Brand New & Terrified: HELP!

breathingwater76

I just got my results on Tuesday that I have breast cancer. I'm 33 years old. It's in my right breast only, a lump about the size of a piece of corn plus a bunch of tiny deposits. I have no idea what kind and what stage and I'm alone in this. I have no insurance and I have to apply to Medicaid for assistance but I'm told it can take a while. I'm so scared. My family & friends are supportive but I cry when I'm alone and I have no idea what I'm doing. I hate being online researching all of this. My life just got so great & suddenly here I am! I'm looking for support groups in Brooklyn NY. I want to meet more women my age who are or have dealt with this. I keep hearing it's more aggressive in younger women, is that true? I'm at a loss. My mother died 2 years ago from Melanoma and she didn't push the doctors enough to do the right things. What's pushing enough & what's too much?
I guess I just need help. I'm told I'm a strong person but I just don't know if that's true. And I have some negative people in my family that don't get how scary this is. I feel like I'm floating on a tiny ice berg barely big enough for me to stand on & I'm so far from land I can't see it, and the water's rough and I can't keep my balance, and it's cold, so cold, and there is no one else anywhere, just ice bergs far away and cold water with no life in it. I don't want to fall in but it's slippery and scary and melting under my feet & I'm cold. Tell me that makes sense.
-Marie

MyTurnNow

Marie, your lifeboat has
Marie, your lifeboat has arrived!! You picked the right site to come to. We are a goup of very caring, supportive, knowledgeable and loving women and men, too. It is very scary in the beginning because there are so many unanswered questions. Until you meet with a surgeon and have the "lump" removed and sent to pathology, you won't know the extent of the treatments you may/will go through. Take a breath and just try to take it day by day. Take some time and look at the other posts as I'm sure there are some from other new members. Continue to post and ask questions and we'll be along to share our experiences with you. Also, please know that whatever may be recommended for treatments, it is all do-able. Take care and sending a cyber ((((hug)))) your way.

pinkkari09

We're here for you Marie,
We're here for you Marie, you found the right place. As stated already, there are many women and men on here that are wonderful!! Keep coming back and you'll get all the support you need. I just turned 38 and i'm in the middle of my battle and so far it's all been "do-able" you'll be ok, you can do this!! I was just as scared as you are and thank God I found this site, it has been a huge blessing in my life!!
Big Cyber Hugz,
Kari

LadyParvati

Hang in there!
At first, when people told me I'm strong, I'd think "Am I really strong enough to bear this?" By taking things a day at a time, I found I really am. You've found a wonderful group of supporters here, so hang in there!

Several of the cancer societies provide information about financial resources. In addition to this site (ACS), breastcancer.org has some info, and the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund has a whole book you can download with all kinds of info, including financial. It's called the "Guide to Quality Breast Cancer Care."

Good luck with everything, Marie, and keep us posted.

Sandy

GrandmaJ

Terrified
We've all been where you are now. I think the toughest part is when you are first diagnosed and feel so alone. I cried for weeks. I would suggest calling the American Cancer Society...they can even hook you up with a "support person" in your age bracket who has gone through the same thing. I didn't want to go to group meetings, so that's what I did. She was a real help to me. I also got help from a psychiatrist who put me on an anti-anxiety meds.

Judy

carkris

pinkkari09 said:

We're here for you Marie,
We're here for you Marie, you found the right place. As stated already, there are many women and men on here that are wonderful!! Keep coming back and you'll get all the support you need. I just turned 38 and i'm in the middle of my battle and so far it's all been "do-able" you'll be ok, you can do this!! I was just as scared as you are and thank God I found this site, it has been a huge blessing in my life!!
Big Cyber Hugz,
Kari

At first you are like a deer
At first you are like a deer in the headlights, and then it all starts to settle. You are in the worst place because you do not have the info and will be waiting for tests. Try not to go to that dark place. and write here for support the womwn and men here are wonderful. Doont they have sloan kettering in New York so you are close to some great hospitals who hopefully take akk insurances. Peace and keep us up to date.

