being a caregiver for my mother is making me feel resentful and angry..
Comments
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Caregiver
Irene,
You should not feel bad! You have shouldered this all by yourself. It is time to call in your brother and sisters to help you.
You as a caregiver need to take some time for yourself, and it is time the others stepped up to the plate to help out. Because if you burnout( and it sounds like what is happening to you) you are going to be no good to anyone, especially your mom.
I am a caregiver for my husband, and I have to take breaks away - even for a few hours to just recharge.
Please call a meeting with your family, and lay it on the line to them.
Hugs,
Sue0 -
No Guilt
You should not feel guilty about the anger. You are grieving your former life and anger is a part of the grieving cycle. I agree that you need to get the rest of the family involved. If they are unable or unwilling to help out you need to find someone who can. The rest of the family needs to know how you are feeling. If they are willing to help out set a schedule up that guarantees that you have free time. Also enlist them to take your mom to some of the appointments and chemo. My husband passed away in Oct., 2009 after a 6 year battle with colon cancer. I know that caregiving is a hard job. I also agree that you need to take care of yourself, spend time with friends, and relax. Ask the social worker at the hospital if there is a visiting nurse program or home health program to bring in help if you need to. Don't take this on by yourself. Fay0 -
Welcome
Hi Irene,
Welcome to our caregivers world! You are not alone here. I agree it is time to get your family members involved! They need to step up and give you a break! That is just not fair to you. I would also suggest that you call in for home health care, or hospice. You definitely need help. I was a caregiver for my dad. He recently passed on 3/9/10. Speak up and get yourself some help! Try your hospital, local cancer center, local church. Keep us posted.
Tina0 -
thnk uTina Blondek said:Welcome
Hi Irene,
Welcome to our caregivers world! You are not alone here. I agree it is time to get your family members involved! They need to step up and give you a break! That is just not fair to you. I would also suggest that you call in for home health care, or hospice. You definitely need help. I was a caregiver for my dad. He recently passed on 3/9/10. Speak up and get yourself some help! Try your hospital, local cancer center, local church. Keep us posted.
Tina
thnx guys for the advice..well the thing is me and my siblings did have a meeting when my mom was first diagnosed...my sister and brother helped in the beginning to take her to her radiation some days ...but get this my sister and her husband wanted to use my moms car to take her which eneded up costing me gas money since im the one who takes care of me and my mom finacially..i got annoyed and felt they were to cheap to pay for gas..so it was kinda like they didnt even help me...and my brother puts working ahead of everything..my other sis just disappeared during that time.....now my other sister takes us monthly for my moms nuerologist appt and she uses my moms car to...but i still have to go to hear what he has to say and what new meds she needs to take..so its hard to get a break..when something like this happens it just shows you how people really are....my mom does have medicare senior advantage..she has really good insurance...they do cover a nurse to come in a few days a week...her neurologist put her on a higher dose of steroids and gave her a weekly injection to keep her red blood cells up..so i want to see if she improves...if she doesnt then i will have a nurse come in...according the her doctor its the low dose of steroids she was on that was causing her problems...so we'll see..0 -
Get the NurseIrene626 said:thnk u
thnx guys for the advice..well the thing is me and my siblings did have a meeting when my mom was first diagnosed...my sister and brother helped in the beginning to take her to her radiation some days ...but get this my sister and her husband wanted to use my moms car to take her which eneded up costing me gas money since im the one who takes care of me and my mom finacially..i got annoyed and felt they were to cheap to pay for gas..so it was kinda like they didnt even help me...and my brother puts working ahead of everything..my other sis just disappeared during that time.....now my other sister takes us monthly for my moms nuerologist appt and she uses my moms car to...but i still have to go to hear what he has to say and what new meds she needs to take..so its hard to get a break..when something like this happens it just shows you how people really are....my mom does have medicare senior advantage..she has really good insurance...they do cover a nurse to come in a few days a week...her neurologist put her on a higher dose of steroids and gave her a weekly injection to keep her red blood cells up..so i want to see if she improves...if she doesnt then i will have a nurse come in...according the her doctor its the low dose of steroids she was on that was causing her problems...so we'll see..
