If I didn't have kids . . .

fauxma

LC815 said:

Thanks everyone.
I am feeling a tiny bit better today. Tears are behind my eyes, not yet on my face. You all are right I need to stay connected and find reasons to fight. Dear BF made me see that I need to have people around me -- not just my kids (who can be darling and decorated for me yesterday), but friends, too. Yesterday, I took my last Ativan and went to a friend's house to watch the football game (well, I didn't really watch, I just chatted). It was good to have a little goal of showering, dressing and going out. Today's goal: get through the disgusting barium and have a CT scan. I have no idea when I'll get the results, this being Christmas week. Since I know tumor markers are up, I don't think I'll have much of a surprise. Something's growing in there. I hope it's just the two little liver mets and not a whole lot of anything else.

Peace,
Linda

Linda,
I am glad that you
Linda,
I am glad that you are feeling a little better. And getting out with friends is a great idea. Ugh, barium. And if the results aren't coming back until after Christmas then wrap yourself in the arms of your family and friends and try to put it out of your mind. I am hoping it is just the two little liver mets but I know that you are strong and will fight it whatever this CT Scan shows. You have much to live for and each day you live there is the possibility that some new weapon will be discovered to fight and win this battle. My prayer is that is just what happens; that your doctor calls you next week, next year and says we have a new drug that will conquer your mets.
Stef

Jeanne D

mizcaldwell said:

Alternate Option
Linda -

When I was looking into treatments, there was an alternative treatment that an acquaintance was taking. I voted to go with the established treatments - but if I get to the point that the traditional treatment isn't doing it, I will try it. It is not expensive nor is it difficult. You do have to take the liquid every six hours - even one at night - but she (my chiropractor's wife) says it has taken care of her stage 4 breast cancer. It is called Protocel - it was developed by a chemist. I didn't think I could following the dosing regimen working and all - but you might want to try it. I don't think it is contraindicated with our regular treatment. Check it out.

Lori

Linda ♥
Please continue to fight with everything you've got. I have had bc twice now and I know how hard it is to stay positive and to think positive. I know the fear and pain of it, but, life is so beautiful, that we all must fight, fight as hard as we can to conquer the beast and to live, to actually live! If your children are upsetting you, or, if anyone is, please have a strong heart to heart talk with them and tell them exactly how you feel. You have to be honest about everything and with everyone. I will add you to my prayer list at church. Stay positive Linda!

Love, Jeanne ♥

carkris

Jeanne D said:

Linda ♥
Please continue to fight with everything you've got. I have had bc twice now and I know how hard it is to stay positive and to think positive. I know the fear and pain of it, but, life is so beautiful, that we all must fight, fight as hard as we can to conquer the beast and to live, to actually live! If your children are upsetting you, or, if anyone is, please have a strong heart to heart talk with them and tell them exactly how you feel. You have to be honest about everything and with everyone. I will add you to my prayer list at church. Stay positive Linda!

Love, Jeanne ♥

All this is just too much
All this is just too much sometimes. i keep bargaining with my onc "cant i just do 9 taxol" and there is many days when i feel I cant do this one more day. This is my second primary like Jeanne, but its all a big unknown. I know I have dealt withmany things and I will again actually have no choice. But sometimes you have to feel low to build yourself up and we will help you. I will keep you in my prayers for good news on your CT scan and for you .

MyTurnNow

LC815 said:

Thanks everyone.
I am feeling a tiny bit better today. Tears are behind my eyes, not yet on my face. You all are right I need to stay connected and find reasons to fight. Dear BF made me see that I need to have people around me -- not just my kids (who can be darling and decorated for me yesterday), but friends, too. Yesterday, I took my last Ativan and went to a friend's house to watch the football game (well, I didn't really watch, I just chatted). It was good to have a little goal of showering, dressing and going out. Today's goal: get through the disgusting barium and have a CT scan. I have no idea when I'll get the results, this being Christmas week. Since I know tumor markers are up, I don't think I'll have much of a surprise. Something's growing in there. I hope it's just the two little liver mets and not a whole lot of anything else.

