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  • rozaroo
    rozaroo Member Posts: 665
    #22
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    charles55 said:

    the good news is this is the worst
    Kristyn, yes, I, and all of us went through this. Remember that radiation works in about a 10day to 2week lag. What you are getting hit with now is the effect of the last of the treatments. It will take a small time more to start to heal and get better, and then you start to climb out. You are so close. You are going to have so much to share with those that will follow and face this exact same thing. Don't give up now. There have never been enough good guys in the world.
    charles

    Kristyn
    You are so not alone. I still cry however, alot less then before. I cry out of fear & missing all of the thing's I was able to do before.Some day's I feel ike I am missing out. Especially when my friend's make plan's for trip's that I cannot go on as I don't want to hold them back.I have slowed down a fair bit & cannot keep up to them.
    I guess I am just plain feeling sorry for myself. Then I get angry for feeling this way. I come on this board & do not feel so all alone because all of my friend's on here are going through the same thing.Some day's are better than most & I look forward to those good day's. Hang in there Kristyn you will pull through this & each day will get better than the next. What you are going through is so normal & in time these emotion's shall become less frequent. I still get them every so often but not as much as before.
    Remember we are all here for you Kristyn through the good times & bad.
    God Bless
    Roz
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #23
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    kingcole42005 said:

    I know exactly how you feel
    I just had surgery on 10/13 to remove my cancer from the floor of my mouth with a neck disection. I am in so much pain, but am embarrassed to ask my doctor for higher meds. I start radiation soon and am so scared. I cry and cry. I feel so alone as I'm sure you do. I want to be my old self with not a care in the world and this new world is terrifying and painful. Have you started any kind of counseling? I am calling myself tomorrow to set up an appointment because sometimes I feel I can't live with all this fear and pain. I hope you reach out and find some type of support group or something to help you. I am so sorry for all your going through and please know that your not alone.

    pain
    Please do not wait to ask for additional pain medication. My husband never even takes a Tylenol but he is on heavy pain medication for the cancer treatment itself.

    Please do not wait. Your doctor will not give you something inappropriate.

    Being in pain will slow down your recovery process and there is no need to be in pain.
  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
    #24
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    Jimbo55 said:

    Kristyn
    Just know that you are not alone in this, we are all there with you, if not in body then in spirit. Stay strong Kristyn, you will win this battle. Cheers

    Jimbo

    Crying is required
    You just went through a life altering experience and are still on that journey, Seek help. Ask for meds? This is the time to burden your doctors. I needed two psychiatrist and
    anti anxiety meds to make it through the first year. This is scary stuff. You will one day soon cry for another reason and know you are healing. Hold on tight and we won't let go.
  • staceya
    staceya Member Posts: 720
    #25
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    ratface said:

    Crying is required
    You just went through a life altering experience and are still on that journey, Seek help. Ask for meds? This is the time to burden your doctors. I needed two psychiatrist and
    anti anxiety meds to make it through the first year. This is scary stuff. You will one day soon cry for another reason and know you are healing. Hold on tight and we won't let go.

    I don't know why the 2 weeks
    I don't know why the 2 weeks or so following rads is the worst, but it is.
    For me I wondered if the counting down toward the end of treatment kept me focused and once I was done and felt even worse just made me want to crumple. But it will get better, it is a J curve and you are almost out. I finished in March and started eating well mid July. Now I am at my regular weight and can taste many things. It is such a blessing to watch all our our progress on this site. I am (almost) as happy as Sweet is when she is eating. I look back over old posts and am so glad that things are better. And they WILL be better, no question. I don't know old your children are but it is like the stages they go through. It feels like they will still be wearing diapers in high school, but they never are. Things just improve very incrementally. Wishing you the best. We've all been there and soon you will be a support to the person behind you!!
    Stacey
  • KristynRuth86
    KristynRuth86 Member Posts: 140
    #26
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    staceya said:

