I don't understand why I am feeling this way!
I've had my lumpectomy and margins are clear. I am on top of the world for most days ... but today I feel so angry, short tempered, tired and okay a little constipated? It's not just today, I've had a few days off and on since the news but today is the worst. I'm confused as to why I feel this way because the cancer is gone and I haven't been on any medications yet. All that is left is radiation which will start next month. In fact we meet with the radiation team tomorrow to set my schedule.
I've snapped at everyone tonight and now I have a headache so I will be going to bed early. Some of you ladies have been through so much more so I feel almost ashamed of feeling this way ... it's so confusing to me.
Comments
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No No No
Don't ever apologize for not being "perfect" Gloria. Cancer is Cancer! There is no good kind, there is no bad kind, there is no in the middle. It is all terrible news and takes a toll on our lives and our emotions. Having bc changes our lives forever. It changes us. Noone, unless they have been thru it, can ever possibly understand. That is why we are here for you Gloria. WE get it. WE understand. Your body has not only gone thru a lot, but, so has your mind. Your emotions are up one day and down the next. My oncologist said that a lot of bc survivors have PTSD, and I feel that is so true of a majority. Do NOT ever feel ashamed of having a bad day. The people that love you, as we do, will understand. Now, I hope you are in bed right now getting some much needed sleep. You rest and know that you are normal, you are entitled to be grumpy. It won't be every day, but, it will happen. I pray for good days to come to you very soon. Sweet dreams Gloria!
♥ Noel0 -
You're HUMAN!
and your feelings are normal. Having to go through what you just went through was scary and I'm sure you held a lot back. So just tear lose and apologize later. I think everything you described we've all been through. Thank goodness my onc recommended I take Zanax when I feel that way. It's pulled me out of many horrible moods which make yours sound like "Miss Happiness". hahaha Hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day.0 -
You lost control of your body and your life!
My gosh, you have a right to feel angry, Gloria! Your body betrayed you, you've lost control of it and your life . . . suddenly you have to do a bunch of uncomfortable and unpleasant things for several months to (hopefully) prevent a recurrence and you're facing a future with a new, scary uncertainty . . .
Isn't that enough to make *anyone* angry? I think so!
It doesn't matter what stage you are. It doesn't matter what stage I am, or someone else. We're all in this club we didn't ever want to join. Cut yourself a little slack while you deal with it, and vent here all you want!
HUG! Sandy, who had a lumpectomy with clear margins but who completely lost it two days ago and practically killed her phone for reminding her to take calcium! (I was in the car, DH was driving, doctor had called to say she was rescheduling the start of my chemo for the third time because the chemo port insertion hadn't been scheduled . . . and all I wanted was CONTROL OF MY LIFE! DH took my phone away from me and put it in his pocket or I probably *would* have killed it! Grouchy? You bet!)0 -
You are normalLadyParvati said:You lost control of your body and your life!
My gosh, you have a right to feel angry, Gloria! Your body betrayed you, you've lost control of it and your life . . . suddenly you have to do a bunch of uncomfortable and unpleasant things for several months to (hopefully) prevent a recurrence and you're facing a future with a new, scary uncertainty . . .
Isn't that enough to make *anyone* angry? I think so!
It doesn't matter what stage you are. It doesn't matter what stage I am, or someone else. We're all in this club we didn't ever want to join. Cut yourself a little slack while you deal with it, and vent here all you want!
HUG! Sandy, who had a lumpectomy with clear margins but who completely lost it two days ago and practically killed her phone for reminding her to take calcium! (I was in the car, DH was driving, doctor had called to say she was rescheduling the start of my chemo for the third time because the chemo port insertion hadn't been scheduled . . . and all I wanted was CONTROL OF MY LIFE! DH took my phone away from me and put it in his pocket or I probably *would* have killed it! Grouchy? You bet!)
Don't beat yourself up Gloria for having emotions. We all have been there. Let yourself vent here and hopefully that will help you somewhat. If you need meds, please call your oncologist and talk to him about antidepressants or nerve/anxiety pills. Hope you got some rest and feel better today.
♠♣ Susie ♠♣0 -
hypothyroidism
OK, I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis as well as cancer, so I am probably overcautious here, but when I read "tired and constipated" together, hypothyroidism is what I immediately think. If your symptoms persist, please have your doc run a simple TSH blood test.0 -
Blame the weather!
Do you by any chance live in any of the vast areas that have been dumped on by the recent ice storms/ice fog and blizzards? The weather can (and will) definately 'sock it' you! Also remember that the shortest day of the year was a week ago yesterday so now the sunlight will be getting longer.0 -
I agree with everyone else....
Doesn't matter what comes after the 'You have cancer' speech...we all have to accept that our life is actually NOT forever!!!! It's as close to a Near death experience I ever want to get!