Peace,
Linda

Linda, hang in there. I'm
Linda, hang in there. I'm happy to read that you do feel a little better today. You never know what tomorrow will bring, so fight like hell today. We'll be with you every step of the way, sister!! Enjoy your friends and family, too!!

New Flower

carkris said:

All this is just too much
All this is just too much sometimes. i keep bargaining with my onc "cant i just do 9 taxol" and there is many days when i feel I cant do this one more day. This is my second primary like Jeanne, but its all a big unknown. I know I have dealt withmany things and I will again actually have no choice. But sometimes you have to feel low to build yourself up and we will help you. I will keep you in my prayers for good news on your CT scan and for you .

Hi Linda
How are you doing today?
Do you have your CT scan results.
Please let us know as soon as you get them
Happy Holidays to you and your family!

roseann4

New Flower said:

Hi Linda
How are you doing today?
Do you have your CT scan results.
Please let us know as soon as you get them
Happy Holidays to you and your family!

Merry Christmas Linda!
I'm up early and wondering how you are doing. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day.

Roseann

LC815

roseann4 said:

Merry Christmas Linda!
I'm up early and wondering how you are doing. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day.

Roseann

Subdued Christmas in Maryland
Hi everyone,
Thank you for your wonderful words. They are the best gift I've received today.

My scans came back on Thursday and since I'm getting into a clinical trial, I have a "Clinical Research Nurse." Now, I've only met her once, but she's not a very effective communicator. She read off of the report that there were more lesions on my liver, also a 1.5 cm lesion on my cervix near my rectum and a spot on my chest (lung.) Okay. Devastated.

When I had my oopherectomy in October, I SAW pictures of my cervix. I got my gyn on the phone and he says that BC almost never goes to the cervix and he wants to see the report and get me in for an ultrasound. He thinks it's a cyst.

Then, my onc calls later in the day. He only talks about liver mets and says that we're going to use this scan as a baseline, because the CT was a better scan than the pet and the new mets might not be new after all. I ask, "What about the thing on the cervix and the spot on the chest." He has no idea what I am talking about, and finally admits that he is quoting the report from memory because the research nurse must have my chart. Great.

He was supposed to call me yesterday but did not. My phone battery died in the middle of the day, so it was possible that he tried.

I got to spend Christmas Eve morning having a bone scan. Luckily Dearest Boy Friend was with me.

I was supposed to fly to NC to see DBF for NYE, but instead, I'll be having my port put in on Dec. 30th, first chemo ?????

It's hard to focus on Christmas when all I want to do is kill my cancer, and finally get some good news. It seems every test or scan I've been waiting for since September has been not what I wanted to hear. Maybe the bone scan? As I was leaving, the tech said, "I hope the next time I see you is in the grocery store and not here!" What's that supposed to mean? Scan was good? Scan was bad?

To top it off, my gifts from my kids are "coming later" since their disorganized father can't get his act together and my DBF bought me a Wii Fit. If I didn't love him so much I'd . . . I'd . . . well, I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty.

Thanks for being here and asking about me. I hope all is well with all of you.
Merry Christmas or December 25th, which ever you're celebrating today.

Moopy23

LC815 said:

Subdued Christmas in Maryland
Hi everyone,
Thank you for your wonderful words. They are the best gift I've received today.

My scans came back on Thursday and since I'm getting into a clinical trial, I have a "Clinical Research Nurse." Now, I've only met her once, but she's not a very effective communicator. She read off of the report that there were more lesions on my liver, also a 1.5 cm lesion on my cervix near my rectum and a spot on my chest (lung.) Okay. Devastated.

When I had my oopherectomy in October, I SAW pictures of my cervix. I got my gyn on the phone and he says that BC almost never goes to the cervix and he wants to see the report and get me in for an ultrasound. He thinks it's a cyst.