Katz77

Im sorry
You are very distressed indeed. Now stop and take a deep breath. To many thoughts all at once, you'll blow a fuse. It is indeed a very scary and drowning feeling. You are not alone. We are here. Stay away from neg people. That's true even w/o the diagnosis of cancer.
Do you have a significant other? A girlfriend? Someone who can be there for you?
I went to the cancer center and talked w the unit secatary and she gave me pamplets of support groups and such. Felt a little better. I am a strong person ( tell yourself this all the time).
It sounds like from ur post, it's in it's early stages. You had a lumpectomy or a biopsy?
Get your diagnosis and staging, then research. I have IDC (invasive ductal caricoma) 18/20 lypmhs nodes etc.. It's about you though. Try to slow ur thinking and take it one at a time. Make a list of questions, sure there's hundreds. Try not to look at other peoples neg outcomes, like ur moms. That's a totally diff cancer and the treatment will be diff also.
Stay on this site, cause a question or statement gets a response, diff views and suggestions help you. Great group of women, and yes,some men that will be here for you. No negative people here. You may fall off ur iceberg, but there are people here that will help you back on a bigger iceberg. Keep posting, and let us know how things are going. Hugs and thoughts are with you. Gayla

Marcia527

I learned a little and
I learned a little and researched what surgeon I wanted and once I made that decision, trusted him. I didn't know about this message board so couldn't come here for answers. Each of us has had a different experience so someone should be able to answer your questions. It's a good way to know what to ask the doctor. I don't know what pushing too much is. I guess you just push until you are satisfied.

newbiefromcananda

welcome you have come to the
welcome you have come to the right place!!!! (((hugs))) and looking forward to talking to you xoxoxoxo Lisa

shortscake

welcome
Welcome, sorry that you are here but there are some very nice people here on the boards, here everything is talked about and yes you are welcome to vent when ever you feel like it, also let us know how your doctors appt go and what every you want to talk about there is always someone on the boards at all times of night, i sleep most of the day and come on at night just a night person i guess...lol...I was dx in nov09 right before i turn 44 it was a birthday gift had my first chemo two days before my birthday, I am so thankful to the woman and men here on the boards i would not have made it though people will tell you that you are so strong but the strong need help. remember one thing you are not alone in this battle we are all here with you.girl power

padee6339

Welcome Marie
Welcome to the place where love and support lives. I am originally from Queens and have a friend who has gone through this too. She had her treatments and surgeries at Sloane Kettering. Wonderful place - had i still been living up there that's where I'd have gone. Kings County must have a number to call to find support groups in your area if that is what you would like, or maybe just someone to talk to. Just keep breathing one breath and one day at a time. It is do-able and we will be here for you whenever you need us.
Hugs - Pat

terri805

Marcia527 said:

I learned a little and
I learned a little and researched what surgeon I wanted and once I made that decision, trusted him. I didn't know about this message board so couldn't come here for answers. Each of us has had a different experience so someone should be able to answer your questions. It's a good way to know what to ask the doctor. I don't know what pushing too much is. I guess you just push until you are satisfied.

