I don't usually vent like this... but seriously...I need to blast!

LadyParvati

Maybe that woman just needed to feel like her own experienc. . .
Maybe that woman is one of those people who makes herself feel better or superior or like her experience was the worst by belittling other people's experiences . . .

or if she'd never been through cancer treatment, I agree with what others have said--she has no clue what she was talking about and should have kept her mouth shut!!

More Hugs!

Sandy

kt1127

sbmly53 said:

Oh, Taleena,
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I feel like I 'skated' thru bc when I see what others have had to endure. However, I have learned that bc is real and terrifiying and that it hangs over your head and it causes so much stress and anxiety and fear and in that, we are all equal.


Big hugs,

Sue

go ahead and vent
People have no idea how their ignorance can hurt. I am just beginning my journey. I dont yet know for sure what my tx will be. I am doing one thing now but believe it will be changed. I ran into an "old" friend. I right old in quotes becasue this woman and I were among a group of 4 couples that spent every holiday and weekend together traveling and enjoying life. A year or so ago (before dx) one of the couples and my husband and I had a falling out, none of them stayed our friend........When we ran into her she looked at my husband and I and said "I know we dont see each other so much but its not like any of us would wish this on you. Atleast you had surgery and now your done." My husband walked away red faced and I dont even recall what I said. No matter what your tx and how well you feel you are never done....Ignorance is a shame for the person experiencing it. We are warriors no matter what our journey. You will find people like this in many places just stay strong. All my love. We all have these experiences and this is where we share.

taleena

Thank you my dear friends
Thank you my dear friends and sisters!!! I knew I could vent here.. I really needed to dump that crap out! And once I finished posting I felt better.. and after reading your responses I feel better than ever...

One day I just may not be the "bigger" person... just a warning... one day I just might throw out that note that CR said to carry with me... With everything that we go through why do we always have to be the bigger person???? LOL SHhhheeessh!

Can you picture the look on someones face when they read that??? I would almost welcome someone's ignorant comment now that I'm a little more armed...

Seriously,thank you all so much... I know you all "get it"... better than anyone and it's nice to know that you are all here!!

Hugs & Love,

~T

lizzie17

that lady
It seems like that lady is quite ignorant about breast cancer and the variety of treatments to save our lives. Like Chenheart said, we are all emotionally in treatment. This is difficult on each of us and I hope the strength of your kindred spirits help you. Know that you can say whatever you feel on this board, and we will listen.

Hugs to you,
Carol

CR1954

kt1127 said:

go ahead and vent
People have no idea how their ignorance can hurt. I am just beginning my journey. I dont yet know for sure what my tx will be. I am doing one thing now but believe it will be changed. I ran into an "old" friend. I right old in quotes becasue this woman and I were among a group of 4 couples that spent every holiday and weekend together traveling and enjoying life. A year or so ago (before dx) one of the couples and my husband and I had a falling out, none of them stayed our friend........When we ran into her she looked at my husband and I and said "I know we dont see each other so much but its not like any of us would wish this on you. Atleast you had surgery and now your done." My husband walked away red faced and I dont even recall what I said. No matter what your tx and how well you feel you are never done....Ignorance is a shame for the person experiencing it. We are warriors no matter what our journey. You will find people like this in many places just stay strong. All my love. We all have these experiences and this is where we share.

kt1127....
That was a very hurtful and very nasty thing for her to have said to you...not like any of us would wish this on you. I think it cannot even be encompassed in plain old "ignorance". It sounds more like it was meant to hurt.

But bless ya! You know you are a way better person than she is and you were able to move on. And that took more guts than berating her would have.

Hugs,
CR

CR1954

Honestly...
Honestly, I think we should all just go out & get schnockered! LOL!

CR

aysemari

Cut them a break
Taleena,

I am totally on your side and you had to face everything that goes with cancer
just like all of us.

But I have to say, before I was diagnosed, I really had no clue about breast cancer.
When I got diagnosed, mind you I got the new over the phone, I seriously thught
surgery and I am done with it. My best friend who lost her son to cancer was more
alarmed than me. I am telling you, it's all that cutsy, pink stuff, it makes people
think it's not too bad.

