My grandmother

dixiegirl

forme said:

Loss
Dear Lani

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear Grandma. You were able to share so much with her, you are a very special granddaughter.

Peaceful healing for you and your family during this difficult time.

Lisha

Sorry
Oh Lani, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine a more peaceful way to go. You have been a wonderful support to her and I hope you realize what a special person you are.

She's at peace now.

Take care of yourself honey.

Beth

bluerose

lani812 said:

grandma passed
grandma passed today at 4:05 pm while i recited psalms 91. She went peacefully and in her sleep. I want to take this opportunity to thank everybody on this forum that went through this with us. On behalf of grandma and myself thank you!

R.i.p
escrimilda
4-1-37 to 9-21-11
mother
wife
grandmother
great grandmother
overall awesome human being.

Humbly,
Lani

So sorry to hear of your loss
Hi Lani,

I am so sorry to hear that your Grandmother has passed but considering her state I know you realize it was for the best and that she didn't hang on and suffer any longer.

The others have said it all really, you are a terrific person and I know that your Grandmother had greater peace with you there to comfort her the whole time through. It's just wonderful. Support is such an important thing for our well being and I know what it is like to have virtually no support so your Grandmother was truly blessed to have you, and you her throughout your short life thus far. I know she will be with you in your heart and in spirit forever.

Hugs Lani,

Bluerose

lani812

bluerose said:

So sorry to hear of your loss
Hi Lani,

I am so sorry to hear that your Grandmother has passed but considering her state I know you realize it was for the best and that she didn't hang on and suffer any longer.

The others have said it all really, you are a terrific person and I know that your Grandmother had greater peace with you there to comfort her the whole time through. It's just wonderful. Support is such an important thing for our well being and I know what it is like to have virtually no support so your Grandmother was truly blessed to have you, and you her throughout your short life thus far. I know she will be with you in your heart and in spirit forever.

Hugs Lani,

Bluerose

i feel guilty
i feel like i should be sadder. i feel bad for being ok with with her being gone. i feel bad for expecting it. I am only grateful that she waited for me to get there. i hadnt seen her in 4 days i got cought up with school and work since she had been the same for a month now. but she waited for me. she loved than much. i havent left my bed since they took her away yesterday afternoon. but i have to go make funeral arrangements at noon. im taking of school and work until monday because i cant stand the looks of pity and i cant hide the pain in my face. i cant pretend im ok. because i know my family and i will never be the same.
thank you for your kind words

lani

Go_go_Gi_gi

lani812 said:

i feel guilty
i feel like i should be sadder. i feel bad for being ok with with her being gone. i feel bad for expecting it. I am only grateful that she waited for me to get there. i hadnt seen her in 4 days i got cought up with school and work since she had been the same for a month now. but she waited for me. she loved than much. i havent left my bed since they took her away yesterday afternoon. but i have to go make funeral arrangements at noon. im taking of school and work until monday because i cant stand the looks of pity and i cant hide the pain in my face. i cant pretend im ok. because i know my family and i will never be the same.
thank you for your kind words

lani

Peace be with you
Lani,
You have no reason to feel guilty--in God's love and provenance, hold your head up to receive His love, compassion and encouragement. What a wonderful resource and support you were to your grandmother. To have the Psalms read to her providing peace, comfort and the love of God and you, Lani---You are precious in His site---May the Lord grant you peace, strength, encouragement and support during this most difficult time for you. Your grandmother will always be with you in spirit and with many wonderful memories. I'll continue to pray for you as you traverse the paths of grief-- knowing that there is hope and life after. Many blessings to you. Susan

lani812

Go_go_Gi_gi said:

Peace be with you
Lani,
You have no reason to feel guilty--in God's love and provenance, hold your head up to receive His love, compassion and encouragement. What a wonderful resource and support you were to your grandmother. To have the Psalms read to her providing peace, comfort and the love of God and you, Lani---You are precious in His site---May the Lord grant you peace, strength, encouragement and support during this most difficult time for you. Your grandmother will always be with you in spirit and with many wonderful memories. I'll continue to pray for you as you traverse the paths of grief-- knowing that there is hope and life after. Many blessings to you. Susan

its been a week
its been a week an hr from now. i see her in my dreams. i can hear her in my head. i had life smile and life my life as if it didnt happen. but i cant forget her. i keep telling myself that i tried everything to save her. i reread my first post on this long n i was excited to battle this thing. i havent spoken to my mother in a week. im ashamed that life went on without her. i want her to know that i didnt forget her. i was to go thank her oncologist sometime soon but im not ready to walk in there yet.she was such a beautiful person. i remember telling myself that i wouldnt let go of her hand until i handed her to god and i did it. but i never thought about how cold and empty my own hand would feel after. i should probrably be writing this in the caregivers blog but i dnt like speaking to others that have gotten over their grief. im not sure i ever want to have random moments when i stare into space and remember her laugh. its been hard to get back on track with school. its difficult to have some much time on my hands. i feel like i thought i was ready and now i just want to close my eyes and be able to call her and have her answer the phone. ive gotten so good at pretending im ok
-lani

jimwins

lani812 said:

its been a week
its been a week an hr from now. i see her in my dreams. i can hear her in my head. i had life smile and life my life as if it didnt happen. but i cant forget her. i keep telling myself that i tried everything to save her. i reread my first post on this long n i was excited to battle this thing. i havent spoken to my mother in a week. im ashamed that life went on without her. i want her to know that i didnt forget her. i was to go thank her oncologist sometime soon but im not ready to walk in there yet.she was such a beautiful person. i remember telling myself that i wouldnt let go of her hand until i handed her to god and i did it. but i never thought about how cold and empty my own hand would feel after. i should probrably be writing this in the caregivers blog but i dnt like speaking to others that have gotten over their grief. im not sure i ever want to have random moments when i stare into space and remember her laugh. its been hard to get back on track with school. its difficult to have some much time on my hands. i feel like i thought i was ready and now i just want to close my eyes and be able to call her and have her answer the phone. ive gotten so good at pretending im ok
-lani

You are a great person, Lani.

