Just because I look good
I may look like I am fine, but I am still tired. People need to understand that my body was cut up, pumped with poison and just abused for a year. Do they not understand? I dont want to keep pulling the cancer card, but why do I have to? Why do I have to remind people that I am not back to "normal".
I would love more than anything to be back up to speed, but I'm not and dammit, I may never be!
I guess you can see that I am having a bad week, too mnay expectations at work and at home. I need a break already. I am truly irritated about what happend this morning. Lately, my husband has been sleeping in the guest room as we both need some rest and my tossing and turning is keeping him up, so he has been sleeping in there, and I am fine with that, we both need the rest.
But this morning he said to me " Can I have clean sheets on the bed?' Mind you , this was said as I was doing the dishes and some laundry befor I left for work( oh and I worked all weekend too) I was so made I just left for work.
Then, I got home 30 minutes before him, cooked dinner, more Laundry, then after dinner I ran to the store for milk, and I get home and the dinner is still on the stove, not put away and he is watching tv!
So I said " I have clean sheets and a blanket in the dryer, so you want them in there or on the bed? and he said " On the bed" and i replied with "ok, I will fold them and you can make the bed" How much you wanna bet he does not change the sheets? I REFUSE!
Sorry for all the whining, but I am so tired!!!!! And you are the only ones who truly understand how I feel!!
Kathy
Comments
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It's ok
It's ok to vent,especially when you have a reason to.I know how tired you can get,you need to take a day or two,and do nothing but rest.I have to do that every so often.There is nothing wrong with takeout dinners once in a while either.Maybe he just doesn't understand what's going on with your recovery.Good luck.0 -
Speak up
Hi Kathy, Y'know, men are kinda slow sometimes. And, we don't get HINTS real well. I told my wife 16 years ago that I am going to be straight forward with her always, and I expect the same from her. Did it prevent all arguments? No, but we communicate real well. Sometimes we communicate real loud, but real well. I would hope you could tell your husband your feelings no different than you told everyone here. You have the right to be tired and let him know that without feeling like you're whining. By just dropping hints and sarcastic remarks then becoming angry and hurt that he doesn't respond the way you want is a recipe for unhappiness which in turn creates stress and anxiety which only hurts YOU. Please, to help yourself and your husband just sit down next to him, say your tired and ask if he can help with something. If he says no then he's a jerk and you shouldn't continue to provide for him the way you've described. He might surprise you, then be sure you're ready with suggested things he can do for you. Don't just say "I don't know, anything" that won't get him moving. If you really need him to do something just unscrew the cable line on the back of the TV and tell him "cable has been out all day! Hey, can you help me with something?".... Drastic times for drastic measures... LOL
Good luck,
Dr. Phil......... lol0 -
Kathy, you need a hug
Kathy, you need a hug. You just got one from a dirty old man.
Now I have to tell you that by you keeping off your butt, you are making yourself better. I know it physically hurts, but when you do physical work you stimulate your body to rebuild everything that damned chemo/rad destroyed.
Have you noticed the push on all the cancer web sites about exercise? Take a long walk to cool your mind down while you build your body. You can get back to “normal”. I have actually gotten better then my old normal. I no longer have arthritis or hypoglycemia. I can even eat pepperoni pizza without heart burn. The pizza is a guy thing. During the rebuild something got fixed.
I do have to say, I don't do sheets. Susie does not mow the grass. I had to mow even when I was doing chemo/rad and I have a lot of grass.
It’s good to vent.
Kerry0 -
Yes, we do understand....
I don't quite know what you're going through, but I do know about fatigue and doing this and doing that and knowing how tired I am just doing dishes and a few loads of laundry. When you don't feel good, it's hard to do anything. I hope and pray that your energy returns quickly. I've heard it can take up to a year to get back to semi-normal. I would also hope that your husband can chip in with the housework as well. If you're working and doing it all, you're burned out. I really can see how you'd be frustrated beyond belief. Bless you. Vent all you want. I've done once or twice here.
Holly0 -
Kerry, that's why I like you.....Kerry S said:Kathy, you need a hug
Kathy, you need a hug. You just got one from a dirty old man.