Hi Marie,
I am new to this site also and you will find great comfort and a wealth of knowledge here. I was in total shock and disbelief when the Dr. called and told me "it doesn't look good" when she received the pathology report for my biopsy Dec 11th, 2009. I was driving home from picking my kids up from school when I received the call and I had to pull over and cry a river. I was terrified and already had myself buried and my kids orphans by the time I got home. I knew nothing about breast cancer at the time other than it could kill me. I felt totally lost and kept saying "what am I going to do" OMG!"this can't be happening I can't deal with this". I had already given up before I knew anything about the cancer I had. My gyn did not have anything to offer me for resources(shocking I know) because she said that she had never had a patient dx with breast cancer.(she has been in practice here
in CO for 3yrs) and would have to get back with me. I didn't wait for her. I contacted my family doctor and got references immediately and was seen by the surgeon the next day ( 5 days before my gyn had her staff "get back with me".) After I bawled my eyes out when receiving the news I immediately started researching information about the initial findings on the path report and found this site. It has been a God send to me.I have learned so much from the sisters here. After reading and asking questions here I feel a lot more in control and it helps me make decisions,encourages me when I feel down,and gives me a place to come to for comfort and to vent because once the "news shock" to the family calmed down they tend to forget that I am still dealing with something very scary but I know that my sisters here understand and will be there for me to help me through this. Knowledge is powerful so learn all that you can about your particular situation and then you can be better prepared to move forward. Make a list of all your questions as you think of them so that you can ask your dr when you see them. You have come to the right place for support and knowledge. I am just beginning my journey through treatment I have my second surgery to get wider margins on Jan 22 and then I will have radiation and then take Arimidex. I know my sisters here will be by my side throughout. I will pray for you comfort and encouragement as you go through your treatment. Please keep us posted.

Hugs and best wishes, Terri

cindycflynn

Marie
It is truly terrifying at first, but keep breathing and it WILL get easier. Nobody wants to have to be here, but almost everyone is so glad they found this place of support and information.

You have already gotten a lot of good information from other posters, so I will just say that I am here for you along with the rest of my sisters, and please feel free to ask us questions, vent your frustrations, and share your accomplishments along the way.

(((HUGS)))
Cindy

Grammy K

Hello- I too am a new
Hello- I too am a new member! Go on line to 101cancer.org and request a 10 year planner- Very good inf. Mayo clinic also has good inf as well as this site. Good luck! I have stage 1 but because my grandmother died of breast cancer, my Mother had both breast removed, my sister had breast cancer and now me, I did the BRCA1 BRCA2 testing and should hear soon, Will make a difference so I am told as to what type of surgery to have. Don't let someone tell you to wait- keep insisting till you get help!

New Flower

cindycflynn said:

Marie
It is truly terrifying at first, but keep breathing and it WILL get easier. Nobody wants to have to be here, but almost everyone is so glad they found this place of support and information.

You have already gotten a lot of good information from other posters, so I will just say that I am here for you along with the rest of my sisters, and please feel free to ask us questions, vent your frustrations, and share your accomplishments along the way.

(((HUGS)))
Cindy

financial assistance
Marie,
Welcome to the board. You have gotten a lot of advice and support. I just want to add to it, Most hospitals and doctors have payment plans, so you can negotiate and pay gradually as your treatment goes. Your medical oncologist will give you information (ask!!) about financial assistance and clinical social worker can help you as well. Do not wait with treatment until you get your insurance.
Hugs

breathingwater76

Thank You
Wow! Thank you all sooooooo much for your words of encouragement, support and suggestions. It seems like I'm part of a family I'd never known before. I will keep looking at the posts & keep posting my progress on here. I am going to Sloan Kettering for some. I did my biopsy there. I started at The Breast Center of Harlem. They've all been very nice and the Radiologist said my surgeon is good. I can apply to Medicaid but I am just worried about the wait time in processing paperwork.
You are all so strong & so brave. I appreciate all your kindness. I was imagining my death bed right away & trying to hide under a bed or something, like a child hides from a monster! But I know I can do this, tears streaming or not, and it's good to know I have the support of others. I have no husband or very close friends in NYC so it might be tough but I'm trying. And I've already realized that planning too far ahead won't help; I need to take one day at a time. I'm usually a big planner & I live in the future but I guess my life is changing so much right now. Thanks for everything you've all said. Evry post has helped me tremendously!
Marie

jbug

breathingwater76 said:

Thank You
Wow! Thank you all sooooooo much for your words of encouragement, support and suggestions. It seems like I'm part of a family I'd never known before. I will keep looking at the posts & keep posting my progress on here. I am going to Sloan Kettering for some. I did my biopsy there. I started at The Breast Center of Harlem. They've all been very nice and the Radiologist said my surgeon is good. I can apply to Medicaid but I am just worried about the wait time in processing paperwork.
You are all so strong & so brave. I appreciate all your kindness. I was imagining my death bed right away & trying to hide under a bed or something, like a child hides from a monster! But I know I can do this, tears streaming or not, and it's good to know I have the support of others. I have no husband or very close friends in NYC so it might be tough but I'm trying. And I've already realized that planning too far ahead won't help; I need to take one day at a time. I'm usually a big planner & I live in the future but I guess my life is changing so much right now. Thanks for everything you've all said. Evry post has helped me tremendously!
Marie

Welcome!
Just wanted to add my welcome to the site! As others have said, you won't find a better group of women that can support you thru all aspects of care and treatment...and into the survivor stage!

Prayers and Hugs!!! God Bless...

Julie

Kat11

Welcome Marie
So sorry for your DX at such a young age. Research is good, just be careful because you can really scare yourself. You must find doctors that you can trust. Trust is what helps you get through. I am sorry your family is not supportive. Sometimes they mean well, but they just don't get it. Thats what we are here for. ( support ) Everything you said make sence to us. We have all been on the same ice berg and sometimes still are. In the next few weeks you will be getting a lot of information that can be scary. I learn from the help of our friends here to take it one day at a time. One minute at a time. Just remember you are never alone. We are here for you 24/7 7 days a week.
Kathy

rrogers34

Take a deep breath
I too am new to all of this. I was diagnosed November 23rd. You truly have found the right place for support. We ARE FAMILY. My Mother had breast cancer 20 years ago and she had a mastectomy one radiation treatment and has been fine ever since. Cancer treatment has CHANGED. I now have met so many women (many young) that have gone through this experience. Though different for each person, the one thing to remember, it can be cured. I did the same thing, I researched so much I scared the crap out of myself. The women on this site are ANGELS. They listen when you need to vent, they comfort you when you are scared, they PRAY FOR YOU!. God is with you and he will get you through this. You will be AMAZEd at what you can do and in turn it will help you to help someone else. I will be praying for you. Hang in there..........Your NOT alone. You have us. God Bless you. We are right here beside you.

Tinabug

So sorry
Marie,

I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. However, this site is by far the best help I have found & you've come to the right place. I was diagnosed in Oct & have since had a mastectomy. OVERWHELMING...it's the word I kept using over & over. From the diagnosis, to deciding on treatment, the financial strain, & emotional rollercoaster. Even though my mom died of breast cancer almost 21 yrs. ago I was still clueless. I have read several books & the (2) that I found most helpful are "Living Through Breast Cancer" by Carolyn M Kaelin M.D., M.P.H.. It was by far the best & I am still reading it as I am about to start chemo. She is an oncologist surgeon who has also had breast cancer. "Breast Cancer For Dummies" was also helpful.

You will be in my prayers & please know someone on this site is always here for you.

Hugs,
Tina

natly15

rrogers34 said:

Take a deep breath
I too am new to all of this. I was diagnosed November 23rd. You truly have found the right place for support. We ARE FAMILY. My Mother had breast cancer 20 years ago and she had a mastectomy one radiation treatment and has been fine ever since. Cancer treatment has CHANGED. I now have met so many women (many young) that have gone through this experience. Though different for each person, the one thing to remember, it can be cured. I did the same thing, I researched so much I scared the crap out of myself. The women on this site are ANGELS. They listen when you need to vent, they comfort you when you are scared, they PRAY FOR YOU!. God is with you and he will get you through this. You will be AMAZEd at what you can do and in turn it will help you to help someone else. I will be praying for you. Hang in there..........Your NOT alone. You have us. God Bless you. We are right here beside you.

Marie want to welcome you to
Marie want to welcome you to this website. You will find a wealth of knowledge and support. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the diagnosis, but like everyone has said, there is so much more for us today, the treatment is rough but doable, and you will be OK. Hugs