Hope

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pdv
pdv Member Posts: 56
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have posted on this site quite a few times. I was diagnosed with triple negative bc in February. I am going to retire from my job in less than two weeks, then move to Florida to get treatment. My original plan was to retire and start full time rving with my husband. Our first trip was to the beautiful northwestern part of the USA. I was so excited I could hardly restrain myself. Then came the dreadful bc diagnosis. I started out with a determination to beat this thing. I've read quite a bit on this site and I applaud each of you for your spirit in the midst of anguish, panic, anger and the unknown. I myself had started in a downward spiritual spire. I could not see any future except sickness, tiredness, loss of body parts, hair, maybe finger and toenails. I think I was about as depressed as I could possibly get...even thoughts of suicide seemed better than what I was facing. Then I saw the trailer for this movie. I know when I get to Florida, this is the first movie I am going to see. I think this trailer came just when I needed it most. God does move in mysterious ways.

http://www.letterstogodthemovie.com/

Pat

Comments

  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
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    TRIPLE NEGATIVE.......
    pdv...........I was very disturbed to hear your thoughts of suicide........PLEASE believe me there is a life waiting for you after your treatment for triple negative BC......I was dx last April with it....my journey started one year ago this month when I discovered my lump.....less than 3 months after a mammo and ultrasound......I will make a long story short....I had a lumpectomy last May...NO lymph node involvement.....started chemo in June finished the end of August, started radiation in September finished the last of October.....Yes chemo sucks, no one wants it but I promise you it is doable, I PROMISE! I have my hair, eyelashes, eyebrows back, never lost my nails or toenails....now the toenails don't look great, but I keep them polished....THERE IS LIFE AFTER BC........I stayed tired during all this, but it was all manageable...HERE"S A PLUS To triple negative BC according to my surgeon, medical oncologist and radiation oncologist.....yes, it's not a great one to have,none of is is....... BUT BUT BUT..............It is one that RESPONDS VERY VERY WELL to chemo....

    I know what you are facing, been there done that, but again, please believe me the sun does shine again........you will get through this to once again enjoy your life.....if I can help in anyway, please feel free to call on me, either here or in a private message
    I wish you well
    Peace be with you
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    Our stories are so
    Our stories are so varied
    Our lives are not the same
    The burdens which are carried
    Some surrender, some point blame

    While some have their faith bolstered
    When cancer comes to call
    Others lose the faith they had
    Some can't relate at all

    Of one thing I am certain,
    On this trip down cancer's road
    I do not journey all alone,
    My friends carry my load



    So, sweet Pat~ with the Beast having been the cause of a MAJOR bump in your life's road, I am so happy that you have been encouraged by what you found, and that you are looking forward once more to life in Florida, surrounded by warmth and the love of those around you.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
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    chenheart said:

    Our stories are so
    Our stories are so varied
    Our lives are not the same
    The burdens which are carried
    Some surrender, some point blame

    While some have their faith bolstered
    When cancer comes to call
    Others lose the faith they had
    Some can't relate at all

    Of one thing I am certain,
    On this trip down cancer's road
    I do not journey all alone,
    My friends carry my load



    So, sweet Pat~ with the Beast having been the cause of a MAJOR bump in your life's road, I am so happy that you have been encouraged by what you found, and that you are looking forward once more to life in Florida, surrounded by warmth and the love of those around you.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Chen
    Chen,

    You are my 50 foot hero. You always have the right words to say at the right times.

    P
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
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    MAJW said:

    TRIPLE NEGATIVE.......
    pdv...........I was very disturbed to hear your thoughts of suicide........PLEASE believe me there is a life waiting for you after your treatment for triple negative BC......I was dx last April with it....my journey started one year ago this month when I discovered my lump.....less than 3 months after a mammo and ultrasound......I will make a long story short....I had a lumpectomy last May...NO lymph node involvement.....started chemo in June finished the end of August, started radiation in September finished the last of October.....Yes chemo sucks, no one wants it but I promise you it is doable, I PROMISE! I have my hair, eyelashes, eyebrows back, never lost my nails or toenails....now the toenails don't look great, but I keep them polished....THERE IS LIFE AFTER BC........I stayed tired during all this, but it was all manageable...HERE"S A PLUS To triple negative BC according to my surgeon, medical oncologist and radiation oncologist.....yes, it's not a great one to have,none of is is....... BUT BUT BUT..............It is one that RESPONDS VERY VERY WELL to chemo....