Then, my onc calls later in the day. He only talks about liver mets and says that we're going to use this scan as a baseline, because the CT was a better scan than the pet and the new mets might not be new after all. I ask, "What about the thing on the cervix and the spot on the chest." He has no idea what I am talking about, and finally admits that he is quoting the report from memory because the research nurse must have my chart. Great.

He was supposed to call me yesterday but did not. My phone battery died in the middle of the day, so it was possible that he tried.

I got to spend Christmas Eve morning having a bone scan. Luckily Dearest Boy Friend was with me.

I was supposed to fly to NC to see DBF for NYE, but instead, I'll be having my port put in on Dec. 30th, first chemo ?????

It's hard to focus on Christmas when all I want to do is kill my cancer, and finally get some good news. It seems every test or scan I've been waiting for since September has been not what I wanted to hear. Maybe the bone scan? As I was leaving, the tech said, "I hope the next time I see you is in the grocery store and not here!" What's that supposed to mean? Scan was good? Scan was bad?

To top it off, my gifts from my kids are "coming later" since their disorganized father can't get his act together and my DBF bought me a Wii Fit. If I didn't love him so much I'd . . . I'd . . . well, I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty.

Thanks for being here and asking about me. I hope all is well with all of you.
Merry Christmas or December 25th, which ever you're celebrating today.

Linda, I hope your Christmas
Linda, I hope your Christmas Day improved greatly from your post this morning. Scans and unfeeling nurses, socially inept scan techs...etc. are hard to deal with any day, and especially on a holiday.

You do write that all you want to do is kill the cancer, and despite the change in plans for NYE, that is what you will be doing. Port this NYE; NC next NYE. What do you say? Actually, I am impressed that the steps needed for your treatment to start are moving along despite the holiday. This time last year, I was left to wait, despite a very fast-growing type of cancer. (As Claudia has written, cancer does not grow on weekends or holidays, apparently.) So, I hope at least you feel good that things are moving forward.

Also, your onc's feeling that there may be no new liver mets is encouraging IMO. Oncs tend not to look on the bright side, in my experience, and twist themselves in knots to avoid giving anything that could be considered "false" hope. I would think, too, that a possible lung met would get the attention of even the most inexperienced or careless onc. So maybe his not seeing that a "spot" was noted on the report is a good sign...As for the cervix, even in the worst case scenario, your cervix can be removed. And, finally, the tech sounds as if he/she was making a clumsy attempt to be friendly. Averted eyes and a "good luck" have escorted me out when a tech thinks she/he has seen something.

All this is my clumsy attempt to help you feel better, Linda. Things will get better for you. That I know. So, please hang in there, and keep posting.

Taina

tired.........
hi Linda....i'm sure you are so tired of this journey mentally anf physically...
but don't give up....do it for yourself.....you are a precious lady that has the
strength to do anything.....I pray to God to give you the strength you need......
A big hug and kiss your way.......

New Flower

Moopy23 said:

Linda, I hope your Christmas
Linda, I hope your Christmas Day improved greatly from your post this morning. Scans and unfeeling nurses, socially inept scan techs...etc. are hard to deal with any day, and especially on a holiday.

You do write that all you want to do is kill the cancer, and despite the change in plans for NYE, that is what you will be doing. Port this NYE; NC next NYE. What do you say? Actually, I am impressed that the steps needed for your treatment to start are moving along despite the holiday. This time last year, I was left to wait, despite a very fast-growing type of cancer. (As Claudia has written, cancer does not grow on weekends or holidays, apparently.) So, I hope at least you feel good that things are moving forward.

Also, your onc's feeling that there may be no new liver mets is encouraging IMO. Oncs tend not to look on the bright side, in my experience, and twist themselves in knots to avoid giving anything that could be considered "false" hope. I would think, too, that a possible lung met would get the attention of even the most inexperienced or careless onc. So maybe his not seeing that a "spot" was noted on the report is a good sign...As for the cervix, even in the worst case scenario, your cervix can be removed. And, finally, the tech sounds as if he/she was making a clumsy attempt to be friendly. Averted eyes and a "good luck" have escorted me out when a tech thinks she/he has seen something.

