Can I just vent for a hot sec?
Been crazy busy lately, but trying to keep my head above water. My surgeon went in and drained my wound and removed some of the dead tissue about 3 weeks after my initial tumor removal surgery. Unfortunately when she did the follow up surgery, she found that the cancer has already started growing back. This means that we can't wait for my wound to heal before we start radiation.
Well then we ran into more issues when the empty cavity in my leg (where the tumor used to be) filled right back up with fluid. They went in last week and put a drain in which is totally stylish especially during summer time. Unfortunately because the dimensions in my leg have changed, they have to completely replan my treatments. I start a week from tomorrow and will have radiation twice a day for 5 weeks and then a proton boost two days a week. 3 treatments in a day? Ya seems a little crazy. Not really looking forward to my skin sloffing off and dealing with second degree burns, but I guess you have to do what you have to do. There's also a whole mess of potential complications that come along with a treatment plan like this.
My doctors sat me down and told me they are giving this everything they've got because this is our only shot to do treatments. If this doesn't work, our only other option is to amputate my leg. I know that it's their job/they're required by law to prepare me for all of the options, but seriously? You're going to tell a 21 year old girl that she might lose her entire right leg and expect me to handle that well? As if I don't have enough on my plate already. I already have a fractured vertebrae that wont heal because of all of the radiation and chronic pain in my leg. Sorry for venting, but it's just so frustrating. I am coming up on my 2 year cancerversary and I'm just getting tired of all of this. First they tell me I'm dying, then they tell me I will hopefully go into remission, and then they tell me I might have my entire leg amputated. How do you even begin to process all of these emotions? Don't get me wrong, I have the most incredible doctors and I know they're doing the best they can to get rid of this horrible disease, but sometimes I wish I could just worry about normal 21 year old problems.
Oh well, I just have to take everything one day at a time. I am so confident I can beat this thing and get back to some sort of normal, but let's wrap this crap up already. Thanks for listening to me vent. Still staying positive even though it doesn't sound like it haha. Continuing to pray for you girls.
Kat
Comments
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Kat...AngieD said:You NEVER have to be sorry
You NEVER have to be sorry for venting! Sending you prayers and all good vibes and thoughts for successful healing so you can get back to worrying about and enjoying being a 21 year old.
Angie
Vent away!!!!.... I'd say you have every right to scream from the roof tops! I wish I had some words of wisdom....cancer sucks big time....I'm stage IV and I understand the fear and frustration...except I'm old enough to be your mother...and I am doing quite well with the Avastin+Carboplatin chemo...... just makes me sick that someone as young as you has to deal with this...but as is said, we do what we have to do....
All I can offer you is my prayers and encouragement and support...
....know how much all your "sisters" on this board care about you and wish you the very best....please keep us updated...
Big hugs, Nancy0 -
We don't care how muchMAJW said:Kat...
Vent away!!!!.... I'd say you have every right to scream from the roof tops! I wish I had some words of wisdom....cancer sucks big time....I'm stage IV and I understand the fear and frustration...except I'm old enough to be your mother...and I am doing quite well with the Avastin+Carboplatin chemo...... just makes me sick that someone as young as you has to deal with this...but as is said, we do what we have to do....
All I can offer you is my prayers and encouragement and support...
....know how much all your "sisters" on this board care about you and wish you the very best....please keep us updated...
Big hugs, Nancy
We don't care how much you vent.We all have our venting moments. We have the right to vent.
You still have so much to go through but I feel things will work out.We all want that for you.You're right"You shouldn't have these things to worry about".It's hard for you, your family and friends.
Wishing you the best and praying the treatment works and your leg won't need to be amputated.
Keep us updated.Hope everything works out for the BEST.
Lynn Smith0 -
Yes you canLynn Smith said:We don't care how much
We don't care how much you vent.We all have our venting moments. We have the right to vent.
You still have so much to go through but I feel things will work out.We all want that for you.You're right"You shouldn't have these things to worry about".It's hard for you, your family and friends.