    I know what you are facing, been there done that, but again, please believe me the sun does shine again........you will get through this to once again enjoy your life.....if I can help in anyway, please feel free to call on me, either here or in a private message
    I wish you well
    Peace be with you

    MAJW
    MAJW,

    I started my journey the same time as you, last April on my Mother's birthday. My journey is ongoing but I am in a little better place than last year. I do get a little sadder myself as I get closer to that anniversary. I don't know why I am sad when I think I should be happy. But like you said, there is life after BC.

    P
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
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    PDV
    PDV,

    I hope the Florida sun and the sea air help you get through your treatment. Remember, hair, nails, toe nails, and energy does come back after BC.

    P
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
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    aztec45 said:

    PDV
    PDV,

    I hope the Florida sun and the sea air help you get through your treatment. Remember, hair, nails, toe nails, and energy does come back after BC.

    P

    Dear Pat,
    Majw said it all very well about Triple neg bc. I was dx in June 09 with triple neg, had simple mastecomy of right breast, nodes clear (no reconstruction, enough surgery already and I love my fake boob). No cancer cells remaining in breast tissue, had chemo only. Finished treatment 12-11-09. Hair growing back..everywhere, including brows and lashes. Fingernail & tonenails ok, big ridges in fingernails. Polish smooths them out. All together spent 7 months donating my life to the Beast. BUT IT'S OVER NOW AND MY LIFE IS NOW MY OWN AGAIN. Will I conitnue to see my onc? Of course. Will I worry about recurrence? You bet. Will I worry every single day? NO! I am feeling good, hopeful, joyful, grateful and sometimes tearfull. But these are all things I felt before bc. I will just take better care of myself now.

    This will delay your trip but only delay it. You have a great retired life planned and you will be able to enjoy it. I have friends who are full time RVers and just love it. She has many illnesses and comes back annually for certain tests etc and other than that has her medical records with her and will see a doctor along the way if she needs to. Her doctors are only a phone call away for consultation.

    I hope you are getting something for anxiety to help with your depression, especially if you are having any sucidial thoughts. I took Ativan from the moment I discovered the lump til treatment ended and it really got me thru some tough emotional times and gave me sleep at nite, which is key to our wellness. Don't be afraid to seek professional help if you continue to have suicidal thoughts. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Please discuss these feeling with your doctor, if you haven't already.

    Post often with whatever your feelings are. Everyone here wants to help you get thru this. We are all in this together and truly understand your feelings. You can bet everyone who is reading your post is praying for you and wrapping their arms around you in a big cyber hug. I looked at the movie trailer and like you, definitely want to see it.

    I am praying you get your fighting spirit back and laugh in the face of the Beast..it hates it when we laugh and each laugh is a kick in it's pants and a step toward our emotional and physcial well being.

    Luv & Hugs, Judy :-)
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
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    Oh Dear Pat....I went to the
    Oh Dear Pat....I went to the trailer, can't wait to see it myself, thank you for sharing! I just want to share some of my story with you, we have a lot in common with our dx. I was dx on 8-18-09 with triple negative stage IIIc IDC. I have undergone 15 chemo treatments, which were not as bad as I thought they would be. On 2-11-10 I had both ovaries removed, a simple mastectomy on the right, a radical mastectomy on the left (all lymph nodes), and immediate reconstruction with a lattisimus flap (paddle of skin and muscle from my back), which once again was not as bad as I thought it would be. On Tuesday 3-16-10 I'll begin my first round of 30-35 rounds of radiation. I'm 38 years old, I have two beautiful children and a husband I'm in the process of leaving (legal separation, he's cheating on me) after 13 years. All of this has been a major roller coaster ride but because of these woman on here and my support group outside of this site I have been OK, just for today, one day at a time. Sit back, take this ride one day at a time and come here often, your medical team and the support you'll get on here will get you through this, I promise. You will be rv'ing before you know it :) My Dad and step mom rv, if I didn't have all these appts. I'd jump in that rv with him.
    Big Cyber Hugs & Mountains of Love,
    Hang in there pink warrior,
    ~Kari
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
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    Oh Dear Pat....I went to the
    Oh Dear Pat....I went to the trailer, can't wait to see it myself, thank you for sharing! I just want to share some of my story with you, we have a lot in common with our dx. I was dx on 8-18-09 with triple negative stage IIIc IDC. I have undergone 15 chemo treatments, which were not as bad as I thought they would be. On 2-11-10 I had both ovaries removed, a simple mastectomy on the right, a radical mastectomy on the left (all lymph nodes), and immediate reconstruction with a lattisimus flap (paddle of skin and muscle from my back), which once again was not as bad as I thought it would be. On Tuesday 3-16-10 I'll begin my first round of 30-35 rounds of radiation. I'm 38 years old, I have two beautiful children and a husband I'm in the process of leaving (legal separation, he's cheating on me) after 13 years. All of this has been a major roller coaster ride but because of these woman on here and my support group outside of this site I have been OK, just for today, one day at a time. Sit back, take this ride one day at a time and come here often, your medical team and the support you'll get on here will get you through this, I promise. You will be rv'ing before you know it :) My Dad and step mom rv, if I didn't have all these appts. I'd jump in that rv with him.
    Big Cyber Hugs & Mountains of Love,
    Hang in there pink warrior,
    ~Kari

