I am struggling

tommaseena

lynn1950 said:

First, there's NO flunking
First, there's NO flunking chemo. I had diarrhea from a/c, too and my oncologist told me that it was unusual and just seemed so unconcerned, but it was very concerning to me. I did not have diarrhea with the Taxol. Enough people have mentioned diarrhea with a/c to make it seem not so unusual at all! I hope that you have a respite for at least part of your "in-between treatment" week.

You have a LOT of treatments (9 more still). I had 8 in all (16 weeks). My best to you.

xoxoxoxo, Lynn

Diarrhea
I had diarrhea as well from the A/C and the Taxol. I don't know how many pairs of undies I had to throw away. I took Imodium as well sometimes.

I think the chemo drugs cause this because it is trying to take all toxins out of your body--it take out the good with the bad.

Hope you feel better soon.

Hugs,
Margo

Lynda53

carkris said:

Lynda how do you feel now?

Lynda how do you feel now?

carkris, not that bad evem
carkris, not that bad evem great

I have some heart issues, seems it's broke!
I have not had taxotere for 2 weeks, all I have is some stomach pains now and then. I was having lots of other issues, but in trying to get more fluids I drank cranberry juice. It is a no no when on coumadin, and I had all sorts of crap that I wrongly attached to the chemo.
All in all, I was not nauseous but once,always tired, so I have been lucky/
Remember this will pass, and you will be better.
Peace

Moopy23

Hope You are Better This Morning
Carkris, I am so sorry you have been having such an awful, miserable time with little help from your medical team. I experienced terrible diarrhea for a day or so. Then back to the opposite problem. It's a seesaw, isnt' it?

Your comment about feeling useless struck me. I am sure your value to your daughter and family does not lie in your ability(or temporary lack of) to roast a turkey or mash potatoes or bake a pie. If you don't believe me, just ask them. I bet you'll hear that your presence in their lives is a blessing, and they give thanks for it.

This time last year, I came home from a mastectomy, my amazing husband watching over me protectively and doing everything, including caring for the drains hanging from my poor chest. My sister and my dad had come over from TN, it was the holiday, and I wanted to be a good hostess.

It was hard, but I let go of that need to be in control and looking after my family and doing for them. My dear friend and neighbor readied the house and helped care for our dogs. My sister cooked, all on her own, a complete holiday meal. And me, well, I rested in the love and nurturing given me by the people I love most on this earth.

I wish that for you, Carkris. And, if you feel bad about not basting the turkey or making your famous special dish this year, just think ahead to next Thanksgiving: you'll be happily cooking up the traditional family favorites, still surrounded by those people who love you no matter what.

carkris

Moopy23 said:

Hope You are Better This Morning
Carkris, I am so sorry you have been having such an awful, miserable time with little help from your medical team. I experienced terrible diarrhea for a day or so. Then back to the opposite problem. It's a seesaw, isnt' it?

Your comment about feeling useless struck me. I am sure your value to your daughter and family does not lie in your ability(or temporary lack of) to roast a turkey or mash potatoes or bake a pie. If you don't believe me, just ask them. I bet you'll hear that your presence in their lives is a blessing, and they give thanks for it.

This time last year, I came home from a mastectomy, my amazing husband watching over me protectively and doing everything, including caring for the drains hanging from my poor chest. My sister and my dad had come over from TN, it was the holiday, and I wanted to be a good hostess.

It was hard, but I let go of that need to be in control and looking after my family and doing for them. My dear friend and neighbor readied the house and helped care for our dogs. My sister cooked, all on her own, a complete holiday meal. And me, well, I rested in the love and nurturing given me by the people I love most on this earth.

I wish that for you, Carkris. And, if you feel bad about not basting the turkey or making your famous special dish this year, just think ahead to next Thanksgiving: you'll be happily cooking up the traditional family favorites, still surrounded by those people who love you no matter what.

