How do I tell my parents I have cancer?

outdoorgirl

chenheart said:

Sigh~ this is so not easy.
Sigh~ this is so not easy. But I will put the shoe on the other foot for you.

In a nutshell, my Dad was diagnosed with a very agressive form of lung cancer 2 months after I had moved 3000 miles from home to be married. He swore my mom to secrecy about the diagnosis...he didn't want me to postpone my wedding plans, come home and be there for him, my mom, and my younger siblings. Which I would have! We were very close, and he knew I would have dropped everything. So, he did what in his heart he THOUGHT was right for...he didn't tell me. He was a very generous, caring and livng soul, and I know his heart was in the right place. There was not a selfish bone in his body~ not intentionally, anyway. He was simply trying to protect me.

The down side of this story is: my dad lost his battle in a mere 12 weeks. I never got to tell him I loved him or say goodbye, or give him that last hug. Not to mention my baby sisters left wondering why I never came home during thisfrightening time .

I am not saying AT ALL that this will happen to you. Pls don't misunderstand. But I wish I had known. My dads generous and protective spirit in reality stole something from me. He died way back in 1973, and I still regret that I didn't know.

Tell your parents...

Hugs,
Claudia

I am sorry
for that,Claudia. You are a wonderful,caring and warm person and I feel for you not being able to be there.

teresasletters

Taina said:

be strong
Teresa,
I'm sorry about your step-mom. I was dx in June and the worst part was telling my mom. Telling my 2 daughters wasn't as bad i don't know why....or maybe i do...i was putting myself on my moms shoes, as a mother and hearing a child telling a mother they have breast cancer....even do she lives 2 blocks from my house i called her on the phone and told her...i just couldn't face her...she even came in to my house that noght and i locked myself in the bathroom because i didn't wanted to see her face of sadness....but i did come out of the bathroom and guess back??? she was my rock, my big helper, was with me all the step of the way....
call them and the sooner you do the better for you and them...is better for them to hear it from you than anyone else....
it will be hard but i will pray for the Lord to give you the strength you need to tell your parents....i will pray for your father also.....

Thank you (in tears)
Thank you everyone for all of your advice and especially for your support. I called my mom and sister.(They live in the same house.) Then I called my dad and finally two more half sisters.
Well, my mom cried so hard I thought she would have a heart attack. I was so glad I called her church first and they sent over one of her friends to be there when I called. It gave my mom a shoulder to cry on and someone to pray with her. I went back and forth talking to my mom and sister. My mom wasn't ready for details, but my sister wanted every last bit. My sister said she was mad at me for not telling her from day 1. She said she feels completely helpless now. My mom insists she is coming down, even though I have already worked out all of the help I need.
My dad took it really bad as well. He cried on the phone as well and wants to know every detail, including the history of each surgeon. I have to scan and email every report I have to each of them tomorrow because they all want to see everything in black and white. (I should have anticipated this too and had it ready. If anyone else has to tell parents long distance, you may want to have everything ready to email after the call.) I was glad I had already prepared someone to be there for him. His pastor and a friend from church went to his house, arriving just minutes after I got off the phone with him.
My half sisters are going to go see my dad tomorrow so he is not alone. (Everyone in the family lives driving distance from each other except me. I live many states away.)
I know the calls were easier after reading all of your posts. I am not sure all of you know how valuable you are to me. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. You are a major blessing!

Lynda53

The hardest is telling parents
I had all my testing and treatments done or lined up and then went to tell my Mom,and brother. It was the hardest,she was and is a rock.
Find the way for you and do it.
So sorry, Peace

Sher43009

teresasletters said:

Thank you (in tears)
Thank you everyone for all of your advice and especially for your support. I called my mom and sister.(They live in the same house.) Then I called my dad and finally two more half sisters.
Well, my mom cried so hard I thought she would have a heart attack. I was so glad I called her church first and they sent over one of her friends to be there when I called. It gave my mom a shoulder to cry on and someone to pray with her. I went back and forth talking to my mom and sister. My mom wasn't ready for details, but my sister wanted every last bit. My sister said she was mad at me for not telling her from day 1. She said she feels completely helpless now. My mom insists she is coming down, even though I have already worked out all of the help I need.
My dad took it really bad as well. He cried on the phone as well and wants to know every detail, including the history of each surgeon. I have to scan and email every report I have to each of them tomorrow because they all want to see everything in black and white. (I should have anticipated this too and had it ready. If anyone else has to tell parents long distance, you may want to have everything ready to email after the call.) I was glad I had already prepared someone to be there for him. His pastor and a friend from church went to his house, arriving just minutes after I got off the phone with him.
My half sisters are going to go see my dad tomorrow so he is not alone. (Everyone in the family lives driving distance from each other except me. I live many states away.)
I know the calls were easier after reading all of your posts. I am not sure all of you know how valuable you are to me. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. You are a major blessing!

