what *not* to say to a cancer patient

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  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #42
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    joannstar said:

    One of my favorites was
    just after my diagnosis (before my treatment of 2 lumpectomies, 6 rounds of chemo and 33 rads), my co-worker said: "At least you only have breast cancer...that's treatable." Duh...ONLY, isn't breast cancer enough? I was dumbfounded and remained silent.
    JoAnn

    That's interesting. I just
    That's interesting. I just told my cousin I was dx with bc, and she said something similar "that is highly curable so no worries".
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #43
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    mana1 said:

    not what you want to hear!
    how about my partner and roommate saying, "they are only sending you for more tests and procedures so the doctors, hospitals and insurance companies can make more money" geez..

    I know Mana, it is like we
    I know Mana, it is like we want more tests or something.
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #44
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    LoveBabyJesus said:

    That's interesting. I just
    That's interesting. I just told my cousin I was dx with bc, and she said something similar "that is highly curable so no worries".

    Highly curable????
    Love Baby Jesus,

    UMMMMM Highly curable.I wonder if your cousin had bc would she feel that way.Till it happens to them they will never understand.

    I am sure my doctor will NEVER tell me I am CURED.In remission but not cured.I think I would have to say something back.Relative or not.

    Lynn Smith
  • deeb111
    deeb111 Member Posts: 141 Member
    #45
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    tgf said:

    fine
    I know many of you have heard my response to something like that but I'll repeat it for the newbies ...

    I always just say "I'm fine." To me it means:

    Frustrated
    Insecure
    Neurotic
    Exhausted

    They hear "fine" and take it as everything is OK ... so the converstation ends ... but I know what I really meant!

    hugs.
    teena

    love it
    love that one cause every day at work how are you you look tired what do the doctors think so now I will just say as always im fine but now know what it realy means thank you
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #46
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    Lynn Smith said:

    Highly curable????
    Love Baby Jesus,

    UMMMMM Highly curable.I wonder if your cousin had bc would she feel that way.Till it happens to them they will never understand.

    I am sure my doctor will NEVER tell me I am CURED.In remission but not cured.I think I would have to say something back.Relative or not.

    Lynn Smith

    Re the "you look good" comments turns out people were lying. I have run into 3 people this weekend who tell me how much better I look, I guess I looked frail, tired and pale, but people didnt want to tell me Like I didnt know I looked and felt like ****!!! LOL
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #47
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    Lynn Smith said:

    Highly curable????
    Love Baby Jesus,

    UMMMMM Highly curable.I wonder if your cousin had bc would she feel that way.Till it happens to them they will never understand.

    I am sure my doctor will NEVER tell me I am CURED.In remission but not cured.I think I would have to say something back.Relative or not.

    Lynn Smith

    Re the "you look good" comments turns out people were lying. I have run into 3 people this weekend who tell me how much better I look, I guess I looked frail, tired and pale, but people didnt want to tell me Like I didnt know I looked and felt like ****!!! LOL
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #48
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    Lynn Smith said:

    Highly curable????
    Love Baby Jesus,

    UMMMMM Highly curable.I wonder if your cousin had bc would she feel that way.Till it happens to them they will never understand.

    I am sure my doctor will NEVER tell me I am CURED.In remission but not cured.I think I would have to say something back.Relative or not.

