emotional mess today

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kms3566
kms3566 Member Posts: 57
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I'm really not sure where it cam from and just really need to vent. But I finished my 2nd round of chemo a week ago today and went back to work part-time on March 15th. I have battling the big D since Saturday. Got to work today and completely had a emotional melt down in front of my boss. I have 4 more rounds of TAC to go and am really considering taking DBL leave. I have not made a full week of work yet. I have been on antibiotics for about 3weeks now due to my body not liking the port and I have developed an nasty yeast infection! My husband is holding up as well as can be expected seeing as I usually can push through things and all this as really thrown me for a loop. I guess I really did not know what to expect as everyone is different and the weight gain is a real downer, especially this time of year! I am starting to ramble so thanks whoever sees this as this as helped me some.

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  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
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    sorry for what you're going through
    Chemo is a hard thing to get through, physically and emotionally. Like you said, everyone is different. I was only able to work 1 week a month and sometimes I wound up going home! Don't be too hard on yourself and remember you will get through!
  • SunnieC
    SunnieC Member Posts: 37
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    elm3544 said:

    sorry for what you're going through
    Chemo is a hard thing to get through, physically and emotionally. Like you said, everyone is different. I was only able to work 1 week a month and sometimes I wound up going home! Don't be too hard on yourself and remember you will get through!

    So sorry you're going through the rough time
    It is a very personal journey that each of us reacts to so differently - I went through a very difficult time also and eventually took short term disability from work - I truly believe that if you listen to your body, it will tell you what you need to do - treat yourself with gentleness and you will be able to soar - I send you wishes for peace and health
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    I agree that we are all
    I agree that we are all different in our reactions to chemo. If your body is telling you to slow down, listen to it. As long as there are no repercussions with your employment, take care of yourself now. Luckily, chemo is not forever and you already have 2 treatments under your belt. Be gentle with yourself and just know that all of the nasty side effects, including weight gain, can and will be addressed once this treatment is over. Take care and let us know how you are doing.
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
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    Emotional today
    Sorry to hear you are having a bad day....we all go through that from time to time... I also had "D" and after Imodium didn't work, they gave me a prescription for Lomotil which did the trick. I also got a fever twice and was put on Cipro. I went on "Intermittent Medical Leave" which worked out well for me, as I could work shorter days when necessary. Sorry to hear you had trouble with your port. I opted to try chemo without one and I guess I had good veins cause it worked. You may need something for anxiety to get you through this. I did. Don't be afraid to ask.

    Good luck...hope things get better.

    Judy
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
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    So sorry you're having a bad day
    This just isn't easy. Especially when you're used to being a healthy, vibrant, capable person, and chemo temporarily knocks you down.

    Know that it WILL get better , and we're here for you.

    HUGZ
    Cindy
  • BethInAz
    BethInAz Member Posts: 203 Member
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    It's all about YOU now
    KMS - I'm sorry you're feeling down - but this is a normal part of treatment. We can't be up all the time - and depression is a side affect of this whole chemotherapy thing. We endure the treatments with the greater goal in mind of having a longer, fuller life without disease. This "season" is the time to take care of YOU. It's all about YOU now - and you have to allow yourself the time for your body to heal and fight the disease. I know it has to be hard working outside of the home; I've been blessed to be able to bring my work home during the chemo treatments. If I didn't feel like working, I'd put my head down and rest. I know not everybody has this luxury. I pray that you will be strengthened and be able to keep your eyes on the prize - a disease free body!
    Blessings as you endure.
    Beth
  • tally
    tally Member Posts: 48
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    You are not alone
    I am having some of your same issues. I have my second chemo next Thursday but I've had the diarrhea and a port that I hate, a low grade temp off and on. I haven't worked a full day since my treatment, just 5 hours on days when I can go in. Today my hair started falling out. Its okay to vent, I think its a good thing. We may have to go through this but we don't have to like it. I have up and down emotions and my oncologist says its normal. The first visit with him, he gave me a prescription for Ativan and it helps with the emotions and also the nausea from chemo. I think your feelings are totally normal.
  • tally
    tally Member Posts: 48
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    You are not alone
    I am having some of your same issues. I have my second chemo next Thursday but I've had the diarrhea and a port that I hate, a low grade temp off and on. I haven't worked a full day since my treatment, just 5 hours on days when I can go in. Today my hair started falling out. Its okay to vent, I think its a good thing. We may have to go through this but we don't have to like it. I have up and down emotions and my oncologist says its normal. The first visit with him, he gave me a prescription for Ativan and it helps with the emotions and also the nausea from chemo. I think your feelings are totally normal.
  • Barb A
    Barb A Member Posts: 123
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    Hang in there
    I understand how hard it can be. We've all gotten to a point in treatments were we get emotional. You've been through a lot. Just when you think you've handled one thing, something else arises. Your emotions are normal, just hang in there and know it gets better.