All this is my clumsy attempt to help you feel better, Linda. Things will get better for you. That I know. So, please hang in there, and keep posting.

Linda
I hope your gynecologist is correct and it is just a cyst. He will do ultrasounds and biopsy to rule out suspicions,
I agree with Moopy your treatment has been moving and seems to be managed well.
Now your next steps are to make yourself ready for port and Chemo. As we all know it is a rough road, but you can do it. Please reach out to your friends and family, social clinical worker at your oncologist office. any available physical help. Your dog is very cute and friendly.
Please look positive to the future. I am sure you will feel better next year.
Good luck on 30th!
New Flower

Angie2U

Moopy23 said:

Linda, I hope your Christmas
Linda, I hope your Christmas Day improved greatly from your post this morning. Scans and unfeeling nurses, socially inept scan techs...etc. are hard to deal with any day, and especially on a holiday.

You do write that all you want to do is kill the cancer, and despite the change in plans for NYE, that is what you will be doing. Port this NYE; NC next NYE. What do you say? Actually, I am impressed that the steps needed for your treatment to start are moving along despite the holiday. This time last year, I was left to wait, despite a very fast-growing type of cancer. (As Claudia has written, cancer does not grow on weekends or holidays, apparently.) So, I hope at least you feel good that things are moving forward.

Also, your onc's feeling that there may be no new liver mets is encouraging IMO. Oncs tend not to look on the bright side, in my experience, and twist themselves in knots to avoid giving anything that could be considered "false" hope. I would think, too, that a possible lung met would get the attention of even the most inexperienced or careless onc. So maybe his not seeing that a "spot" was noted on the report is a good sign...As for the cervix, even in the worst case scenario, your cervix can be removed. And, finally, the tech sounds as if he/she was making a clumsy attempt to be friendly. Averted eyes and a "good luck" have escorted me out when a tech thinks she/he has seen something.

All this is my clumsy attempt to help you feel better, Linda. Things will get better for you. That I know. So, please hang in there, and keep posting.

Don't ever give up Linda.
Don't ever give up Linda. We will help you whenever you need support.

Angie

Kristin N

LC815 said:

Subdued Christmas in Maryland
Hi everyone,
Thank you for your wonderful words. They are the best gift I've received today.

My scans came back on Thursday and since I'm getting into a clinical trial, I have a "Clinical Research Nurse." Now, I've only met her once, but she's not a very effective communicator. She read off of the report that there were more lesions on my liver, also a 1.5 cm lesion on my cervix near my rectum and a spot on my chest (lung.) Okay. Devastated.

When I had my oopherectomy in October, I SAW pictures of my cervix. I got my gyn on the phone and he says that BC almost never goes to the cervix and he wants to see the report and get me in for an ultrasound. He thinks it's a cyst.

Then, my onc calls later in the day. He only talks about liver mets and says that we're going to use this scan as a baseline, because the CT was a better scan than the pet and the new mets might not be new after all. I ask, "What about the thing on the cervix and the spot on the chest." He has no idea what I am talking about, and finally admits that he is quoting the report from memory because the research nurse must have my chart. Great.

He was supposed to call me yesterday but did not. My phone battery died in the middle of the day, so it was possible that he tried.

I got to spend Christmas Eve morning having a bone scan. Luckily Dearest Boy Friend was with me.

I was supposed to fly to NC to see DBF for NYE, but instead, I'll be having my port put in on Dec. 30th, first chemo ?????

It's hard to focus on Christmas when all I want to do is kill my cancer, and finally get some good news. It seems every test or scan I've been waiting for since September has been not what I wanted to hear. Maybe the bone scan? As I was leaving, the tech said, "I hope the next time I see you is in the grocery store and not here!" What's that supposed to mean? Scan was good? Scan was bad?

