still mourning a friend, Deb I miss you

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Comments

  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #22
    Meena
    I know it's hard when memories keep emerging. The only thing you can do is be thankful your friend is not suffering any more. I haven't lost anyone to bc since my grandmother died when I was 5 years old. I have however lost a sister-in-law and brother-in-law to cancer as well as a dear friend and coworker to uterine cancer. It's the time of the holidays that I remember them too. Try to stay positive through your own journey and know that all of us are here with you in spirit.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #23
    meena1 said:

    Thank you all for your kind
    Thank you all for your kind words. I knew that if i threw this out there that you would help me understand what I was feeling. It just seems more painful when you hear that someone passed on from cancer because you know of the struggle they have gone through.

    We are happy to be here for
    We are happy to be here for you. Someone else mentioned getting help and, if you find that the grief is getting to be too much, please do get some help. Depression and breast cancer often go hand in hand. Your oncologist will know what you can take and may be able to recommend a therapist, if you so desire. I think the oncologists expect us to need some help dealing with this and most are happy to help.
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #24
    fauxma said:

    Meena,
    The others have said
    Meena,
    The others have said very eloquently all that I would say to you. I think that this sadness is a reflection of the loss of a wonderful friend and it can also be a grim reminder of our mortality. And this is amplified for those that are dealing with mets and recurrences. I know you know how much you are cherished here but it never hurts to hear it said aloud. We all need to say we love you to those we care for because no one knows when we might lose someone we love. I say I love you often to those I cherish. So to you dear Meena and all my other dear friends on this board, I love you, each and every one.
    Stef

    I do remember your posting
    I do remember your posting about losing your good friend Deb awhile back, and, it was so sad. I am so sorry that you are suffering and I hope that you find some peace soon.


    Thinking of you and praying for you,


    Leeza
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #25
    Meena,
    I think that all of us are aware that anything could happen to any one of us on here. We all get nervous when someone has their mammogram and/or other tests and hold our breath and hope and pray for NED to show up. We are thrilled when he does show and feel for those who aren't as fortunate.
    Unfortunately,cancer isn't reliable or something you can put a band aid on or set and put a cast on-to me,it is something that I have gotten pretty good at putting on the back burner until I take that Arimidex pill at night or go for that mammogram,pap test,or next year-that colonoscopy-or my monthly breast exams..then I am reminded that I am still battling the beast though as of last August,I have been fortunate to be NED for 3 years!
    This is one place where you can talk about these things and no one tries to tell you not to talk about it.
    And I am sorry also for the loss of your friend.I have lost a few friends who I met going through treatment-it's scary, makes you mad at cancer,and it hurts!
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #26
    sal314 said:

    I Can Sympathize with You
    Funny that you posted this and I read it today. I lost a friend from bc 2 years ago. She had given me an angel Christmas tree ornament the year before she passed and as I put it on the tree this morning I couldn't help but cry. I really miss her. We knew each other for about 8 years. During the whole time I knew her, she was going through treatment. She was such a fighter and never complained. She fought with such a silent strength.

    I'm not sure one ever has "closure". Not even sure I know what that means. I do believe that as time goes on, the pain gets a little less, but you always have a whole in your heart from the person who is missing in your life. I have hope, faith and believe that we will see each other again some day. And that's what I hold onto.

    Blessings,
    Sally

    I am sorry Meena that losing
    I am sorry Meena that losing Deb is still hurting you so much. I don't know if we ever really find, as Sally wrote, closure in such a loss.

    Please know that I am sending you hugs, prayers and strength to help you to get through this very hard time in your life.


    Hugs, Kylez
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #27
    outdoorgirl said:

    Meena,
    I think that all of us are aware that anything could happen to any one of us on here. We all get nervous when someone has their mammogram and/or other tests and hold our breath and hope and pray for NED to show up. We are thrilled when he does show and feel for those who aren't as fortunate.
    Unfortunately,cancer isn't reliable or something you can put a band aid on or set and put a cast on-to me,it is something that I have gotten pretty good at putting on the back burner until I take that Arimidex pill at night or go for that mammogram,pap test,or next year-that colonoscopy-or my monthly breast exams..then I am reminded that I am still battling the beast though as of last August,I have been fortunate to be NED for 3 years!
    This is one place where you can talk about these things and no one tries to tell you not to talk about it.
    And I am sorry also for the loss of your friend.I have lost a few friends who I met going through treatment-it's scary, makes you mad at cancer,and it hurts!

    How are you doing physically
    How are you doing physically Meena? Are you feeling any better? Still tired?


    Praying for you!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #28
    Chiming in a bit past...
    I saw your post, but am sort of in avoidance mode from sadness right now...I'm dealing with a moderate depression myself....

