How do you deal with the stress?

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Comments

  • bdhilton
    bdhilton Member Posts: 846 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    damn the torpedoes
    Like you I “curled up in a ball” early on for a few days in the beginning…
    We all have our stories and I believe that all things are relative… Everyday I get up and I realize that I am blessed in so many ways…even when I seem to be hit again and again with a “baseball bat” from life. I was unemployed 21 months when I was diagnosed with PC in Dec 09…..still unemployed (got to smile had a job offer this week and can’t take it because of my surgery)…I’m right behind you…March 3rd but Open instead of Di Vinci… Yes we all go through a process pre surgery/treatment and then there is the Post treatment/surgery process.

    What has helped me?

    My wife reinforces that we will deal with what is presented to us instead of worrying about the unknown…

    My mother (25 year survivor of multiple myeloma-with no treatments to date) told me to be positive and believe that the best will happen regardless of the outcome…she is big on “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass…but about learning to dance in the rain”

    Talking to my spiritual adviser (for me a priest) about every other week and that has been good for me for placing life in perspective.

    My children (4 boys or I should say men) continue their life not dweling with with my journey and new mystery in life…

    Good single malt (have my preferences) and talk to a good friend and some nights talk to myself :-)

    Number one is opening my window in my music room, plugging in one of my guitars in to my Marshal stack (my biggest amplifier) and letting everyone within ear shot know without a doubt I am alive (and you thought teenagers were bad)… for a song or 2 anyway…

    In all honesty I am also scared about the pending surgery, recovered and what lies ahead but I remind myself that I have no control, I respect my mortality and I believe the best will happen…whatever that is…damn the torpedoes
  • gumbyrun
    gumbyrun Member Posts: 58 Member
    Trew said:

    Try the drug Xanax. For me,
    Try the drug Xanax. For me, very nice. And I only needed it a few itmes a month, but when everything started closing in and the bottom falling out, Xanax wroked very nicely for me.

    Prozac for me
    My wife, an RN, got me to get a script for Prozac as part of my pre-surgery check from my GP. It has certainly taken the edge off things.
    I am in sales and have a lot of customers that have become good friends. Most of them know my situation and have heard my lecture about staying on top of their PSA numbers! I am getting a tremendous amount of support from them and also one particular old friend.

    I am getting interested now in the particulars and it helps to have an RN in the same bed! Will I have a private room? Where does the hose to the bag go? Should I bring my guitar to the hospital? Goofy stuff, but it is helping me as it gets closer. 2 weeks from tomorrow.
    One of the books I read the guy talked about envisioning each step of the way on surgery day. I get jazzed on the way to the airport when flying so I can imagine I'll be on my toes on surgery day!
  • lewvino
    lewvino Member Posts: 1,010
    gumbyrun said:

    Prozac for me
    My wife, an RN, got me to get a script for Prozac as part of my pre-surgery check from my GP. It has certainly taken the edge off things.
    I am in sales and have a lot of customers that have become good friends. Most of them know my situation and have heard my lecture about staying on top of their PSA numbers! I am getting a tremendous amount of support from them and also one particular old friend.

    I am getting interested now in the particulars and it helps to have an RN in the same bed! Will I have a private room? Where does the hose to the bag go? Should I bring my guitar to the hospital? Goofy stuff, but it is helping me as it gets closer. 2 weeks from tomorrow.
    One of the books I read the guy talked about envisioning each step of the way on surgery day. I get jazzed on the way to the airport when flying so I can imagine I'll be on my toes on surgery day!

    gumbyrun - Well you bring
    gumbyrun - Well you bring back memories from my trip to the Hospital last August 12th. Soon it will be behind you and believe me your thoughts will change one on the 'other side' Its definetly better over here (at least for me)

    Leave the guitar at home I doubt you will want to play it. I had my surgery in Nashville (home of the grand ole opry) and they don't allow guitars in the Operating room!

    Larry age 55
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 932 Member
    Stress Relief
    For me, I got rid of sports.

    I was on a forum that was not as friendly as it once was. After some 15 years of hangin' out there, I left.

    I am looking for stressors in my life and removing them and replacing them with softer, less stressful things.