To top it off, my gifts from my kids are "coming later" since their disorganized father can't get his act together and my DBF bought me a Wii Fit. If I didn't love him so much I'd . . . I'd . . . well, I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty.

Thanks for being here and asking about me. I hope all is well with all of you.
Merry Christmas or December 25th, which ever you're celebrating today.

Linda
We are here to walk with you Linda every step of the way. Never give up! Kristin ♥

LC815

Taina said:

tired.........
hi Linda....i'm sure you are so tired of this journey mentally anf physically...
but don't give up....do it for yourself.....you are a precious lady that has the
strength to do anything.....I pray to God to give you the strength you need......
A big hug and kiss your way.......

Thanks for the strength, my friends . . .
. . .I feel it coming through the keyboard. I finally talked to onc and gyn yesterday. Gyn has much better bedside manner and led me through the whole CT report. There were so many times he said, "And that's good" so he made me feel better. Ultrasound soon to see what's going on in cervix/bowel area and the calcifications in lung could be anything. Onc says, "That's why we're doing chemo."

Port goes in today. First dose of taxol/avastin will be next week, hopefully.

Love you all,
Linda

P.S. Bone scan was clear! Yay, first piece of good news since September!

cindycflynn

LC815 said:

Thanks for the strength, my friends . . .
. . .I feel it coming through the keyboard. I finally talked to onc and gyn yesterday. Gyn has much better bedside manner and led me through the whole CT report. There were so many times he said, "And that's good" so he made me feel better. Ultrasound soon to see what's going on in cervix/bowel area and the calcifications in lung could be anything. Onc says, "That's why we're doing chemo."

Port goes in today. First dose of taxol/avastin will be next week, hopefully.

Love you all,
Linda

P.S. Bone scan was clear! Yay, first piece of good news since September!

Linda
So glad you finally got some good news - just in time to ring in the new year with a big smile =:)

I'll keep sending my thoughts and prayers for more good new in 2010!

Cindy

MyTurnNow

LC815 said:

Thanks for the strength, my friends . . .
. . .I feel it coming through the keyboard. I finally talked to onc and gyn yesterday. Gyn has much better bedside manner and led me through the whole CT report. There were so many times he said, "And that's good" so he made me feel better. Ultrasound soon to see what's going on in cervix/bowel area and the calcifications in lung could be anything. Onc says, "That's why we're doing chemo."

Port goes in today. First dose of taxol/avastin will be next week, hopefully.

Love you all,
Linda

P.S. Bone scan was clear! Yay, first piece of good news since September!

Linda, I'm also so glad to
Linda, I'm also so glad to hear your good news. Just hang in there and there will be more of that in the new year....I just feel it. Keep up your strong fight!! We're right there with you every step of the way. Big ((((hug)))) sent your way!

Christmas Girl

LC815 said:

Thanks for the strength, my friends . . .
. . .I feel it coming through the keyboard. I finally talked to onc and gyn yesterday. Gyn has much better bedside manner and led me through the whole CT report. There were so many times he said, "And that's good" so he made me feel better. Ultrasound soon to see what's going on in cervix/bowel area and the calcifications in lung could be anything. Onc says, "That's why we're doing chemo."

Port goes in today. First dose of taxol/avastin will be next week, hopefully.

Love you all,
Linda

P.S. Bone scan was clear! Yay, first piece of good news since September!

Very late to this thread...
Although I have read every single post here, so far...

I'll start with - really glad you finally got some good news re: your bone scan. A bit of good news for you, Linda, was long overdue. :-)

Yet, I am also very sorry - heartbroken - for all that you're facing. Sincerely wish it wasn't so. However, as many of our always caring and wise members have already written - I hope you find the inner strength to continue to fight back with everything you've got and every medical treatment currently available for you. Although I've not experienced a secondary cancer/mets (at least, not yet) - like Moopy, I live with a very high risk. My own 20% risk for recurrence/mets does not begin to diminish until 10 years after original diagnosis - which was now six years ago.

