My husband died tonight
Comments
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Images and Lossdebbieg5 said:images
Thanks Carole. It sounds like you witnessed a very similar situation. In general, I'm a pretty tough, independent cookie. I like to take care of things myself and in my own way. I've had emotional troubles before but figured you just had to hang tough and get through them. But this is different. I don't know how to get those images out of my head. Every time I go into my bathroom I see him lying on the floor with blood everywhere. I imagine my daughter will deal with the same thing. (I noticed that I made a typo when I first posted...my daughter is 19). Today I found out that my 12 year old son saw some of it also. Nothing like we did 'cause he had the sense to run out of the room. I believe that I might try to talk to a counselor after the funeral is over. Perhaps bring the kids in too.
Best wishes to you also.
Debbie
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Dad (my hero and best friend) to neck cancer on Christmas morning. The hospice nurse listed what you have described (tumor pressing on artery, causing hemorrhage) as one of the scenarios for my Dad's death. On a good note, Dad died pretty peacefully since he was so heavily medicated. The downside to this is he was basically comatose for several days prior to his death. It was hard to see him like this, and I really hope he could hear what we were saying to him during this time. There is really no good way to lose a loved one.
Anyway, three weeks before his death my Mom called me to come over fast (I live a mile down the road) because Dad was unresponsive. I took one look at him and called 911. He breathed through a trach too and I had to remove the talking cap so he could get more air. I thought he was going to die before the ambulance arrived. I have never been so scared, yet so surprisingly calm on the phone with the dispatcher. He was admitted to the hospital where he stayed for almost a week. This was the beginning of the end. The doctor said he had weeks. It was two weeks to the date tat he was released from the hospital. From the night I found him unresponsive and white-green in color to three weeks later at 6:30 AM Christmas morning when he took his final breath (with glowing Christmas tree in the bakcground), and EVERY MOMENT IN BETWEEN...I have horrific images scorched on my retinas. These horrible images invade my thoughts, especially when I try to conjure up happy memories of Dad. I want to remember my Dad how he was before cancer, AKA SATAN, destroyed our lives but these horrible images displace the good ones. I don't know why this is happening or how long it will go on, but please know that you are not alone in experiencing these unwanted images. Please let your children know that they are in my thoughts and prayers and they are not alone and others are going through similar tragedies. My Mom and Dad were married 40 years and I know my Mom feels your pain as I feel your children's. We all HAVE to get through this somehow. If I figure it out I'll let you know, if you'll please do the same. I am so sorry once again. I try my best to remember that even though I am devastated, at least my Dad is now cancer-free. Hang in there. 0 -
Cinnaeve said:
Images and Loss
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Dad (my hero and best friend) to neck cancer on Christmas morning. The hospice nurse listed what you have described (tumor pressing on artery, causing hemorrhage) as one of the scenarios for my Dad's death. On a good note, Dad died pretty peacefully since he was so heavily medicated. The downside to this is he was basically comatose for several days prior to his death. It was hard to see him like this, and I really hope he could hear what we were saying to him during this time. There is really no good way to lose a loved one. Anyway, three weeks before his death my Mom called me to come over fast (I live a mile down the road) because Dad was unresponsive. I took one look at him and called 911. He breathed through a trach too and I had to remove the talking cap so he could get more air. I thought he was going to die before the ambulance arrived. I have never been so scared, yet so surprisingly calm on the phone with the dispatcher. He was admitted to the hospital where he stayed for almost a week. This was the beginning of the end. The doctor said he had weeks. It was two weeks to the date tat he was released from the hospital. From the night I found him unresponsive and white-green in color to three weeks later at 6:30 AM Christmas morning when he took his final breath (with glowing Christmas tree in the bakcground), and EVERY MOMENT IN BETWEEN...I have horrific images scorched on my retinas. These horrible images invade my thoughts, especially when I try to conjure up happy memories of Dad. I want to remember my Dad how he was before cancer, AKA SATAN, destroyed our lives but these horrible images displace the good ones. I don't know why this is happening or how long it will go on, but please know that you are not alone in experiencing these unwanted images. Please let your children know that they are in my thoughts and prayers and they are not alone and others are going through similar tragedies. My Mom and Dad were married 40 years and I know my Mom feels your pain as I feel your children's. We all HAVE to get through this somehow. If I figure it out I'll let you know, if you'll please do the same. I am so sorry once again. I try my best to remember that even though I am devastated, at least my Dad is now cancer-free. Hang in there.