If your mom's insurance will pay for a nurse, do it now. Don't wait! Even if you want to stay home when the nurse is there, you will get a break to take care of yourself. You can read or even polish your toenails. I know it is hard to admit you need to get help, but you really do. We like to think we can tough it out, but that is not good for either of you. Take care, Fay0 -
getting your life backIrene626 said:thnk u
thnx guys for the advice..well the thing is me and my siblings did have a meeting when my mom was first diagnosed...my sister and brother helped in the beginning to take her to her radiation some days ...but get this my sister and her husband wanted to use my moms car to take her which eneded up costing me gas money since im the one who takes care of me and my mom finacially..i got annoyed and felt they were to cheap to pay for gas..so it was kinda like they didnt even help me...and my brother puts working ahead of everything..my other sis just disappeared during that time.....now my other sister takes us monthly for my moms nuerologist appt and she uses my moms car to...but i still have to go to hear what he has to say and what new meds she needs to take..so its hard to get a break..when something like this happens it just shows you how people really are....my mom does have medicare senior advantage..she has really good insurance...they do cover a nurse to come in a few days a week...her neurologist put her on a higher dose of steroids and gave her a weekly injection to keep her red blood cells up..so i want to see if she improves...if she doesnt then i will have a nurse come in...according the her doctor its the low dose of steroids she was on that was causing her problems...so we'll see..
I take care of my mother, too, but she's on a plateau right now so I'm not whining that I want my life back today. But, boy, do I know that refrain. My siblings are good (all different, but they all come through in their way), but I'm the only one who drops everything and stays with Mom 24/7 every time she hits a crisis. Nothing can change that, it's just how it is. I get so excited when I'm not on caregiver duty! It's like being on vacation to be home doing laundry.
When our Moms are gone, we'll probably kick ourselves again for wanting our lives back, because the lives we're gonna get back won't have Mom there, where we can call her to ask for a recipe.0 -
thats true barbara....when iBarbara53 said:getting your life back
I take care of my mother, too, but she's on a plateau right now so I'm not whining that I want my life back today. But, boy, do I know that refrain. My siblings are good (all different, but they all come through in their way), but I'm the only one who drops everything and stays with Mom 24/7 every time she hits a crisis. Nothing can change that, it's just how it is. I get so excited when I'm not on caregiver duty! It's like being on vacation to be home doing laundry.
When our Moms are gone, we'll probably kick ourselves again for wanting our lives back, because the lives we're gonna get back won't have Mom there, where we can call her to ask for a recipe.
thats true barbara....when i do feel stressed i think of her not being here..but the way she is is like she is already gone....her body is here physically but the brain cancer has messed up her walking...bathroom functions and she always has a lost look in her eyes...so that makes it harder..we cant do any of the things we use to do...she never wants to leave the house anymore just for appointments..the treatments shes gettin is keeping her here physically but messing her up mentally..i know my old mom is in their somewhere..but sometimes i feel like i already lost her....0 -
Do what you canIrene626 said:thnk u
thnx guys for the advice..well the thing is me and my siblings did have a meeting when my mom was first diagnosed...my sister and brother helped in the beginning to take her to her radiation some days ...but get this my sister and her husband wanted to use my moms car to take her which eneded up costing me gas money since im the one who takes care of me and my mom finacially..i got annoyed and felt they were to cheap to pay for gas..so it was kinda like they didnt even help me...and my brother puts working ahead of everything..my other sis just disappeared during that time.....now my other sister takes us monthly for my moms nuerologist appt and she uses my moms car to...but i still have to go to hear what he has to say and what new meds she needs to take..so its hard to get a break..when something like this happens it just shows you how people really are....my mom does have medicare senior advantage..she has really good insurance...they do cover a nurse to come in a few days a week...her neurologist put her on a higher dose of steroids and gave her a weekly injection to keep her red blood cells up..so i want to see if she improves...if she doesnt then i will have a nurse come in...according the her doctor its the low dose of steroids she was on that was causing her problems...so we'll see..
