Mother deciding she wants back in my life after she found out.

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Cindy Ann
Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My Mother walked away from me a long time ago. She told me she wished she never had me etc. I have 4 brothers and they were always favored. I never minded because my Dad made it better for me. But when my mother walked away she had already had breast cancer. I am a nurse and I did all her care. She had a single mastectomy, chemo, then radiation.( 10 years ago) I was there for every treatment. None of my brothers were there. Then a strange thing happened one of my brothers got angry with me(he stole my cc card and ran up a huge bill.)and my Mom made me the guilty party for being stupid and leaving it in my bedroom in my purse..So he was right to be angry I made it too easy for him to steal it..I know some of you are going what kind of family does she have? For the most part a great one. A few bad people but mostly good. You get the jist. Mom when she walked away changed all her phone numbers and made it clear she never wanted to see me again. Well yesterday my youngest brother called me and said mom knows and wants to send you a card with her phone number she wants to talk to you.But no one can know about it. So I am her dirty little secret?? She didn't want him to tell me because she felt I would think it was because of breast ca. HELLO!!He felt it was his duty to warn me. I had to seek therapy over her. She broke my heart. I spent what was a perfect day crying.I am now physically ill with a cold. I woke up with a sev sore throat and believe it or not thrush on my tongue.. My immune sytem must be down from all the stress of dealing with my diagnosis and the uncertainty. Don't even have a surgery date yet. Any advice. All would be welcome. My gut says wait until I am through surgery it is too much right now to deal with mom and the pain of any time being rejected again.My brother is a sweet man( peacemaker the baby of the family) and said he would hate to see my 80 year old Mom die or me and not have ever spoken again.AWWWWWWWWW the guilt of it all.. Long post but I have to know anyone else been there?? What did you do??

Blessings and Hugs,
Cindy Ann
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Comments

  • m-star
    m-star Member Posts: 441
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    wow thats a hard decision
    wow thats a hard decision and one only you can make. But do you have a daughter? I do and i know that if she never wanted to see me again it would break my heart-no matter what had been said or done. But then i would NEVER walk away from her no matter what.A mothers love is (should be) unconditional

    My birth mum gave me up for adoption after keeping me for 9 months.I traced her 10 years ago as i wanted to know how on Gods earth,a woman could give her daughter away! She had no excuse.She had a loving family who supported her in all ways. Helped look after me.My 'mum' was 17 when she had me. When mt daughter was 2 1/2 i needed answers.I tracked her down and we spoke then met up. Things went ok but i feel no bond. But i'm glad i did it and would not change it for the world. I know she gave me away but i forgave her~hard as it was.I cant forget,but i can forgive.

    I guess life is short as most ppl on these boards know it more than most. But ask yourself this-could you live with the guilt if your mum passed away having never got to see you or speak to you again? Apologise to you maybe? It wouldn't hurt to give her 1 FINAL chance to see what she wants from you.But if she can't stick by her child now when a mum is needed most,then it would be time to walk away and not look back.

    just my thoughts. Wishing you all the best in your decision.

    (((hugs)))
  • CarrWilson
    CarrWilson Member Posts: 111
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    I had to write
    Cindy Ann -

    I had to write and support you with whatever decision you make. In 1984, My Mother was in a severe car accident and was wheelchair bound for almost 1 year, during that time I was her primary care giver. My mother is the most crazy, evil, mean-spirited, nasty woman you have ever met. I have not spoken to her since 2001 when she last dragged me to court to accuse me of neglect of my daughter (age 17 1/2) and was seeking custody and child support (all the accusations were not true, and my children had made it to well developed, well nourished ages 15 and 17 at that time in my care. She was not worried about my son, only my daughter). I was sooooo embarassed. She has sued her own brother, her own sister and her own daughter. She thinks she is a lawyer, and writes rambling interpretations of the law taken out of context. I won't go into all the details, but I truly believe she was, and continues to be mentally ill.

    All families have their own stresses, roles and idiosyncrasies. I am wondering if you have this additional guilt and regret because of Mother's day? I know I dislike holidays because I want the Walton Family closeness, and I do not have it. Because of my diagnosis I have been on the fence about calling her, but cannot make myself because of the drama. I do have the support of my peacemaker brother, he knows my Mother's true self and what "REALLY" was the story behind her actions. But you are so right about the GUILT of it all.... My Father has been battling his own cancer and cannot speak to me or will have to deal with the wrath of my Mother, it is really just too much......

