In-laws for the holidays and their so-special remarks...
Comments
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It was a good Thanksgiving
I am having less problems with swallowing as time passes. Having a large selection of food seems to help also. If something doesn't work I just move onto something else. We celebrate holdiays with my sister-in-law and the other side of her family. I had not seen other side of her family since Easter and was a little aprehenisve about seeing them again. Only one stupid comment. I was asked if the radiation turned my hair grey ?? The askee was pretty much verbally atacked by a few people in the room. I just laughed.0 -
This from my sister
This from my sister AND close friends, Try to look at the positive at least you could lose some weight. Or I thought this was great(not) I talk funny now and my husband and sister thought it would be a good idea to mimic the way I talk. Or "well at least you don't have to have chemo it's much worse than radiation." from people who have never had cancer. My husband now knows that no it is not funny right now to make fun of the way I talk. The insensitivity of people is astounding and I HATE the sad, pity in peoples eyes!!!0 -
I understandkingcole42005 said:This from my sister
This from my sister AND close friends, Try to look at the positive at least you could lose some weight. Or I thought this was great(not) I talk funny now and my husband and sister thought it would be a good idea to mimic the way I talk. Or "well at least you don't have to have chemo it's much worse than radiation." from people who have never had cancer. My husband now knows that no it is not funny right now to make fun of the way I talk. The insensitivity of people is astounding and I HATE the sad, pity in peoples eyes!!!
kingcole,
yeah, it sucks when people think it is okay to joke about something that is still so personal and new. there is nothing you can do to change how you sound right now. you still need time to adjust and those jokes can hurt. It hurts when people don't understand me or when I sound like a yippy dog when I hiccup and those that make fun of it are trying to make light of something tough...but they don't understand that until we joke about it first...it isn't time yet. I think sometimes the sad eyes hurt in a deeper way. people just don't seem to get it that those same looks would devastate them if they were the ones with cancer, or who had undergone treatment. I also love (not) when people assume that radiation is a cake walk. no part of cancer treatment is easy.
stay strong. you are in my thoughts. hugs, prayers, and love.
elizabeth0 -
Thanks BrotherHondo said:Hi John
Now that is a Picture my friend
That was a self (timed) photo of Shelley an I last October (2009) at Maggie Valley. We have a friend that has an awesome cabin near Bryson City, NC. We go there every few years to celebrate our annivesary the last week of October.0 -
Such tact!ekdennie said:I understand
kingcole,
yeah, it sucks when people think it is okay to joke about something that is still so personal and new. there is nothing you can do to change how you sound right now. you still need time to adjust and those jokes can hurt. It hurts when people don't understand me or when I sound like a yippy dog when I hiccup and those that make fun of it are trying to make light of something tough...but they don't understand that until we joke about it first...it isn't time yet. I think sometimes the sad eyes hurt in a deeper way. people just don't seem to get it that those same looks would devastate them if they were the ones with cancer, or who had undergone treatment. I also love (not) when people assume that radiation is a cake walk. no part of cancer treatment is easy.
stay strong. you are in my thoughts. hugs, prayers, and love.
elizabeth
Comment from sister in law during Thanksgiving: "Some people will do anything to get into size 6 jeans....ha ha." No lie0 -
I can relate to the "waste" issuesweetblood22 said:I was strictly peg tube last
I was strictly peg tube last year and so this was a big test for me. I would have done really well if my father didn't spill the pepper into the stuffed mushrooms, decide after years of good normal stuffing, put sausage in the stuffing and stuff was too salty for me. I'm glad I made my green bean casserole. And I did have a tiny piece of turkey.
I only had one PITA family member there. The rest stayed home. Yay! But I did get this comment:
I don't know why you are taking a spoonful of everything, you are probably just going to waste it anyway.
I made a public announcement to all my family members, right about the time I started eating food again. I told them I was going to be wasting a whole lot of food, and I wasn't going to take any lip AT ALL about it. I was gonna thaw it, heat it, cook it, or go at it raw, and if it didn't go down and no-one else wanted it, I was gonna toss it. The protein powder that supplemented my liquid diet; don't need it any more! The cream soups that tasted so good in treatment; yuck, don't want em now! Took a car load of Boost, Ensure, Top Care and left-over Jevity over to the Cancer Treatment Center and gave them to my favorite nurse, to rehome. Never want to taste the stuff again! Hubby and the kids always recognize when I take a bite of food and it comes right back out again into my napkin. Other folks don't notice.
Deb0 -
Hi Kingcolekingcole42005 said:This from my sister
This from my sister AND close friends, Try to look at the positive at least you could lose some weight. Or I thought this was great(not) I talk funny now and my husband and sister thought it would be a good idea to mimic the way I talk. Or "well at least you don't have to have chemo it's much worse than radiation." from people who have never had cancer. My husband now knows that no it is not funny right now to make fun of the way I talk. The insensitivity of people is astounding and I HATE the sad, pity in peoples eyes!!!