    Kari
    You deserve a medal. Going through all of this and the hubby ordeal and to stay so positive. You are a role model for me. Thanks for sharing.

    P
  • pdv
    pdv Member Posts: 56
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    Thank You All
    Thank you all for your wonderful input and advice, support and your sisterhood. Chen...you poem really touched my heart and Kari...to go through what you have at such a young age and to lose your marriage, my heart bleeds for you...your spirit is an example to us all. I never thought anything could affect me in such a drastic way. I am so tired of this disease and I've just started. It slaps me awake in the morning, puts me to bed at night, walks beside me all during the day, and just when I have a moment that I forget about it, it taps me on the shoulder and says "I'm here". I think I am just getting worn out from all the attention it's giving me.

    I know I'm not unique in anyway. Everyone on this site is going through or has gone through the same or similar feelings. God is my rock and He will help me get through the times I am down. Everytime I get this way, He sends someone or something to remind me that He still loves me and cares how I feel. Like the movie trailer or a card someone sends or a call from a loved one. My husband, whom I love with all my heart, is very supportive also. He is my reason for getting up each day.

    Again, please accept my most humble thanks to you all. You are also part of my God network of friends and support.

    Pat
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
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    aztec45 said:

    Kari
    You deserve a medal. Going through all of this and the hubby ordeal and to stay so positive. You are a role model for me. Thanks for sharing.

    P

    Thank you P, I sure try,
    Thank you P, I sure try, what choice do we have, fight and get through or lay down and let it kill us, thanks again :)My hubby breaks my heart but it's been a long time coming, just really bad timing :( Thanks God for all of you and my beautiful children!!
    Hugs,
    ~Kari
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
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    God brought us too it, he'll
    God brought us too it, he'll walk us through it! God Bless you dear :)
    Your Pink Warrior Buddy for Life
    ~Kari
  • JacquiAL
    JacquiAL Member Posts: 29
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    pdv said:

    Thank You All
    Thank you all for your wonderful input and advice, support and your sisterhood. Chen...you poem really touched my heart and Kari...to go through what you have at such a young age and to lose your marriage, my heart bleeds for you...your spirit is an example to us all. I never thought anything could affect me in such a drastic way. I am so tired of this disease and I've just started. It slaps me awake in the morning, puts me to bed at night, walks beside me all during the day, and just when I have a moment that I forget about it, it taps me on the shoulder and says "I'm here". I think I am just getting worn out from all the attention it's giving me.

    I know I'm not unique in anyway. Everyone on this site is going through or has gone through the same or similar feelings. God is my rock and He will help me get through the times I am down. Everytime I get this way, He sends someone or something to remind me that He still loves me and cares how I feel. Like the movie trailer or a card someone sends or a call from a loved one. My husband, whom I love with all my heart, is very supportive also. He is my reason for getting up each day.

    Again, please accept my most humble thanks to you all. You are also part of my God network of friends and support.

    Pat

    Pat
    Hi Pat,

    This may sound strange but if you can when you start to think about bc just try to push it out of your mind. Try thinking of something pleasant. From the beginning I tried to think about it only if I had a decision to make or was discussing it with someone. I didn't want it to take anything more from me than it had to. I also kept in my mind that I was determined that something positive would come out of the experience. It is hard to do but it is doable or at least it can be a goal.