It is beyond unfair you and your kids had to go through this and witness such a tramatic event. I am so so sorry that this happened, even if it's in God's plan, it is still painful. You will be in my prayers.0 -
Cinnaeve and DebbieKristynRuth86 said:
It is beyond unfair you and your kids had to go through this and witness such a tramatic event. I am so so sorry that this happened, even if it's in God's plan, it is still painful. You will be in my prayers.
I had pretty severe and traumatic images of my great grandfather and of my younger brother etched in my brain after they passed. So much so that for many years I could not remember what my great grandfather looked like alive.
I finally learned how to do some meditation and guided imagery using photos and videos of my poppy and my brother. It took a long time to get over it, but I was finally able to do so. Replacing those awful images in my mind with the pleasant images of pictures of better times. I have a photographic memory and it can be both a blessing and a curse. I am hoping you can both get the bad memories to fade and the good to come to the fore more easily.0 -
dealCinnaeve said:Images and Loss
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Dad (my hero and best friend) to neck cancer on Christmas morning. The hospice nurse listed what you have described (tumor pressing on artery, causing hemorrhage) as one of the scenarios for my Dad's death. On a good note, Dad died pretty peacefully since he was so heavily medicated. The downside to this is he was basically comatose for several days prior to his death. It was hard to see him like this, and I really hope he could hear what we were saying to him during this time. There is really no good way to lose a loved one. Anyway, three weeks before his death my Mom called me to come over fast (I live a mile down the road) because Dad was unresponsive. I took one look at him and called 911. He breathed through a trach too and I had to remove the talking cap so he could get more air. I thought he was going to die before the ambulance arrived. I have never been so scared, yet so surprisingly calm on the phone with the dispatcher. He was admitted to the hospital where he stayed for almost a week. This was the beginning of the end. The doctor said he had weeks. It was two weeks to the date tat he was released from the hospital. From the night I found him unresponsive and white-green in color to three weeks later at 6:30 AM Christmas morning when he took his final breath (with glowing Christmas tree in the bakcground), and EVERY MOMENT IN BETWEEN...I have horrific images scorched on my retinas. These horrible images invade my thoughts, especially when I try to conjure up happy memories of Dad. I want to remember my Dad how he was before cancer, AKA SATAN, destroyed our lives but these horrible images displace the good ones. I don't know why this is happening or how long it will go on, but please know that you are not alone in experiencing these unwanted images. Please let your children know that they are in my thoughts and prayers and they are not alone and others are going through similar tragedies. My Mom and Dad were married 40 years and I know my Mom feels your pain as I feel your children's. We all HAVE to get through this somehow. If I figure it out I'll let you know, if you'll please do the same. I am so sorry once again. I try my best to remember that even though I am devastated, at least my Dad is now cancer-free. Hang in there.
Cinnaeve...it's a deal. whoever figures it out first, tell the other one. something tells me that it will take lots of time for those images to fade. I need to pull the sheets off the bed and put on fresh ones but I can't bring myself to do it. His smell is still in his pillows. I just laid on them today and cried and tried to breathe in his smell. Is that whacko or what? My son didn't want me to move them either. he said he could still picture dad propped up against the pillows in bed.
this has been a hard day for some reason. I need to go pull pictures for the funeral. At least I will be looking at smiling pictures of his face.
Debbie0 -
Thank you Rose. I can'tunknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Thank you Rose. I can't believe how many of us have witnesses this. It seemed like a scene from some horror film. The doctor told me that they always wonder whether to warn family that it is a possibility. I don't think I would have wanted to know about that ahead of time.
The best to your family also. Let's hope that this new year improves.