I too am taking care of my mom because all my siblings think that because I'm the youngest and have no kids or spouse that I'm 'not busy' like they are. But do get hospice to help you out. My mom recently agreed to hospice and it's the best thing going. They don't just help your mom, they help you get your much needed break. Have a care management nurse assist you in finding hospice for your mom or go online and contact them directly,they can coordinate with your mom's doctors to get all info...it's surprising that no one bothered to help you with this before. Hospice can also offer counseling to help deal with what you're going through, as well as help make any funeral arrangements. Prayers for you, and hugs.0 -
caregiver for mom
i am also a caregiver for my mother, and it is very difficult. we both took care of my dad, who was bedridden for four years with dementia - changing diapers, feeding, bathing, etc. we also had home health twice a week, but that really wasn't enough, and he could not be on hospice, because of his situation - his body was in good health, but his brain was gone. my mother is in stage four lung cancer, and is not taking any more treatment - it is very hard to realize that she will never overcome this. i have a brother and sister-n-law, but they do not help - maybe call two or three times a week, come by twice a month. they did not help with my dad, either - nearly the entire time my dad was down, my mother was diagnosed, and was taking chemo and radiation. my niece has been wonderful - she is able to come when i work and stay, and take her to the dr. my husband does help somewhat, but emotionally, he is not much support to me - don't think he really knows what to do. i haven't mentioned hospice to her, because she feels like that is the beginning of the end, but they can help so much - don't know how to bring it up. i just feel like i don't have much of an outlet - i actually feel better just writing these few words. thank you for letting me share, and for sharing your experiences - i understand and can certainly appreciate what you are all going through, and knowing that there are others is comforting.0 -
oh wow that is so hard..whenmrsgbr3 said:caregiver for mom
i am also a caregiver for my mother, and it is very difficult. we both took care of my dad, who was bedridden for four years with dementia - changing diapers, feeding, bathing, etc. we also had home health twice a week, but that really wasn't enough, and he could not be on hospice, because of his situation - his body was in good health, but his brain was gone. my mother is in stage four lung cancer, and is not taking any more treatment - it is very hard to realize that she will never overcome this. i have a brother and sister-n-law, but they do not help - maybe call two or three times a week, come by twice a month. they did not help with my dad, either - nearly the entire time my dad was down, my mother was diagnosed, and was taking chemo and radiation. my niece has been wonderful - she is able to come when i work and stay, and take her to the dr. my husband does help somewhat, but emotionally, he is not much support to me - don't think he really knows what to do. i haven't mentioned hospice to her, because she feels like that is the beginning of the end, but they can help so much - don't know how to bring it up. i just feel like i don't have much of an outlet - i actually feel better just writing these few words. thank you for letting me share, and for sharing your experiences - i understand and can certainly appreciate what you are all going through, and knowing that there are others is comforting.
oh wow that is so hard..when both your parents need care like that..i dont think i could ever do this again..my mom means everything to me thats why i do this..but i couldnt do it for my dad..he wasnt a good dad growing up or good husband.....i told my brother and sisters that i wont be a caregiver to my dad..he's also old but still healthy.. but if he were to need care i just cant do it...i cant care for someone that was so mean and treated his kids and wife so bad....my sisters have been stepping up more lately in helping me..which i appreciate so much...my brother on the other hand i think has the mentality out of sight out of mind.....even the little things help like them showering my mom...that alone is the biggest help....its nice to have a bit of help....0 -
Frustration here too...Irene626 said:oh wow that is so hard..when
oh wow that is so hard..when both your parents need care like that..i dont think i could ever do this again..my mom means everything to me thats why i do this..but i couldnt do it for my dad..he wasnt a good dad growing up or good husband.....i told my brother and sisters that i wont be a caregiver to my dad..he's also old but still healthy.. but if he were to need care i just cant do it...i cant care for someone that was so mean and treated his kids and wife so bad....my sisters have been stepping up more lately in helping me..which i appreciate so much...my brother on the other hand i think has the mentality out of sight out of mind.....even the little things help like them showering my mom...that alone is the biggest help....its nice to have a bit of help....