    I cannot answer for you but I know I have to get myself healthy FIRST. At age 50 I have been dealing with pain and rejection for years and years, and my heart is finally in a place where it does not hurt quite so much. Sorry this is a long response, but families are complicated.

    P.S. Both my children called me yesterday and wished me a Happy Mother's Day and told me I was a great Mother. I can honestly say once we got past my Mother's interference we are much closer and happier. I wish you the best with your family and I do understand your anger and guilt. - Carrie
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    Cindy Ann, Chen said is so
    Cindy Ann, Chen said is so eloquently...as she always does. First and foremost, take care of YOU. In the meantime, if there is space for others, include those that have a positive impact on your life. I have never experienced anything like this with my family, so I can't honestly say I understand. But, what I do know, is YOU are the most important one right now. Good luck!!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    How difficult it must have
    How difficult it must have been for you to encapsulate your life history into this post. I can truly feel your agony over it~ it no doubt took you quite some reflection and selective choice of words to put "pen to paper" so to speak. Bless your heart.

    Families....sigh. As great and happy as many of us are with our collective brood, if 100% Truth be told, we ALL have something we struggle with. Of course, some family dramas are overwhelming, others seem petty and some fall in the middle, don't they?

    The ball is in your court, of course. Even this reaching out on your mothers' part seems to have strings attached. There is no law which says you need to reciprocate if you don't want to. If you think, that at 80, your mother has a need ( even if it is selfish) to send you a card, and you don't mind her having your address, well, there you are. If you don't trust her motive, or are less interested, perhaps she can send a card to your brother, who can forward it to you. You can respond or leave it alone~ whatever is right for YOU.

    I need not remind you of the need to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally at this time. As an RN, as well as a patient-survivor, you already know how this emotional upheaval is affecting you. If you are having trouble sorting things out, maybe this can help: If you were reading this about someone you don't know, or if one of your friends was asking you for advice on this subject, what would you say? Sometimes stepping outside and looking in helps put things in an more objective perspective. I hope so!

    Be your best advocate~ and know that this sisterhood is full of empathy, strength and cyber-shoulders for you to lean on whenever you want!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
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    MyTurnNow said:

    Cindy Ann, Chen said is so
    Cindy Ann, Chen said is so eloquently...as she always does. First and foremost, take care of YOU. In the meantime, if there is space for others, include those that have a positive impact on your life. I have never experienced anything like this with my family, so I can't honestly say I understand. But, what I do know, is YOU are the most important one right now. Good luck!!

    I can't help it
    I do know how many families struggle with these kinds of dynamics. I have had friends harbour anger and often say the HATE word something that has kept them stuck most of their lives. If there is a time to do things differently it is now. I believe cancer was the wake up call for me because I was obviously ignoring and denying.
    My advice has always been and will always be that I would like your brother would hate to see something terrible happen and a possible life of regret. But one has to be able to accept things as they are not be steared by our own expectations something others usually cannot meet. I have had to walk away from a few relationships because my acceptance was not there and it was taking too much from me to have.
    Love isn't suppose to be painful...
    Tara
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
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    chenheart said:

    How difficult it must have
    How difficult it must have been for you to encapsulate your life history into this post. I can truly feel your agony over it~ it no doubt took you quite some reflection and selective choice of words to put "pen to paper" so to speak. Bless your heart.

    Families....sigh. As great and happy as many of us are with our collective brood, if 100% Truth be told, we ALL have something we struggle with. Of course, some family dramas are overwhelming, others seem petty and some fall in the middle, don't they?

    The ball is in your court, of course. Even this reaching out on your mothers' part seems to have strings attached. There is no law which says you need to reciprocate if you don't want to. If you think, that at 80, your mother has a need ( even if it is selfish) to send you a card, and you don't mind her having your address, well, there you are. If you don't trust her motive, or are less interested, perhaps she can send a card to your brother, who can forward it to you. You can respond or leave it alone~ whatever is right for YOU.