So try to cut her a break, better yet maybe say something, educate her.

Hugs,
Ayse

New Flower

CR1954 said:

Honestly...
Honestly, I think we should all just go out & get schnockered! LOL!

CR

Dear friend Taleena
Nobody have the rights to tell you what is real treatment or what is not. I am very sorry that you have to go through that conversation,instead of having good time. I personally do not discuss my treatment with people who have not personal experience in cancer at all. Being through every possible treatment for non-methastasic cancer I can tell you that all treatments are tough in its own way, and I wish neither I or anybody could have any of my experiences at all.
we all are unique and I am very sorry that your doctors made you feel weird and uncomfortable about your side effects of the treatment. My Zoladex vomiting usually happen in the middle of the cycle and for the past two months I was able to mitigate it very well. I also have several ideas I can share and paper which you could discuss with you doctors if you PM your personal e-mail. Next shot I am coming with you to hold your hand easing your pain. I'll see you there.
Hugs
New Flower

sea60

aysemari said:

Cut them a break
Taleena,

I am totally on your side and you had to face everything that goes with cancer
just like all of us.

But I have to say, before I was diagnosed, I really had no clue about breast cancer.
When I got diagnosed, mind you I got the new over the phone, I seriously thught
surgery and I am done with it. My best friend who lost her son to cancer was more
alarmed than me. I am telling you, it's all that cutsy, pink stuff, it makes people
think it's not too bad.

So try to cut her a break, better yet maybe say something, educate her.

Hugs,
Ayse

I'm sorry you had to endure that conversation
Before I had cancer, I didn't have a clue as to exactly what people who had cancer went through. I knew it was rough and know that I would have been one for a loss of words. Now, after having it, I experienced ALL sorts of reactions from people ranging from completely ignoring me (like I had the plague) to folks like your friend who talk as if they're trying to down play what you're going through. Obviously, they haven't a clue. I think they might mean well by trying to sound positive but unfortunately, to us, it can be frustrating.

Glad you were the "bigger" person and tolerated it.

The only other people that will EVER know what it's like to have cancer are those who have had it.

I just thought of something funny...wouldn't it be cool if you could change the converation in your mind to Charlie Brown's teacher? Remember that? Wua..wau..wua...wua so you didn't have to sit and listen to unwanted conversation?? LOL!


Hugs,

Sylvia

Pinkpower

OMG, you still have 45 to
OMG, you still have 45 to go. But dont give up pink warrior. You are so strong, just that fact that you endure all those side effects and people like the ones from the dinner, WOW! BC treatment is all the same to me. Its hard, and sometimes almost unbearable, but we do it cause we want to live. I agree with everything everyone else said. Also it reminded me what stupid thing people would tell me when they found out, "Well if you are going to have Cancer at least BC is the best one to have" even a doctor told me mother that, can you believe it,HOW STUPID IS THAT, REALLY, BC IS THE BEST ONE TO HAVE, how about we rather not have any at all.

Lupe

Dawne.Hope

[[[hugs]]]
I don't know how you kept your mouth shut. You have every right to vent and I wouldn't have been so 'polite.'

Some people are just ignorant. I have to admit I kind of wish you'd let her have it! Somebody needs to set her right.

I am sorry this treatment is so bad on you.

Prayers for you. Vent away. I'm so sorry!
xo

Double Whammy

Dawne.Hope said:

[[[hugs]]]
I don't know how you kept your mouth shut. You have every right to vent and I wouldn't have been so 'polite.'

Some people are just ignorant. I have to admit I kind of wish you'd let her have it! Somebody needs to set her right.

I am sorry this treatment is so bad on you.

Prayers for you. Vent away. I'm so sorry!
xo

Blast away!
It's what we we're here for - support. Some people are just plain stupid. I do have to say, tho, that prior to my dx, I was probably insensitive and unaware of what cancer patients (and their families) go through both emotionally and physically. We learn a lot about people on this journey, don't we?

I loved CR's suggestion of carrying a card with you to use in circumstances like yours. How come I never thought of that?