A short time ago my mom went on hospice, but she's so independent that she still wants to do whatever she feels like doing. However, she can't because between "chemo-brain" and her pain and other meds, she has such confusion, most days she doesn't even know what day it is or what she's eaten or what meds she's taken. If she had her way, she would've ended up in the hospital probably at least 3 times in two weeks; just because she doesn't want me to help her, and doesn't want hospice around. And then, my dad, who's an alert but disabled 78, can't keep his story straight when I ask him questions about my mom when I'm not around to physically see her do something..i.e. 'did mom take ...?' or 'what did mom eat and when?' He's driving me mad, because he still expects her to remind him to take care of the bills and other such things, and she can't remember!!! And then she gives him a hard time about all sorts of stuff, increasing her stress levels and thus her pain, and then she doesn't want to take her medicine, and then gets upset and arggghhh!!! I'm trying so hard to maintain, but then today her hospice nurse comes to see her, and she says one thing, and when I ask my mom about it later, she denies that the nurse said that. And since I can't rely on my parents keeping the story straight, we've been writing down what meds she's taking when, and then my mom tells me tonight that the nurse said we don't have to write anything down!! I know that can't be true, because the nurse has seen first hand what a struggle it is for my mom to remember what she's taken, and that would be the last thing to tell my mom. But I can't argue with my mom, because then that gets her blood up and she wants to fight about it. I don't want her to overdose, and that's why we also keep records, but she's getting tired of it all and it's getting worse everyday. I'm getting tired of trying to do the right thing, and my dad's off in la-la land letting her do whatever. He was actually going to let her drive by herself out tonight. Not that she has been told she can't drive, but when I don't know what she's taken, or when, and when she's so weak she can barely stand up and walk around, WHY would I let her drive????? SO MADDENING!!...............Thanks for letting me vent.lol Not that you had a choice!0 -
Venting is GoodAKAngel said:Frustration here too...
A short time ago my mom went on hospice, but she's so independent that she still wants to do whatever she feels like doing. However, she can't because between "chemo-brain" and her pain and other meds, she has such confusion, most days she doesn't even know what day it is or what she's eaten or what meds she's taken. If she had her way, she would've ended up in the hospital probably at least 3 times in two weeks; just because she doesn't want me to help her, and doesn't want hospice around. And then, my dad, who's an alert but disabled 78, can't keep his story straight when I ask him questions about my mom when I'm not around to physically see her do something..i.e. 'did mom take ...?' or 'what did mom eat and when?' He's driving me mad, because he still expects her to remind him to take care of the bills and other such things, and she can't remember!!! And then she gives him a hard time about all sorts of stuff, increasing her stress levels and thus her pain, and then she doesn't want to take her medicine, and then gets upset and arggghhh!!! I'm trying so hard to maintain, but then today her hospice nurse comes to see her, and she says one thing, and when I ask my mom about it later, she denies that the nurse said that. And since I can't rely on my parents keeping the story straight, we've been writing down what meds she's taking when, and then my mom tells me tonight that the nurse said we don't have to write anything down!! I know that can't be true, because the nurse has seen first hand what a struggle it is for my mom to remember what she's taken, and that would be the last thing to tell my mom. But I can't argue with my mom, because then that gets her blood up and she wants to fight about it. I don't want her to overdose, and that's why we also keep records, but she's getting tired of it all and it's getting worse everyday. I'm getting tired of trying to do the right thing, and my dad's off in la-la land letting her do whatever. He was actually going to let her drive by herself out tonight. Not that she has been told she can't drive, but when I don't know what she's taken, or when, and when she's so weak she can barely stand up and walk around, WHY would I let her drive????? SO MADDENING!!...............Thanks for letting me vent.lol Not that you had a choice!