    Unfortunately, PC is a stressor that lasts a little longer than some.
  • johndz
    johndz Member Posts: 33
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Good luck and you will be fine
    I'm 8 weeks from DaVincy - I stay home 8 weeks - I'm doing well - Very stress full an worry before surgery but after that until now I'm feeling good. Specially after 1 PSA check up with PSA <.1! Surgery is nothing due to I don't know when I fall to sleep and when I wake up and hear some talking noise and my surgery already done - 11 AM to 6PM. 1 pad with little wet during first day back to work - ED back to almost normal (1st shot)- Have not take any pill or try pump. Best wishes to you

    Johndz
  • 142
    142 Member Posts: 169
    gumbyrun said:

    Prozac for me
    My wife, an RN, got me to get a script for Prozac as part of my pre-surgery check from my GP. It has certainly taken the edge off things.
    I am in sales and have a lot of customers that have become good friends. Most of them know my situation and have heard my lecture about staying on top of their PSA numbers! I am getting a tremendous amount of support from them and also one particular old friend.

    I am getting interested now in the particulars and it helps to have an RN in the same bed! Will I have a private room? Where does the hose to the bag go? Should I bring my guitar to the hospital? Goofy stuff, but it is helping me as it gets closer. 2 weeks from tomorrow.
    One of the books I read the guy talked about envisioning each step of the way on surgery day. I get jazzed on the way to the airport when flying so I can imagine I'll be on my toes on surgery day!

    Hospital Room
    Other than my phone, charger, bathrobe, houseshoes, loose clothes to go home in, and a book to read between being rousted by the nurses for one check or another, I used nothing that I took with me.
    You may not be there long enough to open a bag. I was, as they kept me three days over normal, but a lot of folks go home the next day (they tried that with me, but I didn't make it to the door).
    I had a private room, but that was because the hospital is new and has only private rooms, so lucked out there.
    The catheter tube will be secured to one leg (guess which depends on what side the nurse is standing on in surgery). They will have placed a patch with a loop to secure it on your leg. From there it is free down to the big / night bag.
    The size of the night bag is the reason I took a pair of fleece pants, and cut thought the seam from below the pocket to above the hem. I was able to pass the bag through the cut without disconnecting it (a royal pain), and then pin the leg back around the tube. Then just put the bag in a shopping bag. At home I hooked the bag on a clip to my robe pocket so I didn't have to have my hands full. Never did use the leg bag, but the cath was out in 7 days, and the risks / hassles of changing bags were not worth the trouble.
    You might see if you can find some basketball snap pants - I got some from Adidas (called a 100g pant, light nylon-like material)- they snap all the way down the leg, so are easy to put on around the tube.

    Remember that you will want them to give you a leg bag, extra tube (there will not be one in the leg bag kit), and maybe an extra night bag. Just in case.
    They may give you extra catheter tube patches, but I gave up on those - they get wet, come loose, and Willie is left carrying the weight of the world. Nothing good about that. So I got some elastic-style disposable bandages at Walgreens (J&J calls them "Coach", one six-foot long one can be cut in half) - one above the tube T connection, one below, and your life will be a little less painful.
  • gjeck6874
    gjeck6874 Member Posts: 9
    gumbyrun said:

    Prozac for me
    My wife, an RN, got me to get a script for Prozac as part of my pre-surgery check from my GP. It has certainly taken the edge off things.
    I am in sales and have a lot of customers that have become good friends. Most of them know my situation and have heard my lecture about staying on top of their PSA numbers! I am getting a tremendous amount of support from them and also one particular old friend.

    I am getting interested now in the particulars and it helps to have an RN in the same bed! Will I have a private room? Where does the hose to the bag go? Should I bring my guitar to the hospital? Goofy stuff, but it is helping me as it gets closer. 2 weeks from tomorrow.
    One of the books I read the guy talked about envisioning each step of the way on surgery day. I get jazzed on the way to the airport when flying so I can imagine I'll be on my toes on surgery day!

    Prozac aka flouxetine and the particulars
    Good luck tomorrow !!!!

    Prozac ... The little things don't feel as important to worry about. Nice effect.

    As far as the Private room ... why not ... but you really won't care.

    Don't be afraid to use the call button or the self-med button.

    And they will really want to know when you pass gas? A sign of progress in your recovery.

    Which end of the hose are you worried about?

    Leave the guitar home ... maybe a harmonica would be easier to carry around?

    Remember you'll have that bag for a couple of weeks.

    Be optimistic about your first post-operative PSA Test. What else can you do?

    Again, good luck and keep in touch thru this site.


    Geoff
  • mrshisname
    mrshisname Member Posts: 186
    Trew said:

    Stress Relief
    For me, I got rid of sports.

    I was on a forum that was not as friendly as it once was. After some 15 years of hangin' out there, I left.

    I am looking for stressors in my life and removing them and replacing them with softer, less stressful things.

    Unfortunately, PC is a stressor that lasts a little longer than some.