I think it gives you cause
I think it gives you cause to examine how you feel about yourself and your role in this world. I am impatient with being ill. I dont know if this is because its my second primary but one of my lasting legacies from that has been to not wish time away or waste it either. I guess in a way to make each day count. so even when I look forward to this being over I know there are the holidays that i want to make as good as they can be. I never count on anything. so I guess you are right it will be a different good. You can get lost in the moment and forget the big picture in the midst of this mess. I had CMF chemo 15 years a go and although it felt like riding behind the exhaust of a bus for 6 months it was not like this and Imanaged to take care of two small children. This is way tougher. I really can barely take care of myself. I am receiving taxol 12 total treatments so number 4 will friday.
Anyway i am not trying to sound morose because the lesson we learn through all of this is how precious life is and to appreciate it. Over the years I have worried disaters have happened and people have passed. and believe it or not I just hate not particiapting in life right now. Its a sense of urgency I always feel. But you remind me its for a reason and this too shall pass. I am going to try the probiotics. Thank you again you are helping me, you are a blessing and have a wonderful Thanksgiving All.

KathiM

Flunking chemo? I think not!!!!!!!!!!!
I joked that "I had every side effect in the book". I had loose stool, also. Usually about day 3. I had such an allergic reaction to Taxol that my infusion time was slowed wayyyyy down.....it took 6 HOURS per!!!! I went to my oncologist after my 3rd AC and said "You know, I give up! I don't think the point of chemo is to kill the patient. I'd rather take my chances with the cancer!!!!"

Now, this was my second set of treatments...6 months earlier, I had finished 5FU/Cisplatin for stage III rectal cancer. So, needless to say I was DONE!!!! We skipped the last AC, went on to the Taxol.

I only share this to say everyone that can even tollerate one infusion is a winner in MY book!!! This stuff is HARD WORK, and it doesn't help when we have normal, human sensativities to begin with (like your fissure). You need to respond to your doctors' comments about 'we never have seen this before' with 'well, you are seeing it now, so what do we do? Can I get a referral to a nutritionist that specializes in cancer patients (they DO exist...my best buddy used one for her colon cancer, made all the difference...).

I am sending all of my hugs, dear warrior....but NEVER consider yourself to be flunking...you are braver and stronger than anyone in the general population!!!!!

Sorry for chiming in late, but I agree with the others...you are brave and strong...and willing to fight! And, FYI, I became lactose intollerant (still am, 3 years later) during chemo...as soon as I cut dairy, I felt LOADS better...I get my calcium thru other sources now...green leafies, for one...

Hugs, Kathi

carkris

KathiM said:

Flunking chemo? I think not!!!!!!!!!!!
I joked that "I had every side effect in the book". I had loose stool, also. Usually about day 3. I had such an allergic reaction to Taxol that my infusion time was slowed wayyyyy down.....it took 6 HOURS per!!!! I went to my oncologist after my 3rd AC and said "You know, I give up! I don't think the point of chemo is to kill the patient. I'd rather take my chances with the cancer!!!!"

Now, this was my second set of treatments...6 months earlier, I had finished 5FU/Cisplatin for stage III rectal cancer. So, needless to say I was DONE!!!! We skipped the last AC, went on to the Taxol.

I only share this to say everyone that can even tollerate one infusion is a winner in MY book!!! This stuff is HARD WORK, and it doesn't help when we have normal, human sensativities to begin with (like your fissure). You need to respond to your doctors' comments about 'we never have seen this before' with 'well, you are seeing it now, so what do we do? Can I get a referral to a nutritionist that specializes in cancer patients (they DO exist...my best buddy used one for her colon cancer, made all the difference...).

I am sending all of my hugs, dear warrior....but NEVER consider yourself to be flunking...you are braver and stronger than anyone in the general population!!!!!

Sorry for chiming in late, but I agree with the others...you are brave and strong...and willing to fight! And, FYI, I became lactose intollerant (still am, 3 years later) during chemo...as soon as I cut dairy, I felt LOADS better...I get my calcium thru other sources now...green leafies, for one...

Hugs, Kathi

LOl
you know you wrote what I feel, the point is to not kill the patient. soooo mnay times I have thought that!!!! I m sorry you had to deal with twice!!!