Venting here is a very good thing to do. I'm sorry that you are having these problems. A thought about your dad, he is facing a very hard thing. He is soon going to lose his partner,I'm guessing, of many years. He is hurting and scared. Don't expect too much of him. I'm guessing that he always thought he would go first. Now his whole world is upside down. Your mom is also facing a tough time and her own mortality. You are just doing the best you can. You are losing your mother, and you can't fix her or change that. My husband had a phrase he often quoted to me toward the end of his life. It was " let it go,dear. Just let it go." sometimes when he would do something I was concerned about he would tell me that. I still hear him saying that when I get upset about something. Maybe you need to try that. Focus on the things that really matter. Work out a system for the pills, but don't worry a lot about the food. You are doing the best you can. That is all you can do. Just try to be with your mom. Hug her often and tell her you love her. Tell your dad you understand how hard this is for him and hug him, too. In the end loving each other is what really matters. Fay0 -
Hi Irene...
You certainly are not alone in feeling anger. Your anger is at THE DISEASE, and that is normal. The few moments I ever get to spend alone at my own home, when my husband is not there, I YELL and CURSE this damned disease plenty. When you feel you want to be harsh to your Mom, remember to aim at the disease instead.
I am the oldest of five. My 43 year old brother is the youngest. He lives with our Mother, the two of them alone and both very sick with stage 4 cancers. Brother dx'd in late 2005 and Mom two years later. My siblings , for various reasons are not available. Although I have to give credit to one sister, who after recent serious problems with my brother has arrived at Mom's and her help is invaluable. My husband tries to be understanding about me never being home. Sometimes i am gone for a week or two at a time. I cannot begin to express in words the emotional dynamics that exist for all of us. When times are the toughest, and I feel the weakest I have found my Faith to be my Strength. If you have or have ever had any relationship with your Creator, do call upon that source and I swear to you that you will be given what you need! Even the simplest of prayers, even if it's just your Soul screaming them will surprise you with their response - and you WILL get a response. Sometimes in simply an overwhelming sense of Peace to get you through the day!
I will include you and your Mom in my prayers as I exit this post. Hang in there. I know it's a very rough road to travel and Bless you for stepping up to the journey. You WILL NOT regret it! Peace....0 -
I know..grandmafay said:Venting is Good
Venting here is a very good thing to do. I'm sorry that you are having these problems. A thought about your dad, he is facing a very hard thing. He is soon going to lose his partner,I'm guessing, of many years. He is hurting and scared. Don't expect too much of him. I'm guessing that he always thought he would go first. Now his whole world is upside down. Your mom is also facing a tough time and her own mortality. You are just doing the best you can. You are losing your mother, and you can't fix her or change that. My husband had a phrase he often quoted to me toward the end of his life. It was " let it go,dear. Just let it go." sometimes when he would do something I was concerned about he would tell me that. I still hear him saying that when I get upset about something. Maybe you need to try that. Focus on the things that really matter. Work out a system for the pills, but don't worry a lot about the food. You are doing the best you can. That is all you can do. Just try to be with your mom. Hug her often and tell her you love her. Tell your dad you understand how hard this is for him and hug him, too. In the end loving each other is what really matters. Fay
Grandmafay--
I know that my dad is losing my mom too, it's just he never expresses how he feels, and I guess that makes it easier for me to feel more upset about it. He's never been one to say much, emotional or otherwise, and what man out there really likes to get emotional anyway? The other thing is for as long as I can remember he has let my mom be the one to make pretty much all the decisions about..everything basically, and I have to constantly remind him that she is not what she once was, and that he needs to help me think and plan. He's still a smart man, but I do know that wishing someone would do something you want them to do is as pointless as wishing your toilet paper would turn to gold everytime you wipe your behind!! It's something that the hospice counsellor reminded me too, and I think I have to go see him again. Thank you so much for your continued support. Your presence here on the board is a great comfort to more than just me, I am sure. (((hugs)))0 -
Oh, it's so hard. I have hadjestawoman said:Hi Irene...
You certainly are not alone in feeling anger. Your anger is at THE DISEASE, and that is normal. The few moments I ever get to spend alone at my own home, when my husband is not there, I YELL and CURSE this damned disease plenty. When you feel you want to be harsh to your Mom, remember to aim at the disease instead.