I just feel that after hearing those words, we DESERVE a good life after the treatment is over...we worked hard for it...harder than most people will ever work in their lives!!!!
Lumpectomy or mastectomy, chemo or no, whatever it is...it is life changing. The secret is...YOU are in control of the way your life changes!!!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Well Gloria...KathiM said:I agree with everyone else....
Doesn't matter what comes after the 'You have cancer' speech...we all have to accept that our life is actually NOT forever!!!! It's as close to a Near death experience I ever want to get!
I just feel that after hearing those words, we DESERVE a good life after the treatment is over...we worked hard for it...harder than most people will ever work in their lives!!!!
Lumpectomy or mastectomy, chemo or no, whatever it is...it is life changing. The secret is...YOU are in control of the way your life changes!!!
Hugs, Kathi
You sound like each and every one of us at some time. I think when they break the bad news to us that we have breast cancer, it should have an instructions sheet. It should tell us that our emotions will go crazy. It should tell us that some days we just want to stay in bed and not do anything. It should say that you will feel like crying all day. It should tell us what will happen. But, it doesn't. That is why this site is so great. You can see that you are not alone and that we all know and understand. Just don't ever keep it inside of you. Let it out!
Sue
0 -
Gloria ♥Ritzy said:Well Gloria...
You sound like each and every one of us at some time. I think when they break the bad news to us that we have breast cancer, it should have an instructions sheet. It should tell us that our emotions will go crazy. It should tell us that some days we just want to stay in bed and not do anything. It should say that you will feel like crying all day. It should tell us what will happen. But, it doesn't. That is why this site is so great. You can see that you are not alone and that we all know and understand. Just don't ever keep it inside of you. Let it out!
Sue
Why are you feeling this way? Because you are and have been in the fight for your life Gloria. From the diagnosis, to the tests, to the treatments, it all has an effect on us mentally and physically. You will get past this. In the meantime, come here and vent all you want!
Love, Jeanne ♥0 -
Gloria
Sounds like your course and mine are pretty close. Received dx 12 Nov 09...lumpectomy, clean margins, negative nodes, ER/PR +, HER2 negative, and my treatment is rads (finished 16 of 30) followed by Tamoxifen (start in Jan)....I felt like a fraud having feelings like that...like I had to have really BAD bc w/chemo and everything in order to feel scared, upset, angry...whatever. I was on here a while back and found a string from someone else w/the same feelings...that and all the awesome responses...much like the ones you've already received...made me feel so much better.
The fact is that you DO have bc and you will be afraid and angry and upset...your life is different now. It's ok to feel the way you do...give yourself permission to have your emotions.
Take care, be good to yourself and God Bless! Good luck w/rads!
Julie0 -
I have Hashimoto's also. ItCypressCynthia said:hypothyroidism
OK, I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis as well as cancer, so I am probably overcautious here, but when I read "tired and constipated" together, hypothyroidism is what I immediately think. If your symptoms persist, please have your doc run a simple TSH blood test.
I have Hashimoto's also. It is easy to test. Good idea. xoxoxo Lynn0 -
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you for your wonderful comments! I'm doing much better and it's mainly because of you all. Thank you for being here and being such beautiful friends who truly understand!
I'm not at the point of needing medications for the emotions yet. I tend to steer away from medications and find alternatives such as soothing music, a relaxing bath, walking, reading, etc. I have a craft room set up for making cards and scrapbooking. I haven't spent much time there since my news, just haven't felt as crafty but I know I will get in there again
... it's in my genes.
I live in the Midwest and yes, we have over 2 feet if snow from two different snow storms ... but it doesn't bother me at all. I love the snow! We were snowed in for three days so we made the most of it and watched some movies and from time to time my husband and I were out taking pictures in it and our neighbors thought we were crazy. They plowed our streets (which we took pictures of too) and because there are no houses across from us the snow is piled up to about 7-8 feet tall along our road. We feel like we're on a secluded island.
Ladies, thank you again for your kind and understanding words. They really mean a lot and as you know they are the best medicine! (((( GROUP HUG ))))
Gloria0 -
I understand
Gloria,
I'm right there with you. This is scary. This is real. Never be ashamed. our lives have been altered. Fear is natural and does make us crabby. I have noticed this with myself. Venting is good. go with it. each day and moment is different-- go with moment by moment and be as kind to yourself as you can. You are very brave and it gets lonely sometimes.0 -
NoelNoel said:No No No
Don't ever apologize for not being "perfect" Gloria. Cancer is Cancer! There is no good kind, there is no bad kind, there is no in the middle. It is all terrible news and takes a toll on our lives and our emotions. Having bc changes our lives forever. It changes us. Noone, unless they have been thru it, can ever possibly understand. That is why we are here for you Gloria. WE get it. WE understand. Your body has not only gone thru a lot, but, so has your mind. Your emotions are up one day and down the next. My oncologist said that a lot of bc survivors have PTSD, and I feel that is so true of a majority. Do NOT ever feel ashamed of having a bad day. The people that love you, as we do, will understand. Now, I hope you are in bed right now getting some much needed sleep. You rest and know that you are normal, you are entitled to be grumpy. It won't be every day, but, it will happen. I pray for good days to come to you very soon. Sweet dreams Gloria!