"i remember telling myself that i wouldnt let go of her hand
until i handed her to god and i did it"
YES, YOU DID - I want you to know how beautiful that is!
It honestly made me cry and not just from sadness. I want you
to know how special you are.

There's not much I can say right now to make you feel better, Lani
but trust me, it will get better. Grief is a process and there is
no right or wrong way to grieve or set time limit. I think it's
pretty individual.

Know you are always welcome here.

Hugs across the Internet,

Jim

forme

lani812 said:

its been a week
its been a week an hr from now. i see her in my dreams. i can hear her in my head. i had life smile and life my life as if it didnt happen. but i cant forget her. i keep telling myself that i tried everything to save her. i reread my first post on this long n i was excited to battle this thing. i havent spoken to my mother in a week. im ashamed that life went on without her. i want her to know that i didnt forget her. i was to go thank her oncologist sometime soon but im not ready to walk in there yet.she was such a beautiful person. i remember telling myself that i wouldnt let go of her hand until i handed her to god and i did it. but i never thought about how cold and empty my own hand would feel after. i should probrably be writing this in the caregivers blog but i dnt like speaking to others that have gotten over their grief. im not sure i ever want to have random moments when i stare into space and remember her laugh. its been hard to get back on track with school. its difficult to have some much time on my hands. i feel like i thought i was ready and now i just want to close my eyes and be able to call her and have her answer the phone. ive gotten so good at pretending im ok
-lani

It's been a week
Hi Lani

Your post says it all. It's ONLY been a week since your beloved Grandmother passed. You are still in the new, deep part of grieving. It takes time.
There is no rule to the amount of time it takes a person to move beyond grief. Everyone is different.

My mother in law passed in January, we spent everyday of the last few months of her life with her. I was with her almost till the end. I had to go to Texas the day before she passed. That was a very hard trip to take. But I needed to go for my health and she wanted me to go too.
I miss her very much, but time has eased the pain of her loss. Knowing that we did all that we could to help her find peace in her last months, has helped us with her loss.

Your posts tell of your devotion to her also. In time you will find comfort in knowing that you gave her all that you could and that brought her great comfort and peace.
She was loved by you and you by her.

You don't need to pretend that all is okay. You have suffered a great loss. Allow yourself time to mourn and to heal. Your Grandmother would want you to go on with your life. To be happy and fullfilled. Do not feel ashamed, feel proud that you were able to give so much of yourself to her.

We are here for you and we understand.

Huge (((hugs))) to you in your time of grief.
Lisha

scuttlebug11

forme said:

It's been a week
Hi Lani

Your post says it all. It's ONLY been a week since your beloved Grandmother passed. You are still in the new, deep part of grieving. It takes time.
There is no rule to the amount of time it takes a person to move beyond grief. Everyone is different.

My mother in law passed in January, we spent everyday of the last few months of her life with her. I was with her almost till the end. I had to go to Texas the day before she passed. That was a very hard trip to take. But I needed to go for my health and she wanted me to go too.
I miss her very much, but time has eased the pain of her loss. Knowing that we did all that we could to help her find peace in her last months, has helped us with her loss.

Your posts tell of your devotion to her also. In time you will find comfort in knowing that you gave her all that you could and that brought her great comfort and peace.
She was loved by you and you by her.

You don't need to pretend that all is okay. You have suffered a great loss. Allow yourself time to mourn and to heal. Your Grandmother would want you to go on with your life. To be happy and fullfilled. Do not feel ashamed, feel proud that you were able to give so much of yourself to her.

We are here for you and we understand.

Huge (((hugs))) to you in your time of grief.
Lisha

grief
lani' i am so sorry for your loss, it will get easier. A drunk driver hit and killed my big sister when she was 13 and i was 9 i still miss her and i think about her but i know i will be with her again, with God, and that does make it easier God will be with you help you thru this. blessings denise

anliperez915

lani812 said:

its been a week
its been a week an hr from now. i see her in my dreams. i can hear her in my head. i had life smile and life my life as if it didnt happen. but i cant forget her. i keep telling myself that i tried everything to save her. i reread my first post on this long n i was excited to battle this thing. i havent spoken to my mother in a week. im ashamed that life went on without her. i want her to know that i didnt forget her. i was to go thank her oncologist sometime soon but im not ready to walk in there yet.she was such a beautiful person. i remember telling myself that i wouldnt let go of her hand until i handed her to god and i did it. but i never thought about how cold and empty my own hand would feel after. i should probrably be writing this in the caregivers blog but i dnt like speaking to others that have gotten over their grief. im not sure i ever want to have random moments when i stare into space and remember her laugh. its been hard to get back on track with school. its difficult to have some much time on my hands. i feel like i thought i was ready and now i just want to close my eyes and be able to call her and have her answer the phone. ive gotten so good at pretending im ok
-lani

You will always miss her...
I'm really sorry to hear that your abuelita didn't make it...I was reading all of the posts since the beginning, and I wish things would have turned out differently but we have to make the best of things and you know what you will cry when you want to not when other people expect you to...my mother passed away 2 years ago from the H1N1 virus it was very unexpected and I wish I could have had more time with her to tell her how much I loved her...I think that you told and showed your gramma how much you loved her and she knew it, so don't feel guilty and don't feel surprised when a year or two from now you are still missing her and you find yourself crying...I know how it feels...

XOXO;

Sincerely,
Liz