KathiM

carkris said:

LOl
you know you wrote what I feel, the point is to not kill the patient. soooo mnay times I have thought that!!!! I m sorry you had to deal with twice!!!

I even got 5 second opinions, I hated chemo so much...
For my breast cancer, I searched for someone to say 'you don't need chemo again'...sigh...I had lost 45 pounds thru the treatment on the rectal cancer...

BUT, #5 convinced me "Kathi", she said, "I know you are weary. But, you have fought so hard to stay alive so far, why would you throw that all away by not continuing to try as hard as you can to beat this thing?".

I remember her to this day.

Hugs, Kathi

lynn1950

carkris said:

glutamine
I have a question -anybody take glutamine? My doc says he does not know much about it? but others have said it helps. The dietician has said it helps some people with severe problems.

Glutamine
Yes I did! I forgot all about that, but I did take glutamine while on Taxol - by oncologist suggested it. xoxoxoxo Lynn

Noel

mlmjt1 said:

Hi Carkris
Pick up some sensicare cream for your rectal area and bottom. Put it on thick...it will protect your skin from breaking down..and I would ask about metamucil or benefiber which should help form the stool.

By the way, you are NOT flunking chemo. This is a really tough thing you are doing right now. Just hang in there.

Hugs
Lindat

So sorry Carkris
Hi Carkris. I just want to say that I am praying that you get to feeling better and can find something to help you. You have already been thru so much. Just know we are here for you.

♥ Noel

mrty

Brighten
Brighten up sunshine, My name is Marty and I joined yesterday. I had a sister who had Colon cancer and after she found out I had Cancer she went home with God for me to live. I had a Mastectomy on the 19th of March 09 she passed March22, the another one to my left lymph nodes on the 24th, Port April 13th. Chemo April 15th to July 22md, Radiation Aug 17th to Oct 2, Sold some jewelry went on a Cruise which didn't help, come back started on my reconstruction Nov 16th till present.
If there was anything unusual they would always shake there heads at me and say I was a special case cause I had some really crazy stuff happen to me, but I in a kind way complained so assertively that I would be given what ever I needed. I got the shingles my last couple of weeks while I was in rad and it was on my bald head, talk about attrative just add it to the list. Got a poplitial cyst behind my right leg had to have US cause it feels just like a blood clot and then it burst and had to have another US then get both knees drained of fluid, my list from begining till now have been unstop. I have my days when I am really depressed such as today but ya now what we can't change it, just get tough and believe in God and whip this Devil that is trying to control us. I'm not giving up because I have only been married to my wonderful husband Jeff for 1 year and 7 months and I got Cancer after only being married 11 month moved her in florida from KY to marry him knew him 3 months and got married WOW and he has been great throughout this whole ordeal. I know it is tough but please try not to worry cause cancer likes it when we worry it makes us weak. So look ahead and hold your head up high cause your going to be able to see the light before you know it and then you'll be paying it foward to some on else who is asking you for advice ok.
marty 49

fauxma

Moopy23 said:

Hope You are Better This Morning
Carkris, I am so sorry you have been having such an awful, miserable time with little help from your medical team. I experienced terrible diarrhea for a day or so. Then back to the opposite problem. It's a seesaw, isnt' it?

Your comment about feeling useless struck me. I am sure your value to your daughter and family does not lie in your ability(or temporary lack of) to roast a turkey or mash potatoes or bake a pie. If you don't believe me, just ask them. I bet you'll hear that your presence in their lives is a blessing, and they give thanks for it.

This time last year, I came home from a mastectomy, my amazing husband watching over me protectively and doing everything, including caring for the drains hanging from my poor chest. My sister and my dad had come over from TN, it was the holiday, and I wanted to be a good hostess.

It was hard, but I let go of that need to be in control and looking after my family and doing for them. My dear friend and neighbor readied the house and helped care for our dogs. My sister cooked, all on her own, a complete holiday meal. And me, well, I rested in the love and nurturing given me by the people I love most on this earth.