Debbie0 -
ImagesCinnaeve said:Images and Loss
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Dad (my hero and best friend) to neck cancer on Christmas morning. The hospice nurse listed what you have described (tumor pressing on artery, causing hemorrhage) as one of the scenarios for my Dad's death. On a good note, Dad died pretty peacefully since he was so heavily medicated. The downside to this is he was basically comatose for several days prior to his death. It was hard to see him like this, and I really hope he could hear what we were saying to him during this time. There is really no good way to lose a loved one. Anyway, three weeks before his death my Mom called me to come over fast (I live a mile down the road) because Dad was unresponsive. I took one look at him and called 911. He breathed through a trach too and I had to remove the talking cap so he could get more air. I thought he was going to die before the ambulance arrived. I have never been so scared, yet so surprisingly calm on the phone with the dispatcher. He was admitted to the hospital where he stayed for almost a week. This was the beginning of the end. The doctor said he had weeks. It was two weeks to the date tat he was released from the hospital. From the night I found him unresponsive and white-green in color to three weeks later at 6:30 AM Christmas morning when he took his final breath (with glowing Christmas tree in the bakcground), and EVERY MOMENT IN BETWEEN...I have horrific images scorched on my retinas. These horrible images invade my thoughts, especially when I try to conjure up happy memories of Dad. I want to remember my Dad how he was before cancer, AKA SATAN, destroyed our lives but these horrible images displace the good ones. I don't know why this is happening or how long it will go on, but please know that you are not alone in experiencing these unwanted images. Please let your children know that they are in my thoughts and prayers and they are not alone and others are going through similar tragedies. My Mom and Dad were married 40 years and I know my Mom feels your pain as I feel your children's. We all HAVE to get through this somehow. If I figure it out I'll let you know, if you'll please do the same. I am so sorry once again. I try my best to remember that even though I am devastated, at least my Dad is now cancer-free. Hang in there.
I guess we've all had to deal with this horrible and traumatic death that our loved ones suffered. It is hard to get those images out of my mind too. Me & my hubby, Tom, were going to be married 47 years on February 8th. I guess all we can do is be thankful that they are now resting peacefully. It is one year ago today that Tom was diagnosed and he died in March.
The year has gone fast and I'm trying to hang on to the happy memories that we had.
Try and do the same. I hope Debbie does the same since she lost her husband the same way.
Let's just take one day at a time and hopefully things will get easier for all of us.
Carole0 -
Condolences
I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for all of you.0 -
Hi LizLiz K. said:I'm so sorry
I am sorry for your loss Debbie. I've just started this journey with my husband. I pray that you and your young family will find peace.
Welcome to CSN, sorry to hear you have this stuff but glad you found a place like CSN where you can get help.
All the best to you.
Hondo0 -
How very sadBrianKrashpad said:Condolences
I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for all of you.
I've been offline for the last few days, signed on and saw this. So, so sad.
FWIW, my mother found my only brother dying in the bathroom of a sudden heart attack. By the time I arrived he was already dead. This was in my mother's house, in the bathroom that my brother and I had shared as kids.
It's been almost 25 years, and the image of him lying on that tile floor is as fresh in my mind as it was that awful night.
I don't dwell on it. My mother, who still lives in my childhood home, had a remodeling done so the bathroom doesn't look the way it used to. Yet I'm sure the image will never fade from her mind, either.
But, with time, the grief fades. Acceptance takes it place. It's a painful process, for sure.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Prayers are headed your way.
--Jim in Delaware0 -
I'm so very sorrydelnative said:How very sad
I've been offline for the last few days, signed on and saw this. So, so sad.
FWIW, my mother found my only brother dying in the bathroom of a sudden heart attack. By the time I arrived he was already dead. This was in my mother's house, in the bathroom that my brother and I had shared as kids.
It's been almost 25 years, and the image of him lying on that tile floor is as fresh in my mind as it was that awful night.
I don't dwell on it. My mother, who still lives in my childhood home, had a remodeling done so the bathroom doesn't look the way it used to. Yet I'm sure the image will never fade from her mind, either.
But, with time, the grief fades. Acceptance takes it place. It's a painful process, for sure.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Prayers are headed your way.
--Jim in Delaware
Dearest Debbie
I haven't been on here for some time until just recently. I am so very sorry for your loss and that you and your children had witnessed it in such a sad and dramatic way.
Last year after being diagnosed with throat cancer and just having undergone my third throat surgery, they released me from the hospital and after arriving home I violently hemorrhaged right in front of my two children, It was very traumatic for them, especially for the youngest who I had recently got custody of after removing him from a very bad environment. He was also very ill, fighting leukemia. Witnessing this visually traumatic episode brought on some unforeseen psychological issues. I mention this because it might be a consideration to maybe seek out some counselling for your kids, and maybe for yourself.
