Relationship problems and cancer

cancer survivor x 4

My Husband
My husband says everyday "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health".

survEYEve

The relationship factor
The relationship factor w/cancer survivorship always perplexes me. I've heard it all, with both men or women leaving their significant other/spouse. It's universal, and I hope my little story below helps cement the fact that not everyone's a cool guy or gal.

I've been reading through what you cool folks have been saying, and glad that relationships have worked out great for some, whereas others...well, nothing really surprises me anymore. My story fits in the latter - I was dating someone for about 9 mos, and I told her everything even before getting involved. She wasn't scared away or anything at the start, and rarely did I bring it up, and just asked for respect and understanding. But around the 8th month, I'm going to a follow-up w/the eye specialist in a few days, and let know that although I'm not paranoid or thinking about it constantly, it's on my mind. Her reply was 'well, I can't help you.' A little backstory - at the time, she was clearly not happy w/work, and related issues like money, and so I decided not to get too wrapped up in each and every thing said, and just be on alert if I start really getting the vibe that she can no longer be cool about it. About a month later, in general, I'm starting to doubt the future of the relationship, for other reasons really. She started showing lots of anger and acted meaner. I had a follow-up w/the regular onc. coming up, and again, let her know that these tend to be stressful. She asked 'how many more of these do you have?' I told her 'the rest of my life,' and she didn't appear to be ok w/that. Not long after that, we split.

Tina Brown

survEYEve said:

The relationship factor
The relationship factor w/cancer survivorship always perplexes me. I've heard it all, with both men or women leaving their significant other/spouse. It's universal, and I hope my little story below helps cement the fact that not everyone's a cool guy or gal.

I've been reading through what you cool folks have been saying, and glad that relationships have worked out great for some, whereas others...well, nothing really surprises me anymore. My story fits in the latter - I was dating someone for about 9 mos, and I told her everything even before getting involved. She wasn't scared away or anything at the start, and rarely did I bring it up, and just asked for respect and understanding. But around the 8th month, I'm going to a follow-up w/the eye specialist in a few days, and let know that although I'm not paranoid or thinking about it constantly, it's on my mind. Her reply was 'well, I can't help you.' A little backstory - at the time, she was clearly not happy w/work, and related issues like money, and so I decided not to get too wrapped up in each and every thing said, and just be on alert if I start really getting the vibe that she can no longer be cool about it. About a month later, in general, I'm starting to doubt the future of the relationship, for other reasons really. She started showing lots of anger and acted meaner. I had a follow-up w/the regular onc. coming up, and again, let her know that these tend to be stressful. She asked 'how many more of these do you have?' I told her 'the rest of my life,' and she didn't appear to be ok w/that. Not long after that, we split.

Hi survEYEve
I am really sorry things didn't work out well for you. Cancer is tough on others as they often have to stand around doing nothing and feeling helpless. I personally believe the love between you has to be so strong to be able to survivor it. Also the love has to be a 2 way street.

I am one of those people who has a husband who loves me but finds it hard to show it. I am also one of those people who has discovered that I don't love my husband as much as I should and have come to the conclusion that I don't want to live out my days with him. I think having cancer has made me be honest with myself and has - MADE ME REALISE what I really want to do with the time I have left. I want someone else.

survEYEve

Tina Brown said:

Hi survEYEve
I am really sorry things didn't work out well for you. Cancer is tough on others as they often have to stand around doing nothing and feeling helpless. I personally believe the love between you has to be so strong to be able to survivor it. Also the love has to be a 2 way street.

I am one of those people who has a husband who loves me but finds it hard to show it. I am also one of those people who has discovered that I don't love my husband as much as I should and have come to the conclusion that I don't want to live out my days with him. I think having cancer has made me be honest with myself and has - MADE ME REALISE what I really want to do with the time I have left. I want someone else.

Hey Tina, thanks. That's a
Hey Tina, thanks. That's a bold life lesson and decision for you, and wise.

Another thing I wanted to mention was that I was asked repeatedly if I was cheating on her, which I wasn't, and never thought about for a second. There was even a surprise visit from her, wondering where I was, after I'd let know I was doing the soccer thing that night. I'm definitely not the 'playa' type.

She wanted to keep in touch, even stay friends after the split, at which I said I thought there should be some space between us first. Life goes on, then she asked one day if she could send a Facebook friend request to me, which I never got. We have mutual friends on there, so her profile pic would come up. Lo and behold, her profile pic was one I took, wearing a hat I made her.