Now I have to tell you that by you keeping off your butt, you are making yourself better. I know it physically hurts, but when you do physical work you stimulate your body to rebuild everything that damned chemo/rad destroyed.
Have you noticed the push on all the cancer web sites about exercise? Take a long walk to cool your mind down while you build your body. You can get back to “normal”. I have actually gotten better then my old normal. I no longer have arthritis or hypoglycemia. I can even eat pepperoni pizza without heart burn. The pizza is a guy thing. During the rebuild something got fixed.
I do have to say, I don't do sheets. Susie does not mow the grass. I had to mow even when I was doing chemo/rad and I have a lot of grass.
It’s good to vent.
Kerry
you're a dirty old man!!0 -
imagineit2010 -imagineit2010 said:Speak up
Hi Kathy, Y'know, men are kinda slow sometimes. And, we don't get HINTS real well. I told my wife 16 years ago that I am going to be straight forward with her always, and I expect the same from her. Did it prevent all arguments? No, but we communicate real well. Sometimes we communicate real loud, but real well. I would hope you could tell your husband your feelings no different than you told everyone here. You have the right to be tired and let him know that without feeling like you're whining. By just dropping hints and sarcastic remarks then becoming angry and hurt that he doesn't respond the way you want is a recipe for unhappiness which in turn creates stress and anxiety which only hurts YOU. Please, to help yourself and your husband just sit down next to him, say your tired and ask if he can help with something. If he says no then he's a jerk and you shouldn't continue to provide for him the way you've described. He might surprise you, then be sure you're ready with suggested things he can do for you. Don't just say "I don't know, anything" that won't get him moving. If you really need him to do something just unscrew the cable line on the back of the TV and tell him "cable has been out all day! Hey, can you help me with something?".... Drastic times for drastic measures... LOL
Good luck,
Dr. Phil......... lol
Kudos man!
Very, very well said! Too often we hold it in, when we should be
letting it out, and timing is important.
I loved your comment:
"we communicate real well. Sometimes we communicate real loud, but real well. "
In our case, sometimes it was loud, and not too well at all. I do really
miss the make-up part though... I think that got lost sometime back in
the early 80s, when the pot and booze wore off.
Venting here is good, since we all know what it's like to be facing
death's reality, and how those around us seem to care at their
mile away distance from us.
Talking about things that bother us, or that we see might be bothering
our spouse, should be addressed as soon as it's happening, not
sometime later, when it's had time to brew into the point of detonation.
There are some things in life we can change, and some things we can
never change; knowing the difference and accepting it, is crucial to a good life.
John0 -
Kathy..
I'm the same way. My last chemo was Dec 31 2009 and my iliostomy was just a few weeks ago. Everybody tells me that I look great but some days I'm just so tired. I think I may be harder on myself with trying to do too much.
I understand 100%
Brooks0 -
Good news/bad news
Hi Kathy,
My opinion is you are in a good news/bad news situation. You obviously look good, which is good news, but then people have certain expectations of you, based on how good you look, + that is the bad news - you are not up to all the work that is expected of you based on your looking good. I think you are doing an amazing amount; I only wish I could do half as much. I think you need to sit + talk with your husband in a non-confrontational way, maybe with a glass of wine or something. Try to talk honestly about what you are able + not able to do. If your husband isn't willing to pick up any chores, hire out as much as you can. I have to say I like it when people say I am looking good - I have afraid of how I would look as chemo/radiation + chemo have gone, but I haven't had a lot of work expectations thrown at me. We own our own business + I am mostly able to work from home when I am feeling good.0 -
TiredAnneCan said:Good news/bad news
Hi Kathy,
My opinion is you are in a good news/bad news situation. You obviously look good, which is good news, but then people have certain expectations of you, based on how good you look, + that is the bad news - you are not up to all the work that is expected of you based on your looking good. I think you are doing an amazing amount; I only wish I could do half as much. I think you need to sit + talk with your husband in a non-confrontational way, maybe with a glass of wine or something. Try to talk honestly about what you are able + not able to do. If your husband isn't willing to pick up any chores, hire out as much as you can. I have to say I like it when people say I am looking good - I have afraid of how I would look as chemo/radiation + chemo have gone, but I haven't had a lot of work expectations thrown at me. We own our own business + I am mostly able to work from home when I am feeling good.