    I don't know why the 2 weeks
    I don't know why the 2 weeks or so following rads is the worst, but it is.
    For me I wondered if the counting down toward the end of treatment kept me focused and once I was done and felt even worse just made me want to crumple. But it will get better, it is a J curve and you are almost out. I finished in March and started eating well mid July. Now I am at my regular weight and can taste many things. It is such a blessing to watch all our our progress on this site. I am (almost) as happy as Sweet is when she is eating. I look back over old posts and am so glad that things are better. And they WILL be better, no question. I don't know old your children are but it is like the stages they go through. It feels like they will still be wearing diapers in high school, but they never are. Things just improve very incrementally. Wishing you the best. We've all been there and soon you will be a support to the person behind you!!
    Stacey

    I honestly want to write
    I honestly want to write each of you back individually for being so sweet and helping me through this. I just feel like I'm stuck in the biggest slump ever. I know it has to get better, I'm just praying it comes soon! I love all you amazing people and think all of you guys are super heroes! My throat pain is backing off a bit today, I just can't wait for all the sores on my tongue to go away!! Thank all of y'all again. I love knowing y'all are here and that y'all 100% understand
  • sweetblood22
    sweetblood22 Member Posts: 3,228
    #27
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    KristynRuth86 said:

    I honestly want to write
    I honestly want to write each of you back individually for being so sweet and helping me through this. I just feel like I'm stuck in the biggest slump ever. I know it has to get better, I'm just praying it comes soon! I love all you amazing people and think all of you guys are super heroes! My throat pain is backing off a bit today, I just can't wait for all the sores on my tongue to go away!! Thank all of y'all again. I love knowing y'all are here and that y'all 100% understand

    Writing all of us back.
    Lol. One thank you does the trick, kiddo. Expend your energy on something else, like healing. We get it. We really do. Hang in there.
  • dogsrule
    dogsrule Member Posts: 96
    #28
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    sweetblood22 said:

    Writing all of us back.
    Lol. One thank you does the trick, kiddo. Expend your energy on something else, like healing. We get it. We really do. Hang in there.

    understanding
    I totally understand how you feel. I was in the same place as you. I am doing much better now and you will to. You are on the road to recovery one step at a time.
    Sending you healing energy.
  • pascotty
    pascotty Member Posts: 174 Member
    #29
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    Glenna M said:

    Judy is right...
    Kristy, I along with everyone else here understands what you are feeling right now both emotionally and physically. You have it worse because I'm sure your hormones are out of whack from just having had a baby so you are getting hit with a double whammy of emotions.

    I'm sure you are sick of hearing "be patient, it will get better" but it's true. Sometimes it may feel like you will never be pain free or feel like your old self but it will happen.

    Don't hold back the tears, let them flow and it will help relieve some of the stress you are feeling right now. I wish I could be there to hold you when you cry and help ease your pain.

    It's hard for anyone who has not been through this to understand but maybe if you asked someone in your family or one of your close friends to just hold you while you cry it might make you feel less alone. Just tell them you don't expect them to understand, you just need them to hold you.

    After treatment whenever I was going through a rough stretch I would just tell myself that it will be better tomorrow. I had to tell myself that several times but finally that day got there and now I'm able to handle most things that happen. I still have a bad day occasionally but they are getting further and further apart.

    Cry your eyese out girl, you have the right to and don't feel that you are weak because of it.

    Take care,
    Glenna

    It will all be over soon
    Hi kirstyn. I'm not sure if you have had children. But I believe it's like childbirth once it's all over and you get good news you soon forget. It's the bodies way of coping with trauma. Facing your own mortality is another matter. But as Buddha says only when you accept death can you truly live and live I am doing and so are you. Please be comforted by the fact that we all know where you are at and here we are comforting others. My love and prayers are with you. Cry until you can't no more. It is great medicine xxxx
  • friend of Bill
    friend of Bill Member Posts: 87
    #30
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    KristynRuth86 said:

    I honestly want to write
    I honestly want to write each of you back individually for being so sweet and helping me through this. I just feel like I'm stuck in the biggest slump ever. I know it has to get better, I'm just praying it comes soon! I love all you amazing people and think all of you guys are super heroes! My throat pain is backing off a bit today, I just can't wait for all the sores on my tongue to go away!! Thank all of y'all again. I love knowing y'all are here and that y'all 100% understand

    a guarantee
    You have been in hell but you are on the way out. It keeps its grip for a while but it lessens. I promise. I wanted to give up so many times but with a lot of help, meds and time I managed not to. Hold on to what's dear and have hope - "better" is coming.