    Stress relief, this board, etc
    Since my husband's diagnosis last Friday (good grief, almost a week already) we've done nothing but research research research. We have both come to the conclusion that this is a really crappy disease.
    My husband doesn't like to deal with the internet much. But several nights I've sat him down with the laptop and he's read thru messages on this board. He's also talked with another man who has gone thru this (friend of a friend's husband) and will probably talk to Randy on this board tonight or soon.
    We've gone to church services Sunday and last night, The overwhelming support of our church community and knowing all those people are praying for us goes a long way in helping us.
    Still, I have no idea about the thoughts in my hubby's head that he is not sharing with me, or if he is in the depths of despair (I think I would be). I found a local "Man to Man" support group meeting in a couple of weeks so he will have the opportunity to talk with just guys and not this old gal...and he is planning to go.
    Wish I could get him on this board active and participating, but that is just not him.
    I know I am rambling here...
    one more thing I'd advise anyone going for surgery to take with you...blistex or lip balm. I've had several surgeries, and all the meds dry you out so much I end up with chapped lips every time. It was heaven to have the lip balm there to at least soothe that little hurt. Comfort goes a long way after surgery.

    I'm praying for all you guys and hoping the best for all of you. I've been very humbled reading all the stories here, and stand encouraged by the support here. Thanks so much.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 932 Member

    Stress relief, this board, etc
    Since my husband's diagnosis last Friday (good grief, almost a week already) we've done nothing but research research research. We have both come to the conclusion that this is a really crappy disease.
    My husband doesn't like to deal with the internet much. But several nights I've sat him down with the laptop and he's read thru messages on this board. He's also talked with another man who has gone thru this (friend of a friend's husband) and will probably talk to Randy on this board tonight or soon.
    We've gone to church services Sunday and last night, The overwhelming support of our church community and knowing all those people are praying for us goes a long way in helping us.
    Still, I have no idea about the thoughts in my hubby's head that he is not sharing with me, or if he is in the depths of despair (I think I would be). I found a local "Man to Man" support group meeting in a couple of weeks so he will have the opportunity to talk with just guys and not this old gal...and he is planning to go.
    Wish I could get him on this board active and participating, but that is just not him.
    I know I am rambling here...
    one more thing I'd advise anyone going for surgery to take with you...blistex or lip balm. I've had several surgeries, and all the meds dry you out so much I end up with chapped lips every time. It was heaven to have the lip balm there to at least soothe that little hurt. Comfort goes a long way after surgery.

    I'm praying for all you guys and hoping the best for all of you. I've been very humbled reading all the stories here, and stand encouraged by the support here. Thanks so much.

    Mrshisname and hubby
    I sometimes think I am one of the grumpiest posters on this discussion board. And as I was reading your post above, well, I just hope I don't discourage you. My gleason was high, I had positive bladder neck margins and the hormone shot and the radiation have sort of beat me down a bit. But there are a lot of upbeat stories around here, too.

    A guy I talked with at Loma Linda U had surgery 6 or 7 years ago. Recently he had developed some kind of positive margin problem and was back for 40 proton treatments. He said the doctor who did his surgery was a good "carpenter" and all nerve endings were spared and he had good sex since surgery- just took some time to get use to the dry climax. Shooting blanks as some call it. It took me 7 months to get almost dry so I could move on to radiaiton, but I have talked with some who were dry in 2 months, pretty much.

    You have good friends and support around both of you. I hope you do take a look at the proton therapy, but in the end there is another side of this and for most of us it ends ok. Deep breath, let it out slowly......
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member

    Stress relief, this board, etc
    Since my husband's diagnosis last Friday (good grief, almost a week already) we've done nothing but research research research. We have both come to the conclusion that this is a really crappy disease.
    My husband doesn't like to deal with the internet much. But several nights I've sat him down with the laptop and he's read thru messages on this board. He's also talked with another man who has gone thru this (friend of a friend's husband) and will probably talk to Randy on this board tonight or soon.
    We've gone to church services Sunday and last night, The overwhelming support of our church community and knowing all those people are praying for us goes a long way in helping us.
    Still, I have no idea about the thoughts in my hubby's head that he is not sharing with me, or if he is in the depths of despair (I think I would be). I found a local "Man to Man" support group meeting in a couple of weeks so he will have the opportunity to talk with just guys and not this old gal...and he is planning to go.
    Wish I could get him on this board active and participating, but that is just not him.
    I know I am rambling here...
    one more thing I'd advise anyone going for surgery to take with you...blistex or lip balm. I've had several surgeries, and all the meds dry you out so much I end up with chapped lips every time. It was heaven to have the lip balm there to at least soothe that little hurt. Comfort goes a long way after surgery.

    I'm praying for all you guys and hoping the best for all of you. I've been very humbled reading all the stories here, and stand encouraged by the support here. Thanks so much.