    I have a male employee who is going through a serious health issue. He called me in tears because it had just gotten to him emotionally too. He later said he felt embarrassed that he was crying while speaking to his female boss. He knows of my health issues, so knew that when I told him it was normal and I understood, that I was really relating to his emotions. He now laughs about it, but also tells me it helped that he could be emotional and it was ok, I wasn't judging or mocking him.

    I relate this to you in hopes you know that most people will understand your "emotional melt down." It's ok and do what you need to do for yourself and your family. The weight gain may very well be temporary. For right now, don't let it worry you. Put your efforts into your treatments so you can get through them and get better. Then move on to what you need to do.

    There is a book my husband found informational and helped him. It is called Breast Cancer Husband. I can't remember the authors name, but it was written by a man whose wife had breast cancer.

    I wish you the best and know that you can always come here to vent.

    Barb
  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691
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    Hang in there. I am so
    Hang in there. I am so sorry you are feeling this way and I really understand. I have had my second chemo and am up for my third next week. Fortunately I have been able to work from mostly from home but I have blown up at my daughter. It is hard to feel good about yourself when your immune system hits the gutter and everything else going on. Taking it one day at a time and being alright with not feeling great also helps. Most of all have compassion for yourself.

    Can you eat yoghurt and take pro-biotics to help with the yeast infection?
  • Flakey_Flake
    Flakey_Flake Member Posts: 130
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    Be Good To Yourself
    Sorry it is a rough time for you. The Pink Sisters have already given you alot of good advice, that I will probably echo here. Put your effort into fighting cancer and completing your treatments. In the end it is more valuable than your job or anything else. Be good to yourself, and don't expect that you will tough it out. Ask for help when you need it. People are usually more than happy to do something nice for someone else. It makes them feel good too, so don't feel bad about asking. I don't think I know of anyone who has made it through all that this brings us to without some sort of melt down. For me, anti-depressants made all the difference. Before I was so against what some call "mood altering" drugs, but hey - my mood needed help, so I got it. Just taking the anxiety down a level or two helped me to think more clearly. Ports feel funny at first, and take a little getting used to. For months I hated mine too. Especially when I would shower and the water hit it. But now it doesn't bother me at all, and I am glad it was put in. When you are used to being the giver, and you suddenly are put in the situation of having to be given to, you find yourself out of the comfort zone you are used to. That is piled on top of all the other things you have to deal with. Yeah, no wonder we have an occasional melt down. Just be as good to yourself as much as you can. I believe it is illegal for an employer to fire an employee because they are sick. Please keep posting.
    Sharon
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
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    emotional
    Sometimes venting is all we can do. That's one of the things this website is so great for. You need to do what's best for you, whether that's working or not. I'm sure your boss understood the meltdown. I'm sorry you're having such trouble, but know it will be over and in time this will all be a memory. The excess weight will come off, your hair will grow back, you'll get your energy back and your emotions will level off. Right now, just do whatever you need to do. Your husband will be OK; remember they are the "fixers" and not being able to fix this is hard on them, but they survive too. Take care of yourself.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
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    Hope you are feeling better
    Hope you are feeling better now. Hang in there. Every day that passes is closer to the finish. Lots of others have taken leave if they need to. Hugs.
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
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    I Hear Ya
    I have had my down days. Chemo gives you these ailments and then the docs give pills for it and then the pills cause more side effects and so on and so on. Yes I get down. My weight goes up and down. I am trying to eat more healthy and I try to get my excersise in but I also have accepted the fact that I will not be the 120 pounds I was in my 20's and 30's. I guess what I am trying to say is that we all get down. It is hard to keep the happy face 24/7. I am also trying to say that we hit those walls, weight, emotions, the toll this takes on our bodies. You are not alone and know that we are here for you. We are in this together. Feel free to lean on us.

    P
  • LilHarley
    LilHarley Member Posts: 21
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    Emotional Mess
    I have just joined this emotional roller coaster. I was diagnosed on March 10th, completed two rounds of surgery and am awaiting genetic study results to determine treatment options. I am fortunate to have undergone a partial mastectomy and it appears that it was caught early. I am generally a healthy person and the news that day was devastating as I am sure you understand and I cried the hardest I have in a very long time. Then the Warrior Woman in me surfaced and said I can beat this and be damned with scars or loss of hair. It's almost summertime anyhow and I keep hearing bald is beautiful. ;-) I have a tremendous support group of friends and family and find people coming out of the woodwork almost daily to drop me a note of encouragement through emails or cards. This week I returned to work part time and while I am ready to come home at lunch, I am encouraged that I am being productive and my mind is active with positive thoughts. Sitting at home was driving me crazy. I know that entering the treatment phase will change a lot of things, but I am determined to keep a positive attitude and realized tears make you strong, not weak. I hope your ride smooths out and you will continue to make good progress and most of all continue to vent, it's highly therapuetic.

    Best wishes!!

    Deb