Dear Teresa
You were very
Dear Teresa

You were very smart to have people set up to help support your family. As hard as it was I'm sure you feel relieved to have everything out in the open. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Sher

KathiM

chenheart said:

Sigh~ this is so not easy.
Sigh~ this is so not easy. But I will put the shoe on the other foot for you.

In a nutshell, my Dad was diagnosed with a very agressive form of lung cancer 2 months after I had moved 3000 miles from home to be married. He swore my mom to secrecy about the diagnosis...he didn't want me to postpone my wedding plans, come home and be there for him, my mom, and my younger siblings. Which I would have! We were very close, and he knew I would have dropped everything. So, he did what in his heart he THOUGHT was right for...he didn't tell me. He was a very generous, caring and livng soul, and I know his heart was in the right place. There was not a selfish bone in his body~ not intentionally, anyway. He was simply trying to protect me.

The down side of this story is: my dad lost his battle in a mere 12 weeks. I never got to tell him I loved him or say goodbye, or give him that last hug. Not to mention my baby sisters left wondering why I never came home during thisfrightening time .

I am not saying AT ALL that this will happen to you. Pls don't misunderstand. But I wish I had known. My dads generous and protective spirit in reality stole something from me. He died way back in 1973, and I still regret that I didn't know.

Tell your parents...

Hugs,
Claudia

I never knew....
I'm wrapping my arms around you, Claudia....just like you to not want to 'burden' others with your pain...but provide support for we others when we need help!

If it is possible to love you more than I already did before your post, I do...

Hugs, Kathi

KathiM

teresasletters said:

Thank you (in tears)
Thank you everyone for all of your advice and especially for your support. I called my mom and sister.(They live in the same house.) Then I called my dad and finally two more half sisters.
Well, my mom cried so hard I thought she would have a heart attack. I was so glad I called her church first and they sent over one of her friends to be there when I called. It gave my mom a shoulder to cry on and someone to pray with her. I went back and forth talking to my mom and sister. My mom wasn't ready for details, but my sister wanted every last bit. My sister said she was mad at me for not telling her from day 1. She said she feels completely helpless now. My mom insists she is coming down, even though I have already worked out all of the help I need.
My dad took it really bad as well. He cried on the phone as well and wants to know every detail, including the history of each surgeon. I have to scan and email every report I have to each of them tomorrow because they all want to see everything in black and white. (I should have anticipated this too and had it ready. If anyone else has to tell parents long distance, you may want to have everything ready to email after the call.) I was glad I had already prepared someone to be there for him. His pastor and a friend from church went to his house, arriving just minutes after I got off the phone with him.
My half sisters are going to go see my dad tomorrow so he is not alone. (Everyone in the family lives driving distance from each other except me. I live many states away.)
I know the calls were easier after reading all of your posts. I am not sure all of you know how valuable you are to me. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. You are a major blessing!

I'm glad you told them, and yes...these gals here are WONDERFUL!
Sorry for chiming in late, but it sounds like the love normally here reached out to you...

My telling was hard, because my mom is a 2-time cancer survivor, breast and endometrial, and she felt so much guilt for 'giving it to me'. I was dx'ed 11/04 with stage III colorectal, followed in 8/05 with stage II breast. Her dad died from colorectal cancer, my sister, 2 years after my battle, was dx'ed with anal cancer.

I said "First, I plan on BEATING the cancer. Second, so, are you saying that you regret having given me life? I sure know that with everything I know about me now, I have no regrets about my daughters' entry into this world, even if cancer should knock at their door, too!"

We are here to support you, my dear...but hugs for thinking of them enough to make certain they were not alone when you called!!!

Hugs, Kathi

chenheart

KathiM said:

I never knew....
I'm wrapping my arms around you, Claudia....just like you to not want to 'burden' others with your pain...but provide support for we others when we need help!

If it is possible to love you more than I already did before your post, I do...

Hugs, Kathi

Thank you, Kathi. I didn't
Thank you, Kathi. I didn't know I needed that hug, but evidently I do. My dad's birthday is on Tuesday, and I really miss him. He would have been such a rock and source of strength to me had he been here for my diagnosis. And whereas Reggie says I am so like the Sandra Bullock character in Blind Side ( he said she has a Chen Heart) I like to think I am actually a good representation of my dad.

Hugs,
Chen♥

teresasletters

Lynda53 said:

The hardest is telling parents
I had all my testing and treatments done or lined up and then went to tell my Mom,and brother. It was the hardest,she was and is a rock.
Find the way for you and do it.
So sorry, Peace

Thanks
Thank you everyone. I am doing better now. My parents both tried to come down from Kansas for my surgery on Wednesday, but they are both very sick. Please pray for them and my husband/kids to make it through Wednesday. My surgery was scheduled late, so it will be very late in the evening before I get done.