I canceled my surgery for today

Calleen
Calleen Member Posts: 411
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was supposed to have nipple attachment surgery this morning but while showering I just decided I wasn't ready.. My gut instincts kept tugging at me and I knew the timing today wasn't right.. I don't know if the timing will ever be right.. My bilateral was in July and I'm healing beautifully.. am I making sense?? I guess after all the mental stress of this last year with the DX, tests, needle sticks, medications, IV's, drain tubes, etc.. Plus the constant worry about the cancer growing in me while waiting for my surgery I HAD to have. That having elective nipple attachement was something I have control over, I'm just not ready to go back into the operating room just yet... Am I crazy???
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Comments

  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #2
    Calleen... you are most
    Calleen... you are most definately NOT crazy... with everything that you have been through in the last year, I think it is quite natural to want to have some control over something... this you can control, you can call the shots, you say when your ready... If your not ready.. your not ready... that's it.. cut and dry. It is about you... only YOU... when you are ready they will still be there... in the mean time don't be hard on yourself... we are after all, only human.

    Treat yourself to something nice today... just for you...

    ♥ & hugs,

    ~T
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #3
    Hi Calleen
    Nope! You are not crazy. Guess what, you are normal! Yes, normal. Calleen, you have been thru so much, too much. Besides all of the physical stress your body has been thru, look at the mental stress. You have been in the fight of your life with bc and doing all that you can to survive it. If you aren't ready yet, then you did the right thing by cancelling the surgery. You may never be ready, and, if that be the case, that is ok too. You just do what you can, when you can, if you want to. Ok?

    So, the moral of this is: You are NORMAL!

    I am here for you Calleen! And, I will support in you in any decision or choice you make!

    ♥ Noel
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #4
    Totally understandable
    Sometimes just the thought of another surgery, another recovery, more bandages, etc. is just too much. And this one is not as dire as your bilateral, so I get it. I had the same reaction to a brain MRI I was supposed to get in the midst of all my treatments. I had been having blurred vision and my onc. wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Well, I went to the MRI center, got in the machine, and 5 minutes into it, pushed the panic button and got out crying. I just couldn't handle ONE more procedure. I never did have that brain scan; I was just scanned out. Calleen, Taleena is right, you are not crazy and your decision is very rational. I would do just as she says and treat yourself to something nice today. You deserve to relax and forget about surgeries for now. You will know when the time is right.

    Mimi
  • LC815
    LC815 Member Posts: 155
    #5
    I think you were very wise
    I think you were very wise to cancel surgery today. Why put yourself through something you don't need right now? Also, this is going to sound very strange, but if I had a bilateral I wouldn't have the nipple attachment at all. I think that without a nipple, going braless would be much more comfortable. Plus, my "nipple" isn't really anything, it's just kind of a little bump. I guess with the tatooing it looks okay, but it's not great.

    I'm rambling . . . don't know if I'm helping at all. Have a nice, operating room free day!

    Peace,
    Linda from Baltimore
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #6
    Calleen, crazy, no, I think
    Calleen, crazy, no, I think not!! You are in control now and you do what needs to be done on your terms. Isn't it great to finally be at this stage fighting this beast? Yes, I think you won!!
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    #7
    MyTurnNow said:

    Calleen, crazy, no, I think
    Calleen, crazy, no, I think not!! You are in control now and you do what needs to be done on your terms. Isn't it great to finally be at this stage fighting this beast? Yes, I think you won!!

    Aww you guys
    I feel so much better!! Hearing such encouraging words after thnking how crazy I am for not doing this today is great!! And who knows I may never have it done.. But until I'm deep down ready then I will go on being happy and supportive to all of you as we go through this crazy life!!!

    Thanks sooo much!! I think I'll go Christmas shopping!!!
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #8
    Calleen said:

    Aww you guys
    I feel so much better!! Hearing such encouraging words after thnking how crazy I am for not doing this today is great!! And who knows I may never have it done.. But until I'm deep down ready then I will go on being happy and supportive to all of you as we go through this crazy life!!!

    Thanks sooo much!! I think I'll go Christmas shopping!!!

    I can't even bring myself to
    I can't even bring myself to go in for reconstruction! I think fake nipples are overrated. But that's me. On the other hand I have a fake Christmas tree but it simplifies my life. I guess I just like to keep it simple.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #9
    Calleen said:

    Aww you guys
    I feel so much better!! Hearing such encouraging words after thnking how crazy I am for not doing this today is great!! And who knows I may never have it done.. But until I'm deep down ready then I will go on being happy and supportive to all of you as we go through this crazy life!!!

    Thanks sooo much!! I think I'll go Christmas shopping!!!

    I think that you were
    I think that you were absolutely right in your decision. A nipple will be out there later should you want one. And after all that you have been through, if you aren't ready for another surgery then don't do it. Shopping is a great alternative. And while you're out if you have nipple cravings you can always pick one up at the baby store. LOL
    Stef
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #10
    fauxma said:

    I think that you were
    I think that you were absolutely right in your decision. A nipple will be out there later should you want one. And after all that you have been through, if you aren't ready for another surgery then don't do it. Shopping is a great alternative. And while you're out if you have nipple cravings you can always pick one up at the baby store. LOL
    Stef

    fake nipple
    Or she can get a chocolate nipple at a confectionary. Like one of those "Nipples of Venice." Yum.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #11
    mimivac said:

    fake nipple
    Or she can get a chocolate nipple at a confectionary. Like one of those "Nipples of Venice." Yum.

    I was thinking marshmellow
    I was thinking marshmellow one but thought she might think I was poking fun. I think chocolate sounds better.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #12
    Marcia527 said:

    I was thinking marshmellow
    I was thinking marshmellow one but thought she might think I was poking fun. I think chocolate sounds better.