Wishing you the best and praying the treatment works and your leg won't need to be amputated.
Keep us updated.Hope everything works out for the BEST.
Lynn Smith
Hi Kat,
My heart goes out to you. It sucks that you are facing these awful choices, fighting back at the b***.
I hope there are alternative treatments for you. I have been diagnosed with mets to my bones 6 weeks ago and currently on Xeloda and Xgeva. I know that Xeloda did network for you, however threre other medications that potentially could help. Praying that radiation will work for you. Please do not rule out a second opinion, even outside of United States. Some European countries and Japan have additional approved drugs which could be useful. Newly breasr cancer approved Afinitor has been approved for kidney cancer here since 2007.
Please know we here for you, thinking of you, sending love to you
Hugs0 -
keep on fightingNew Flower said:Yes you can
Hi Kat,
My heart goes out to you. It sucks that you are facing these awful choices, fighting back at the b***.
I hope there are alternative treatments for you. I have been diagnosed with mets to my bones 6 weeks ago and currently on Xeloda and Xgeva. I know that Xeloda did network for you, however threre other medications that potentially could help. Praying that radiation will work for you. Please do not rule out a second opinion, even outside of United States. Some European countries and Japan have additional approved drugs which could be useful. Newly breasr cancer approved Afinitor has been approved for kidney cancer here since 2007.
Please know we here for you, thinking of you, sending love to you
Hugs
Keep on fighting, Kat. You have been through a lot and your positive attitude is a plus to surviving this beast.
The whole treatment process gets overwhelming for sure. Vent away. We all understand.
Sending you lots of hugs.
Punkin0 -
I am so, so sorry that you
I am so, so sorry that you are going through all of this. Cancer sucks and it makes me so angry that you are having to deal with this at such a young age. You have every right to vent! Please feel free. Sending been hugs and prayers.0 -
Vent Away Anytime
You vent whenever you want, Kat. We want to hear from you and hear how you are doing. You have an Amazing Warrior Spirit! I will pray your rad treatment eradicate that a troublesome area.
Big Hugs to you Dear One.
Ines0 -
Vent AwayBella Luna said:Vent Away Anytime
You vent whenever you want, Kat. We want to hear from you and hear how you are doing. You have an Amazing Warrior Spirit! I will pray your rad treatment eradicate that a troublesome area.
Big Hugs to you Dear One.
Ines
Not only are you allowed to vent, but you can scream, throw things, punch a pillow, if any of that makes you feel better.
Your strength and "kick a$$ attitude" inspire us all.
Praying for you, your family, medical team, and that real soon you'll have nothing but 21 year old girl problems.
marge0 -
Vent AwayBella Luna said:Vent Away Anytime
You vent whenever you want, Kat. We want to hear from you and hear how you are doing. You have an Amazing Warrior Spirit! I will pray your rad treatment eradicate that a troublesome area.
Big Hugs to you Dear One.
Ines
Not only are you allowed to vent, but you can scream, throw things, punch a pillow, if any of that makes you feel better.
Your strength and "kick a$$ attitude" inspire us all.
Praying for you, your family, medical team, and that real soon you'll have nothing but 21 year old girl problems.
marge0 -
Oh, Kat, we're all here for youmwallace1325 said:Vent Away
Not only are you allowed to vent, but you can scream, throw things, punch a pillow, if any of that makes you feel better.
Your strength and "kick a$$ attitude" inspire us all.
Praying for you, your family, medical team, and that real soon you'll have nothing but 21 year old girl problems.
marge
I can't imagine going through this at your tender age. You obviously are more matured and centered than I was at that point in my life. You've been so strong and graceful in your journey. You've even encouraged me many times when I felt like I was in a black hole and couldn't climb out. You're human, Kat, just like all of us. You can scream, rage, cry and vent away here. We all hear you and we all understand.
I hate that you're going through this--truly hate it. But your faith is strong and your inner-strength has proven to be very strong as well. Continue to be full of all that positive energy and I will continue to send more your way, if yours gets depleted.
