"You've got good color"

pinkkari09
pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I gotta tell ya, if one more person says "you've got good color" I'm going to scream! So this is what my mind hears when someone says it...."you don't have any hair, your eyelashes are gong, your eyebrows are gone but....you've got good color" Is is all people can come up with, what am I suppose to turn green from chemo?? What really kills me is the fact that I used to be an avid tanner, I had the best tan ever and now I don't tan so I'm as white as a ghost but people still say "you've got good color". What's this?? Ok, I'm done venting now, anybody else get told, "you've got good color"?
Peace and <3
Kari
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Comments

  • Sher43009
    Sher43009 Member Posts: 602 Member
    Kari, I know what you mean.
    Kari, I know what you mean. I get "well you look good". It's like you can't possibly be sick, tired, depressed, etc. because you "look good". I understand some people want to say something to make us feel better but don't know what to say. My response is "Thanks, I love my makeup". They get a strange look on their faces and don't know how to respond. It makes me chuckle inside. To get your tan back try the self tanners or a slightly darker color foundation. The secret is keep the layers light and blending.
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    Sher43009 said:

    Kari, I know what you mean.
    Kari, I know what you mean. I get "well you look good". It's like you can't possibly be sick, tired, depressed, etc. because you "look good". I understand some people want to say something to make us feel better but don't know what to say. My response is "Thanks, I love my makeup". They get a strange look on their faces and don't know how to respond. It makes me chuckle inside. To get your tan back try the self tanners or a slightly darker color foundation. The secret is keep the layers light and blending.

    Yeah I get that too. I
    Yeah I get that too. I wonder what they say to our African American sisters....just wondering :) ?
    Dee
  • Cat64
    Cat64 Member Posts: 1,192
    Kari
    Yes I do! I guess if I'm not completely pale one day, I have "good color"! It drives me crazy too! I'm not tan, so are they commenting on the different shades of pale white?! I'm guessing it is suppose to somehow make us feel better?
    Hugz,
    Cathy
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    I wonder if they mean you
    I wonder if they mean you have cancer but it cant be that bad because you "look good." I guess that is my interpretation when people say that to me. I get bothered by those comments.

    Perhaps I should walk around with my bald head, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, crusted teary eyes with red circles, pale and dry skin. (I do at home but not out in public), I dont want to scare anyone. They may think I'm from another planet.

    They have no idea. If my heavy makeup and my wig make me look good, and my voice sounds strong today then this must be an indication that all is well. I just happen to be going thru chemotherapy for BC, no big deal!!

    How is that for sarcastic venting. ;):) :0)
  • crselby
    crselby Member Posts: 441
    compliment
    What are the chances she meant this as a compliment? Wow... Is there anything people can say that wouldn't rub you the wrong way! Sheesh!
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    crselby said:

    compliment
    What are the chances she meant this as a compliment? Wow... Is there anything people can say that wouldn't rub you the wrong way! Sheesh!

    I get tired of the " Oh, you
    I get tired of the " Oh, you look so great". I think they mean well, and, just don't know what to say.

    HUGS
  • mickeymom
    mickeymom Member Posts: 117
    crselby said:

    compliment
    What are the chances she meant this as a compliment? Wow... Is there anything people can say that wouldn't rub you the wrong way! Sheesh!

    They expect worse
    I think I've heard "you look good" more than any other comment. I have always thought they were just expressing the the fact that they are glad to see me out in the world, not looking like I'm on death's door. I think many people expect to see something much worse and when they see me looking "good" they say so. I don't usually take offense because mostly I'm just glad they say something and are interested in how I'm doing. It sure beats the people I thought were friends who avoid talking to me at all because they don't know what to say.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Yeah...maybe you should just
    Yeah...maybe you should just laugh! As long as no one is saying anything mean to you! I know when people said that to me, I would smile big and say "Thanks, but, it's just the bandana/hat/lipstick/earrings that make me glow like this!" That almost always broke the ice, as it is hard for people to know just what to say to us. I keep wondering how many times I was guilty of saying foolish,ignorant things before I knew better!

    My Reggie was more honest with me,though we laughed at that too! He is darker than I am anyway ( he is Native American ) and he has long, thick hair which he wears in a braid. During my paler than pale treatment days, coupled with no hair, he said I looked like the main character from that old movie "Powder". And he was right! I didn't feel or look very feminine; I may as well have been Powder, or Casper!

    Hopefully, it was a no harm, no foul situation~ just someone on the outside trying to think of something positive to say!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    chenheart said:

    Yeah...maybe you should just
    Yeah...maybe you should just laugh! As long as no one is saying anything mean to you! I know when people said that to me, I would smile big and say "Thanks, but, it's just the bandana/hat/lipstick/earrings that make me glow like this!" That almost always broke the ice, as it is hard for people to know just what to say to us. I keep wondering how many times I was guilty of saying foolish,ignorant things before I knew better!

    My Reggie was more honest with me,though we laughed at that too! He is darker than I am anyway ( he is Native American ) and he has long, thick hair which he wears in a braid. During my paler than pale treatment days, coupled with no hair, he said I looked like the main character from that old movie "Powder". And he was right! I didn't feel or look very feminine; I may as well have been Powder, or Casper!