Kathy,
I too understand 100%. Today I feel so tired it is an effort to breath.Nothing feels right when you get this tired.Have no good advice for the tiredness.Hope you start feeling better soon. I still have 3 treatments...maybe.
-Pat0 -
Know what you mean
After a long day at work or a long weekend of laundry, grocery shopping, etc., etc., I get really fatigued too. My last chemo was just a month ago. I hear it at work especially: "Oh, you look great! And your chemo's finished so it's all over now!" They just don't get it.
My husband is a cancer survivor himself (prostate and lymphoma) so he at least does understand. I hope you can get your husband to realize how tired you are, and that you need some help at home.0 -
ply them with sex and booze bitAnneCan said:Good news/bad news
Hi Kathy,
My opinion is you are in a good news/bad news situation. You obviously look good, which is good news, but then people have certain expectations of you, based on how good you look, + that is the bad news - you are not up to all the work that is expected of you based on your looking good. I think you are doing an amazing amount; I only wish I could do half as much. I think you need to sit + talk with your husband in a non-confrontational way, maybe with a glass of wine or something. Try to talk honestly about what you are able + not able to do. If your husband isn't willing to pick up any chores, hire out as much as you can. I have to say I like it when people say I am looking good - I have afraid of how I would look as chemo/radiation + chemo have gone, but I haven't had a lot of work expectations thrown at me. We own our own business + I am mostly able to work from home when I am feeling good.
I just can’t let this go by.
Guys did you notice the blatant “ply them with sex and booze bit” to get what they want from us. Well, we have a few tricks too you know. Notice I said I don’t do sheets. I learned a long time back that if you put new blue jeans with white clothes you screw up the whites. I am not allowed near the washing machine. If you let pots boil over you are kept away from stoves. Never let them think you can cook. Always do a very poor job with a vacuum cleaner. Leave a lot of dirt on the floor. Understand where we are going here. Basically, If you screw up they won’t ask again. It’s worked for 45 years for me.
However, you do have to be basically loveable to succeed with this plan of action.0 -
ha, we both can play that game!Kerry S said:ply them with sex and booze bit
I just can’t let this go by.
Guys did you notice the blatant “ply them with sex and booze bit” to get what they want from us. Well, we have a few tricks too you know. Notice I said I don’t do sheets. I learned a long time back that if you put new blue jeans with white clothes you screw up the whites. I am not allowed near the washing machine. If you let pots boil over you are kept away from stoves. Never let them think you can cook. Always do a very poor job with a vacuum cleaner. Leave a lot of dirt on the floor. Understand where we are going here. Basically, If you screw up they won’t ask again. It’s worked for 45 years for me.
However, you do have to be basically loveable to succeed with this plan of action.
My husband tried to get out of doing laundry by ruining my favorite sweater, but I just went out and replaced it. I did the same thing the next time he ruined something! Eventually he learned it would be far cheaper for him to just do the laundry the way he knew it was supposed to be done when it came his turn!
My momma didn't raise no fool!
mary0 -
LOL! Not only a dirty oldKerry S said:ply them with sex and booze bit
I just can’t let this go by.
Guys did you notice the blatant “ply them with sex and booze bit” to get what they want from us. Well, we have a few tricks too you know. Notice I said I don’t do sheets. I learned a long time back that if you put new blue jeans with white clothes you screw up the whites. I am not allowed near the washing machine. If you let pots boil over you are kept away from stoves. Never let them think you can cook. Always do a very poor job with a vacuum cleaner. Leave a lot of dirt on the floor. Understand where we are going here. Basically, If you screw up they won’t ask again. It’s worked for 45 years for me.
However, you do have to be basically loveable to succeed with this plan of action.