I am the oldest of five. My 43 year old brother is the youngest. He lives with our Mother, the two of them alone and both very sick with stage 4 cancers. Brother dx'd in late 2005 and Mom two years later. My siblings , for various reasons are not available. Although I have to give credit to one sister, who after recent serious problems with my brother has arrived at Mom's and her help is invaluable. My husband tries to be understanding about me never being home. Sometimes i am gone for a week or two at a time. I cannot begin to express in words the emotional dynamics that exist for all of us. When times are the toughest, and I feel the weakest I have found my Faith to be my Strength. If you have or have ever had any relationship with your Creator, do call upon that source and I swear to you that you will be given what you need! Even the simplest of prayers, even if it's just your Soul screaming them will surprise you with their response - and you WILL get a response. Sometimes in simply an overwhelming sense of Peace to get you through the day!
I will include you and your Mom in my prayers as I exit this post. Hang in there. I know it's a very rough road to travel and Bless you for stepping up to the journey. You WILL NOT regret it! Peace....
Oh, it's so hard. I have had to start stepping away and thinking things over to myself before responding. This morning my mother was sick and dry-retching, and I thought out loud "I wonder why you are sick when you just took your anti-nausea tablets...?" and was then accused of "questioning her" "all the time". Really I was just thinking aloud because I am ttrying to work out what causes the symptoms so I can help avoid them. It's hurtful to be accused of negative motives when you are trying your best to be helpful.. but what can you do apart from swearing under your breath and plastering a smile on your face!?0 -
I Take Care Of My Mom too!!
Im 19 and my mom was diagnosed a few months after i graduated from high school i didnt have a job yet and i was barely going to start college so i had time to change all my classes to night classes and only 2 days a week, so that i could take care of my mom all day and my dad and sisters at night, it gets soo stressful, i dont get any credit for all i do!!! NONE what so ever my sisters and dad feel like since i dont have a job and all i do is go to school its my OBLIGATION and i dont mind i dont mind at all its my mom im bathing its my mom im feeding its my mom i cook for its my mom i do the laundry for, but that was only for a few weeks! Now i do my mom mine my dads and my nephews laundry!
i baby sit my sisters daughter to get atleast 100bucks every TWO weeks which is barely enough for my cell phone which i been thinking about disconnecting soon since my little money goes on it! i clean the house the kitchen the bathroom my moms room my room the living room, theres days when i cant take it!! For example we had a barbeque yesterday, at night everyone picked up and left all the dirty dishes in the sink and today i am the one who has to wake up and cook and then wash all those spoons and forks and plates and EVERYTHING!! i had to take my mom to her chemo and that took a while when i came home i had to go pick up my nephew from school then come home and clean my room that was a mess and yet My dad and sister come home to talk CRAP to me because i havent washed the damn dishes!!! Its sooo hard, u get to the point where its like come onnn give me a break here give me some credit for what i do!!! And if i want to take saturday night off and go out with friends oh myyy let me tell u they talk crap about me like its the end of the world! saying that thats all i care about going out!
when im the one home ALL Week!!!!!
So hang in there just like i am, things WILL get better!!!
Have faith and never loose hope, be patient very very patient and it will all pay off, my sisters dont do much, well one does but she doesnt like with us so she does when she comes over but the one that does live with us is married and with kids that she never even watches over she goes to work allll day! and comes home too stressed and tired to help out in the house!!! But when i start getting angry and frustrated and stressed i go for a walk or take a nap! lock my door and dont let them bug me!
I hope things get better for you and i hope your sisters and brother start helping out! u cant do it all on your own...let us know how things go!
Hope Your Mom Gets Better!!! Take care of her, be patient, and dont feel guilty for wanting your life back to how it used to be...we all do at some point or another...
Hugs
Isabel0 -
Hi IsabelIsabelSierra said:I Take Care Of My Mom too!!