You are so right people who have never had to deal with having cancer can say the most stupid things and think that it is ok to joke about what hurts us the most. Some how I feel sorry for them and sometimes I tell them that it is better for a fool to keep quit and let people believe they are wise then to open ones mouth and remove all doubt. I do find that family take for granted out feeling and believe it is OK to say things that they have no right to say. Sometimes all we can do is to forgive them for there ignorant and pray that they never know the hurt that they give.
Take care my friend0 -
making fun of your voiceareomech said:i love family
It's amazing how many cancer experts there are in one family!!!!
Hi,
I am a lurker from the EC board and liked this thread. My vocal cord was cut and now I talk sort of like a muppett or if I lower my voice like Clint Eastwood. Go to a party and my husband mimics my voice and another idiot started doing it too. Could not get my hubby to understand how it feels to be made fun of when you can't help it. He is solid gold in every way but still makes fun of my voice, which won't ever change. Good to hear your stories, I shared before my delightful sister in law's take on cancer, you don't talk about it. Evidently her friends don't discuss their cancers, but you think her being family she could be more empathetic, she also goes on and on about her foot injury 2 yrs old and her sinuses but can't take talking about cancer. Luckily she lives far away!! Most people don't mean anything but the shocking thing is if you try to educate the truly ignorant they cant seem to grasp it. I had a great Thanksgiving with my loving family members. good luck and better days ahead for all!!
Donna700 -
love those commentsDonna70 said:making fun of your voice
Hi,
I am a lurker from the EC board and liked this thread. My vocal cord was cut and now I talk sort of like a muppett or if I lower my voice like Clint Eastwood. Go to a party and my husband mimics my voice and another idiot started doing it too. Could not get my hubby to understand how it feels to be made fun of when you can't help it. He is solid gold in every way but still makes fun of my voice, which won't ever change. Good to hear your stories, I shared before my delightful sister in law's take on cancer, you don't talk about it. Evidently her friends don't discuss their cancers, but you think her being family she could be more empathetic, she also goes on and on about her foot injury 2 yrs old and her sinuses but can't take talking about cancer. Luckily she lives far away!! Most people don't mean anything but the shocking thing is if you try to educate the truly ignorant they cant seem to grasp it. I had a great Thanksgiving with my loving family members. good luck and better days ahead for all!!
Donna70
My favorite comments at 4-6 months out....
Are you 100% now?
you still have that feeding tube?
I'm sure you can eat this steak, it's real tender.
Have you tried this or that?? (no never thought of that!)
Anyway, I love the ability to be frank here with you all and have some fun too. I am 8 months out and still have my Peg tube. Just can't get the saliva back to swallow alot of foods. Thanksgiving I had some potatoes, turkey (dark meat is moister) and had some apple crisp. So I'm making progress just slower than i'd like. Slower than we all like !!!
Enjoy the day,
Steve0 -
Saliva & Tastehawk711 said:love those comments
My favorite comments at 4-6 months out....
Are you 100% now?
you still have that feeding tube?
I'm sure you can eat this steak, it's real tender.
Have you tried this or that?? (no never thought of that!)
Anyway, I love the ability to be frank here with you all and have some fun too. I am 8 months out and still have my Peg tube. Just can't get the saliva back to swallow alot of foods. Thanksgiving I had some potatoes, turkey (dark meat is moister) and had some apple crisp. So I'm making progress just slower than i'd like. Slower than we all like !!!
Enjoy the day,
Steve
Hoping you all progress as I have, yes it has been very slow. But at 18 months out, I have regained about 90% or more of both taste and saliva. Not sure at this point if the taste is still improving. I do think so, but not sure. Some things I have tried a few months ago do have more taste, but not sure when it happened.
Saliva, I don't think is improving any longer, but I only tend to dry out at night anymore. Plenty of saliva for eating anything I want....
Best to you all,
John0 -
thanksgiving remark
Still laughing at Joe's submission ...
I was telling a friend, who did not fully understand that I was eating through the mouth and assumed I was still g-tubing it, asked, in all seriousness, "So what did it taste like?"
Best,
Mick0 -
Yeah, I'm getting real tiredHondo said:In-laws or out-laws
Are you going to eat all of that, yes it is an all day treat today remember. Well you really need it look at how skinny you are; Yes I know what you mean I could really use some of your FAT.
Yeah, I'm getting real tired of people wanting to give me their fat. Also annoying is when they tell me that they 'don't even eat anything all day and they don't lose weight'. They are 'gaining weight when they don't eat enough calories'. Uhm. No. Drives me nuts. I don't believe it.0 -
Hey - It Just Occurred to Me
No One made a stupid cancer comment to me this Thanksgiving. This is a very good thing. A couple family members even caught me struggling during the meal, made eye contact, watched me, and looked away once it was obvious I was not choking to death WITHOUT SAYING A WORD or alerting anyone else. I was grateful.0 -
shrinking bottomPam M said:Hey - It Just Occurred to Me
No One made a stupid cancer comment to me this Thanksgiving. This is a very good thing. A couple family members even caught me struggling during the meal, made eye contact, watched me, and looked away once it was obvious I was not choking to death WITHOUT SAYING A WORD or alerting anyone else. I was grateful.