Best wishes, T, and hugs too

Suzanne

RE

~GIGANTIC SUPPORTIVE HUGS~
Oh sweet ~T~ they are unknowers, ignorant in their blissful health to have any clue at all as to what treatment for cancer involves. They do not know how hurtful or insulting their rather thoughtless comments are. You do not have to be rude to inform them that they are wrong. You have every right to feel hurt and slighted and I am truly sorry that you this happened to you. You're a great lady T and any treatment that any of us endure is difficult and sugnificant so please do not underestimate your treatment plan. I hope you treatment goes well this week and I truly hope you have an easier time of it. We are always here for you!

Love,

RE

NJMom10

Don't even begin to apologize for venting!
Honestly I am so glad you posted this because even though I've been going through the "real" treatments, people still make really stupid comments, like, "Oh so why can't you go to the gym anymore." or "Oh my friend went on vacations and stuff with her kids while she was doing chemo." and "Oh yeah my friend had to get a wig but it was really nice and you didn't even know it was a wig."...like that woman wasn't completely humiliated at losing all her hair and needing (not wanting) to wear it for a year instead of just walking out the door with her own hair!

Yesterday, my mother-in-law told me I need to start exercising because it will be good for me. PLEASE!!!! Was she there with me on Friday, 3 days after my last treatment of Taxol when I spent 3 hours trying to muster up the energy to get up and get dressed for work and finally just gave up and called in and lost yet another day to this damnable disease!

Vent all you want. This whole thing is miserable no matter what you have to do to battle it. And you are right. This is the place to do it because everyone on here, unfortunately, completely gets it! And may I say I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish for you only continued healing and the strength to battle the worst moments!

CR1954

Please let...
Me clarify my remarks.

If someone says something to me, like "oh, it's breast cancer. How lucky. Everybody gets over breast cancer." And they HAVE said that to me, because they have little or no knowledge of the disease, I very calmly explain the trials and tribulations of having the disease, Of treating the disease. And that no, not everyone survives the disease. That is educating the "uneducated" on the subject.

However, there is a difference between uneducated and cocky (how lucky you didn't have to go through real chemo) and hurtful. In that one remark, minimizing the strength, the courage and the pain that one goes through in fighting for your life, when dx'd with bc. It is for those people that I have no patience, and I make that point known.

I just read in a post on this board....where friends who had parted company some time ago, recently ran into each other. The member who posted is/has dealt with bc. The former friend said to her..."we aren't friends anymore, but I still wouldn't have wished this on you".
Well, in my mind, that is an incredibly hurtful thing to say, but was said for that very reason...to hurt. She could just as easily have said "I was sorry to hear of your illness and I hope that you are doing well." But she chose the other remark instead.

Yes, I think that the vast majority of people are simply ignorant of what a cancer diagnosis and the its ensuing treatment entails. Both physically and emotionally.
But there are also those who take the opportunity to cause pain. Not always certain why. Maybe to raise their station...they are healthy. Maybe out of fear for themselves. Maybe because, as I said in my earlier post, because they read an article or a book about bc, so know all about it. They have their reasons. They aren't mis-speaking when they make the remarks. They choose their words carefully.

So, in closing, I believe that yes, "you CAN fix stupid." You can and should educate, when possible.
But "hurtful and insensitive"...a whole other story.

I am not just a big old meany! Really!
CR

pinkkari09

No need to apologize
Hi T, I have had a few similar experiences and although they frustrated me, I chalked it up to lack of knowledge. You certainly don't need to apologize for "dumping" or "venting" here, thank God we can do that and EVERYONE on here understands. In the future, it might make you feel better to just tell them like it is, ya, arm yourself, and speak how you feel. You certainly have a large treatment load on your plate and even if you didn't, you have breast cancer, none of us ask for it, whether stage 0 or stage 4, we all have a disease and we all fight together!!
Big Hugz,
~Kari

disneyfan2008

vent away you have more then good reason
Some people are just ignorant, as we all know too well. I am so sorry you are going through this. I think I may have had to get up and walk out...! YOU shoulnd't have to defend yourself-but shouldn't have to SIT THROUGH anything like that. I wish your husband would have spoken up-such as: this is not easy but she is getting through it-....in my dream world..that would have happened...

glad you got this off your chest!

everyone is so different-no two cases compare...

mwallace1325

Please don't feel guilty
Any one who's heard the words, no matter what the course of treatment, is in the same boat. Some have more s.e. some less but we're all fighting the fight and no one us would wish this on our worst enemy.