    I need not remind you of the need to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally at this time. As an RN, as well as a patient-survivor, you already know how this emotional upheaval is affecting you. If you are having trouble sorting things out, maybe this can help: If you were reading this about someone you don't know, or if one of your friends was asking you for advice on this subject, what would you say? Sometimes stepping outside and looking in helps put things in an more objective perspective. I hope so!

    Be your best advocate~ and know that this sisterhood is full of empathy, strength and cyber-shoulders for you to lean on whenever you want!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    I agree with Chen....
    First, take care of YOU. In a calm moment, ask yourself what YOU want...the word 'selfish' can't come into it....

    I like Chen's idea of a card to your brother, instead of direct to you. Your mom could very well be feeling a bit of guilt, and trying to eliminate it by hoping that you will refuse her, so that then she can be the 'injured party'. I, personally, would very much question her motives....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Cindy Ann
    Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
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    chenheart said:

    How difficult it must have
    How difficult it must have been for you to encapsulate your life history into this post. I can truly feel your agony over it~ it no doubt took you quite some reflection and selective choice of words to put "pen to paper" so to speak. Bless your heart.

    Families....sigh. As great and happy as many of us are with our collective brood, if 100% Truth be told, we ALL have something we struggle with. Of course, some family dramas are overwhelming, others seem petty and some fall in the middle, don't they?

    The ball is in your court, of course. Even this reaching out on your mothers' part seems to have strings attached. There is no law which says you need to reciprocate if you don't want to. If you think, that at 80, your mother has a need ( even if it is selfish) to send you a card, and you don't mind her having your address, well, there you are. If you don't trust her motive, or are less interested, perhaps she can send a card to your brother, who can forward it to you. You can respond or leave it alone~ whatever is right for YOU.

    I need not remind you of the need to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally at this time. As an RN, as well as a patient-survivor, you already know how this emotional upheaval is affecting you. If you are having trouble sorting things out, maybe this can help: If you were reading this about someone you don't know, or if one of your friends was asking you for advice on this subject, what would you say? Sometimes stepping outside and looking in helps put things in an more objective perspective. I hope so!

    Be your best advocate~ and know that this sisterhood is full of empathy, strength and cyber-shoulders for you to lean on whenever you want!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    You said it sister!!
    I just got back from the Internist. I have bronchitis, thrush, throat infection etc.. I let myself get run down. I know better. But kicking myself now is ridiculous.I love what everyone wrote but you especially touched my heart. I never thought(I don't think clearly lately) about stepping back and reading this post I wrote as if it was someone elses. What would my response be? Great great advice.. You are right it was very difficult to literally put myself out there for you all to read. I am actually a private person. I just knew from my previous posts if anyone could put prespective on this it is all my new sisters. I do not have a sister to talk to. I do have a special aunt who never repeats and loves me dearly. I just was so shocked to be put in this postion right now. My doctor just said to me do what is right for you. Follow a straight path right now. Get well, surgery, pathology, then treatment. Do not deviate from this because when you do it fills your plate up with more then any one person can shoulder. I wish I had a family like the Walton's but I don't. But I do have 2 of the most amazing kids on earth. A daughter and a son. My daughter never wants to see my mother again. That is her choice. I never made that for her. I let my kids decide on their own. I believe I raised them to make the choices that are right for them. I did not repeat the pattern with my chidren. I don't know what to to do yet. I guess I wait and see when the card arrives and take it from there. I do know she was a terrible mother and never there for me. But I still love her. I don't hate her. I have never hated her. I just don't like what she has done to me. I also know she is capable of doing the same again.This is like the cancer inside me. The difference is I feel like I just kicked it's butt. It just feels so good to let this out.. I keep it secret. Everyone who has ever worked with me or wasn't close to me would think my life is perfect. I always carried a dark secret. Must be the bronchitis making me so chatty today.. Thank you Chen and everyone else for all the support. By the way I see the surgeon next week and God willing get the show on the road!!!

