Meloncholey

Eil4186
Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi girls, I have been praying for all of my friends here who are going through rough days with this disease. My heart breaks for those who struggle and for those we have lost.
I am so fortunate in that I am well and almost at five years since diagnosis. So many are not as fortunate.

However, I had an apt. with my onc. today and he said that everything is going so well that I can start coming in once a year instead of twice. I can't explain why, but I have been sad and teary eyed all day since.

Has anyone else had this experience? I remember feeling this way when chemo was over. I think that maybe my docs have been a security blanket for me. Maybe Maybe seeing them often makes me feel protected? I wish I knew. I just can't shake this depressed, sad feeling. Anyone felt this way, and if so, how did you deal with it? Thanks so much. Eil

Comments

  • Katz77
    Katz77 Member Posts: 598
    Feeling the same, kind of
    I just saw my onc today, and left upbeat. Im 1 1/2 out from surgery, so still see him every 3 months. Was feeling scared, confused and sad. Seems alot are struggling with tests and the results. Waiting for phone calls, getting phone calls. Another friend of mine ( thats 3 now) is getting more tests tomorrow to see if she has cancer. So I was getting worried. Think our docs are our security blankets, and when they start letting us go its spooky. Felt like you after chemo and rads ended. Think it will get better. Katz
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    Katz77 said:

    Feeling the same, kind of
    I just saw my onc today, and left upbeat. Im 1 1/2 out from surgery, so still see him every 3 months. Was feeling scared, confused and sad. Seems alot are struggling with tests and the results. Waiting for phone calls, getting phone calls. Another friend of mine ( thats 3 now) is getting more tests tomorrow to see if she has cancer. So I was getting worried. Think our docs are our security blankets, and when they start letting us go its spooky. Felt like you after chemo and rads ended. Think it will get better. Katz

    Have had those same feelings...
    Eil - I can totally relate to your feelings, completely understand. Following completion of all invasive treatment, I saw one (of the 3) of my onc docs every 6 weeks, first year. Second year, every 8 weeks... Over time, appointments spread further apart. My surgeon was the first to drop out of the rotation. Was devastated - because I was the most "attached" to him, emotionally. About a year later, my rad onc was done. She was the sole woman on the team - missed her, too.

    Now, I continue to see my med onc twice a year. He has told me I need to be "carefully watched" for the rest of my life. This is both good - because I get to hang on to my "security blanket" - AND bad, because I remain and always will be "high risk"...

    Again - I know exactly how you feel, friend. I also know that you'll adjust and be OK with it, just takes some time. Going forward, remember the need to be ever vigilant about your health. Please - don't hesitate to call your onc immediately with any future concerns. Which, of course, I certainly hope you'll never have to do. And never, ever delay/skip all the other "regular" tests and checkups. Including ob/gyne, dentist, eye doctor, etc. ...


    Kind regards, Susan
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    Eil, Those onc visits: You
    Eil, Those onc visits: You love 'em; you hate 'em. I'm on the 6 month cycle now and every time there is a change in the schedule I come a little unglued. I wish I knew a simple way to vanquish the emotional pain; if there is one, I haven't found it! So I go back to my tried and true methods of plodding through - yoga, breathing exercises, meditation and meds. To sunny days! xoxoxoxox Lynn
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    Eli,
    Of course, you feel sad

    Eli,
    Of course, you feel sad and a little teary eyed. It's like someone grabbed your blankie and your binkie and you want them back. These visits are security. Our minds might tell us that this is good and we are better and all that but there is that darn little voice that whispers what if it comes back in 6 months and I haven't gone to the doctor. Nothing will reassure you right now, but it is time to take those baby steps to the next level. I think most of us felt that way as we transistioned to the longer visits. For me, I just told myself that this meant that I was on the right path and I was doing well. And I also remembered that if I had anything that troubled me I was free to call and have it checked out. I think that when we are told a year, we mentally think I can't see them for a year. That's not really the case. We could see them in a month if the need arose. So remember, although they want to see you in a year, they also want to see you if you think you need to be seen. Don't let the timeframe throw you for a loop. They are still totally there if you need them sooner. Hope this helps.
    Stef
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    Katz77 said:

    Feeling the same, kind of
    I just saw my onc today, and left upbeat. Im 1 1/2 out from surgery, so still see him every 3 months. Was feeling scared, confused and sad. Seems alot are struggling with tests and the results. Waiting for phone calls, getting phone calls. Another friend of mine ( thats 3 now) is getting more tests tomorrow to see if she has cancer. So I was getting worried. Think our docs are our security blankets, and when they start letting us go its spooky. Felt like you after chemo and rads ended. Think it will get better. Katz

    Thank you so much girls. You
    Thank you so much girls. You definitely understand where I am coming from with the whole security blanket thing. I think that is really the issue, what if something happens during that long year and no one is there to find it? You are right I musat remember that if I an concerned I can call them.

    I feel guilty even being sad because there are so many out there struggling with much bigger issues. But, I guess tis hard to control emotions. This disease is so very complex.

    Thank you again girls, I love you guys, Eileen
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    Eil
    I think it's called relief. There has been so much sad news on the site in the past month. When we're told all is ok it's a bit overwhelming just like when first dx. We're relieved but still anxious. Take one day at a time and hope for the best.
    {{hugs}} Char