    Vince
  • Joel4
    Joel4 Member Posts: 263 Member
    #31
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    friend of Bill said:

    a guarantee
    You have been in hell but you are on the way out. It keeps its grip for a while but it lessens. I promise. I wanted to give up so many times but with a lot of help, meds and time I managed not to. Hold on to what's dear and have hope - "better" is coming.

    Vince

    The way we used to be....
    I haven't had to endure the same treatment that you have had. No radiation. I have been able to eat and talk, sneeze, and sing with relative ease.
    I can only imagine how hard it is.
    That being the case I still have to contend with the uncertainty. I used to just assume that I'd be an old man someday, holding hands with my wife, and playing with the grandchildren. Sometimes, that scenario just seems so far fetched to me now.
    I'm hesitant to make purchases because I don't know if I'll be out of work for health reasons.
    I don't know how much of my day is spent thinking about cancer. These are the times when I wish things were the way they used to be.
    I had a woman who has survived ovarian cancer pray with me at church this past weekend and I cried as all this stress kind of just came out. These moments of sadness are natural and I kind of let them run their course.
    I wish you, me, and everyone here could wake up from this dream and go back to life like it used to be but that ain't happening. What I try and do is live the best life I can now and with God's help I think life someday can be even better than it used to be. Some days it is already.
    I'm rambling so God bless, and keep kicking butt.
  • don62
    don62 Member Posts: 25
    #32
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    Joel4 said:

    The way we used to be....
    I haven't had to endure the same treatment that you have had. No radiation. I have been able to eat and talk, sneeze, and sing with relative ease.
    I can only imagine how hard it is.
    That being the case I still have to contend with the uncertainty. I used to just assume that I'd be an old man someday, holding hands with my wife, and playing with the grandchildren. Sometimes, that scenario just seems so far fetched to me now.
    I'm hesitant to make purchases because I don't know if I'll be out of work for health reasons.
    I don't know how much of my day is spent thinking about cancer. These are the times when I wish things were the way they used to be.
    I had a woman who has survived ovarian cancer pray with me at church this past weekend and I cried as all this stress kind of just came out. These moments of sadness are natural and I kind of let them run their course.
    I wish you, me, and everyone here could wake up from this dream and go back to life like it used to be but that ain't happening. What I try and do is live the best life I can now and with God's help I think life someday can be even better than it used to be. Some days it is already.
    I'm rambling so God bless, and keep kicking butt.

    It does get better
    It does get better just not as fast as we want, hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones. Your a strong person and you will get through this, we all cry after its over. We cry for our old life, we cry for all the pain we went through, but most of all we cry because we know we did it, its called pride. It will take time but soon you will be doing things you thought you couldnt do now. Was a time i thought i made a mistake in going through this but now i am back at almost 100%, a few minor side effects but tasting my own cooking always was a bad thing. So just dont worry about crying cry if you have too, none of us will mind. Just do what you can and dont worry about what you cant do you will do the important things. Soon you will be back doing everything you used to do.
    Praying for you and your family God bless
  • Hal61
    Hal61 Member Posts: 655
    #33
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    new normal
    Hi Kristyn, glad to hear you're through with treatment, sorry to hear you're down a bit. There was a monster hit song, older than both of us--and I'm 62--called "Go On And Cry" by a guy named Johnny Ray. That's what we're all saying. Just keep living and hoping and knowing you'll get better, and eventually it will happen. Life will begin to distract you more and more, and the tables will turn as you rejoin the human race. I know it will happen for you because I read your posts and you are too smart and loving for it to not happen.

    Hal
  • KristynRuth86
    KristynRuth86 Member Posts: 140
    #34
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    Hal61 said:

    new normal
    Hi Kristyn, glad to hear you're through with treatment, sorry to hear you're down a bit. There was a monster hit song, older than both of us--and I'm 62--called "Go On And Cry" by a guy named Johnny Ray. That's what we're all saying. Just keep living and hoping and knowing you'll get better, and eventually it will happen. Life will begin to distract you more and more, and the tables will turn as you rejoin the human race. I know it will happen for you because I read your posts and you are too smart and loving for it to not happen.