    Mrs. His Name
    Funny you talk about the lipbalm. I want to send a message to the anesthesiologist that was on my surgeons team, Dr Goode I believe because prior to my surgery in pre-op he came by and asked me the round of questions they ask before major surgery and then said is there any quirks or extra things I should know about you? I said...yes...unless you want to be fighting my nose bleeding (I have one side that gets really dry and always bleeds year round) you need to put something prior to the surgery beginning. I was just telling Annette last night the very first thing I really noticed when I woke up after surgery was that my nose was nice and moist and not at all dryed out. I don't think he used vasaline but I really want to know because it was the best my nose had felt in months...Just another reason I really liked my surgery team... it's the little things that make a difference. Call when you can.

    Randy in indy
  • hopeful and optimistic
    hopeful and optimistic Member Posts: 2,339 Member

    Stress relief, this board, etc
    Since my husband's diagnosis last Friday (good grief, almost a week already) we've done nothing but research research research. We have both come to the conclusion that this is a really crappy disease.
    My husband doesn't like to deal with the internet much. But several nights I've sat him down with the laptop and he's read thru messages on this board. He's also talked with another man who has gone thru this (friend of a friend's husband) and will probably talk to Randy on this board tonight or soon.
    We've gone to church services Sunday and last night, The overwhelming support of our church community and knowing all those people are praying for us goes a long way in helping us.
    Still, I have no idea about the thoughts in my hubby's head that he is not sharing with me, or if he is in the depths of despair (I think I would be). I found a local "Man to Man" support group meeting in a couple of weeks so he will have the opportunity to talk with just guys and not this old gal...and he is planning to go.
    Wish I could get him on this board active and participating, but that is just not him.
    I know I am rambling here...
    one more thing I'd advise anyone going for surgery to take with you...blistex or lip balm. I've had several surgeries, and all the meds dry you out so much I end up with chapped lips every time. It was heaven to have the lip balm there to at least soothe that little hurt. Comfort goes a long way after surgery.

    I'm praying for all you guys and hoping the best for all of you. I've been very humbled reading all the stories here, and stand encouraged by the support here. Thanks so much.

    Good idea for both of you to attend the support group
    At some of the support groups the ladies have a separate one, and in others the ladies participate.........


    Ira
  • mrshisname
    mrshisname Member Posts: 186

    Good idea for both of you to attend the support group
    At some of the support groups the ladies have a separate one, and in others the ladies participate.........


    Ira

    support group
    yeh, I'm going to go with him but want to give him his space also...
  • mrshisname
    mrshisname Member Posts: 186
    Trew said:

    Mrshisname and hubby
    I sometimes think I am one of the grumpiest posters on this discussion board. And as I was reading your post above, well, I just hope I don't discourage you. My gleason was high, I had positive bladder neck margins and the hormone shot and the radiation have sort of beat me down a bit. But there are a lot of upbeat stories around here, too.

    A guy I talked with at Loma Linda U had surgery 6 or 7 years ago. Recently he had developed some kind of positive margin problem and was back for 40 proton treatments. He said the doctor who did his surgery was a good "carpenter" and all nerve endings were spared and he had good sex since surgery- just took some time to get use to the dry climax. Shooting blanks as some call it. It took me 7 months to get almost dry so I could move on to radiaiton, but I have talked with some who were dry in 2 months, pretty much.

    You have good friends and support around both of you. I hope you do take a look at the proton therapy, but in the end there is another side of this and for most of us it ends ok. Deep breath, let it out slowly......

    Trew
    Thanks, please don't feel you are negative, I understand that your situation is different than ours. And I don't think that you are negative. Honestly, my hubby wants nothing to do with radiation. He just is soooo fearful of it. We are going to see the radiation oncologist in about 10 days. We were going to cancell but Randy encouraged us to go, and he agreed we would. We go back to the original urologist tomorrow afternoon, see another urologist on Monday. I have to go for my surgery followup on Tuesday, and then we are going to consult with yet another urologist, I forget the exact date. I'm trying to get all his appointments in before I go back to work. I want to be with him every step of the way. He seems to be doing really good. If it weren't for the Lord, we would be in a far different place...
  • erisian
    erisian Member Posts: 107

    support group
    yeh, I'm going to go with him but want to give him his space also...

    Man to Man
    The Man to Man groups are definitely open to wives and girlfriends! There are some who show up regularly at the group that I attend, including mine. It is good that you are planning to go too. I think both of you will find it to be very helpful.

    You are lucky that your husband wants to go. Judging by the ratio of men who have prostate cancer to those who attend support groups, most men don't want to do anything like that.