I am so happy you got to have a comment free Thanksgiving! I was told today that my pajamas are way too big for me and that members of my family want to buy me some for christmas, but they want to know what size I am now. I told them to buy for one size smaller and then they started to ask me if I was going to gain back all the weight I have lost. When I said I don't know, they said, "we hope not, you are so much healthier looking at this size." geez thanks family.
oh, and I got to hear that people were commenting that I lost my butt. yep...they are talking about my shrinking bottom. That I still have my "baby belly" but I am losing my rear!
Of all the things going on in the world...my bottom is the best the family can think about discussing? I don't mind how I look now, but will they talk about how I have ballooned up when I can actually eat again? I think yep! I just do not enjoy being the topic of discussion...but if they are going to talk about me it might as be about my rear...maybe me and my now bony backside will just have to squash them...and if I am now too thin to do that maybe the bones will hurt!
hehehe 0 -
Steve - hawk711 - take the plunge - lose the tube!hawk711 said:love those comments
My favorite comments at 4-6 months out....
Are you 100% now?
you still have that feeding tube?
I'm sure you can eat this steak, it's real tender.
Have you tried this or that?? (no never thought of that!)
Anyway, I love the ability to be frank here with you all and have some fun too. I am 8 months out and still have my Peg tube. Just can't get the saliva back to swallow alot of foods. Thanksgiving I had some potatoes, turkey (dark meat is moister) and had some apple crisp. So I'm making progress just slower than i'd like. Slower than we all like !!!
Enjoy the day,
Steve
I still don't have the saliva to swallow a lot of foods. I may never have it.
If you can choke (and I mean that literally) down potatoes, dark turkey and apple crisp, to my mind you are eating enought to get by without the damn tube. Once I figured out that Carnation Instant Breakfast would serve me better than Jevity, I quit with the tube feedings, and started taking it all by mouth. When I started, I literally was drinking four or five instant breakfasts per day, and supplementing with the nibbles and tiny bites of real food. I'm now down to one or two instant breakfasts, and a lot more semi-solid food.
Think about it - you could do sit-ups again... roll over in bed... dash around the house wrapped in a towel after showering... and best of all - become a member of the second belly-button club!
Deb
p.s. I'm not really serious about the choking stuff. I can get a wad of food stalled halfway down and still breathe around it - long enough to refill my glass and take a good slug of water to wash it down.0 -
Supposed friend's!ekdennie said:shrinking bottom
I am so happy you got to have a comment free Thanksgiving! I was told today that my pajamas are way too big for me and that members of my family want to buy me some for christmas, but they want to know what size I am now. I told them to buy for one size smaller and then they started to ask me if I was going to gain back all the weight I have lost. When I said I don't know, they said, "we hope not, you are so much healthier looking at this size." geez thanks family.
oh, and I got to hear that people were commenting that I lost my butt. yep...they are talking about my shrinking bottom. That I still have my "baby belly" but I am losing my rear!
Of all the things going on in the world...my bottom is the best the family can think about discussing? I don't mind how I look now, but will they talk about how I have ballooned up when I can actually eat again? I think yep! I just do not enjoy being the topic of discussion...but if they are going to talk about me it might as be about my rear...maybe me and my now bony backside will just have to squash them...and if I am now too thin to do that maybe the bones will hurt! hehehe
I love the remark you look different. Or you have three colours of hair now that the grey took over. You gained alot of weight, were you not supposed to loose it. Needless to say
those type of people I can live without. The relative's that are brainless I stay away from.0 -
But he still has his hair, right?
My mother-in-law came for Thanksgiving - when I picked her up at the station, she braced herself and asked the question she said she'd been afraid to ask all along (you can imagine what went through my mind: "Is he going to live?" "Are you still having sex?" etc.).
None of the above; she asked, "how much hair did he lose?" She wanted to be prepared in case he was totally bald. "No, ma, he didn't lose any hair - he lost over 30 pounds in 3 weeks and almost died of an allergic reaction, but the hair's just fine."
She is not a shallow person - sometimes it's just easier to focus on the trivial things than to think about the serious stuff.0 -
tastemicktissue said:thanksgiving remark
Still laughing at Joe's submission ...
I was telling a friend, who did not fully understand that I was eating through the mouth and assumed I was still g-tubing it, asked, in all seriousness, "So what did it taste like?"
Best,
Mick
My son-in-law asked me the same question of Jevity...what does it taste like? I held up a couple of cans and said "This one tastes like spaghetti and this one tastes like steak and potatoes."
He responded, "Really?"
Too many of those MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat) in Afghanistan, I suppose.
Take care,
Joe0
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