    Love, Blessings,and Hugs Too You All,
    Cindy Ann
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
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    Tough decision..
    Cindy,

    Of course you have to do what you feel is right for you...but I am going to put it out there...For once in your life PUT YOURSELF FIRST......we, as women, always seem to put ourselves last, except in the incident of your mother.....Like you, I can't imagine ever walking away from my children.....But some do....I think at your mother's age, she is possibly feeling some guilt of her own......She's 80 you said...no doubt her own mortality is weighing on her mind......she possibly wants to relieve herself of her GUILT......as far as I am concerned you have nothing to feel guilty about......she walked away from you! Perhaps the card she wants to send may explain somethings but it can't take away your hurting heart...
    Personally I would take care of MYSELF first....even if you have to explain THAT to her..and that it maybe possible for a relationship when you are finished all treatment.......Rght now you need to concentrate on yourself.......be selfish, probably for the first time in your life! This is a battle you're going through.....I was lucky, I had the most wonderful, loving mother who died when I was 25....she was 62........I miss her every day and she's been gone for almost 34 years.......

    I wish you the best in your treatments and your decision.....which again, is your's and your's alone....Peace be with you........((((((((Hugs))))))))
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
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    MAJW said:

    Tough decision..
    Cindy,

    Of course you have to do what you feel is right for you...but I am going to put it out there...For once in your life PUT YOURSELF FIRST......we, as women, always seem to put ourselves last, except in the incident of your mother.....Like you, I can't imagine ever walking away from my children.....But some do....I think at your mother's age, she is possibly feeling some guilt of her own......She's 80 you said...no doubt her own mortality is weighing on her mind......she possibly wants to relieve herself of her GUILT......as far as I am concerned you have nothing to feel guilty about......she walked away from you! Perhaps the card she wants to send may explain somethings but it can't take away your hurting heart...
    Personally I would take care of MYSELF first....even if you have to explain THAT to her..and that it maybe possible for a relationship when you are finished all treatment.......Rght now you need to concentrate on yourself.......be selfish, probably for the first time in your life! This is a battle you're going through.....I was lucky, I had the most wonderful, loving mother who died when I was 25....she was 62........I miss her every day and she's been gone for almost 34 years.......

    I wish you the best in your treatments and your decision.....which again, is your's and your's alone....Peace be with you........((((((((Hugs))))))))

    I always ask
    I always ask myself how I want to feel about my own behavior at the end of this. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and deciding that family issues can be dealt with later. But if not dealing with it now is going to plague you, may as well go ahead and bring it on. No matter what happens, handle yourself with dignity and grace and you will have no regrets.

    Peace,
    Victoria
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    Cindy Ann said:

    You said it sister!!
    I just got back from the Internist. I have bronchitis, thrush, throat infection etc.. I let myself get run down. I know better. But kicking myself now is ridiculous.I love what everyone wrote but you especially touched my heart. I never thought(I don't think clearly lately) about stepping back and reading this post I wrote as if it was someone elses. What would my response be? Great great advice.. You are right it was very difficult to literally put myself out there for you all to read. I am actually a private person. I just knew from my previous posts if anyone could put prespective on this it is all my new sisters. I do not have a sister to talk to. I do have a special aunt who never repeats and loves me dearly. I just was so shocked to be put in this postion right now. My doctor just said to me do what is right for you. Follow a straight path right now. Get well, surgery, pathology, then treatment. Do not deviate from this because when you do it fills your plate up with more then any one person can shoulder. I wish I had a family like the Walton's but I don't. But I do have 2 of the most amazing kids on earth. A daughter and a son. My daughter never wants to see my mother again. That is her choice. I never made that for her. I let my kids decide on their own. I believe I raised them to make the choices that are right for them. I did not repeat the pattern with my chidren. I don't know what to to do yet. I guess I wait and see when the card arrives and take it from there. I do know she was a terrible mother and never there for me. But I still love her. I don't hate her. I have never hated her. I just don't like what she has done to me. I also know she is capable of doing the same again.This is like the cancer inside me. The difference is I feel like I just kicked it's butt. It just feels so good to let this out.. I keep it secret. Everyone who has ever worked with me or wasn't close to me would think my life is perfect. I always carried a dark secret. Must be the bronchitis making me so chatty today.. Thank you Chen and everyone else for all the support. By the way I see the surgeon next week and God willing get the show on the road!!!