Love and prayers, Renee0 -
So sorry KatCypressCynthia said:I am so, so sorry that you
I am so, so sorry that you are going through all of this. Cancer sucks and it makes me so angry that you are having to deal with this at such a young age. You have every right to vent! Please feel free. Sending been hugs and prayers.
I am so sorry Kat to read this. You are just too young to have to go through any of this. I hate cancer! I am sending lots of prayers to you.
♥ Kristin ♥0 -
Kat, hard to sound positive
with the news you keep getting. It is hard to hear when they give the possibilities and what ifs, and you are right it is their jobs to tell us everything that 'can happen'. Nothing like keeping those emotions on a roller coaster. You seem to be handling it all with a grace and composure that if I didn't know your age, I would think I was reading a post of someone much older. You have a way with words... so keep venting and keep a copy of all of your posts for your screen play!
Like everyone else here, I just hate that you have to go through all of this before you even get a real chance to experience life.
Will continue to keep you in my prayers,
Carol0 -
Vent all you want andBella Luna said:Vent Away Anytime
You vent whenever you want, Kat. We want to hear from you and hear how you are doing. You have an Amazing Warrior Spirit! I will pray your rad treatment eradicate that a troublesome area.
Big Hugs to you Dear One.
Ines
Vent all you want and anytime you want. Praying for you Kat.
Hugs, Jan0 -
Vent as much as you want! I
Vent as much as you want! I wish i had your courage and strength, I continuosly pray that they will find a cure for this dreadful thing they call Phyllodes. I'm rooting for you and thinking high not low for all of us....0 -
Yes of course
they have to tell you the worst case scenario. Meanwhile your imagination runs away with you and works overtime while doing it. You certainly have been through a lot for a lady your age and I vote that you get no more health issues once this is over as you have exhausted all need to have any more health issues at such a young age. You will beat this thing because cancer does not know what you are made of.
Now for your therapy. I want you to repeat after me. "I am going to kick cancer's a$$". Keep repeating this phrase until it is ingrained in your head. Let it into your heart and infuse your whole being.0 -
Praying for you Kat! Youpunkinpie said:keep on fighting
Keep on fighting, Kat. You have been through a lot and your positive attitude is a plus to surviving this beast.
The whole treatment process gets overwhelming for sure. Vent away. We all understand.
Sending you lots of hugs.
Punkin
Praying for you Kat! You keep fighting and we will be your cheerleaders!
Hugs, Debby0 -
You vent when you want andMAJW said:Kat...
Vent away!!!!.... I'd say you have every right to scream from the roof tops! I wish I had some words of wisdom....cancer sucks big time....I'm stage IV and I understand the fear and frustration...except I'm old enough to be your mother...and I am doing quite well with the Avastin+Carboplatin chemo...... just makes me sick that someone as young as you has to deal with this...but as is said, we do what we have to do....
All I can offer you is my prayers and encouragement and support...
....know how much all your "sisters" on this board care about you and wish you the very best....please keep us updated...
Big hugs, Nancy
You vent when you want and all you want. I give you my prayers, support and encouragement Kat. You are a remarkable young woman!
Hugs and lots of prayers,
Angie0 -
Checking in to see any newLynn Smith said:We don't care how much
We don't care how much you vent.We all have our venting moments. We have the right to vent.
You still have so much to go through but I feel things will work out.We all want that for you.You're right"You shouldn't have these things to worry about".It's hard for you, your family and friends.
Wishing you the best and praying the treatment works and your leg won't need to be amputated.
Keep us updated.Hope everything works out for the BEST.
Lynn Smith
Checking in to see any new updates from you. I pray your treatments aren't too bad for you Kat.
Lots of hugs,
Diane0 -
I HATE cancer !!
So sorry this is happening to you. You are too young to have to deal with this. But you do and you are doing a GREAT job of handling it. Can you take a day and just do something fun? Get away from all the medical stuff and just do something you want? I hope so. You deserve it.0
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