    But, then, I thought, this isn't fair...a friend is there, thick and thin...

    I am wrapping my arms around you, dearheart. The hardest thing to do in this world is say goodbye. And when we don't even get a chance to truly do that, when it is sudden, the loss is felt even more...I have said goodbye to many (by my own choice to become a mentor for newly dx'ed cancer patients), but still don't have all the answers...

    You are wise to speak about your sadness, sweet soul, it is the best way to keep it from overwhelming you. The best advice I got with handling grief is that it is a circle that we enter...denial, anger, acceptance...and must be gone around and around until it becomes less painful. Everyone has a different amount of time in the circle, but we still all must do it to remain healthy. When the pain became less for me, after the passing of a young brain cancer warrior, I took a balloon filled with helium, wrote his name on it, tied it to my wrist. I left it for a whole day. At the end of the day, I went outside and cut the string, watching my friend ascend into the darkening sky...

    BUT, you also must NOT apply what was her path to the one you are on...your outcome, your journey, is far different! NEVER forget that!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #29
    Dear Meena
    I remember Deb to. It very hard to lose someone from the boards or anyone for that matter. I lost a good friend this passed year from pancreatic cancer. You must pick up were Deb left off and try and help others through there journey. Your sadness is so normal. We all worry about our mortality. We just stick together and continue our journey. Hugs
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490 Member
    #30
    Dear Meena ((((HUGS)))) I
    Dear Meena ((((HUGS)))) I can understand how you feel, I lost my cousin Christina last year day before Thanksgiving. I hate the Beast! She survived breast cancer twice only to have mets to her bones come back several years later. She was my friend, my confidant, I miss her so much. She was an Artist and I have several of her paintings in my home. I have a jewelery box she made me. It's so hard to lose ones you love.
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #31
    KathiM said:

    Chiming in a bit past...
    I saw your post, but am sort of in avoidance mode from sadness right now...I'm dealing with a moderate depression myself....

    But, then, I thought, this isn't fair...a friend is there, thick and thin...

    I am wrapping my arms around you, dearheart. The hardest thing to do in this world is say goodbye. And when we don't even get a chance to truly do that, when it is sudden, the loss is felt even more...I have said goodbye to many (by my own choice to become a mentor for newly dx'ed cancer patients), but still don't have all the answers...

    You are wise to speak about your sadness, sweet soul, it is the best way to keep it from overwhelming you. The best advice I got with handling grief is that it is a circle that we enter...denial, anger, acceptance...and must be gone around and around until it becomes less painful. Everyone has a different amount of time in the circle, but we still all must do it to remain healthy. When the pain became less for me, after the passing of a young brain cancer warrior, I took a balloon filled with helium, wrote his name on it, tied it to my wrist. I left it for a whole day. At the end of the day, I went outside and cut the string, watching my friend ascend into the darkening sky...

    BUT, you also must NOT apply what was her path to the one you are on...your outcome, your journey, is far different! NEVER forget that!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

    How are you Meena? I pray
    How are you Meena? I pray that you are feeling stronger and better with each new sunrise.

    I think of you often and always pray for you.


    Sue :)
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #32
    meena1 said:

    Thank you all for your kind
    Thank you all for your kind words. I knew that if i threw this out there that you would help me understand what I was feeling. It just seems more painful when you hear that someone passed on from cancer because you know of the struggle they have gone through.

    As if you don't have enough
    As if you don't have enough Meena, you lost your dear friend. I am so sorry that this is still painful. I pray that soon, you will smile only when you think of Deb.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #33
    lanie940 said:

    Dear Meena ((((HUGS)))) I
    Dear Meena ((((HUGS)))) I can understand how you feel, I lost my cousin Christina last year day before Thanksgiving. I hate the Beast! She survived breast cancer twice only to have mets to her bones come back several years later. She was my friend, my confidant, I miss her so much. She was an Artist and I have several of her paintings in my home. I have a jewelery box she made me. It's so hard to lose ones you love.

    Meena .. Here you are in yet another battle, and you
    lose a dear friend, how can this be possible or fair ? I can NOT imagine the pain, and emotional stress this has cause for you. All I can say, is that I am sorry -- and trying to absorb it -- let alone try to make any sense of a death due to 'breast cancer' is all pretty upsetting, and insensitive. .. I am sorry that you lost, dear Debbie 1969, mostly I am so sorry and filled with anquish that she is gone - because of breast cancer -- . She didn't live long enough to meet her grandchild scheduled to arrive in February, she didn't live long enough to dance with NED. She missed so many simple pleasures in life after bc, like the missed opportunities to walk and feel the calm, cold fresh air hitting her face - TRAGIC.