    Love, Blessings,and Hugs Too You All,
    Cindy Ann

    At the literal end of the
    At the literal end of the day, when you are weighing things in your heart and mind, please, please, please remember that you are the same Cindy Ann who so lovingly told us about your son and the Race For The Cure. You have indeed broken the cycle of emotional abuse, and are the mother to your own children that your mother sadly wasn't capable/willing to be for you.
    That you do not hate her speaks volumes about you. You are living the mantra I coined for myself when I was first diagnosed : Be Stronger Than, Not Angry At. Again, bless your heart~and I hope your decisions bring you the peace and courage you need and deserve.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
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    No advice, just support.
    I have an extremely difficult relationship with my mother. I understand your dilemma. Put any decision off until you feel well enough and I hope that you feel better soon.

    Sue
  • AMomNETN
    AMomNETN Member Posts: 242
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    Different Take
    I'm not sure I could let my mother back in had she done that to me. Love is supposed to unconditional, sounds like there are to many conditions from your mother. I've had rocky times with my parents but nothing like that. At times I've left contact up to them. The only advice I have is a saying I read, "Peace it only possible when I let go of expectations." If you can do that then go for it. I don't think I could do it. Everyone else is right about placing you first, then deal with the other. I'd also ask would she be doing this if I didn't have cancer? If the answer is no, then you have your answer to me.

    Janie
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    AMomNETN said:

    Different Take
    I'm not sure I could let my mother back in had she done that to me. Love is supposed to unconditional, sounds like there are to many conditions from your mother. I've had rocky times with my parents but nothing like that. At times I've left contact up to them. The only advice I have is a saying I read, "Peace it only possible when I let go of expectations." If you can do that then go for it. I don't think I could do it. Everyone else is right about placing you first, then deal with the other. I'd also ask would she be doing this if I didn't have cancer? If the answer is no, then you have your answer to me.

    Janie

    do what is best for you. you
    do what is best for you. you need to selfish and cacoon yourself in love and support. No drama. you are already suffering the effects and you havent started to venture into a relationship with her. protect yourself and do what gets you through. Only you can decide.I know that this diagnosis and perhaps its my age but I will only allow the crap I have to in my life, I have finally decided I am too important for that. But if it would bring you peace.... just not sure if you are better off the way things are now. My grandmother was such a witch with a B and my mom kept saying she would never change, even though she hoped she would. I just said people dont change but my mom hoped she would until the end. this is long and rambling, my instinct is to protect you from aditional pain when you are already going through enough, but only you can decide what you need.
  • Scotch Freckles
    Scotch Freckles Member Posts: 273 Member
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    Holy Moly
    You have a great delima on your shoulders. Advice you should seek from your former therapist. I can feel your pain to a point, I am the family interloper and haven't quit figured that one out. My siblings called me after my mother died and did it again after my father died. Families have their problems. You are number one at this time and need to take care of yourself. Get your health up there, seek out good friends, husband, mate, best friends. Did you know women are raised with guilt, so be strong, don't let the guilt get the better of you. Think of life as "I don't have time for this" (cold, family problems, cancer) and move past it. Just say to your self on a daily basis "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS" and you will feel better. Keep in touch, we will all help you get through this.
  • Cindy Ann
    Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
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    Holy Moly
    You have a great delima on your shoulders. Advice you should seek from your former therapist. I can feel your pain to a point, I am the family interloper and haven't quit figured that one out. My siblings called me after my mother died and did it again after my father died. Families have their problems. You are number one at this time and need to take care of yourself. Get your health up there, seek out good friends, husband, mate, best friends. Did you know women are raised with guilt, so be strong, don't let the guilt get the better of you. Think of life as "I don't have time for this" (cold, family problems, cancer) and move past it. Just say to your self on a daily basis "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS" and you will feel better. Keep in touch, we will all help you get through this.