    Hal

    :)
    You all are so sweet, thank you for the positive comments. I feel myself starting to feel happier, I am beginning to be able to swallow more and more now so that's a plus, and last night I slept better than I have in about a month or so. I really do appreciate all you guys kindness. It makes me a little paranoid that since they don't know where my cancer is coming from, what if it comes back because they didn't even radiate the right places? I honestly don't think I could bare to go through treatment again. No way. I'm NOT strong enough to do this again! But I shouldn't be thinking about that, I will remain positive and stay in prayer that it's all gone. Thank you all again.
    Lots of love.
  • Army_Guy
    Army_Guy Member Posts: 53
    #35
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    Cry, Cry, and Cry Some More
    Kristyn,

    I'm sort of a newbie. I just completed treatment August 12th. My radiation oncologist warned me that the first 2-3 weeks of recovery maybe the worst part of the treatment. She was right!

    I was depressed, sick, sore, weary of eating through a tube, tired of using 1,000 kleenex a day and generally pissed off at my lot in life. My wife showed a great deal of empathy and understanding and told me it was okay to cry and be angry but made sure I followed doctors orders, had what I needed and lo and behold it all passed. I eventuall weaned myself from the feeding tube, started experimenting with different foods, began a mild exercise plan (20 minute walks for starters), drank copius amounts of water, gargled with a saltwater solution about 10-12 times daily, took Robitussin DM (diluted with water) to fight the mucous, and kept trying to be positive. Then I got depressed because my taste buds were AWOL. But now they're coming back and they're about 80%; still can't taste sweets too well but it will come.

    You will get better too. If you survived the treatment you will survive recovery. We are all here for you and believe me we understand. This is a great group of folks who have all "been there-done that". Stay strong, stay positive, and try to imagine how great you'll feel once this is behind you.


    Dave
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #36
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    Crying
    I find that sometimes crying helps me to release the emotions with in my body and somehow makes me feel better. My Wife and caregiver just holds on to me and rubs my head until I am finish and keeps assuring me that all will be well. Sometime I can here her praying for me and asking God for strength for one more day.
  • kingcole42005
    kingcole42005 Member Posts: 178
    #37
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    KristynRuth86 said:

    I honestly want to write
    I honestly want to write each of you back individually for being so sweet and helping me through this. I just feel like I'm stuck in the biggest slump ever. I know it has to get better, I'm just praying it comes soon! I love all you amazing people and think all of you guys are super heroes! My throat pain is backing off a bit today, I just can't wait for all the sores on my tongue to go away!! Thank all of y'all again. I love knowing y'all are here and that y'all 100% understand

    I am so glad your happier.
    I am so glad your happier. My radiation is coming very soon on 11/29 and I know I will be exactly where you are, seeing you bounce back so quickly gives me hope that I too can also make it through, because frankly I'm terrified of the side effects. But you coming on here and being so honest and open and having all these wonderful people reach out to you and give you hope is an inspiration for me. Your an inspiration for me! Don't give up, you are just as amazing as everyone else on these boards!
  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
    #38
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    KristynRuth86 said:

    :)
    You all are so sweet, thank you for the positive comments. I feel myself starting to feel happier, I am beginning to be able to swallow more and more now so that's a plus, and last night I slept better than I have in about a month or so. I really do appreciate all you guys kindness. It makes me a little paranoid that since they don't know where my cancer is coming from, what if it comes back because they didn't even radiate the right places? I honestly don't think I could bare to go through treatment again. No way. I'm NOT strong enough to do this again! But I shouldn't be thinking about that, I will remain positive and stay in prayer that it's all gone. Thank you all again.
    Lots of love.

    Stay positive, sweetheart
    You ARE stronger than you think. As my doctor said, "why treat something that isn't there?" If they saw no evidence of a primary on the scans, there is no cancer. Some folks are able to completely overcome the primary cancer all on their own. Why subject you to random blasts of radiation, if it does no good?

    Deb
  • Bigfuzzydoug
    Bigfuzzydoug Member Posts: 154
    #39
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    Oh I remember!
    It wasn't that long ago either. Only about a month. Check out my Caring Bridge Journal:
    http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dougbernstein

    I write extensively about those days. Hopefully, it won't bring you down - it may make you laugh. My journal is actually one big humorous outlet I used throughout this entire battle!

    It gets better and easier. Hang in there!

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