reeling from the news and emotions are very raw. Time and knowing the plan of attack for your Mom will help a lot towards healing. Unknowns are the worst. Learning to laugh despite everything, helps enormously!!

So, what to say to your Mom? Tell her you love her and that as long as she's breathing there is hope. Tell her that there is much progress with cancer treatments and that you need her to fight this. Tell her you've found a place online here that will give her comfort and hope. Once she starts reading I know she'll be inspired by all the stories here

Go get your summer job and hang out with your friends but save a little time for your Mom too. As for college, well maybe finding one that is close to home would be a good compromise. Maybe one that you could attend while living at home or one that is within an hour or two driving distance.

I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers I'm sure that once your family has more information things will settle a bit. You are not being dramatic at all. This is a pretty difficult thing to experience as we here know all too well. The good news is that there is lots of hope and many things that can be done to fight cancer.

Take care and let us know how your Mom is doing. Stay with us...we'll try our best to help, ok?

Hugs..:)

omrhill

you live because you care
We live like this because we have to, and in the beginning because we have no other choice. Your family has been dealt a really crappy hand, but it's a situation that you can handle, it just takes some adjustment. I have a 16 year old and an 18 year old. We talk openly about my cancer (stage 3) and their friends even ask questions from time to time. But what gives me great comfort is that they have continued living their lives - school, work, friends. I love knowing that they're happy and moving forward. I am sure they get scared --- we all do, and i would be more concerned if they didn't have those weak moments. Your mom will adjust and sooner than you think possible. She won't always be in this high-emotional spot and then it will be easier for you too. In the meantime, do little things to take your mind off the hard stuff - ask her to go for a walk with you, or watch a movie or funny tv show, bake a cake. Just simple stuff. And, like others have said, suggest that she read this message board. It is tremendously helpful to talk to others who are going through the same thing..

One of favorite quotes: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

You will get through this. Feel free to send me an email if you need to vent some more.

Robin

danker

omrhill said:

you live because you care
We live like this because we have to, and in the beginning because we have no other choice. Your family has been dealt a really crappy hand, but it's a situation that you can handle, it just takes some adjustment. I have a 16 year old and an 18 year old. We talk openly about my cancer (stage 3) and their friends even ask questions from time to time. But what gives me great comfort is that they have continued living their lives - school, work, friends. I love knowing that they're happy and moving forward. I am sure they get scared --- we all do, and i would be more concerned if they didn't have those weak moments. Your mom will adjust and sooner than you think possible. She won't always be in this high-emotional spot and then it will be easier for you too. In the meantime, do little things to take your mind off the hard stuff - ask her to go for a walk with you, or watch a movie or funny tv show, bake a cake. Just simple stuff. And, like others have said, suggest that she read this message board. It is tremendously helpful to talk to others who are going through the same thing..

One of favorite quotes: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

You will get through this. Feel free to send me an email if you need to vent some more.

Robin

omrhill
Good luck on your resection Thursday. You will get through this too! Cancer robs us all of our modesty, so you have to just LOL.

dmj101

we all have the same message
we all have the same message if you haven't caught it..
You just Do...
I was 11 when my mom got breast cancer.. she was a pillar of strength as I recall.
So to be any less in my cancer journey would be an insult to her memory..
We choose to be positive because the alternative will bring you a dark place you don't want to be..
I say I fake it till I make it..
and I really do..
I hope you find some peace and just continue to love each other and be supportive of your mom and you will find a happier place soon..
you can't worry about what you don't know about yet.. so once they have the gameplan together you will feel better.
Peace, Light and prayers coming your way..

omrhill

danker said:

omrhill
Good luck on your resection Thursday. You will get through this too! Cancer robs us all of our modesty, so you have to just LOL.

thanks
Im expecting good things... and some friendly ears here to vent to.

Robin

here4lfe

Because you have to
Learn all you can, your mom is an individual, so make sure she gets the support she needs to get well.

Best