    My best to you.

    Jacqui
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
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    God brought us too it, he'll
    God brought us too it, he'll walk us through it! God Bless you dear :)
    Your Pink Warrior Buddy for Life
    ~Kari

    We have all been in your shoes...
    I remember thinking maybe if I just drive as fast as I can into a brick wall it will all be over with and I won't have to deal with this BEAST! Boy am I glad I didn't do that! I feel stronger than before the cancer and feel like I can do ANYTHING! I'm 60 and was diagnosed in July 09 with Stage 2 and 8 lymph nodes infected with cancer. I hate it more than anything I've ever had to deal with, but I am dealing. Some days it sucks and some days I almost forget about it. Please know that we are here for you and that you WILL get through this! There is life on the other end of the treatment and it ain't all that bad.

    by the way, I live in Sebastian, Florida. Where are you thinking of moving?

    God bless,
    Lorraine
  • pdv
    pdv Member Posts: 56
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    Mama G said:

    We have all been in your shoes...
    I remember thinking maybe if I just drive as fast as I can into a brick wall it will all be over with and I won't have to deal with this BEAST! Boy am I glad I didn't do that! I feel stronger than before the cancer and feel like I can do ANYTHING! I'm 60 and was diagnosed in July 09 with Stage 2 and 8 lymph nodes infected with cancer. I hate it more than anything I've ever had to deal with, but I am dealing. Some days it sucks and some days I almost forget about it. Please know that we are here for you and that you WILL get through this! There is life on the other end of the treatment and it ain't all that bad.

    by the way, I live in Sebastian, Florida. Where are you thinking of moving?

    God bless,
    Lorraine

    Jacksonville FL
    I will be moving to the Jacksonville FL area specifically NAS Jax as I will be living in a motorhome and they will let me park there long term and it's less expensive. Thanks to everyone for answering. If there are any pink sisters out there from the Jax area, let me know. PM me or tell me how to PM you.

    Pat
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
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    Mama G said:

    We have all been in your shoes...
    I remember thinking maybe if I just drive as fast as I can into a brick wall it will all be over with and I won't have to deal with this BEAST! Boy am I glad I didn't do that! I feel stronger than before the cancer and feel like I can do ANYTHING! I'm 60 and was diagnosed in July 09 with Stage 2 and 8 lymph nodes infected with cancer. I hate it more than anything I've ever had to deal with, but I am dealing. Some days it sucks and some days I almost forget about it. Please know that we are here for you and that you WILL get through this! There is life on the other end of the treatment and it ain't all that bad.

    by the way, I live in Sebastian, Florida. Where are you thinking of moving?

    God bless,
    Lorraine

    Felt the same
    Yeah, I remember feeling the same way. Mad when I woke up in the morning that I woke up to another day of dealing with bc. But you can't give up. You must find the courage to fight this beast. Lexapro helped me deal with this when I just couldn't do it alone.

    Lorraine....I was also diagnosed in July 9, with Stage 2 and 3 positive lymph nodes. Had chemo, lumpectomy and now I have 6 more radiation treatments and then I'm done. YIPEEE !!!!!! Are you done with treatment ?

    Judy
  • Sharon_D
    Sharon_D Member Posts: 55
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    pdv said:

    Jacksonville FL
    I will be moving to the Jacksonville FL area specifically NAS Jax as I will be living in a motorhome and they will let me park there long term and it's less expensive. Thanks to everyone for answering. If there are any pink sisters out there from the Jax area, let me know. PM me or tell me how to PM you.

    Pat

    Oh Boy, can I relate!
    My husband and I sold our business and "retired" 7-1-09. My BC surgery was 7-7-09. Then came chemo.

    Short retirement, huh? We had planned to travel too and I went thru a time when I felt like I had hijacked my husband's life because all he did was take care of me.

    But after 42 yrs together, what else would you expect? I would have done the same for him and never thought a thing about it. He was awesome!

    Now, I'm finished with treatment, he has his brand new knee and, Lord willing, in May we're heading to Florida for some actual fun! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we just pray it isn't a train!

    Good luck, hang in there and enjoy the Sunshine State.