    Mom
    I took all your advice and really am thinking about this. I did set up a appt with my former therapist for Thursday. She knows the whole story. When I spoke with her over the phone she was shocked. That Mom would even do this, then expressed concern over the unecessary guilt I feel over this. It will be a good session. Maybe this is why this was thrown in my path at this time? One of you asked me to ask myself if she would be contacting me if I didn't have cancer. That I can answer with 100% certainity NO.While my heart will always have a tye to her, my soul does not. Most people could never understand a woman walking away from the good child and choosing the rotten one. I do. She never liked girls. God knew that is why he gave her 4 boys. So yes, it is the cancer. I cannot judge her. It's up to God.Nor can I give her absolution. But I after reading all your posts and really looking deep into myself cannot at this time deal with her. She is not going to change.She is being selfish in even putting me in this position especially knowing how breast cancer feels. She is almost 80. She does not love unconditionally. I will read the card when it comes decide how to respond to it. It will totally be based on what it says. In other words what she writes in it. But my response will be in letter form telling not until I am through this journey I must take without her. I have resided myself years ago that she did not want me in her life. Why,why now??My first why in this whole experience. So I am going with what I wrote above.

    Love all of you from coming from the heart in your replies. It helped more then you know. I will update you when the card arrives and how I handle it.. Great advice from you all..I love this site. I thank God for all my fellow warriors in pink..I truly wish I was alone with none of you having to suffer this. But am grateful that you are here..

    Love and Blessings,
    Cindy Ann
  • CarrWilson
    CarrWilson Member Posts: 111
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    Cindy Ann said:

    Mom
    I took all your advice and really am thinking about this. I did set up a appt with my former therapist for Thursday. She knows the whole story. When I spoke with her over the phone she was shocked. That Mom would even do this, then expressed concern over the unecessary guilt I feel over this. It will be a good session. Maybe this is why this was thrown in my path at this time? One of you asked me to ask myself if she would be contacting me if I didn't have cancer. That I can answer with 100% certainity NO.While my heart will always have a tye to her, my soul does not. Most people could never understand a woman walking away from the good child and choosing the rotten one. I do. She never liked girls. God knew that is why he gave her 4 boys. So yes, it is the cancer. I cannot judge her. It's up to God.Nor can I give her absolution. But I after reading all your posts and really looking deep into myself cannot at this time deal with her. She is not going to change.She is being selfish in even putting me in this position especially knowing how breast cancer feels. She is almost 80. She does not love unconditionally. I will read the card when it comes decide how to respond to it. It will totally be based on what it says. In other words what she writes in it. But my response will be in letter form telling not until I am through this journey I must take without her. I have resided myself years ago that she did not want me in her life. Why,why now??My first why in this whole experience. So I am going with what I wrote above.

    Love all of you from coming from the heart in your replies. It helped more then you know. I will update you when the card arrives and how I handle it.. Great advice from you all..I love this site. I thank God for all my fellow warriors in pink..I truly wish I was alone with none of you having to suffer this. But am grateful that you are here..

    Love and Blessings,
    Cindy Ann

    Just because we can
    Just because we can be a Mother, does not mean we should. I am very interested in your responses Cindy Ann, because I am right there with you. I am so glad you were able to contact your therapist, and I hope he/she will be able to guide you down a path that is comfortable for you. I have actually sent letters back, unopened, return to sender. (It was very, very hard as I am a very curious person).

    Cancer brings out the best in some, the worst in others. Stick with those that will love and support you, get healthy, and concentrate on the fight! Try to realize you can only choose what your response will be, and cannot control others responses. I wish you peace and strength in dealing with your Mother. Know we are all in your corner.

    Hugs - Carrie
  • Cindy Ann
    Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
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    Just because we can
    Just because we can be a Mother, does not mean we should. I am very interested in your responses Cindy Ann, because I am right there with you. I am so glad you were able to contact your therapist, and I hope he/she will be able to guide you down a path that is comfortable for you. I have actually sent letters back, unopened, return to sender. (It was very, very hard as I am a very curious person).

    Cancer brings out the best in some, the worst in others. Stick with those that will love and support you, get healthy, and concentrate on the fight! Try to realize you can only choose what your response will be, and cannot control others responses. I wish you peace and strength in dealing with your Mother. Know we are all in your corner.