LOL! Not only a dirty old man, but a sneaky one too! LOVE IT!0 -
Thanks everyone! I neededDaffodil324 said:Know what you mean
After a long day at work or a long weekend of laundry, grocery shopping, etc., etc., I get really fatigued too. My last chemo was just a month ago. I hear it at work especially: "Oh, you look great! And your chemo's finished so it's all over now!" They just don't get it.
My husband is a cancer survivor himself (prostate and lymphoma) so he at least does understand. I hope you can get your husband to realize how tired you are, and that you need some help at home.
Thanks everyone! I needed to hear it. I guess this is what they mean when some say that men and women don't speak the same language.
I have sat him down and talked and he will help, then he slacks off again. I must admit even before i was sick, this is what it was like. One of those imperfections in a relationship that is there.
I like th idea of hiring out some of this stuff, One bill from Merry maids and he will help! he he!
And to them men out there who "ruin laundry" and stuff to not have to do it again, we too have things we do as well.
I desperatly wanted a new couch some time ago, mine was my parents and I hated it! Well the husband kept sayinh that it was still in good shape and replacing a perfectly good couch was not an option................. So, every day when he left for work, I would jump up and down on it until a spring popped!!! Evil? Yes. Sneaky? yes. But I got new furniture! 0 -
Just somethingkhl8 said:Thanks everyone! I needed
Thanks everyone! I needed to hear it. I guess this is what they mean when some say that men and women don't speak the same language.
I have sat him down and talked and he will help, then he slacks off again. I must admit even before i was sick, this is what it was like. One of those imperfections in a relationship that is there.
I like th idea of hiring out some of this stuff, One bill from Merry maids and he will help! he he!
And to them men out there who "ruin laundry" and stuff to not have to do it again, we too have things we do as well.
I desperatly wanted a new couch some time ago, mine was my parents and I hated it! Well the husband kept sayinh that it was still in good shape and replacing a perfectly good couch was not an option................. So, every day when he left for work, I would jump up and down on it until a spring popped!!! Evil? Yes. Sneaky? yes. But I got new furniture!
I am 12 years out, and my husband and kids still to this day have made comments about me not being how I used to be. WELL HELL, I PUT UP THE BIGGEST FREAKIN FIGHT OF MY LIFE, fought so hard at times, I felt like I was fighting dirty. But against this cancer beast who cares how one fights just so long as you never give up or in. LOL I am a mom of 4, 3 boys and husband. I am tired cleaning and laundry, and dr. appointments and dinner, and their sports events and extra goofin off. Somedays, I deserve to be tired cause, JUST BECAUSE I have been runnin my butt off. Stop, runnin for a few days, my kids, and husband hate when things don't run like clock work. Funny how mom's make all kinds of things go around.LOL
MAKE IT A GREAT DAY!
hugs to you, tomorrow will be better
Goofyladie0 -
That’s how they got us in the first placekhl8 said:Thanks everyone! I needed
Thanks everyone! I needed to hear it. I guess this is what they mean when some say that men and women don't speak the same language.
I have sat him down and talked and he will help, then he slacks off again. I must admit even before i was sick, this is what it was like. One of those imperfections in a relationship that is there.
I like th idea of hiring out some of this stuff, One bill from Merry maids and he will help! he he!
And to them men out there who "ruin laundry" and stuff to not have to do it again, we too have things we do as well.
I desperatly wanted a new couch some time ago, mine was my parents and I hated it! Well the husband kept sayinh that it was still in good shape and replacing a perfectly good couch was not an option................. So, every day when he left for work, I would jump up and down on it until a spring popped!!! Evil? Yes. Sneaky? yes. But I got new furniture!
Sex and booze, That’s how they got us in the first place.0 -
HA! Ha! KerryKerry S said:That’s how they got us in the first place
Sex and booze, That’s how they got us in the first place.
Well you looked real good, until I sobered up!
Really, my husband always said just tell me....put away the dishes. Empty this trash can. AND I WILL DO IT. And he is right, he does it, one thing at a time...................but okay!
But I have to say the PAXIL really has helped, my husband and I gotten along much better (not that it was that bad), but better. I will be coming off them in a couple months, but they sure opened my eyes. I wasn't mean, I have always been a kind person, but with patience!! I have so much patience, that I am amazed!0
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