Im 19 and my mom was diagnosed a few months after i graduated from high school i didnt have a job yet and i was barely going to start college so i had time to change all my classes to night classes and only 2 days a week, so that i could take care of my mom all day and my dad and sisters at night, it gets soo stressful, i dont get any credit for all i do!!! NONE what so ever my sisters and dad feel like since i dont have a job and all i do is go to school its my OBLIGATION and i dont mind i dont mind at all its my mom im bathing its my mom im feeding its my mom i cook for its my mom i do the laundry for, but that was only for a few weeks! Now i do my mom mine my dads and my nephews laundry!
i baby sit my sisters daughter to get atleast 100bucks every TWO weeks which is barely enough for my cell phone which i been thinking about disconnecting soon since my little money goes on it! i clean the house the kitchen the bathroom my moms room my room the living room, theres days when i cant take it!! For example we had a barbeque yesterday, at night everyone picked up and left all the dirty dishes in the sink and today i am the one who has to wake up and cook and then wash all those spoons and forks and plates and EVERYTHING!! i had to take my mom to her chemo and that took a while when i came home i had to go pick up my nephew from school then come home and clean my room that was a mess and yet My dad and sister come home to talk CRAP to me because i havent washed the damn dishes!!! Its sooo hard, u get to the point where its like come onnn give me a break here give me some credit for what i do!!! And if i want to take saturday night off and go out with friends oh myyy let me tell u they talk crap about me like its the end of the world! saying that thats all i care about going out!
when im the one home ALL Week!!!!!
So hang in there just like i am, things WILL get better!!!
Have faith and never loose hope, be patient very very patient and it will all pay off, my sisters dont do much, well one does but she doesnt like with us so she does when she comes over but the one that does live with us is married and with kids that she never even watches over she goes to work allll day! and comes home too stressed and tired to help out in the house!!! But when i start getting angry and frustrated and stressed i go for a walk or take a nap! lock my door and dont let them bug me!
I hope things get better for you and i hope your sisters and brother start helping out! u cant do it all on your own...let us know how things go!
Hope Your Mom Gets Better!!! Take care of her, be patient, and dont feel guilty for wanting your life back to how it used to be...we all do at some point or another...
Hugs
Isabel
I am sorry that you are having to take on all this responsibility right out of high school and at such a young age. It really doesn't sounds very fair. Have you tried talking to you dad when things are quiet about the things you write about? I think you need to sit down with him and very calmly explain that you need some time for yourself. School is not easy. I hear you saying that you are willing to do your share, but others need to help out with some of the household chores, too. If you can't talk to your dad, is there someone else you can talk to who might be able to intercede for you? This is a very hard time for the whole family, but you do have the right to be a teenager part of the time. Fay0 -
wow isabel you are so youngIsabelSierra said:I Take Care Of My Mom too!!
Im 19 and my mom was diagnosed a few months after i graduated from high school i didnt have a job yet and i was barely going to start college so i had time to change all my classes to night classes and only 2 days a week, so that i could take care of my mom all day and my dad and sisters at night, it gets soo stressful, i dont get any credit for all i do!!! NONE what so ever my sisters and dad feel like since i dont have a job and all i do is go to school its my OBLIGATION and i dont mind i dont mind at all its my mom im bathing its my mom im feeding its my mom i cook for its my mom i do the laundry for, but that was only for a few weeks! Now i do my mom mine my dads and my nephews laundry!
i baby sit my sisters daughter to get atleast 100bucks every TWO weeks which is barely enough for my cell phone which i been thinking about disconnecting soon since my little money goes on it! i clean the house the kitchen the bathroom my moms room my room the living room, theres days when i cant take it!! For example we had a barbeque yesterday, at night everyone picked up and left all the dirty dishes in the sink and today i am the one who has to wake up and cook and then wash all those spoons and forks and plates and EVERYTHING!! i had to take my mom to her chemo and that took a while when i came home i had to go pick up my nephew from school then come home and clean my room that was a mess and yet My dad and sister come home to talk CRAP to me because i havent washed the damn dishes!!! Its sooo hard, u get to the point where its like come onnn give me a break here give me some credit for what i do!!! And if i want to take saturday night off and go out with friends oh myyy let me tell u they talk crap about me like its the end of the world! saying that thats all i care about going out!
when im the one home ALL Week!!!!!
So hang in there just like i am, things WILL get better!!!