    Hopefully, it was a no harm, no foul situation~ just someone on the outside trying to think of something positive to say!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    I think you're right
    I really think people are trying to cheer us up with that kind of statement. For many women, looking good is so important; they can't imagine how it must feel to be in treatment and think that they're offering you a compliment that will make you feel good inside. I've had several people say the same kind of thing, even before I began chemo . . . it's almost as if they think the cancer is supposed to show on the outside once you get diagnosed! Ah, well. I just tell them, "Thank you!" and ask them how they're doing or otherwise change the topic.

    Sandy
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Well, hate to throw a stick
    Well, hate to throw a stick on the fire but chemo did wonders for my complexion. It improved my skin and it was glowing. At least to me. I was sicker than a dog (where does that expression come from) but my skin was great. So if someone had told me "you've got good color" I would have agreed. Maybe it was all in my chemo head. Nothing like living in LaLa land.
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490
    Hey, I got it from my good
    Hey, I got it from my good friend and neighbor, but not that I had good color, I got you don't look well,you look washed out, you look pale. That was when I had the breast cancer. I took it with a grain of salt because she took me for my biopsy.

    But then when the Celiac thing was going on with me even my husband said i looked TERRIBLE, or I looke like Hell.

    Now I'm feeling pretty good. I'm told i have "good color"LOL
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    Hi Kari
    I get that, too. And "you look so good". I'm wearing a wig, pale as Casper, and tired as a well-digger. Yeah, right. I just say thanks.
  • shortscake
    shortscake Member Posts: 228
    yes
    Yes i always have people tell me i have good color and don't look sick and all i can think is how am i to look? i think most of the time people just don't know what to say and they should not say anything...lol... girl power
  • mixtymotions
    mixtymotions Member Posts: 31 Member
    crselby said:

    compliment
    What are the chances she meant this as a compliment? Wow... Is there anything people can say that wouldn't rub you the wrong way! Sheesh!

    Atta girl!
    My "pre-cancer" self has told folks "you look good", and meant it - hoping it would give them some comfort. I'm NOT offended when people tell me I look good, or my color is good, or by ANY comment that contains the word GOOD. Sisters, you really need to kwitcherb!tchin.
  • Taina
    Taina Member Posts: 166
    yep
    Hello, Kari....
    I used to get mad but now i just shake my head....
    lets see...people tell me:
    * i have good color
    * i have a nice head
    * pretty face
    * they have never seen some one(girl) bald that looks good.
    * now that my hair is growing, nice hair cut....and am i going to keep my hair short or let it grow?????

    see ya!!!
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877

    Atta girl!
    My "pre-cancer" self has told folks "you look good", and meant it - hoping it would give them some comfort. I'm NOT offended when people tell me I look good, or my color is good, or by ANY comment that contains the word GOOD. Sisters, you really need to kwitcherb!tchin.

    Seriously....no *****in,
    Seriously....no bitchin, just never heard "good color" before so thought I would throw a post out beings I went from really really good tan to pale pale white, thought maybe it was a last resort for people to say something.
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
    crselby said:

    compliment
    What are the chances she meant this as a compliment? Wow... Is there anything people can say that wouldn't rub you the wrong way! Sheesh!

    There are a lot of things
    There are a lot of things said to me that don't rub me wrong, I'm pretty laid back. Just couldn't figure out the color thing when I went from a wonderful tan to total pale. It very well could be compliments, just wondering why so many people say "good color" when I know I'm as pale as ever. SHEESH!!
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
    crselby said:

    compliment
    What are the chances she meant this as a compliment? Wow... Is there anything people can say that wouldn't rub you the wrong way! Sheesh!

    There are a lot of things
    There are a lot of things said to me that don't rub me wrong, I'm pretty laid back. Just couldn't figure out the color thing when I went from a wonderful tan to total pale. It very well could be compliments, just wondering why so many people say "good color" when I know I'm as pale as ever. SHEESH!!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159

    There are a lot of things
    There are a lot of things said to me that don't rub me wrong, I'm pretty laid back. Just couldn't figure out the color thing when I went from a wonderful tan to total pale. It very well could be compliments, just wondering why so many people say "good color" when I know I'm as pale as ever. SHEESH!!

    One last thought.....
    I have been giving this "good color" thing a bit more thought. Seriously, I have a good friend who was REALLY ill, and not from cancer. And his color was not good. Not good at all. I am not talking about pale, but a grey-ish, OMG, are you going to die soon color.
    I think when our friends see us, yes we look pale and tired, but we don't have that frighteningly verge of death coloring. And, it may just very well be that our friends are truly happy that our coloring is GOOD.

    My final words on this subject! Until I once again tackle the what only SEEMS to be healthy skin. The tan skin, which is really, really, really unhealthy! But I leave that unpopular topic for anouther day! LOL

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    Taina said:

    yep
    Hello, Kari....
    I used to get mad but now i just shake my head....
    lets see...people tell me:
    * i have good color
    * i have a nice head
    * pretty face
    * they have never seen some one(girl) bald that looks good.
    * now that my hair is growing, nice hair cut....and am i going to keep my hair short or let it grow?????

    see ya!!!

    I think its funny becuse My
    I think its funny becuse My good color is a rash from the taxol. I dont think people are really complaining more than voicing frustration at people who need to say things and they dont understand.I think with all the crp we go through we are too tired to understand. I only talk to my close frends or people who may have suggestions.
    I went to the opthamologist because my vision had changed actually it had to be tweaked but not too bad. Anyways she gave me some samples of eye moisturizer drops and an ointment for at night. it has helped already and my vison is better. the eyes were tearing because they were dry. all otc. I was glad I did not have ONE more deficit.