Waiting, Wigs, and a new tattoo

Heatherbelle

I'm playing the waiting game now -waiting for a surgery date. I'll be having a double mastectomy with expanders put in for reconstruction. Hoping the doctors can find a time soon to get together and fix me up. I feel like I'm in limbo right now. I just want to have my surgery, get my boobs back (well, not my originals, but my new & improved boobs), and get the chemo done and over with. I don't know if I'm just too vain or what, but the idea of losing my hair, and having my kids seeing me look sick, is worse than the surgery part to me. Which leads me to my wig experience yesterday.... My husband and I took our girls to a local non-profit cancer agency yesterday. They have a wig/hat/scarf boutique there and I could pick out a few things for free - one of my great "perks" I get because I don't have health insurance (just a tiny bit of sarcasm there). It's really a great place & the women there are wonderful. So I take my seat at the vanity, and they give me one of those nylon pantyhose-looking wig caps to put on, and I immediately start laughing. I felt ridiculous. The laughing helped me break the ice though, and made the whole process a little less painful for me. I wasn't very optimistic about finding anything at all, I didn't think I'd be able to find something that actually improved my appearance and looked somewhat natural. But boy did we have fun with it. After a while I was trying on the most ghastly wigs we could find, putting giant long wigs on my 19 month old baby & watching her prance around in them, I SO WISH that I would have brought my camera along! In the end, I did end up finding a very cute short dark brown bob wig with bangs (think Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction) - very retro & suits my style & personality. I also got a cute headwrap/headband with attached hair in back that actually looks just like the wig, only with a headband instead of bangs, in case I want to live dangerously and change it up a bit. I also got a cute white cap, which is almost too trendy for me but I think I can make it work, a blue and white tie-dyed turban to keep my head warm when it gets colder out, and this wacky bright pink fluffy stocking cap. The highlight of my week though, was getting my new tattoo 5 days ago. I've always wanted one on the inside of my wrist, but cound never pinpoint exactly what I wanted there (i have now 10 tattoos and am very serious and picky about them-it's like I'm my own little art gallery). So I emailed my tattoo artist friend, asked him to draw me up a lotus flower for the inside of my wrist. It's about the size of a silver dollar, maybe a little bit bigger. It's got pretty pinks and purple-ish leaves, and he put the number "10" in the middle, with like a sunburst coming out from behind it. I had him add the 10 because, this year was supposed to be the "year of the Heather" - my birthday is october 10th, so it will be on 10-10-10 this year. And get this - I was born at 10:09 in the morning. So now I have this pretty little reminder on my wrist, the lotus flower to remind me to stay calm and remember to relax and do my yoga breathing if need be, and the 10 to not let me forget how cool I am

Pinkpower

Heatherbelle
Love your tat idea. I too got a free wig from the cancer society here in Fort Myers Florida where i live. But I did the opposit, my hair natural hair was long and dark brown, though I have always dyed it light brown and one time even bleached blond, but for the wig i got a flaming red short hair. Everyone loved it when I first had to wear it after my hair fell out. Then I purchased a light hair brown wig, got a free black one from a friend and finally a light brown with highlights from another patient I met a radiation that she did not use. So as you can see I have made the best of not having my own hair. Depending on my mood is the color and wig I wear.

Hubby

My wife too
The hair loss and looking sick in front of the kids issues are very traumatic for my wife also. Our kids are older than yours (13 and 16), so I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse, but it is still a very emotional issue for my wife.

I love Uma's look in Pulp Fiction;I'm glad you found something you feel good in!!

Bob

Heatherbelle

Hubby said:

My wife too
The hair loss and looking sick in front of the kids issues are very traumatic for my wife also. Our kids are older than yours (13 and 16), so I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse, but it is still a very emotional issue for my wife.

I love Uma's look in Pulp Fiction;I'm glad you found something you feel good in!!

Bob

Thanks Bob -I'm thinking of
Thanks Bob -I'm thinking of getting another one in hot pink. I figure if people can tell that I don't have any hair, I might as well have some fun with it. My tattoo artist friend has offered to do a tattoo on my head for me, but I don't know about that idea!
I hope your wife gets through it alright -it's weird how I associate my hair more with my "womanliness" than my chest. I guess because losing your hair puts your health status out there for everyone to see, whereas losing your breast(s), even temporarily, isn't seen & therefore known by everyone, only those you choose to share it with. I'm glad you're so supportive of your wife, my husband is my ROCK through all this & I only wish that all women who had to go through this were so lucky.
heather

survivorbc09

Pinkpower said:

Heatherbelle
Love your tat idea. I too got a free wig from the cancer society here in Fort Myers Florida where i live. But I did the opposit, my hair natural hair was long and dark brown, though I have always dyed it light brown and one time even bleached blond, but for the wig i got a flaming red short hair. Everyone loved it when I first had to wear it after my hair fell out. Then I purchased a light hair brown wig, got a free black one from a friend and finally a light brown with highlights from another patient I met a radiation that she did not use. So as you can see I have made the best of not having my own hair. Depending on my mood is the color and wig I wear.

I love your tattoo idea too!
I love your tattoo idea too!

Jan

jo jo

hi Heather
Your not vain for wanting to be put back together...and alot of us get impatient cuz we just want it over with...so we all understand there!
I have 4 kids and my youngest which is 17, and my only son, had to go stay with his sister for awhile during my chemo cuz he couldnt handle it and he still cant. I dont know if it was me being sick or me loosing my hair or what, but he wont talk about it to anyone and he doesnt want to know anything about it other than im ok. I know he loves me and i believe thats why he is taking it so hard and he just wants to block it out like its not happening, and thats his way of dealing with it. In the meantime my daughters would look at me and cry, now they dont cuz i always try to joke around with them about it but at times i can see that they are still really worried about it. Each kid acts or reacts differently. Actually i hope for my girls that it scares them just enough to keep them doing their self exams.
Im glad you and your family had a great time at the wig store...great ice breaker!
Thats a great idea for a tat...i bet it looks really cool...are you sure you dont want your head tattooed too!!!!