Please feel free to vent any time, and I'm sorry these people were so clueless and that you felt you had to put up with it.

marge

fauxma

CR1954 said:

Please let...
Me clarify my remarks.

If someone says something to me, like "oh, it's breast cancer. How lucky. Everybody gets over breast cancer." And they HAVE said that to me, because they have little or no knowledge of the disease, I very calmly explain the trials and tribulations of having the disease, Of treating the disease. And that no, not everyone survives the disease. That is educating the "uneducated" on the subject.

However, there is a difference between uneducated and cocky (how lucky you didn't have to go through real chemo) and hurtful. In that one remark, minimizing the strength, the courage and the pain that one goes through in fighting for your life, when dx'd with bc. It is for those people that I have no patience, and I make that point known.

I just read in a post on this board....where friends who had parted company some time ago, recently ran into each other. The member who posted is/has dealt with bc. The former friend said to her..."we aren't friends anymore, but I still wouldn't have wished this on you".
Well, in my mind, that is an incredibly hurtful thing to say, but was said for that very reason...to hurt. She could just as easily have said "I was sorry to hear of your illness and I hope that you are doing well." But she chose the other remark instead.

Yes, I think that the vast majority of people are simply ignorant of what a cancer diagnosis and the its ensuing treatment entails. Both physically and emotionally.
But there are also those who take the opportunity to cause pain. Not always certain why. Maybe to raise their station...they are healthy. Maybe out of fear for themselves. Maybe because, as I said in my earlier post, because they read an article or a book about bc, so know all about it. They have their reasons. They aren't mis-speaking when they make the remarks. They choose their words carefully.

So, in closing, I believe that yes, "you CAN fix stupid." You can and should educate, when possible.
But "hurtful and insensitive"...a whole other story.

I am not just a big old meany! Really!
CR

CR,
I understand what you
CR,
I understand what you mean about those that just don't understand and say something ignorant and those that say mean stuff. When my sister was diagnosed several months before me she had a "friend" at work come up and tell her that they should go wig shopping together and then they would be like twins. It seems like a simple thing at face value. But my sister told her that she didn't think she would wear wigs but use hats and scarves instead. Her coworker kept on about how fun it would be to both wear their wigs, blah, blah, blah. This was not a person my sister was especially close to, in fact, they often had disagreements. This woman then said Well, I guess you just want to draw attention to yourself. I told my sister that she should have told her "friend" to shave her head, go through the chemo, and all the treatments and then they would be twins. What a jerk! Of course, my sister was too nice to do that. She wore her hats and scarves and everyone complimented her on them, except this woman who from then on ignored her.
Stef

Wolfi

Rant away
Unless people have been through some kind of cancer treatment they just won't "get it" no matter how much you explain it to them. Those women may be nice people but don't let what they said get to you too much - they just don't understand (and problably never will). I have two women I work with who know about the treatments and surgeries I've had. Do you think after seeing all I've been through I can get either of them (both over 40) to get a yearly checkup? No. They "don't have time" right now. I want to scream at them - I didn't "have time" before either and look how I ended up!

I did not have to have chemo and lose my hair like other people, but I have gone through enough to know that there are many levels of treatment and medications that people can receive. Each person can react to surgeries and medication differently. One thing that isn't talked about very much (except on places like this board) are the emotional issues that go along with treatments. Sure, medication and surgeries can make you feel like crap but the emotional and mental side effects can be even worse. Getting "back to normal" doesn't apply like it would if you had a scrape on your knee or a broken arm.

Like you, I have many unusual or severe side effects from medication and have to be careful of dosages. Some medications can be too strong if they put me on the "normal" dosage.

Hang in there and keep smiling at people who don't understand. Hopefully, they will never have to be in the situation where they will finally understand.

Wolfi