My son was already in heaving counselling at the time due to the violent abuse and trauma he had already been subjected to. I truly don't mean to stick my nose where it shouldn't be but both my kids have gone through a lot of trauma and the side affects can come on quickly or sneak out later.
Again, I truly am so very sorry for you and your children and your loss.
You and your children will be in our prayers.
Mike0 -
Praying for your familyVivi C said:So sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your children.
Viv
Much like everyone else. I do not have words to express the sorrow I feel for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.
Wife0 -
Praying for your familyVivi C said:So sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your children.
Viv
Much like everyone else. I do not have words to express the sorrow I feel for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.
Wife0 -
Sorry for Your Lossdebbieg5 said:tons of thanks
It is so comforting to read all these thoughts and prayers from you all. I don't even know any of you, but know that you probably sympathize better than most of our friends and family because we are all in the same battle.
I am hurting so bad today. The grief just keeps welling up unexpectedly and overflowing.
there are so many things to take care of that it is mind boggling. I had tried to start planning funeral arrangements recently but never got a chance to discuss with Ken...didn't know this would happen so fast.
The amazing thing is how many events came together at the last moment that seemed as if they had been planned with knowledge of what would happen the next day.
On friday, a friend from church that is a hairdresser came over and cut his hair. I remember the thought running through my head that at least it would look nice if he died. Then the attorney came over and he signed his will on Friday afternoon. Later, his boss from work and 2 other co-workers came to our house to bring his retirement awards. He had made his retimrement official on Dec. 31 (although he had not been to work since early May). They had recorded the ceremony that they did at work the day before where they presented him with his awards. They also taped any co-worker that wanted to leave him a message. When they brought it to the house, they asked if we would put it in. Ken sat there and watched it with both smiles and tears. It gave me a whole new appreciation for how these people felt about him. I am so glad he had the chance to watch it that afternoon because we probably would never had done it otherwise. It was as if God let us get a few important details taken care of before he took him home.
forgive me for all this babbling...I just don't know what else to do.
debbie
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. My prayers go out to you and your children during this unbearable time. Cancer does suck. After my personal battle begun with cancer I had both a father in law and a sister in law being diagnosed with cancer. Both have now passed away. God has spared me and I live my life sharing my faith with others who are going through this. God does prepare us for things that are going to happen. It may be in a subtle way and we sometimes don't even realize it. I am just so glad that your husband got to hear the tape from his co-workers before he passed away. I know this brought some joy in his life if only it was temporary. God Bless you and your family0 -
I am so very, very sorry for your and your childrens loss.
I am so very, very sorry for your and your childrens loss. My heart is just breaking for you and I don't know you but I wish I could take away your pain. Please know you will be in my prayers and I will be praying for your family in the days to come. Your husband was a lucky man to have you to take care of him and to love him. I'm sure he's looking down on you right now with love. Shelly0 -
kingcole's painkingcole42005 said:I am so very, very sorry for your and your childrens loss.
I am so very, very sorry for your and your childrens loss. My heart is just breaking for you and I don't know you but I wish I could take away your pain. Please know you will be in my prayers and I will be praying for your family in the days to come. Your husband was a lucky man to have you to take care of him and to love him. I'm sure he's looking down on you right now with love. Shelly
I may have missed your post, king, but I'm wanting to hear that your pain is under better control.
Hugs!0 -
so sorry
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can not even begin to imagine what you have gone through. I read what you wrote about his pillows...if it makes you or your son happy, leave them be...there is no rush to move them. what a wonderful thought that you can still smell that smell that made him him. You have an amazing strength, I can feel it when I read your posts. I pray that no one will push you to grieve the way they feel is best...everyone grieves in their own way at their own pace. You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers. sending you and your children GIANT HUGS!0 -
Smelldebbieg5 said:deal
Cinnaeve...it's a deal. whoever figures it out first, tell the other one. something tells me that it will take lots of time for those images to fade. I need to pull the sheets off the bed and put on fresh ones but I can't bring myself to do it. His smell is still in his pillows. I just laid on them today and cried and tried to breathe in his smell. Is that whacko or what? My son didn't want me to move them either. he said he could still picture dad propped up against the pillows in bed.
this has been a hard day for some reason. I need to go pull pictures for the funeral. At least I will be looking at smiling pictures of his face.
Debbie
Smell is a very powerful memory. I find years past a smell can still trigger a positive memory of someone. I hope your days become easier. - Judy0
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