    Oh, Marcia, you're right
    I didn't mean to make fun or to suggest that these chocolate nipples take the place of reconstructed nipples, Calleen. I only meant that you should enjoy your day and eat some chocolate to feel better! Oh my, I put my foot in my mouth, huh?
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #13
    mimivac said:

    Oh, Marcia, you're right
    I didn't mean to make fun or to suggest that these chocolate nipples take the place of reconstructed nipples, Calleen. I only meant that you should enjoy your day and eat some chocolate to feel better! Oh my, I put my foot in my mouth, huh?

    Mimi, do they make chocolate
    Mimi, do they make chocolate feet? (gee I shouldn't have said that-I meant it as fun. But you might think not so-sorry and pass the soap.) Sorry to Calleen to about the marshmellow. I'll zip my mouth. :>z
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #14
    Marcia527 said:

    Mimi, do they make chocolate
    Mimi, do they make chocolate feet? (gee I shouldn't have said that-I meant it as fun. But you might think not so-sorry and pass the soap.) Sorry to Calleen to about the marshmellow. I'll zip my mouth. :>z

    Marcia and I are both in the corner
    enjoying our chocolate-marshmellow covered feet.

    Mimi
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #15
    mimivac said:

    Marcia and I are both in the corner
    enjoying our chocolate-marshmellow covered feet.

    Mimi

    Hi Calleen ♥
    Crazy for not wanting more surgery? Crazy for not wanting more pain? Crazy for not wanting to have to be careful as you heal? Um, NO, you are not crazy. I totally understand Calleen. You have been thru a lot already and it seems you are finally starting to really feel good again. So savor this time and if you want to do it later on, then do it. You just enjoy feeling good!

    Love, Jeanne ♥
  • stillgood
    stillgood Member Posts: 46
    #16
    Nipples
    Calleen, not crazy at all. It took me almost two years to decide if I wanted the nipple reconstruction. I also had the areola's tattooed on. Get yourself settled. Take your time.
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    #17
    stillgood said:

    Nipples
    Calleen, not crazy at all. It took me almost two years to decide if I wanted the nipple reconstruction. I also had the areola's tattooed on. Get yourself settled. Take your time.

    Callen I don't think you are
    Callen I don't think you are crazy at all. You do what you want when you want how you want with your body. notice the theme?
    tj
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #18
    tjhay said:

    Callen I don't think you are
    Callen I don't think you are crazy at all. You do what you want when you want how you want with your body. notice the theme?
    tj

    Calleen, Just the thought of
    Calleen, Just the thought of having a nipple sewed on to my breast makes my breast hurt. I'm such a chicken when it comes to such things. If there's a way around I'll take that route. You did the right thing today. Made your choice and don't worry about it. Some time it may feel like the thing you want done but not now. Stick a bead in your bra and see what it looks like. I'll probably be sticking shoulder pads into my bra after surgery. Hope you had a great day and bought yourself something wonderful.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #19
    Sunrae said:

    Calleen, Just the thought of
    Calleen, Just the thought of having a nipple sewed on to my breast makes my breast hurt. I'm such a chicken when it comes to such things. If there's a way around I'll take that route. You did the right thing today. Made your choice and don't worry about it. Some time it may feel like the thing you want done but not now. Stick a bead in your bra and see what it looks like. I'll probably be sticking shoulder pads into my bra after surgery. Hope you had a great day and bought yourself something wonderful.

    I respect and applaud you
    I respect and applaud you for listening to your innner voice. This is my second primary, after my first one I had 5 surgeries, 6 moths of chemo and radiation. Ihad a hard time with ay procedure, the dentist, the eye doctor. just did not want to be touched anymore! You have had to make yourself do things you had to do. If your arent ready then you made the right choice. Good for you . I think we all forget how traumatizing this experience is. you are soooooo normal.
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #20
    Sunrae said:

    Calleen, Just the thought of
    Calleen, Just the thought of having a nipple sewed on to my breast makes my breast hurt. I'm such a chicken when it comes to such things. If there's a way around I'll take that route. You did the right thing today. Made your choice and don't worry about it. Some time it may feel like the thing you want done but not now. Stick a bead in your bra and see what it looks like. I'll probably be sticking shoulder pads into my bra after surgery. Hope you had a great day and bought yourself something wonderful.

    Calleen
    Absolutely normal and understandable. If nipples are not your priority, you can do it any time when you are ready and feel comfortable undergoing surgery again.
    I made similar decision and probably would never go for nipples too.
    For now I put any elective surgeries on hold.
    Have a happy holiday season and wonderful winter time!
    New Flower
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    #21
    carkris said:

    I respect and applaud you
    I respect and applaud you for listening to your innner voice. This is my second primary, after my first one I had 5 surgeries, 6 moths of chemo and radiation. Ihad a hard time with ay procedure, the dentist, the eye doctor. just did not want to be touched anymore! You have had to make yourself do things you had to do. If your arent ready then you made the right choice. Good for you . I think we all forget how traumatizing this experience is. you are soooooo normal.

    You Ladies
    are the best!! I have know idea how I would cope sometimes if it wasn't for each and everyone of you!! and you too guys!! I was telling my Daughter today how much this board has helped me cope throughout my battle.. I go to a support group meeting once a month but it's just not the same thing.. On here when any of us are having a struggle theres someone waiting to lend those comforting very much needed words of wisdom!! Thanks you all so much for supporting me on this.. It goes to show you that following our gut is the right thing to do!!!

    Big Hugz!!

    Calleen

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