♥ Noel
Thank you for your kind words my friend.
I have a question though ... what is PTSD?0 -
Mama GMama G said:You're HUMAN!
and your feelings are normal. Having to go through what you just went through was scary and I'm sure you held a lot back. So just tear lose and apologize later. I think everything you described we've all been through. Thank goodness my onc recommended I take Zanax when I feel that way. It's pulled me out of many horrible moods which make yours sound like "Miss Happiness". hahaha Hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day.
Thank you ... and you are right ... I did hold a lot back. I tend to keep things to myself unless someone asks. Maybe that will change now with my emotions and moods hanging out on my sleeve with all of this.
Can't remember if I asked you this already? Do you take pictures professionally? That sure is an impressive lens you have there.0 -
SandyLadyParvati said:You lost control of your body and your life!
My gosh, you have a right to feel angry, Gloria! Your body betrayed you, you've lost control of it and your life . . . suddenly you have to do a bunch of uncomfortable and unpleasant things for several months to (hopefully) prevent a recurrence and you're facing a future with a new, scary uncertainty . . .
Isn't that enough to make *anyone* angry? I think so!
It doesn't matter what stage you are. It doesn't matter what stage I am, or someone else. We're all in this club we didn't ever want to join. Cut yourself a little slack while you deal with it, and vent here all you want!
HUG! Sandy, who had a lumpectomy with clear margins but who completely lost it two days ago and practically killed her phone for reminding her to take calcium! (I was in the car, DH was driving, doctor had called to say she was rescheduling the start of my chemo for the third time because the chemo port insertion hadn't been scheduled . . . and all I wanted was CONTROL OF MY LIFE! DH took my phone away from me and put it in his pocket or I probably *would* have killed it! Grouchy? You bet!)
What you say is so true. Thank you.
I'm glad your husband was there to save you ... and your phone! ((Hugs)) back to you!0 -
KathiKathiM said:I agree with everyone else....
Doesn't matter what comes after the 'You have cancer' speech...we all have to accept that our life is actually NOT forever!!!! It's as close to a Near death experience I ever want to get!
I just feel that after hearing those words, we DESERVE a good life after the treatment is over...we worked hard for it...harder than most people will ever work in their lives!!!!
Lumpectomy or mastectomy, chemo or no, whatever it is...it is life changing. The secret is...YOU are in control of the way your life changes!!!
Hugs, Kathi
Thank you! (( Hugs)) to you too!0 -
Ritz / SueRitzy said:Well Gloria...
You sound like each and every one of us at some time. I think when they break the bad news to us that we have breast cancer, it should have an instructions sheet. It should tell us that our emotions will go crazy. It should tell us that some days we just want to stay in bed and not do anything. It should say that you will feel like crying all day. It should tell us what will happen. But, it doesn't. That is why this site is so great. You can see that you are not alone and that we all know and understand. Just don't ever keep it inside of you. Let it out!
Sue
That is so true ... the important thing that happen in life should come with instructions. Guess that's why God made us all friends ... to learn from each other! Thx!0 -
JeanneJeanne D said:Gloria ♥
Why are you feeling this way? Because you are and have been in the fight for your life Gloria. From the diagnosis, to the tests, to the treatments, it all has an effect on us mentally and physically. You will get past this. In the meantime, come here and vent all you want!
Love, Jeanne ♥
Thank you for your kind words my friend! They really mean a lot!0 -
Juliejbug said:Gloria
Sounds like your course and mine are pretty close. Received dx 12 Nov 09...lumpectomy, clean margins, negative nodes, ER/PR +, HER2 negative, and my treatment is rads (finished 16 of 30) followed by Tamoxifen (start in Jan)....I felt like a fraud having feelings like that...like I had to have really BAD bc w/chemo and everything in order to feel scared, upset, angry...whatever. I was on here a while back and found a string from someone else w/the same feelings...that and all the awesome responses...much like the ones you've already received...made me feel so much better.
The fact is that you DO have bc and you will be afraid and angry and upset...your life is different now. It's ok to feel the way you do...give yourself permission to have your emotions.
Take care, be good to yourself and God Bless! Good luck w/rads!
Julie
I can relate to your feelings too. I do feel so much better from not only hearing the responses but also by responding to each one individually. To show I really care about you all like you care about me. Thank you.
I will have a cat scan on Monday then first rad appointment the following week. How are your rad appointments going?
Hugs!0
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