    Hugs - Carrie

    Just Because
    Can't say thank you enough. You and the others get me. I have to share one more thing. I think it is Karma. My mother does not like girls and did not have many grand daughters. I gave birth to the 1st grand daughter( I have a daughter and 1 son) and her response was well she doesn't look like you. LOL! She doesn't. She looks like her dad. But mom didn't mean that.Now as for my son she thought he was beautiful. He also looks a lot like his dad but has my eyes. Well here is were Karma changed things up for me. I am now 52 and have 4 grand daughters and 2 grandsons. I gave her the most great grand daughters.Ha! ha! I am surrounded by what she dislikes most. Girls!!!( in the delivery room for all my grand babies births) Beautiful wonderful girls ranging from 11(tween God help us) to 5 mths old. I also have 2 grandsons 10 and 4. I feel so blessed to have them all. But must admit the little brat in me can't help but laugh that I had the most girls of all my brothers. Ha! Ha! The old saying Karma is a B is no lie here..Just thought I'd give everyone a chuckle..Bad Cindy Ann....

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cindy Ann
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    Cindy Ann said:

    Just Because
    Can't say thank you enough. You and the others get me. I have to share one more thing. I think it is Karma. My mother does not like girls and did not have many grand daughters. I gave birth to the 1st grand daughter( I have a daughter and 1 son) and her response was well she doesn't look like you. LOL! She doesn't. She looks like her dad. But mom didn't mean that.Now as for my son she thought he was beautiful. He also looks a lot like his dad but has my eyes. Well here is were Karma changed things up for me. I am now 52 and have 4 grand daughters and 2 grandsons. I gave her the most great grand daughters.Ha! ha! I am surrounded by what she dislikes most. Girls!!!( in the delivery room for all my grand babies births) Beautiful wonderful girls ranging from 11(tween God help us) to 5 mths old. I also have 2 grandsons 10 and 4. I feel so blessed to have them all. But must admit the little brat in me can't help but laugh that I had the most girls of all my brothers. Ha! Ha! The old saying Karma is a B is no lie here..Just thought I'd give everyone a chuckle..Bad Cindy Ann....

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cindy Ann

    I got a chuckle out of this
    I got a chuckle out of this post. It sounds to me like you have it all together!! Too bad your mom is missing the joys in life. Her loss.
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
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    MyTurnNow said:

    I got a chuckle out of this
    I got a chuckle out of this post. It sounds to me like you have it all together!! Too bad your mom is missing the joys in life. Her loss.

    Sounds like your already
    Sounds like your already feeling better. It's sad to say , but it is her loss. My husbands parents were like that. They really never knew my children. They never seemed to care about my husband at all. Not as a child and it followed through his life until they died. Now this is going to sound terrible, but now that there dead, they can't hurt him anymore. I don't get it
  • Balentine
    Balentine Member Posts: 393
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    Kat11 said:

    Sounds like your already
    Sounds like your already feeling better. It's sad to say , but it is her loss. My husbands parents were like that. They really never knew my children. They never seemed to care about my husband at all. Not as a child and it followed through his life until they died. Now this is going to sound terrible, but now that there dead, they can't hurt him anymore. I don't get it

    Share your heart, forgive, then leave it with God
    Dear Cindy,
    I have a similar situation with my sister. From our youth, I could never trust her. Always instigating fights and being deceptive. As the years went by she has always tried to control, manipulate and intimidate me with her words....very much emotional abuse but then comes back and aplogizes or else justifies her actions...just crazy stuff. She wanted to come here during my chemo to help...I told her no. She love to prey on me when I am at my lowest. After my 3rd chemo a few weeks ago when I was at my worst she tormented me arguing her point about something in particular that she knows her and I cannot talk about because we don't agree on it. She called me late at night and early in the morning when I was trying to sleep and get my strength back. This is not love...it is abuse. With advise from an Army chaplain and good friend, I am going to sit down and write her a letter....tell her all of the things she has said and done that have caused us from bonding...then I will apologize for how the letter may make her feel but that because of my health, i just cannot have this continued torment and stress in my life. I will also ask her forgiveness and leave it at that. God tells us to forgive but we cannot forget the pain and torment those we love sometimes cause us and forgiving someone does not mean you have to have a relationship with them. If someone came to your door everyday and punched you in the eye, sooner or later you will stop answering the door. God does not want you to be a door mat and a punching bag. So don't feel guilty for having to sever the ties...God knows your heart and your motivation and He will honor that....He wants you healthy and around people who really love you. I look at it this way...50 years of abuse is enough for me and as you say...you know they will not change but you have to be the one to make that change and do what is best for you. God bless and stay strong in the Lord and the power of His might.
    Lorrie Balentine