    Lynn Smith

    Re the "you look good" comments turns out people were lying. I have run into 3 people this weekend who tell me how much better I look, I guess I looked frail, tired and pale, but people didnt want to tell me Like I didnt know I looked and felt like ****!!! LOL
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #49
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    lol
    yep and I looked her straight in the eyes and said, same as yours now...heheheh, I'm bad...My pet peeve is why does anyone think that they can ruffle my hair? what am I 3 years old, for goodness sake...glad to have hair mind you, but people say oh wow your hair is soft, so I took my hand rubbed it all over her hair and said wow, yours is too...hehehehe, me bad...lol, sometimes you just have to act as stupid as they do, then they get the idea~love you Laura, hope your doing well these days, just keep laughing at the fools and hope they never ever have to experience there own stupidity coming back at them. I actually had a friend call me, (after her diagnosis) and apologized for not being ther for me, I said, well you won't let that happen again, will you. Now, what can I do for you right now.....so mostly I wish she never had to make that call or understand any of it...when I found out her husband was dropping her off at her first chemo, I headed to the office, and she said, you really came, you said you would, but wow, you really came. I said oh shut up and eat the grapes...we both just laughed. The nurse came over took her blood pressure, looked at me, and said I hope you aren't going anywhere, this is the first time her blood pressure went down all day, I said no, I am here for the day~so look them square in the eyes and ruffle there hair, answer there stupid question and pray they never really have to know how stupid it sounded...and yep, you wont' have anyone else ask you that one again, if you do, you know what to say..lol...oh now, it is the same as yours...love you girl, hang in there. Sinee
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #50
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    joannstar said:

    One of my favorites was
    just after my diagnosis (before my treatment of 2 lumpectomies, 6 rounds of chemo and 33 rads), my co-worker said: "At least you only have breast cancer...that's treatable." Duh...ONLY, isn't breast cancer enough? I was dumbfounded and remained silent.
    JoAnn

    oh boy
    I think I would of said, yeah thank God, I could have stupid written all over my face, I hear there is no cure for that....Sinee
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #51
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    LoveBabyJesus said:

    I think this one tops them all…
    “you know, I believe in reincarnation. The body suffers as a consequence of something done wrong. So it purifies the spirit by going through pain”. Meaning, I must have done something reaaaaaally f*&#* up to get this.

    p.s. for those who read my post about this comment, yes, I’m still really bothered by it.

    yep
    ok I have an idea, It is not an original, but I don't remember what it was used for originaly..get some index cards and just writh the words, "well that was stupid" on it, and hand them out when someone says these stupid things to us..yep, i am making them now..lol..love you all. Sinee
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #52
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    my silly one
    Did you have curly hair before? are you ready for my answer? lol..."not that you could see"....me bad, oh yeah, me bad. And oh yes someone always had to tell me about someone that died of cancer, I would say oh no....am I going to die? did you get the short stick, did my friends send you over here to tell me that I was next?...oh yeah, me bad, me bad...my support group wanted me to do a stand up comedy skit of stupid things people ask a cancer patient...so I had practice coming up with answers...we laughed till the tears ran down our legs....yep me bad....are you laughing yet? good, tell them to go away...just look at them and say of please, just go away....lol..
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #53
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    you look tired are you ok?
    hand them a stupid card and say, in a whisper, up close to their ear, no I'm not ok...I'm exhausted, you should ask your husband if he is as tired as I am..yep, me bad, and on a roll...lol...
  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    #54
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    sinee said:

    you look tired are you ok?
    hand them a stupid card and say, in a whisper, up close to their ear, no I'm not ok...I'm exhausted, you should ask your husband if he is as tired as I am..yep, me bad, and on a roll...lol...

    Sinee
    You really have sone great comebacks! I love it! The curly hair one is great....

    Laura
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #55
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    sinee said:

    you look tired are you ok?
    hand them a stupid card and say, in a whisper, up close to their ear, no I'm not ok...I'm exhausted, you should ask your husband if he is as tired as I am..yep, me bad, and on a roll...lol...

    LOL Sinee!

    LOL Sinee!
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #56
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    grams2jc said:

    I agree with all of you
    I never knew how to take the "you look great" comments and tripped over my tongue when they would ask me if "they got it all didn't they" and "you're done now right?"

    I LOVE the fine comment. I will use that one

    Jennifer

    I wish there was some sort
    I wish there was some sort of book to give people that told them what to not say, but unfortunately, there isn't.


    I hate the you look so good comment also.

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