I sincerely hope that our supreme warrior sisters here who've experienced more than one bout with cancer, of any kind - like fauxma/Stef, RE, Jeanne, and several others - help to instill the same hope for you as they do for me.

And,yes - no matter what your journey entails, nor how long it may take to travel... We will walk beside you, each and every step of the way. You are not, and never will be, alone. Not as long as you are here with us.

Sending you my heartfelt hopes that the coming new year, though difficult - no doubt, will eventually bring to you good health, steadfast remission.

From one dog lover to another,
and with
Kindest regards,
Susan

Jeanne D

Christmas Girl said:

Very late to this thread...
Although I have read every single post here, so far...

I'll start with - really glad you finally got some good news re: your bone scan. A bit of good news for you, Linda, was long overdue. :-)

Yet, I am also very sorry - heartbroken - for all that you're facing. Sincerely wish it wasn't so. However, as many of our always caring and wise members have already written - I hope you find the inner strength to continue to fight back with everything you've got and every medical treatment currently available for you. Although I've not experienced a secondary cancer/mets (at least, not yet) - like Moopy, I live with a very high risk. My own 20% risk for recurrence/mets does not begin to diminish until 10 years after original diagnosis - which was now six years ago.

I sincerely hope that our supreme warrior sisters here who've experienced more than one bout with cancer, of any kind - like fauxma/Stef, RE, Jeanne, and several others - help to instill the same hope for you as they do for me.

And,yes - no matter what your journey entails, nor how long it may take to travel... We will walk beside you, each and every step of the way. You are not, and never will be, alone. Not as long as you are here with us.

Sending you my heartfelt hopes that the coming new year, though difficult - no doubt, will eventually bring to you good health, steadfast remission.

From one dog lover to another,
and with
Kindest regards,
Susan

Linda ♥
What Susan just wrote is perfect, so, there isn't much I can add. The one thing I do want to dwell into you is there is always HOPE, always! I have had bc twice as she wrote. But, with hope, determination and a lot of guts, we can all get thru a recurrence or a new cancer. Never, ever give up! We are all your sisters and will help you with any struggle, hold your hand when you feel weak and celebrate good news with you when it comes.

Love, Jeanne ♥

Moopy23

LC815 said:

Thanks for the strength, my friends . . .
. . .I feel it coming through the keyboard. I finally talked to onc and gyn yesterday. Gyn has much better bedside manner and led me through the whole CT report. There were so many times he said, "And that's good" so he made me feel better. Ultrasound soon to see what's going on in cervix/bowel area and the calcifications in lung could be anything. Onc says, "That's why we're doing chemo."

Port goes in today. First dose of taxol/avastin will be next week, hopefully.

Love you all,
Linda

P.S. Bone scan was clear! Yay, first piece of good news since September!

Clear Bone Scan
Yea, Linda!! Yes, you have long deserved some good news. And the clear bone scan is great news.

You keep hanging in there, ok? Thinking of you as you get the port in--an important new step in getting the power of chemo on your side.

carkris

Moopy23 said:

Clear Bone Scan
Yea, Linda!! Yes, you have long deserved some good news. And the clear bone scan is great news.

You keep hanging in there, ok? Thinking of you as you get the port in--an important new step in getting the power of chemo on your side.

Happy to hear you have
Happy to hear you have better news. things to encourage you and give you hope. I have been thinking about you and praying that next year's psot will be how you have beaten the beast.

New Flower

carkris said:

Happy to hear you have
Happy to hear you have better news. things to encourage you and give you hope. I have been thinking about you and praying that next year's psot will be how you have beaten the beast.

I am thinking of you today
Linda,
I am glad that you got good news. keep in mind that you are on your way to cure and victory and every new test and procedure is a step forward to aching this goal.
How did the port surgery go? Sending positive thoughts to your way.
Happy New Year!
New Flower