I wish that for you, Carkris. And, if you feel bad about not basting the turkey or making your famous special dish this year, just think ahead to next Thanksgiving: you'll be happily cooking up the traditional family favorites, still surrounded by those people who love you no matter what.

Moopy,
How beautifully put.
Moopy,
How beautifully put. I hope Crakcris takes your advice. To bask in the love of those who care for us is not only good for us but it does so much for them. They feel very helpless during this time and it is a way that they can show their love and do something to ease the way for us. So it is as much for them as for us.
Isn't it amazing to see how much time has passed and how far we have come. My diagnosis was in October of last year and my surgery was the day before Thanksgiving. Mine was a lumpectomy and I felt pretty good but it was still nice to have the family around fussing over me. I don't let that happen often but it was good for all of us.
Stef

carkris

mrty said:

Brighten
Brighten up sunshine, My name is Marty and I joined yesterday. I had a sister who had Colon cancer and after she found out I had Cancer she went home with God for me to live. I had a Mastectomy on the 19th of March 09 she passed March22, the another one to my left lymph nodes on the 24th, Port April 13th. Chemo April 15th to July 22md, Radiation Aug 17th to Oct 2, Sold some jewelry went on a Cruise which didn't help, come back started on my reconstruction Nov 16th till present.
If there was anything unusual they would always shake there heads at me and say I was a special case cause I had some really crazy stuff happen to me, but I in a kind way complained so assertively that I would be given what ever I needed. I got the shingles my last couple of weeks while I was in rad and it was on my bald head, talk about attrative just add it to the list. Got a poplitial cyst behind my right leg had to have US cause it feels just like a blood clot and then it burst and had to have another US then get both knees drained of fluid, my list from begining till now have been unstop. I have my days when I am really depressed such as today but ya now what we can't change it, just get tough and believe in God and whip this Devil that is trying to control us. I'm not giving up because I have only been married to my wonderful husband Jeff for 1 year and 7 months and I got Cancer after only being married 11 month moved her in florida from KY to marry him knew him 3 months and got married WOW and he has been great throughout this whole ordeal. I know it is tough but please try not to worry cause cancer likes it when we worry it makes us weak. So look ahead and hold your head up high cause your going to be able to see the light before you know it and then you'll be paying it foward to some on else who is asking you for advice ok.
marty 49

Thanks i am taking all you
Thanks i am taking all you rdvice to heart and am so thankful you took the time esp at this time of year for such lengthy posts. and so insightful. My favorite auntie is going through shingles right now she got it on her forehead and in her eye!!! One more favor I know our prayer lists are long my sister called me yesterday to say she had to have cervical biopsies, she has to wait two weeks for answers. Have a blessed holiday truely when I get down your words echo in my head, Thank you so much!!!! You have really made a difference.

Moopy23

fauxma said:

Moopy,
How beautifully put.
Moopy,
How beautifully put. I hope Crakcris takes your advice. To bask in the love of those who care for us is not only good for us but it does so much for them. They feel very helpless during this time and it is a way that they can show their love and do something to ease the way for us. So it is as much for them as for us.
Isn't it amazing to see how much time has passed and how far we have come. My diagnosis was in October of last year and my surgery was the day before Thanksgiving. Mine was a lumpectomy and I felt pretty good but it was still nice to have the family around fussing over me. I don't let that happen often but it was good for all of us.
Stef

Ah, Stef, you deserve all
Ah, Stef, you deserve all the fussing you can tolerate. And, thinking of this time last year, we sure have come a long way, haven't we? Wishing all of us, wherever we are in treatment or post-treatment, moments of thankfulness and promising days ahead.

fauxma

Moopy23 said:

Ah, Stef, you deserve all
Ah, Stef, you deserve all the fussing you can tolerate. And, thinking of this time last year, we sure have come a long way, haven't we? Wishing all of us, wherever we are in treatment or post-treatment, moments of thankfulness and promising days ahead.

Moopy
I'll drink to
Moopy
I'll drink to that.
Stef