    What makes no SENSE, no rim or reason is that fact that we are here in the 21st Century - and breast cancer continues to kills -- vital, strong women (and men). Hey, we are not living in 1960 - what the helllllll? Sorry, to get off subject.

    I was told, did some reading and research .. and I still can't managed to get my arms around the fact .. that breast cancer is a crap's game .. it depends on your Oncologist, scheduled chemo treatments (if one is able to complete treatment), surgery vs no - surgeries .. IBC vs DCIS .. lots of factors, lots of risks - lots of multiple variance factors that equate to out INDIVIDUAL survival. Was Debbie 1969 aware of this ?? Did Debbie seek a 2nd, 3rd opinion .. Are we snow balled into thinking early on that all doctors, OBGYN's, General, and Family - are all aware of the latest and greatest research .. do we as patients put too much faith and trust into our doctors, or specialist's. Do we Women know the difference between a 'Breast Cancer Specialist' (yes, they are out there), and a general surgeon? Do we know that we have the option to get 2nd opinions .. or change Oncologist/doctors/surgeons/ in mid treatment ??

    I equate breast cancer deaths to gun deaths .. random, while some are specific. An act of violence - - - young, old, .. innocense.I lost my best friend to 'Liver Cancer' ... some years ago .. a bright and shinny star .. she just married, and within 9 months was gone - no signs, no pre stats factors .. she became tired, and sluggishish .. within 6 weeks, she was hospitalized, then gone -- when you are 30 years of age this makes no sense. I come to realize the older and wiser I get - regarless of age .. death at any age is far too young.

    I pray for you and your continued strength, health and remission --- Miss Meena. Debbie 1969 is now and forever, you Guardian Angel - sent from above.

    Vicki Sam
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #34
    Ritzy said:

    How are you Meena? I pray
    How are you Meena? I pray that you are feeling stronger and better with each new sunrise.

    I think of you often and always pray for you.


    Sue :)

    Meena you are always in my thoughts
    I have been thinking of every day, even I not posting lately since too exhausted after work. Deb was a very kind person and good friend to you. You will keep memories alive and keep fighting cancer. You are on very tough regimen, but it has been working for you.
    Sending you a big hug
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #35
    VickiSam said:

    Meena .. Here you are in yet another battle, and you
    lose a dear friend, how can this be possible or fair ? I can NOT imagine the pain, and emotional stress this has cause for you. All I can say, is that I am sorry -- and trying to absorb it -- let alone try to make any sense of a death due to 'breast cancer' is all pretty upsetting, and insensitive. .. I am sorry that you lost, dear Debbie 1969, mostly I am so sorry and filled with anquish that she is gone - because of breast cancer -- . She didn't live long enough to meet her grandchild scheduled to arrive in February, she didn't live long enough to dance with NED. She missed so many simple pleasures in life after bc, like the missed opportunities to walk and feel the calm, cold fresh air hitting her face - TRAGIC.

    What makes no SENSE, no rim or reason is that fact that we are here in the 21st Century - and breast cancer continues to kills -- vital, strong women (and men). Hey, we are not living in 1960 - what the helllllll? Sorry, to get off subject.

    I was told, did some reading and research .. and I still can't managed to get my arms around the fact .. that breast cancer is a crap's game .. it depends on your Oncologist, scheduled chemo treatments (if one is able to complete treatment), surgery vs no - surgeries .. IBC vs DCIS .. lots of factors, lots of risks - lots of multiple variance factors that equate to out INDIVIDUAL survival. Was Debbie 1969 aware of this ?? Did Debbie seek a 2nd, 3rd opinion .. Are we snow balled into thinking early on that all doctors, OBGYN's, General, and Family - are all aware of the latest and greatest research .. do we as patients put too much faith and trust into our doctors, or specialist's. Do we Women know the difference between a 'Breast Cancer Specialist' (yes, they are out there), and a general surgeon? Do we know that we have the option to get 2nd opinions .. or change Oncologist/doctors/surgeons/ in mid treatment ??

    I equate breast cancer deaths to gun deaths .. random, while some are specific. An act of violence - - - young, old, .. innocense.I lost my best friend to 'Liver Cancer' ... some years ago .. a bright and shinny star .. she just married, and within 9 months was gone - no signs, no pre stats factors .. she became tired, and sluggishish .. within 6 weeks, she was hospitalized, then gone -- when you are 30 years of age this makes no sense. I come to realize the older and wiser I get - regarless of age .. death at any age is far too young.

    I pray for you and your continued strength, health and remission --- Miss Meena. Debbie 1969 is now and forever, you Guardian Angel - sent from above.

    Vicki Sam

    I absolutely love what you
    I absolutely love what you wrote VickiSam! Very touching, very beautiful.

    I especially love that Deb is now Meena's guardian angel! So perfect!


    Hugs, Leeza

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