Have faith and never loose hope, be patient very very patient and it will all pay off, my sisters dont do much, well one does but she doesnt like with us so she does when she comes over but the one that does live with us is married and with kids that she never even watches over she goes to work allll day! and comes home too stressed and tired to help out in the house!!! But when i start getting angry and frustrated and stressed i go for a walk or take a nap! lock my door and dont let them bug me!
I hope things get better for you and i hope your sisters and brother start helping out! u cant do it all on your own...let us know how things go!
Hope Your Mom Gets Better!!! Take care of her, be patient, and dont feel guilty for wanting your life back to how it used to be...we all do at some point or another...
Hugs
Isabel
wow isabel you are so young and have alot of things to deal with..im so sorry about your mom...but im no longer angry or resentful...i recently started just feeling so hurt and sad not for me but for my mom...im so sick and tired of her being in pain...all the meds they give her seem to make her worse than better..thnk god her brain functions good but the rest of her body is so messed up from everything....i have pretty much isolated myself..people always tell me to go out and get my mind off things..the only things i do lately is workout and i do run errands..but i just dont feel like anything is enjoyable anymore..i have been a runner for 12 years..and that i think is what is helping me through all this..even when i do leave the house i cry alot cause i cant really show emotion around her i have to be strong for her..this cancer is hell....0 -
we all feel that way sometimes
I totally know how you feel. Being a caregiver can really wear away at you. All those feelings are sometimes hard to deal with. It was even worse when I had to go back to school and leave my mom basically alone. I hated it.
While my mom was battling cancer, I found it really hard to cope with all the feelings I was having. I was away at school and unable to be with her as much as I wanted or she needed. I hated not being able to help and I felt pretty lonely.
One night I was doing research and came across http://cancerfund.org/home.html
Mission of Hope really helped me deal with what was happening to my family. Not only did they support my mother in an emotional and financial way, but I was able to calm down a bit about not always getting to be by her side.
Now that she is in remission (yay!) I try to volunteer and donate there as much as i can. I highly recommend it--I know the economy is bad and that people are struggling, but that is only more reason for me to dig deeper and give more. I can never repay them for all that they have helped me with.0 -
hey!Irene626 said:wow isabel you are so young
wow isabel you are so young and have alot of things to deal with..im so sorry about your mom...but im no longer angry or resentful...i recently started just feeling so hurt and sad not for me but for my mom...im so sick and tired of her being in pain...all the meds they give her seem to make her worse than better..thnk god her brain functions good but the rest of her body is so messed up from everything....i have pretty much isolated myself..people always tell me to go out and get my mind off things..the only things i do lately is workout and i do run errands..but i just dont feel like anything is enjoyable anymore..i have been a runner for 12 years..and that i think is what is helping me through all this..even when i do leave the house i cry alot cause i cant really show emotion around her i have to be strong for her..this cancer is hell....
i hadnt logged in for a few days i been some what busy, but things are being taken one day at a time, some days are good some days are bad, somedays i get to take naps with my mom (like today) some days i have to clean the whole house and my dad still wont show any appreciation, i got really sad about it yesterday and my mom did too it hurts her that my dad doesnt seem to care about me and it hurts me too but infront of my mom i tell her its okay that i have her and that to me its enough but really it isnt, it hurts me so much that my dad doesnt care about me or doesnt show it atleast he never gives me money i walk out of the house to school or any errand with not one dollar in my pocket and he doesnt care he says im old enough for a job when its like ok if i get a job are u going to be ther one to take care of my mom? he wont, i dont know its sad and hard but im hanging in there for my mom,just like she is doing for me every single day in this battle...i agree with u, this cancer is hell!!!
i need to start joggin again it used to help me a lot i have stopped lately but i do need to get back out there!!
and i do the same as you, leave for errands and the tears dont stop, its the only time i get to cry, not infront of my mom, never infront of her i dont want her to see me suffer and cry because of what shes going through i dont want her to cry, she has 3 more chemos to go, i just cant wait for all this to be over and everything to be how it used to be, atleast between me and my mom. As for my dad, one day i know he will regret the way he behaved with me, his only daughter that didnt do any of the bad things his other 2 daughters did, until then i know hes my father and no matter what he will always be.
Keep In tough Irene!
Isabel0
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